Sub-Saharan Cyber Cafe #3

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Subbies please accept my oppoligy for getting on the soap box in this form. lets keep this light and airy so people keep comming back. Please accept my oppolog for my use of "there" when it should be "their". LOL

Whydbe, if you would like more friendly debate PM me or post in me thread titled the christian conman. There was a reason I did not type my story here, but for too keep this friendly and light the pure intention of the cafe.

Edited November 20, 2009 by Enlighten one :)

[Perseverance 1]

You have the right to tell your story.

This immigration fraud is NOT isolated to Nigeria, that is very well known. There are plenty of people on this site that would agree.

There is nothing wrong with educating people about what is going on. It may make others uncomfortable to hear it, but maybe they should be asking themselves why they are feeling unconfortable.

I have been on this site for a few years now and I have noticed an increase of stories like this. That is the people who are brave enough to step forward and tell it. There are so many more who suffer in silence, to ashamed and embarrased to say anything. I that it is awful that we dont support people in thier time of need when this happens to them. What are we fair weather friends?

Speak out Missy, use your voice, this happened to you for a reason, its up to you to find the reason and turn this into a positive for you.

P

Oprah is going Cable. There is still Dr Phill, Date Line, and a book deal. 419 scammers has nothing to do with Immigration totally different story.

Whidbey, if you read through my post I warned woman that Immigration Scams are prevalent. I stated that there were more woman on Visa Journey Nigerian Portal that came back to tell a story of deceit then that came back to tell the story of Glory. There are very successfully relationships, but there are also very sad stories of lies, using, and abuse.

I have not generalized the Nigerian populations in any of my post. Not one. If I do speak of a Nigerian it is because I am talking about my specific personal experience. I think my focus on him was the fact that he was a Christian and can still be a liar and user for the American dream. Becuase he did live his life upright and all other areas.

If there are just as many stories of immigration fraud from African/3rd world countries, there is obvious a need to tell the story to prevent other American's from getting lied to, used, and abused for the American dream. If it makes just one woman more cautious, then that is my goal. God brought me through for a reason. Not just to run and hide with shame and regret. Not going there.

I already have had 3 woman send me notes about how they were frauded too just last week. That are too ashamed to post there stories as others were when I used to post warning about immigration fraud.

A friend from my office was in line getting coffee just yesterday when she overheard a man talk about his sister getting used by a Nigerian for immigration. My mother's daughter inlaw has a freind who was a devout Christian who married a Nigerian in London who used her for two years until he got his 10GC. I have a freind from years back who married an African who left her in just two years. This is just little ole Maine. We complain about USCIS and EMbassy, but they are doing their difficult job to figure out what they are going to do with this new online dating that is clogging the immigration process with woman marrying someone they chat iwth online and visit with for just a week or two.

I hear what you are saying whidbey, but if you have read my past post you would know that I have warned people of exactly what I am going through. There is a manual in Nigeria just on how to use an American for immigraion. My husband used a play by play. He was coached. Every person I interacted with was involved.

[Simply_Uno 1]

Whewwww, wow, I really missed that one

I am NOT going to get on a soap box, I am NOT going to join the fray {419 this, 419 that, nigeria this/nigeria that, third world this/third world that}, what I am going to DO is say this....

"anyone, anyone, esp. LADIES! I implore you to know what a {cultural difference} is and is NOT!"

That wil save you a bunch of heartache, finances, personal embarrassment, and mental turmoil!

A "jack@$$" is a "jack@$$" no matter where you find him {country NOT withstanding}!

If you find one here {jack@$$} and won't deal with HIS "hee haw;" why would YOU make an exception

just cause his neighing sounds like "hee'eem ha' aaw ohh! ahh baybee?!"

