green card marriages, ladies beware

[Y's_habibitk 2]

It's not just greencards. Anytime you have something that someone else wants, there is a chance of being used.

However I do agree with Virtual Wife, I also highly scrutinize arab/non arab marriages. Not to say that some don't work, they do but it's more common that they don't. Some don't realize the amount of pressure arab men will get from their families to marry an arabic woman. I have seen women nag their sons even while they are married to divorce their current wife and and marry an arabic woman. I also know men that have used women for a green card and then returned back home to marry an arabic woman.

Edited to say:

I don't think its the age factor as much as it is a cultural factor. While many men may want to marry a woman who can still bear children they cultural issue I think is bigger. I think many women have that attitude that the man just needs to accept everything the way it is, the american way, etc. This doesn't fly with many arab men and if it does it won't for long. Some men adapt, many just can't.

And I'm sure the Arab men are thinking the same thing - eventually she will change and adapt to his ways. It all comes down to what's important in any marriage - respect and compromise.

Amen.

[bhajishah 4]

Men can be selfish azzholes no matte where they come from, not tking care of kids and wife, its part of the signs of the times. Id trust a muslim man above many other peoples of world who worship lean towards worshipping materialism. he come her for survival and a fmily life, then here it is. if he come here to be paly boy then fine let ALLAH be his judge along with rest of the low rents type men of this earth who cannot take care and love of the womens.

[My Mohammed 2]

I am not trying to inflame this topic but I am sincerely curious about this and I am asking with no disrespect, simply a curiousity....

Why does it seem the majority of the USC women filing for foreign men choose middle eastern men? I see a lot of these women choose Muslim men and even become Muslim themselves. Is there a reason for this? I know nothing about the religion or lifestyle (only heard the bad stuff of course) so I would honestly like to know...what is the compelling draw?

While I am not marrying a Muslim or a middle-eastern man, I am very interested in women's issues and a huge supporter of women's rights and would like to hear the U.S. women's perspective on this. :-)

Thanks

Bug

As for myself, I didn't choose a middle eastern man. I was minding my own business on an online game and we met. I wasn't in a chat room, skype, myspace, marriage site, etc looking for ANY man, it just happened. I won't become Muslims, as I wasn't when he met me and we discussed this and we accept each other for who we were when we met.

I read these stories and don't see any red flags as of yet, but that doesn't mean I won't get used. I would like to think i'm smart enough to catch something out of the ordinary. I think in my case only, I must read and be careful to not let what I read, ruin what might be the best thing ever in my life. At the same time, I need to keep a guard up as I would with any man in my life. As women, it doesn't hurt us to have a radar going when dealing with any male, no matter where he comes from.

With all these stories i've been reading, I wonder how the couples met.. was it in chat rooms, skype, dating sites, myspace, facebook, online games. I can tell you this, I don't know at the times someone would just call me on skype, that I didn't even know. Mohammed told me, never to answer them, as all know if a guy you don't know suddenly skypes you.. then he's up to no good. be that visa or cc fraud. lol

[~Jackie~ 30]

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Edited January 6, 2009 by just_Jackie

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I am not trying to inflame this topic but I am sincerely curious about this and I am asking with no disrespect, simply a curiousity....

Why does it seem the majority of the USC women filing for foreign men choose middle eastern men? I see a lot of these women choose Muslim men and even become Muslim themselves. Is there a reason for this? I know nothing about the religion or lifestyle (only heard the bad stuff of course) so I would honestly like to know...what is the compelling draw?

While I am not marrying a Muslim or a middle-eastern man, I am very interested in women's issues and a huge supporter of women's rights and would like to hear the U.S. women's perspective on this. :-)

Thanks

Bug

As for myself, I didn't choose a middle eastern man. I was minding my own business on an online game and we met. I wasn't in a chat room, skype, myspace, marriage site, etc looking for ANY man, it just happened. I won't become Muslims, as I wasn't when he met me and we discussed this and we accept each other for who we were when we met.

I read these stories and don't see any red flags as of yet, but that doesn't mean I won't get used. I would like to think i'm smart enough to catch something out of the ordinary. I think in my case only, I must read and be careful to not let what I read, ruin what might be the best thing ever in my life. At the same time, I need to keep a guard up as I would with any man in my life. As women, it doesn't hurt us to have a radar going when dealing with any male, no matter where he comes from.

