green card marriages, ladies beware

[morocco4ever 63]

I just mean that if you have doubts and continue on thinking, oh well...i'll enjoy this while it lasts.

I find this to be a sad fact many subscribe to.

I think it goes even deeper than "I will enjoy this while it lasts". I think it goes into denial. Either they think he will change, or they decide to accept it in hopes of hanging on to their man. Before I knew my husband I was with a group of friends out at a club dancing. One girl that was there was dating an Iraqi guy I knew. He was off dancing and blantantly flirting with other women. Her response? It's okay, he goes home with me. #######????

[Staashi 371]

I just mean that if you have doubts and continue on thinking, oh well...i'll enjoy this while it lasts.

I find this to be a sad fact many subscribe to.

I think it goes even deeper than "I will enjoy this while it lasts". I think it goes into denial. Either they think he will change, or they decide to accept it in hopes of hanging on to their man. Before I knew my husband I was with a group of friends out at a club dancing. One girl that was there was dating an Iraqi guy I knew. He was off dancing and blantantly flirting with other women. Her response? It's okay, he goes home with me. #######????

Yeah, definitely not ok!

[LaL 418]

I just mean that if you have doubts and continue on thinking, oh well...i'll enjoy this while it lasts.

I find this to be a sad fact many subscribe to.

I think it goes even deeper than "I will enjoy this while it lasts". I think it goes into denial. Either they think he will change, or they decide to accept it in hopes of hanging on to their man. Before I knew my husband I was with a group of friends out at a club dancing. One girl that was there was dating an Iraqi guy I knew. He was off dancing and blantantly flirting with other women. Her response? It's okay, he goes home with me. #######????

I dont know - that scenario isnt all that shocking to me. I am coming from the perspective that there are warning bells & red flags all over the place (not just an itchy feeling) and yet - despite it all, one has to give it a chance. I can partially understand, but so many stories on this board, and so many people coming back later on stating - they knew all along, and their words throughout their separation back up this fact.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I just mean that if you have doubts and continue on thinking, oh well...i'll enjoy this while it lasts.

I find this to be a sad fact many subscribe to.

I think it goes even deeper than "I will enjoy this while it lasts". I think it goes into denial. Either they think he will change, or they decide to accept it in hopes of hanging on to their man. Before I knew my husband I was with a group of friends out at a club dancing. One girl that was there was dating an Iraqi guy I knew. He was off dancing and blantantly flirting with other women. Her response? It's okay, he goes home with me. #######????

indeed, #######?!

I have to say

I think it is also damaging in the way that...lets say you truly have a "good one", the fact that you are just "enjoying the ride"..to me, means you arent fully invested.

How could you not feel that, being the other party. I cant imagine feeling like your husband was just waiting for you to betray him.

I dont know.. I get being guarded but, to me thats for dating, not marriage.

did any of that make sense? Im rambling heh

[Staashi 371]

I just mean that if you have doubts and continue on thinking, oh well...i'll enjoy this while it lasts.

I find this to be a sad fact many subscribe to.

I think it goes even deeper than "I will enjoy this while it lasts". I think it goes into denial. Either they think he will change, or they decide to accept it in hopes of hanging on to their man. Before I knew my husband I was with a group of friends out at a club dancing. One girl that was there was dating an Iraqi guy I knew. He was off dancing and blantantly flirting with other women. Her response? It's okay, he goes home with me. #######????

indeed, #######?!

I have to say

I think it is also damaging in the way that...lets say you truly have a "good one", the fact that you are just "enjoying the ride"..to me, means you arent fully invested.

How could you not feel that, being the other party. I cant imagine feeling like your husband was just waiting for you to betray him.

I dont know.. I get being guarded but, to me thats for dating, not marriage.

did any of that make sense? Im rambling heh

Totally. I guess this goes back to my post a couple of pages ago about USC vs Foreign marriages - if there wasn't such a huge emotional/financial/all-encompasing commitment to a USCIS-sanctioned marriage then dammit why go through it? If you're having doubts don't do it. Run - f'ing run. This is no place or time to get involved in this sh!t. It's hard and a burden, but if you're in love you do it willingly. But if you doubt your partner's sincerity even one iota - then run like the wind. And furthermore, when it comes to marriage - if you're having doubts with a USC or a foreigner - DON'T GET MARRIED!!!!!

