Keeping Love & Romance Alive during long Separations

[Afrilaskan Queen 0]

I would love to dedicate this thread to keeping ones joy and peace despite stress. After all relationships are about joy and love, it's easy to lose site of what brought you together and whittle it down to focusing on the visa.

What ways do you keep your romance or love alive?

What do you do each day to live mindfully and enjoy the good things?

What do you prepare in your life to enjoy once you are with your mate?

What is your favorite romantic thing to do?

I have enjoyed learning to look for and cook things my Husband loves in his culture. When I miss him I create some sort of artistic expression of my love [i.e. cards, silly poems, you know that teeny bopper stuff that's just fun] I'm not too artistic but it's cathartic. Also focusing on another person - someone else who has a struggle in their life and looking for a way to lift them up and make them happy. Taking a peaceful walk. Taking a bath, lighting candles, creating a space that is peaceful each day...

[Ta Ta 1]

I would love to dedicate this thread to keeping ones joy and peace despite stress. After all relationships are about joy and love, it's easy to lose site of what brought you together and whittle it down to focusing on the visa.

What ways do you keep your romance or love alive?

What do you do each day to live mindfully and enjoy the good things?

What do you prepare in your life to enjoy once you are with your mate?

What is your favorite romantic thing to do?

I have enjoyed learning to look for and cook things my Husband loves in his culture. When I miss him I create some sort of artistic expression of my love [i.e. cards, silly poems, you know that teeny bopper stuff that's just fun] I'm not too artistic but it's cathartic. Also focusing on another person - someone else who has a struggle in their life and looking for a way to lift them up and make them happy. Taking a peaceful walk. Taking a bath, lighting candles, creating a space that is peaceful each day...

Sounds like you have a good handle on dealing with the separation.......

I sometimes work out at the gym and go for walks talking to him as if he were near... ...I put together a scrap book with our pics and found that to be very therapeutic .

2-3 daily phone calls are a must and soon we will be online again, hopefully every day.

I emailed lots of pics and when he has pc access once in a while he is happy to receive them.

We talk about our daily routine, what he does, what he eats, me shoveling snow etc. ....we discuss politics, current events.

I am remodeling the house to make it nice for when he is able to share this place with me. I bought "us" a flat screen TV so we can enjoy movies together one day.

It has really shifted from the initial romance to a deeper bond between us, yes romance is still there of course but we have a much deeper understanding and level of relating now.

When we do quarrel neither one of us can eat or sleep.

We talk everything out no matter how small or how big until we are both comfortable with the answers and solutions.

If one isn't we continue the discussion.

What do I do that is living mindfully each day.......very good point.

I am a Massage Therapist and with it comes the whole awareness of being grounded and living mindfully in the moment.

I like to pray, read the Bible and go to church where I have a substantial support system. These things carry me through every day.

Knowing that God has my life in His very capable hands gives me peace and that my purpose is established by God allows me to deal with the out of control feeling immigration brings into our lives.

Focusing on people around me that are less fortunate and alone helps to distract away from my own situation and I realize

how blessed I really am and how much I have.

[Afrilaskan Queen 0]

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I do the same things you do, love the picture album/scrapping and creating an nice home to enjoy. You tell him about shoveling snow? I take it you're in a cooler place then, I too live in the cold with the snow and wonder how my Nigerian husband will feel in the cool weather...it's the first thing people ask.

I liked your thought on living mindfully. You are a massage therapist then, I imagine your SO would like that. I have friends who are massage therapists, it is a very emotional, for lack of a better word - thing. I can see how that and living mindfully are connected.

I agree that the romance evolves into a intimacy that is more fullfilling. Sometimes I just want more then anything to go on a date with my husband! lol... It sounds like you are very attune to each other. It's good that you worry about hurting one another. I hate the long distance fight, me and my husband are both mostly mild tempered but with the denial it just brought out the stress in us. Sometimes spending all night talking over something that upset us and while that's reality of a relationship - I once had this experience where the network went down after a fight and then it took two days to get ahold of him and I didn't know it was the network or something worse happened. Do you guys ever have fights due to the immigration stuff?

Love is the elixer of life. Love is life.

[Ta Ta 1]

The stress of the denial definitely made us both crazy. But we regrouped and focused on what can be done. Oh yes the phone card companies love us........ching ching. Network failure happens and he even lost one phone into the pit latrine

he usually carries 2 phones with 2 different networks in case one is out so we can connect.