With all these stories i've been reading, I wonder how the couples met.. was it in chat rooms, skype, dating sites, myspace, facebook, online games. I can tell you this, I don't know at the times someone would just call me on skype, that I didn't even know. Mohammed told me, never to answer them, as all know if a guy you don't know suddenly skypes you.. then he's up to no good. be that visa or cc fraud. lol

If I were you, I would read and pay very close attention to the people on these boards and not compare your situation to theirs. No one should infer things into their situation but the people here can be a very good resource for you down the road.

You cannot presume to understand an entirely different culture and your husbands long term plans for you and your marriage without taking into account the mena perception that often marriage with an american is a means to an end.

Don t discount the relationships on here.. You will find that MANY were messaged out of the blue on an online game. Or doing nothing.. Or not on dating sites

Its like fishing. You can sit in many parts of a lake to catch a fish, in a boat, on a dock, sitting on the sand etc

If a guy is going online to find a foreign wife to get the hell out of his country and somewhere better, he will fish the entire lake. Not saying this is your case but it doesnt matter how you met exactly . Its his intent before during and after the marriage and his attitude towards the foreverness and permanancy of the marriage in general

[~Jackie~ 30]

Yup, what she said. Thanks Kat. ...and good to see you.

[Nagishkaw 510]

I believe that quite a lot of these women who post in MENA only tell a smattering of half truths, as in portraying their marriages / relationships as bliss but if the real truth be known, it's far from that. Who wants to post their marital discord and admit they are miserable and being used on the world wide web? Few, I would say.

[Staashi 371]

I believe that quite a lot of these women who post in MENA only tell a smattering of half truths, as in portraying their marriages / relationships as bliss but if the real truth be known, it's far from that. Who wants to post their marital discord and admit they are miserable and being used on the world wide web? Few, I would say.

Amen, Nagi! I know that is so true not only in MENA marriages, but in all marriages. I will say that going through immigration process makes a 4 year marriage feel like we've been married for about a good 10 years. It wears you out. I'm just grateful immigration is over and we can focus on being us, instead of US(CIS).

[My Mohammed 2]

I am not trying to inflame this topic but I am sincerely curious about this and I am asking with no disrespect, simply a curiousity....

Why does it seem the majority of the USC women filing for foreign men choose middle eastern men? I see a lot of these women choose Muslim men and even become Muslim themselves. Is there a reason for this? I know nothing about the religion or lifestyle (only heard the bad stuff of course) so I would honestly like to know...what is the compelling draw?

While I am not marrying a Muslim or a middle-eastern man, I am very interested in women's issues and a huge supporter of women's rights and would like to hear the U.S. women's perspective on this. :-)

Thanks

Bug

As for myself, I didn't choose a middle eastern man. I was minding my own business on an online game and we met. I wasn't in a chat room, skype, myspace, marriage site, etc looking for ANY man, it just happened. I won't become Muslims, as I wasn't when he met me and we discussed this and we accept each other for who we were when we met.

I read these stories and don't see any red flags as of yet, but that doesn't mean I won't get used. I would like to think i'm smart enough to catch something out of the ordinary. I think in my case only, I must read and be careful to not let what I read, ruin what might be the best thing ever in my life. At the same time, I need to keep a guard up as I would with any man in my life. As women, it doesn't hurt us to have a radar going when dealing with any male, no matter where he comes from.

With all these stories i've been reading, I wonder how the couples met.. was it in chat rooms, skype, dating sites, myspace, facebook, online games. I can tell you this, I don't know at the times someone would just call me on skype, that I didn't even know. Mohammed told me, never to answer them, as all know if a guy you don't know suddenly skypes you.. then he's up to no good. be that visa or cc fraud. lol

If I were you, I would read and pay very close attention to the people on these boards and not compare your situation to theirs. No one should infer things into their situation but the people here can be a very good resource for you down the road.

You cannot presume to understand an entirely different culture and your husbands long term plans for you and your marriage without taking into account the mena perception that often marriage with an american is a means to an end.