[Ban Hammer 13,347]

Bottomline is to enjoy life all you can. My first trip to the Philippines was to meet a lady I met online. After 2 weeks I discovered she was a complete scammer!

She was a lot younger than me and beautiful with a tight hard body. I had a GREAT time with her and she was worth EVERY penny I spent on her.

Bottomline is you older women with a younger trim man enjoy him all you can while it last. Who knows it may last a long time.

If not get as much as you can before he gets his GC!!

Take a break and then go get another!

Thats a bit rude....and ignorant. My husband is 8 yrs younger than i am, and i had a daughter before i met him, and we have been together for 6 years. I know alot of women on VJ who are like me, and they are all still with their men. Your statement was just plain ignorant

Indeed. Ignorant and offensive. But then again, what do you expect from someone who talks about women in terms of their "tight bodies"?

Well I have a tight body too. I doubt the skin could stretch any further.

did i hear someone talking about their booty?

[Nothing1234 2]

Bottomline is to enjoy life all you can. My first trip to the Philippines was to meet a lady I met online. After 2 weeks I discovered she was a complete scammer!

She was a lot younger than me and beautiful with a tight hard body. I had a GREAT time with her and she was worth EVERY penny I spent on her.

Bottomline is you older women with a younger trim man enjoy him all you can while it last. Who knows it may last a long time.

If not get as much as you can before he gets his GC!!

Take a break and then go get another!

Thats a bit rude....and ignorant. My husband is 8 yrs younger than i am, and i had a daughter before i met him, and we have been together for 6 years. I know alot of women on VJ who are like me, and they are all still with their men. Your statement was just plain ignorant

Indeed. Ignorant and offensive. But then again, what do you expect from someone who talks about women in terms of their "tight bodies"?

Well I have a tight body too. I doubt the skin could stretch any further.

did i hear someone talking about their booty?

[Sandrila 1]

From what I have read here today it is nice to see so many posting after a long time hiatus or for the first time

interesting to see when somone touches a nerve

i wish i would have found this site before I got married, it sure is insightful

i hadnt a clue about a MENA man or this VISA journey

also it is reassuring to see that even those who went to school arent guaranteed a big paycheck

i never got to finish college and I feel like I am catching up at 36 years old

as far as the older woman, younger man thang...thank god for me that I looked my best 33 (after the 3 kids) when I met him and was self sufficient. I dont have any hang ups like he is younger than me or looking for someone more good looking than me. Go ahead and find yourself some good lookin, high maintenance, gold digga whose gonna foot everything and anything. I dont need a man but it is really disgraceful that so many women have been taken for the #1 evil in this world MONEY.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Bottomline is to enjoy life all you can. My first trip to the Philippines was to meet a lady I met online. After 2 weeks I discovered she was a complete scammer!

She was a lot younger than me and beautiful with a tight hard body. I had a GREAT time with her and she was worth EVERY penny I spent on her.

Bottomline is you older women with a younger trim man enjoy him all you can while it last. Who knows it may last a long time.

If not get as much as you can before he gets his GC!!

Take a break and then go get another!

Thats a bit rude....and ignorant. My husband is 8 yrs younger than i am, and i had a daughter before i met him, and we have been together for 6 years. I know alot of women on VJ who are like me, and they are all still with their men. Your statement was just plain ignorant

Indeed. Ignorant and offensive. But then again, what do you expect from someone who talks about women in terms of their "tight bodies"?

Well I have a tight body too. I doubt the skin could stretch any further.

[♥JP♥ 5]

It's not just greencards. Anytime you have something that someone else wants, there is a chance of being used.

However I do agree with Virtual Wife, I also highly scrutinize arab/non arab marriages. Not to say that some don't work, they do but it's more common that they don't. Some don't realize the amount of pressure arab men will get from their families to marry an arabic woman. I have seen women nag their sons even while they are married to divorce their current wife and and marry an arabic woman. I also know men that have used women for a green card and then returned back home to marry an arabic woman.

Edited to say:

I don't think its the age factor as much as it is a cultural factor. While many men may want to marry a woman who can still bear children they cultural issue I think is bigger. I think many women have that attitude that the man just needs to accept everything the way it is, the american way, etc. This doesn't fly with many arab men and if it does it won't for long. Some men adapt, many just can't.

