Calling all American women married to Russian men

[Used to be broken 147]

this is quite an interesting forum discussion. I just found it doing research on Belarus folks going through i130 process. My husband and I have been married quite a bit longer than you folks. I might have missed the extreme cultural shock he went through because he was here in US before we met. I have heard that he was quite depressed but it had much to with his work situation.

Day to day life with this Belarusian man is very orderly and he is a very industrious and entreprenurial person. I think he has picked up alot of information from me in business dealings and making money in unique and different business propositions since he worked a very low wage job at first because of his language skills, he eventually went to work for himself.

As for the "money" thing he is tight, thrifty very concious of wasting it. He seemed to be very interested in the mail I guess the sheer volume of junk that came every day. So he got in the habit of picking it up. Then the washing machine was another fascination, he absolutely loves that damn machine. He "controls" the laundry and I am quite happy to let him do so. I get up a little earlier than he does on the weekend and if I get lonely and want him to wake up all I have to do is start the washing machine he pops right up to get me away from it and take over the laundry job. I am perfectly fine with relinquishing the task. Bill paying he has taken over except for acutally writing the checks, he asks me to sit down and has everthing ready to go so I just sign and date. He makes all runs to the post office and bank errands which because of the business can be frequent. I cook he cleans. He does some grocery shopping and will feed himself if I am not preparing food, but it seems he really likes me to cook for him. I don't mind it at all I like talking care of him this way.

I have never heard him utter a negative word comparing the American way of doing things with the Russian way. He is not outspoken though so may have opinions he doesn't share. He loves our dog plays with him like a child. We won't have any children together but I am sure he would have made an excellent dad, my nieces and nephews all follow him around like the pide piper.

I don't get the blunt opinions in fact just the opposite, some topics like family flaws such as alcoholism he says we americans are too open and talk about stuff we shouldn't. Overall he is a shy guy but pleasant and will tag along and do about any activity except musicals and the ballet. We both have friends, his are from sports activities. We had card game with several other couples that rotates to each house. We prepare a meal then sit down and play poker for hours. He gets a big kick out of this and laughs at all the antics. He does 'count" and keep track of things and it bothers him if the card game gets out of order and we host more than once every fourth time. He percieves that as someone else not doing thier fair share since it costs money to host a party.

I think the only major area of tension is my spending and his saving. I keep telling him he cant take it with him and he keeps telling me I don't need that.

[Used to be broken 147]

new cultural difference discoveries... fiance skyped me today and i was chewing gum. i was told that i looked like a cow. apparently all cows do is chew, so chewing gum when talking to others is prohibited. also, my tiny, fluffy, white, clean dog sleeps in my bed. according to him, it's disgusting. last, but not least, i can't wish anyone dead. not even in anger, because god will punish me.

he might soften on the dog issue, my husband did. At first it bothered him the dog slept with us, then over time he got used to the little guy and now he is completely wrapped. The dog can do no wrong, and is spoiled rotten

[amberdima 6]

this is quite an interesting forum discussion. I just found it doing research on Belarus folks going through i130 process. My husband and I have been married quite a bit longer than you folks. I might have missed the extreme cultural shock he went through because he was here in US before we met. I have heard that he was quite depressed but it had much to with his work situation.

Day to day life with this Belarusian man is very orderly and he is a very industrious and entreprenurial person. I think he has picked up alot of information from me in business dealings and making money in unique and different business propositions since he worked a very low wage job at first because of his language skills, he eventually went to work for himself.

As for the "money" thing he is tight, thrifty very concious of wasting it. He seemed to be very interested in the mail I guess the sheer volume of junk that came every day. So he got in the habit of picking it up. Then the washing machine was another fascination, he absolutely loves that damn machine. He "controls" the laundry and I am quite happy to let him do so. I get up a little earlier than he does on the weekend and if I get lonely and want him to wake up all I have to do is start the washing machine he pops right up to get me away from it and take over the laundry job. I am perfectly fine with relinquishing the task. Bill paying he has taken over except for acutally writing the checks, he asks me to sit down and has everthing ready to go so I just sign and date. He makes all runs to the post office and bank errands which because of the business can be frequent. I cook he cleans. He does some grocery shopping and will feed himself if I am not preparing food, but it seems he really likes me to cook for him. I don't mind it at all I like talking care of him this way.

