Lost & Confuse

[LuvinNY 0]

That's not the update any of us wanted to hear. I'm so sorry that things aren't improving.

Is there any chance of returning to the US instead of your home country?

You still have your Green Card, right? If you want to raise your son in the US, I think it's important that you work on your status INSIDE the US, rather than from outside.

Good luck to you and your family.

I'm thinking of returning to the US but I will have to leave my son with my family for awhile at least until I get back on my two feet and can support him on my own. Like I said, I do not count on 'daddy' to play any role in child support.

Yes I still have my GC and it will expire in May 2009.

Is it possible to apply for removal condition with one spouse living and working outside the country? I will have to look into this because I'm sure if divorce is where I'll head to then it won't be done in time before my GC expire.

Thank you Ling Ling!

[LuvinNY 0]

The thing to do next is to take care of yourself first and foremost.

You are in survival mode and that's OK. He made a lot of poor decisions for the marriage so he is clearly not putting the marriage ahead of everything else. That tells you where you are in the pecking order. So, you have to take care of yourself.

Look at all of your options and do what is best for you. You have a child. You have responsibilities.

If he comes around, great. But if he doesn't, doing what is best for you will allow you to survive. Relying on him is a mistake as he's proven himself to be untrustworthy.

Thank you MsZ, I really need to read your words as I have failed to take care of my self lately (I think I've lost a lot of weight in the last few weeks).

I know I will have to take control of our life from now on (read: me and my son) if we want to survive this for he no longer seems to know what family really means and too enticed by his new found 'popularity' here.

[Mrs.J06 4]

Update:

I feel like I'm loosing my battle here.

I just found out that I can't get the permanent resident permit here even if we take care of that ourselves since the company he works for refused to give us two very important documents that we need to apply for my permit here. Without them I can't do anything. DH got this job thru a head hunter office based on Singapore so he's a contract employee to the Chinese company he's working for right now. There's been a talk that the Chinese company will want to direct hire him in April when his contract with the Singapore company ends. He was told that once he do that the Chinese company can then sponsor me and my son as his accompanying family members. Until then there's nothing they can do to help us.

Also, because I'm not a US citizen (yet) I can only stays in China for up to 30 days. I can't extend my visa from within China because of my citizenship, I can't even go to Hong Kong to apply for a new visa. In other words, I have to go back to my home country. My son, who's a US citizen can stay here for up to 60 days with a tourist visa.

So, I'm leaving on Jan 15. This news really crushed me that when DH told me that I started shaking and crying. He told me that it's alright, everything will be ok. He will come to see me, I can come back again with another tourist visa, or I can stay there until the company direct hire him in 3 months times. Things were slowly getting back to normal between us and now I have to leave again. It scares me so much that this will be the end of us but I do want to believe in him so much it hurts.

My parents has been really supportive, my mom said maybe I can just get a job back home and then he will realize that I can be independent and that will bring him back to me. I just don't know what to think anymore. How on earth are we even going to apply for removal of my conditional status when we're not even living together anymore? He wants to stay in China that's I'm sure of.

Thank you so much for all your help and advices but I feel like it's time for me to quit the fight and just try to figure out what to do next.

Did your husband tell you that or is there any way for you to make sure that's even true? Sounds like BS to me...

My sister lived in both China and Singapore for years with her husband and kids and the paperwork for the dependent's visa was very simple for her for either country. I have a hard time believing any company would withhold the documents needed, why? What are you supposed to do? Sounds like something your husband made up, IMO.

After living in China for a while myself I have to say there is NO WAY I would have my husband live there on his own for more than a month. He is the most trustworthy person imaginable but I have never in my life seen so many women being after him! It's unbelievable and sickening! If your husband is the kind of person who needs women drooling after him at all times I understand that he wants to live there....

I'm very sorry for your situation, your husband sounds like a complete #######. You're better off without him. I hope you can get your paperwork in the US in order and move on with your life! I wish you all the best!

[justashooter 430]

sounds like you are in a really tough situation. china is a hard place for foreigners to live.

[justashooter 430]

I have never in my life seen so many women being after him! It's unbelievable and sickening! If your husband is the kind of person who needs women drooling after him at all times I understand that he wants to live there....

white guys are so popular in china because chinese guys have really little schlongs.

chinese guys are also abusive, sneaky, lying, theiving bastards, especially to their wives.

[tmma 467]

white guys are so popular in china because chinese guys have really little schlongs.

chinese guys are also abusive, sneaky, lying, theiving bastards, especially to their wives.

You have been an enigma until now .........It's all much clearer..thx.

[morocco4ever 63]

I have never in my life seen so many women being after him! It's unbelievable and sickening! If your husband is the kind of person who needs women drooling after him at all times I understand that he wants to live there....

white guys are so popular in china because chinese guys have really little schlongs.

chinese guys are also abusive, sneaky, lying, theiving bastards, especially to their wives.

[tmma 467]

I have never in my life seen so many women being after him! It's unbelievable and sickening! If your husband is the kind of person who needs women drooling after him at all times I understand that he wants to live there....

white guys are so popular in china because chinese guys have really little schlongs.

chinese guys are also abusive, sneaky, lying, theiving bastards, especially to their wives.