Don t discount the relationships on here.. You will find that MANY were messaged out of the blue on an online game. Or doing nothing.. Or not on dating sites

Its like fishing. You can sit in many parts of a lake to catch a fish, in a boat, on a dock, sitting on the sand etc

If a guy is going online to find a foreign wife to get the hell out of his country and somewhere better, he will fish the entire lake. Not saying this is your case but it doesnt matter how you met exactly . Its his intent before during and after the marriage and his attitude towards the foreverness and permanancy of the marriage in general

If I were you, i'd read and pay very close attention to exactly what I said, instead of assuming you know what I meant. No where did I say I was comparing my situation to anothers. What is it with the MENA group that most everything I say is taken the wrong way? Why do most assume I discount what others are saying and not learning from it? I heard this is a great support group of ladies, but i'm seeing otherwise. If this is such a great group, then why get defensive and start on me for my opinions, as if it makes you feel good because you put a newbie in her place?

As for how people met, no harm in my wondering how most with a MENA SO got to know each other. I know a few met on an online game, i've read about it on VJ.

There's also no harm in my saying I don't see red flag's yet in our relationship. It would seem I actually am reading and paying very close attention to the people on these boards. Isn't that the purpose of someone posting, is for others to read and pay close attention to their own relationship for a red flag?

With that said, I have something else to say.. Since I joined the MENA group I have met quite a few ladies that are wonderful. Some are just like me and scared to post for what is happening to me right now. I can't say a thing without being talked down to and I wonder how i'm to learn or get help from a forum, when treated like this? I haven't smarted off at anyone or posted anything to my knowledge, that would cause others to immediately dislike me.

I guess it's time for me to realize I truly don't belong here as i'm not fitting in with the tight knit group that seems to be here. Before you start posting nasty comments to my post, don't waste your time, as I won't be coming back to see what else you guys think of me. Most can pat their backs as they did what they set out to do.. run a newbie away.

[Nothing1234 2]

Jolie,

I hope you don't go. It's been the same for many of us that were new. Sometimes people here try to give advice but their passion gets the best of them. Also written communication is hard to hear the tone. I'm sure you are right about some...there are some that attack but NOT all of us are that way. We are here to give advice by our experiences.

Give it time. Now you have to konw...we are dysfunctional and not everyone is in a love love friendship here but we do truly care for each other and only wish the best.

Wishing you the best with your hubby!

BTW---I met my hubby thru my very good friend in Spain and he was my husbands manager at the time.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Perhaps someone could put together a little list "your partner might be using you for a green card if..." with a full disclaimer that every case is unique and having some of the symptoms is not necessarily a diagnosis of being-used-itis.

For the newbies, there are many here who have happy, healthy, long term relationships with MENA men. And there are those who don't. And that's that.

[Nothing1234 2]

Perhaps someone could put together a little list "your partner might be using you for a green card if..." with a full disclaimer that every case is unique and having some of the symptoms is not necessarily a diagnosis of being-used-itis.

For the newbies, there are many here who have happy, healthy, long term relationships with MENA men. And there are those who don't. And that's that.

Right on.

[Ban Hammer 13,342]

Perhaps someone could put together a little list "your partner might be using you for a green card if..." with a full disclaimer that every case is unique and having some of the symptoms is not necessarily a diagnosis of being-used-itis.

For the newbies, there are many here who have happy, healthy, long term relationships with MENA men. And there are those who don't. And that's that.

if your partner is _____________, he or she might be using you for a green card.

and maybe it can be a routine for jeff foxworthy?

[Nothing1234 2]

Perhaps someone could put together a little list "your partner might be using you for a green card if..." with a full disclaimer that every case is unique and having some of the symptoms is not necessarily a diagnosis of being-used-itis.

For the newbies, there are many here who have happy, healthy, long term relationships with MENA men. And there are those who don't. And that's that.

if your partner is _____________, he or she might be using you for a green card.

and maybe it can be a routine for jeff foxworthy?

That works. But I think it works for all Regions

[Tunisia216 2]

Perhaps someone could put together a little list "your partner might be using you for a green card if..." with a full disclaimer that every case is unique and having some of the symptoms is not necessarily a diagnosis of being-used-itis.

For the newbies, there are many here who have happy, healthy, long term relationships with MENA men. And there are those who don't. And that's that.

if your partner is _____________, he or she might be using you for a green card.

and maybe it can be a routine for jeff foxworthy?

That works. But I think it works for all Regions

I think the routine for Bill Engvall is more fitting here