I can't talk 'bout no one 'cept UNO , and UNO knows what UNO will and wont deal with; she aint gon deal with no home-grown foolishness and she damn well aint gon deal with no foreign foolishness, she's also not gon make no 'ceptions, nor s'cuses just to save face either! If shiat don't feel right or smell good while we are cross seas from eachother, UNO knows B) its gon hit the fan once the gap is closed, so she has the compunction to leave shiat where it is

okay, nuff said, and good morning subbies

UNO

Edited November 20, 2009 by La liberada_Uno

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Actually going public when you say that the brother paid you to go there and paid for everything until the process was complete just makes it sound like you were one of those women that marries for a fee. They tend to be pretty good actors about how valid the marriage is during the process and how they were wronged as soon as the contact is done with. Not sure that is the type of thing you might want to have brought up.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Actually going public when you say that the brother paid you to go there and paid for everything until the process was complete just makes it sound like you were one of those women that marries for a fee. They tend to be pretty good actors about how valid the marriage is during the process and how they were wronged as soon as the contact is done with. Not sure that is the type of thing you might want to have brought up.

Click here for your response

Let's keep this forum for what is meant to be. Light conversation please. If you would like to debate my situation, please join me above. I love anythign to keep my story going so no one misses. it.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

My thought was that from your own description of your relationship you may be stepping in front of the immigration for hire train and about to get run down again

[Simply_Uno 1]

Actually going public when you say that the brother paid you to go there and paid for everything until the process was complete just makes it sound like you were one of those women that marries for a fee. They tend to be pretty good actors about how valid the marriage is during the process and how they were wronged as soon as the contact is done with. Not sure that is the type of thing you might want to have brought up.

ahem...s'cuse me , but I think she stated....

1} His brother paid for everything. Once his brother was here the money stopped. I supported him and my mother paid for his CNA school.

2} Now everything was paid for, I stayed in expensive hotels when I was in Nigeria. I was sent money for the trip. My passport and medical shots all paid for.

these are from 2 different posts, i dont see where she states that the "brother paid her to go there," NOR where does it sound like or infer that she married for a fee...atleast not to me anyways

back to our regularly scheduled postings...lalalalalalahhhh

[Enlighten one :) 5]

I wasn't run down, I was pushed. Run down is when you can't get back up. I am up and running. LOL God is good and faithful. I will be redeemed and raised up.

My thought was that from your own description of your relationship you may be stepping in front of the immigration for hire train and about to get run down again

Thanks UNO!

[Simply_Uno 1]

Meh!

good morning

UNO

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

He wants to give me his GC, SSN & ID card and go back home.

[Simply_Uno 1]

He wants to give me his GC, SSN & ID card and go back home.

wuuuuutt???!!!!

are you kiddin meeee ??????!!!!!!!

[babynursetobe 0]

He wants to give me his GC, SSN & ID card and go back home.

what happened?? Is he not adjusting well??

[Perseverance 1]

So sorry to hear that, he may just be having trouble adjusting. Sometimes when they get here, it is no where NEAR what they thought it was gioing to be.

My husband had a very hard time adjusting, more than once he said he was going home. He is still here and we are still happy. It takes alot of patience and communication, you can get through it.

One thing that really helped my husband was getting out there and working and hearing things from other Americans and learning on his own.

Living here is not easy and it takes a lot of work. Most times they are not expecting that to be the case.

If you want to talk you can PM me.

Dont give up yet

P

He wants to give me his GC, SSN & ID card and go back home.

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

He just started working and got first paycheck. He wanted to help out with the bills so I set up an excel spreadsheet that showed him what I paid each week where and then had it compute how much each us would contribute based on our take home pay. Even though I had been sending him emails weekly showing him where my money was going it never clicked with him how much it costs to live here. He was discouraged when after taking us all out to eat once he only had $77 dollars left for the week to put into savings. He refuses to accept that I have cut everything I possibly can out of the budget, he says we live in poverty and he doesn't want to live like this. I see nothing wrong with the way I live, yes I'd like to own a house, but we can't afford it and my parents have told me the house we live in is ours when they pass away so why would I want to try and buy another. Since he's started working our income has nearly doubled I'm in heaven!!! I've NEVER had money left over after pay day - NEVER, I'm actually going to be able to get the kids gifts myself this year for Christmas. I've asked him to give it a year. I don't know if he will or not. I've told him it's not just me he'll be hurting by leaving, my daughter has bonded so much with him, already calls him Daddy and my son finally has a mature, responsible man he looks up to. I can't force him to stay, so whatever God has in store I'll deal with.