Yeah, really. I guess he has personally measured every Chinese guy's todger....Because after all...The todger is what it's all about......

[Ban Hammer 13,491]

I have never in my life seen so many women being after him! It's unbelievable and sickening! If your husband is the kind of person who needs women drooling after him at all times I understand that he wants to live there....

white guys are so popular in china because chinese guys have really little schlongs.

chinese guys are also abusive, sneaky, lying, theiving bastards, especially to their wives.

Yeah, really. I guess he has personally measured every Chinese guy's todger....Because after all...The todger is what it's all about......

hang on, i'm now having a bad image when adding that statement to his name "justashooter"

[bhajishah 4]

Go live there and you will know it well. I like how the nigerians tell the girls they are american because they speak english and then they take thier credit cards and etc to buy some things because thiers wont work in Asia china and korea. WOW power of the slongs and the mack daddys

[tmma 467]

Go live there and you will know it well. I like how the nigerians tell the girls they are american because they speak english and then they take thier credit cards and etc to buy some things because thiers wont work in Asia china and korea. WOW power of the slongs and the mack daddys

I Cindi

@ power of the slong!!!!!

[LuvinNY 0]

Did your husband tell you that or is there any way for you to make sure that's even true? Sounds like BS to me...

My sister lived in both China and Singapore for years with her husband and kids and the paperwork for the dependent's visa was very simple for her for either country. I have a hard time believing any company would withhold the documents needed, why? What are you supposed to do? Sounds like something your husband made up, IMO.

After living in China for a while myself I have to say there is NO WAY I would have my husband live there on his own for more than a month. He is the most trustworthy person imaginable but I have never in my life seen so many women being after him! It's unbelievable and sickening! If your husband is the kind of person who needs women drooling after him at all times I understand that he wants to live there....

I'm very sorry for your situation, your husband sounds like a complete #######. You're better off without him. I hope you can get your paperwork in the US in order and move on with your life! I wish you all the best!

He went to talked with Human Resources for the paperworks and I checked it by calling them and they told me the same thing.

Things has been really tighten here in China even before Olympic starts so what was once an easy process is now completely complicated. They just don't want to be hold reliable for anything because DH is not a direct hire company. Here's the list of documents we have to submit to apply for dependents resident permit:

List of needed documents for applying for Residence for family:

1. Your Passport and copy of your Residence Permit

2. A copy of your Marriage Certificate

3. A copy of your child(ren)'s Birth Certificate listing you as a parent

4. Your family members' passport(s) with valid visa(s)

5. An Updated Registration Form Of Temporary Residence(Pink Slip)

6. A Health Certificate for adult member

7. 2 Passport-sized photographs for each member

8. A copy of the company Business License

9. A copy of the company Organization Code Certificate

10. ** Just added ** A Letter of Application on Company letterhead confirming the employee and his/her position in the company, relation to the family applicants, and request to allow additional Residence permits to be issued for family members.

(http://www.shanghaiexpat.com/community/index.php/2008/04/25/guide_to_getting_your_z_visa_work_aamp_r?blog=5)

And the company refused to give us a copy of the Business License & Code Certificate also refused to sign and seal the letter of application.

Before we came here and even after he first got here I trusted him without a doubt that he will never cheat on me but after a few months of separation, look what it did. I've seen those girls flirting with him by giggling like a school girl even infront of my eyes. We've been warned by our friends about the 'yellow fever' before we moved here but I was so naive and thought he's going to be immune. And now that I will be leaving in 5 days I don't know anymore if I could ever trust him again.

Thanks Mrs.J06!

I have never in my life seen so many women being after him! It's unbelievable and sickening! If your husband is the kind of person who needs women drooling after him at all times I understand that he wants to live there....

white guys are so popular in china because chinese guys have really little schlongs.

chinese guys are also abusive, sneaky, lying, theiving bastards, especially to their wives.

So I've heard about chinese guys and how bad they are with their drinking and gambling (mahjong).

[GloAndCole 22]

Update:

I feel like I'm loosing my battle here.

I just found out that I can't get the permanent resident permit here even if we take care of that ourselves since the company he works for refused to give us two very important documents that we need to apply for my permit here. Without them I can't do anything. DH got this job thru a head hunter office based on Singapore so he's a contract employee to the Chinese company he's working for right now. There's been a talk that the Chinese company will want to direct hire him in April when his contract with the Singapore company ends. He was told that once he do that the Chinese company can then sponsor me and my son as his accompanying family members. Until then there's nothing they can do to help us.

Also, because I'm not a US citizen (yet) I can only stays in China for up to 30 days. I can't extend my visa from within China because of my citizenship, I can't even go to Hong Kong to apply for a new visa. In other words, I have to go back to my home country. My son, who's a US citizen can stay here for up to 60 days with a tourist visa.

So, I'm leaving on Jan 15. This news really crushed me that when DH told me that I started shaking and crying. He told me that it's alright, everything will be ok. He will come to see me, I can come back again with another tourist visa, or I can stay there until the company direct hire him in 3 months times. Things were slowly getting back to normal between us and now I have to leave again. It scares me so much that this will be the end of us but I do want to believe in him so much it hurts.