Edited January 5, 2009 by ♥JP♥

[childress_london 3]

It's not just greencards. Anytime you have something that someone else wants, there is a chance of being used.

However I do agree with Virtual Wife, I also highly scrutinize arab/non arab marriages. Not to say that some don't work, they do but it's more common that they don't. Some don't realize the amount of pressure arab men will get from their families to marry an arabic woman. I have seen women nag their sons even while they are married to divorce their current wife and and marry an arabic woman. I also know men that have used women for a green card and then returned back home to marry an arabic woman.

Edited to say:

I don't think its the age factor as much as it is a cultural factor. While many men may want to marry a woman who can still bear children they cultural issue I think is bigger. I think many women have that attitude that the man just needs to accept everything the way it is, the american way, etc. This doesn't fly with many arab men and if it does it won't for long. Some men adapt, many just can't.

And I'm sure the Arab men are thinking the same thing - eventually she will change and adapt to his ways. It all comes down to what's important in any marriage - respect and compromise.

[♥JP♥ 5]

It's not just greencards. Anytime you have something that someone else wants, there is a chance of being used.

However I do agree with Virtual Wife, I also highly scrutinize arab/non arab marriages. Not to say that some don't work, they do but it's more common that they don't. Some don't realize the amount of pressure arab men will get from their families to marry an arabic woman. I have seen women nag their sons even while they are married to divorce their current wife and and marry an arabic woman. I also know men that have used women for a green card and then returned back home to marry an arabic woman.

Edited to say:

I don't think its the age factor as much as it is a cultural factor. While many men may want to marry a woman who can still bear children they cultural issue I think is bigger. I think many women have that attitude that the man just needs to accept everything the way it is, the american way, etc. This doesn't fly with many arab men and if it does it won't for long. Some men adapt, many just can't.

And I'm sure the Arab men are thinking the same thing - eventually she will change and adapt to his ways. It all comes down to what's important in any marriage - respect and compromise.

and that's the point. You can't marry someone and expect to change who they are. You either accept them as is or move on. However in this case, the man has something to gain which is why he may put up with it for some time.

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

HI JP. I miss you and Taleen!!!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

It's not just greencards. Anytime you have something that someone else wants, there is a chance of being used.

However I do agree with Virtual Wife, I also highly scrutinize arab/non arab marriages. Not to say that some don't work, they do but it's more common that they don't. Some don't realize the amount of pressure arab men will get from their families to marry an arabic woman. I have seen women nag their sons even while they are married to divorce their current wife and and marry an arabic woman. I also know men that have used women for a green card and then returned back home to marry an arabic woman.

Edited to say:

I don't think its the age factor as much as it is a cultural factor. While many men may want to marry a woman who can still bear children they cultural issue I think is bigger. I think many women have that attitude that the man just needs to accept everything the way it is, the american way, etc. This doesn't fly with many arab men and if it does it won't for long. Some men adapt, many just can't.

And I'm sure the Arab men are thinking the same thing - eventually she will change and adapt to his ways. It all comes down to what's important in any marriage - respect and compromise.

and that's the point. You can't marry someone and expect to change who they are. You either accept them as is or move on. However in this case, the man has something to gain which is why he may put up with it for some time.

Hey, JP!

Among Arabs, more often than not, the woman is expected to change and adapt, not the man. Culturally, women are viewed as an appendage to the man; her status and boundaries are defined by the men in her life. While there may be instances where, on the surface, it looks as tho Arab women are strong and opinionated - and we are - yet, below the surface, there is still tradition that pre-dates Islam, one that defines women thru the perspective of how useful they are to men and how adept they are at sustaining their family life in terms of their MENA heritage.

Any MENA man who has grown up in this paradigm is capable to some extent of supressing this expectation, but, more often than not, he will sucumb to it and want to return to what he may have, at some time, rejected outright. We have a saying that Arab men, as they age, become more of what they were. Males, in particular, know that they can go western, party, drink, #######, marry out, whatever. When the urge strikes comes, tho, unlike Arab women, they can always go home.

[♥JP♥ 5]

HI JP. I miss you and Taleen!!!

Awww..I miss you too! I just joined facebook today and I added you! Now I just have to work on my profile.