I have never heard him utter a negative word comparing the American way of doing things with the Russian way. He is not outspoken though so may have opinions he doesn't share. He loves our dog plays with him like a child. We won't have any children together but I am sure he would have made an excellent dad, my nieces and nephews all follow him around like the pide piper.

I don't get the blunt opinions in fact just the opposite, some topics like family flaws such as alcoholism he says we americans are too open and talk about stuff we shouldn't. Overall he is a shy guy but pleasant and will tag along and do about any activity except musicals and the ballet. We both have friends, his are from sports activities. We had card game with several other couples that rotates to each house. We prepare a meal then sit down and play poker for hours. He gets a big kick out of this and laughs at all the antics. He does 'count" and keep track of things and it bothers him if the card game gets out of order and we host more than once every fourth time. He percieves that as someone else not doing thier fair share since it costs money to host a party.

I think the only major area of tension is my spending and his saving. I keep telling him he cant take it with him and he keeps telling me I don't need that.

very insightful! i see alot of your husband's traits in my fiance. thanks for sharing!

[Dima_April 9]

Hi Hi, Natalie from Louisiana,

I'm April, from Michigan. While not yet married to my Russian guy, I certainly can relate to some things you speak of and I would like to become friends. It is true, that is seems most on here are men, that married Russian women, so we are in the minority. I'm also close to your age, so that may help.

Although I haven't made it all the way through the comments on this post, I'm enjoying them. I've been worried about the whole process of our K1 visa and I suppose I won't stop until he gets here. Then, I'm sure I'll worry about knew things - maybe you can guide me?

In regards to traditional roles and who wears the pants in the family, I'm more traditional myself and Dmitrii, is as well. However, from the five weeks we spent together, I can see where there could be some cultural issues. I'm not sure he likes my cooking. He says, I cook very well, but I think his nose is growing. On more than one occasion, I would come home from work, ready to prepare dinner and he wasn't hungry. He had walked to Burger King. I'm not sure if he just likes burgers, or that was the best option, because I had no beet dishes? That's okay, the thought of herring, under a fur coat, freaks me out!

Driving? Do Russian men drive? My guy, owns a truck and he learned how to drive in 2008 (he's 44 yo now). I thought I would be kind and let him drive, while here. I realize that Russian men, like to be somewhat the head of the house. I like that - I've had to run things on my own for a long time. I'm ready to let someone in the drivers seat (pun on words). God forbid, I ever decided to put my car keys in his hands. I live in a small town; our main road has one turn lane on the main drag. Anytime, I wanted him to turn into a store, I would give him a heads up. What I heard was, "over there"? Yes. "Over there" (finger pointing)? Yes. "Now"? Yes. "Right now"? Yes! As we roll pass the entrance, he not only gives me whip lash, but my head slams into the dash, as he slams on the breaks. I don't know how many times he shifted my automatic transition and I heard the gears grind!

One time, I took over driving and was speeding along, when a deer started to jump out at us. You should have heard us scream! On that day, Russian and American, voices where united in one! Then, he turns to me in his thick Russian accent and says "crazy, stubborn, American driver!" We both laughed later and we're both stubborn. I wouldn't trade him in for the world, because even during these times when there are differences, there are good differences as well. He teaches me patience, and he forgives me when I'm quick to anger. These are fine traits, that a lot of American's have forgotten. We live in a fast pace society. He's lived where he's had to walk a good portion of his life, wait in long lines, not always have the things one wants. I think, Russians know how to share and know the value of family. All this, can make up for what they have to learn about being in Rome. When the days get rough and the cultural differences great, remember why you married him in the first place. Try to laugh some of it off and what you can't talk it over, don't sweep it under the rug. Being in Rome, means sometimes you have to act like a Roman, but always try to keep the Slavic culture alive to a degree, it's fantastic and we could stand to go back to some of these values they hold. You're child, will be greatly blessed by having parents with different views. When you find a good Russian man, family will be everything to him.

Would love to chat with you sometime, share some recipes with me. The thought of eating at Burger King, the rest of my life, well.....it's more than I can think of right now!
Thanks for the serious and yet possibly fun topic!

[naire37 53]

Awesome thread. Just started reading through it myself. I'm Russian with 15 years of living US experience, and my husband just got here, so it's interesting to see some of the "cultural differences" stuff played out - slightly more aggressive driving, or more traditional male & female roles.

[TBoneTX 45,304]

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