My parents has been really supportive, my mom said maybe I can just get a job back home and then he will realize that I can be independent and that will bring him back to me. I just don't know what to think anymore. How on earth are we even going to apply for removal of my conditional status when we're not even living together anymore? He wants to stay in China that's I'm sure of.

Thank you so much for all your help and advices but I feel like it's time for me to quit the fight and just try to figure out what to do next.

LuvinNY,

I just happened to bump into this thread and I feel so sorry for your situation but glad to see some good progress going on between you and your husband. I have no idea who tell you that you can't renew your tourist visa in Hong Kong but being a local (I'm from Hong Kong and I'm in US right now). I can tell you that you CAN do that there. I can help you to check it out if you want but I need to know what country of passport you're holding. You can pm me the info if you don't want to post it here. I totally understand being a foreigner in a country that you can't even communicate with most of ppl there. (even worst if you're living at the countryside in China!) Again this is something you guys need to have some more time together to resolve it. I hope you take care of yourself so you can prepare if anything going to happen.

Best of luck,

Glo

[GloAndCole 22]

Update:

I feel like I'm loosing my battle here.

I just found out that I can't get the permanent resident permit here even if we take care of that ourselves since the company he works for refused to give us two very important documents that we need to apply for my permit here. Without them I can't do anything. DH got this job thru a head hunter office based on Singapore so he's a contract employee to the Chinese company he's working for right now. There's been a talk that the Chinese company will want to direct hire him in April when his contract with the Singapore company ends. He was told that once he do that the Chinese company can then sponsor me and my son as his accompanying family members. Until then there's nothing they can do to help us.

Also, because I'm not a US citizen (yet) I can only stays in China for up to 30 days. I can't extend my visa from within China because of my citizenship, I can't even go to Hong Kong to apply for a new visa. In other words, I have to go back to my home country. My son, who's a US citizen can stay here for up to 60 days with a tourist visa.

So, I'm leaving on Jan 15. This news really crushed me that when DH told me that I started shaking and crying. He told me that it's alright, everything will be ok. He will come to see me, I can come back again with another tourist visa, or I can stay there until the company direct hire him in 3 months times. Things were slowly getting back to normal between us and now I have to leave again. It scares me so much that this will be the end of us but I do want to believe in him so much it hurts.

My parents has been really supportive, my mom said maybe I can just get a job back home and then he will realize that I can be independent and that will bring him back to me. I just don't know what to think anymore. How on earth are we even going to apply for removal of my conditional status when we're not even living together anymore? He wants to stay in China that's I'm sure of.

Thank you so much for all your help and advices but I feel like it's time for me to quit the fight and just try to figure out what to do next.

Did your husband tell you that or is there any way for you to make sure that's even true? Sounds like BS to me...

My sister lived in both China and Singapore for years with her husband and kids and the paperwork for the dependent's visa was very simple for her for either country. I have a hard time believing any company would withhold the documents needed, why? What are you supposed to do? Sounds like something your husband made up, IMO.

After living in China for a while myself I have to say there is NO WAY I would have my husband live there on his own for more than a month. He is the most trustworthy person imaginable but I have never in my life seen so many women being after him! It's unbelievable and sickening! If your husband is the kind of person who needs women drooling after him at all times I understand that he wants to live there....

I'm very sorry for your situation, your husband sounds like a complete #######. You're better off without him. I hope you can get your paperwork in the US in order and move on with your life! I wish you all the best!

And yes even being a chinese (HKese but spent the childhood in Canada) I would never let my husband to live in China alone for more than a day!!!! I brought my now hubby to China before we came back here together. When we walked on the street and some girls would come up and ask me heck alot of questions! (such as if he is my bf, where did I meet him....etc) and they wouldn't stop staring at him from head to toe like they were eye-rapping him!!!!

Anyway , based on what OP said from previous post, whether OP's husband wants to be worshiped by girls or they have some trust issue going on, they def. need to have some more rational and deep conversation (and I know its hard!!) which required of lots of time. And this is what OP lack of right now as her tourist visa is going to be expired very soon. Hopefully they find the way to solve this problem or I can always help to find out how to renew the tourist visa in HK if she wants to.

Just my two cents, I would suggest OP (try) not to break down too much in front of her husband. Show him how lovely of this family is when he is home with them and encourage him to find a better job back in the states may help him thinking to leave China so he can stay away from the"Yellow fever" disease!

I wish best of luck for the OP of whatever decision she is going to make !

Glo

[Mrs.J06 4]

The part about the dependant's visa still sounds strange to me.

Why would the company refuse the give you a copy of the Business License & Code Certificate? They would have to put this information into your husband's application, too, right? The paperwork for the work visa with residence permit is much more complicated and asks for more documents, but they were willing to submit that?

IMO, either the company is trying to mess with you or your husband is. When he was hired, did they already tell him they were not willing to apply for his family to accompany him, but he never told you?

Things just don't add up... I wish you all the best, hope you can solve this somehow...