I know this is all transition stuff, I warned him before he came but he was certain all would be fine, "Nigerians can make it anywhere." is what I've been told over and over. I know it's lack of sunshine, extremely small town compared to what he's used too, lack of compatriots, moving from a singleman household to a family of 6 with 3 teenage boys, not much job opportunity on an island forced him to take a job in construction which isn't where he wants to be, I'm a different person with life going on around me compared to when I visited him and was on vacation. I'm ready to face these things head on, I was ready before he came here, it's up to him if he's willing to stand with me.

[Simply_Uno 1]

He just started working and got first paycheck. He wanted to help out with the bills so I set up an excel spreadsheet that showed him what I paid each week where and then had it compute how much each us would contribute based on our take home pay. Even though I had been sending him emails weekly showing him where my money was going it never clicked with him how much it costs to live here. He was discouraged when after taking us all out to eat once he only had $77 dollars left for the week to put into savings. He refuses to accept that I have cut everything I possibly can out of the budget, he says we live in poverty and he doesn't want to live like this. I see nothing wrong with the way I live, yes I'd like to own a house, but we can't afford it and my parents have told me the house we live in is ours when they pass away so why would I want to try and buy another. Since he's started working our income has nearly doubled I'm in heaven!!! I've NEVER had money left over after pay day - NEVER, I'm actually going to be able to get the kids gifts myself this year for Christmas. I've asked him to give it a year. I don't know if he will or not. I've told him it's not just me he'll be hurting by leaving, my daughter has bonded so much with him, already calls him Daddy and my son finally has a mature, responsible man he looks up to. I can't force him to stay, so whatever God has in store I'll deal with.

I know this is all transition stuff, I warned him before he came but he was certain all would be fine, "Nigerians can make it anywhere." is what I've been told over and over. I know it's lack of sunshine, extremely small town compared to what he's used too, lack of compatriots, moving from a singleman household to a family of 6 with 3 teenage boys, not much job opportunity on an island forced him to take a job in construction which isn't where he wants to be, I'm a different person with life going on around me compared to when I visited him and was on vacation. I'm ready to face these things head on, I was ready before he came here, it's up to him if he's willing to stand with me.

whew, WG, plz don't be offended by what I am about to say;

it seems as if he had "high hopes/big dreams/grandiose notions" of how his living standards were gonna be once he got to America, after all, he did marry an "Ahhmerikkhan"

I_ donnnn't_Knowwww * * when I was going through "vj" my ex use to say,

"how can you say dat living in Ahhmerikka is hard to an AAFrickhann, we wont beleeeve you! You Ahhmerikkhans will only say dat to discourrrrage us from coming and we wonnnnt beleeeve you!"

Maybe, just maybe he has the same mind set as my ex; he thought YOU were underestimating your own personal situation......and of course they know better than US what American living is like due to MTV and BET and other sensationalized media that's pumped into their country

Now as far as your daughter calling him "daddy"... ...ahem....thats all I'm gonna say about your issue.

I can't talk 'bout you, I can only talk 'bout me: a child of UNOz aint callin no other man daddy; if he just got here and my child only heard of/chatted with/he just integrated into the household/etc....don't care if we's married or naught; 'specially if she/he's old enough to know that that person is NOT their daddy...OMG!!! And UNO would not ever tell a man, "the kids love you or what about the kids" to a man if he wanted to leave, 'specially if they are NOT his kids!

and so he's forced to take a construction job, he should count his blessings, he could be shoveling...####### for a living and eating scavenger.

sorry, he seems unappreciative, but at least he's willing to go back to his home country on his own after realizing "it was all a dream...!"

p.s. I'm just sayin....

UNO

Edited November 23, 2009 by La liberada_Uno