[Afrilaskan Queen 0]

The stress of the denial definitely made us both crazy. But we regrouped and focused on what can be done. Oh yes the phone card companies love us........ching ching. Network failure happens and he even lost one phone into the pit latrine

he usually carries 2 phones with 2 different networks in case one is out so we can connect.

lol...cha ching. I hear ya there sister! Thanks for telling me you both went crazy after the interview and then regrouped, I feel we've regrouped, but we both definately were in shock and pain. I'm so glad I've been able to talk to you today!

We have yet to experience the phone lost in the latrine, but my husband was pick pocketed once on a bus while he was asleep and another time lost his phone out of a hole inside his jeans - something I found really amusing together because that hole is still not repaired! lol... And my hubby has multple phones too.

I've actually gotten used to the network, in the beginning about 4 years ago, I had no idea and I thought the sky was falling when I couldn't get through.

Hope you're having a good day!

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

The stress of the denial definitely made us both crazy. But we regrouped and focused on what can be done. Oh yes the phone card companies love us........ching ching. Network failure happens and he even lost one phone into the pit latrine

he usually carries 2 phones with 2 different networks in case one is out so we can connect.

lol...cha ching. I hear ya there sister! Thanks for telling me you both went crazy after the interview and then regrouped, I feel we've regrouped, but we both definately were in shock and pain. I'm so glad I've been able to talk to you today!

We have yet to experience the phone lost in the latrine, but my husband was pick pocketed once on a bus while he was asleep and another time lost his phone out of a hole inside his jeans - something I found really amusing together because that hole is still not repaired! lol... And my hubby has multple phones too.

I've actually gotten used to the network, in the beginning about 4 years ago, I had no idea and I thought the sky was falling when I couldn't get through.

Hope you're having a good day!

The network can be so bad and then they tend to think they have to turn the phone off for it to charge. I try sometimes and get the auto recording with the female voice that says The number you dialed is not available.

I refer to her as the british lady. When I was there Jospeh hit that recording trying to call his brother and laughed saying he was "talkikng" to my british friend.

[Ta Ta 1]

Finding a decent generator that won't mess up the phone during constant power failures is a whole other story

We still manage 2-4 calls daily, some short, some too loooong according to my vanishing cash flow..... ...yet never long enough

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

We talk maybe 2 to 4 times a week (maybe 10 to 20 minutes each time), money eludes us both at this time. I can't really afford the $10 a week I put on Skype but I do it because I need to hear my baby's voice. We're still newly weds (just 56 days), so phone sex is typically a part of our calls . We also send texts when we don't have much money. He is very poetic so my heart melts when I read them. I had them all saved - until this last weekend when I washed my cell phone . I pray I actually saved them on the memory card thingy that is in my phone and hopefully I can recoup them. With 4 kids still 18 and under and struggling to keep food on the table and heat and lights my day to day life distracts me plenty. I thank God that I am where I am though because keeping busy keeps me from constantly thinking of this long agonizing journey that I have only barely begun. I have started putting together a "care package" for him that I hope to mail this week, just things we talk about and things I think he would like.

[Afrilaskan Queen 0]

'WhidbeyGirl', I truly empathize with you, I know for me finding the money to hear my baby's voice is a struggle too. Sounds like you have many concerns, your children and basic necessities. Something I like to do, awhile back I asked my husband if we could send each other handwritten letters once a week or once monthly. It's this little treat and isn't costly and is romantic. Although many men arn't letter writers, well some women too.

I wonder if you've been able to petition for your husband to come yet. It can be so confusing. I didn't have a lawyer at the time and it took me a confusing bunch of time to figure out what to do. Some people do wait years, but there are some who wait only months. I'm hoping for you a less long wait. Hang in there! ~TY

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

I will have the fee tomorrow and had hoped to send it tomorrow. BUT Social Security still has my marriage certificate and I have to have that to file the I-130, so I guess I just wait until Social Security is done with it and returns it to me.

[Afrilaskan Queen 0]

You must be relieved to be sending in the fee and paperwork for I130 - you really did so good getting right on it. Are you going to apply for an I129 at the same time? Hang in there.

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

You must be relieved to be sending in the fee and paperwork for I130 - you really did so good getting right on it. Are you going to apply for an I129 at the same time? Hang in there.

I guess we are to send teh I129 after we receive NOA1 if I remember correctly. I have everything ready and sitting in an envelope waiting for Social Security to return my marriage certificate then I can pop it in the mail. Believe me y'all will be the 2nd to know it's in the mailbox - gotta tell my sweetheart first of course

[Afrilaskan Queen 0]

WhidbeGirl - Wonderful!