Married to a Nigerian and still together?

[Tamikuti7 0]

Hey Everyone,

Just thought I would chime in for a moment, if the thread starts to get long, I usually start reading them...lol

I just wanted to say that my husband and I are still together, (happily), still keeping on, we are both in school, we're doing great!

We have been together for 2009-2004 = 5 years now...lol, time is flying by, we just had an anniversary in Jan..oh, and we have a 18 month old son named Femi, so ladies, and gents I hope this adds to your list of couples still together.

I'll try to drop by more often

Edited February 7, 2009 by WHAT_DA_?????

[boo boo 1]

Readers,

I hope you all read NigerLA post. I got two very important points out of it.

1) They are BOTH Professionals

2) They dated a while before becoming engaged; then waited another year to marry.

They didn't do the internet rush me into America thing.

It's always refreshing to hear of successful interminglings. Thanks for sharing. Over the years what I'm finding is that Aliens usually marry twice if not more. They marry the one that they scammed to get here; then they set out to either marry/ re-marry there

real pick.

Even some from other countries won't look in their own country for love for the fear of being scammed by their own. In any thought; we all just need to really get to know the person and their friends.

I hope to read more from people that Married years ago and are still together with their husband/wife.

I don't think any has posted, I could be wrong; I didn't read this entire thread.

We are here you dont have to look far. The reason you dont find many people posting is because people move on from VJ after thier SOs get here. However sometimes they come back for a quick shout out and to share some good news. There are plenty of couples with Nigerian roots that are still together. Conduct a member search for those whos SOs come from Nigeria and do the research you can find them, they are there, read thier stories. A few I can think of are Sweetee, WHAT DA??, felshen, MollyandStephen, alyce, and Boaz. Dont let the lack of response fool you. There are other couples around, just because they dont remain on VJ does not mean that they dont keep in touch with other members

My husband and I have been together since 2004 and in no way rushed to get married. Our second anniversary is 2\16\09. I know there are plenty of others who have just passed or are also coming up on thier 2 year anniversary.

The truth is no one knows the real and truthful intimate details of relationships except the 2 who are in it. People can guess and speculate all they want but the reality is no one else will know the true details, only the 2 who are participating in the relationship. The bottom line is a healthy happy relationship does not just happen on its own, it takes work and nurturing and growth from both parties, no matter where either one of them are from. This thread is getting redundant. Babynursetobe, I think that you have plenty of information here to make an adult decision about your relationship.

P

Very well said.

[reeses16 8]

Met a lady from my alma mater 2 years ago. She met and married a Nigerian man and it was happily ever after....they put each other through professional school and have teenage/adult children.

Clearly there are some people who try to take advantage of their SO. This is true of international and US-based couples (I'm sure we all have a relative or friend that's with someone who is clearly taking advantage their kindness, generosity, patience or money). As another poster pointed out, about 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce. Focus on building a strong relationship rather than where your so is from.

Baby nurse to be, good luck on your journey. I'm sure once your SO is here you will have some trying moments (misunderstandings, disagreements, etc.), but I hope they will be outweighed by your happy times together. : )

Edited February 7, 2009 by reeses16

[forchika 4]

As another poster pointed out, about 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce. Focus on building a strong relationship rather than where your so is from.

Excellent point reeses16

Baby nurse to be, good luck on your journey. I'm sure once your SO is here you will have some trying moments (misunderstandings, disagreements, etc.), but I hope they will be outweighed by your happy times together. : )

Very well said!!!!!

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Great to hear from you. Thanks

Hey Everyone,

Just thought I would chime in for a moment, if the thread starts to get long, I usually start reading them...lol

I just wanted to say that my husband and I are still together, (happily), still keeping on, we are both in school, we're doing great!

We have been together for 2009-2004 = 5 years now...lol, time is flying by, we just had an anniversary in Jan..oh, and we have a 18 month old son named Femi, so ladies, and gents I hope this adds to your list of couples still together.

I'll try to drop by more often

[agsoba83 0]

[/center]

I agree, were gonna pray that in years to come you'll still be happily married and

with kids. (wink)

I am in full support of Galaxy sayings.Fatherland Nigeria, is a great nation and everyone who has decicded to marry a Ngerian should be matured enough

to make their decisions.I plead with everyone in this forum to be mindful of the negative things they say about Fatherland Nigeria.Your countries are not better

nor every one a saint in there.

This forum has blessed me and many others who can attest.We are here to learn and help eachother.

Please I implore everyone not to speak only negative about Nigeria.

If you choose to marry a Nigeria is a personal thing.

Thanx fro your audience.

valentine

@Valentine, it's nice to know you're still on this board. So did everything work out for you?

[idocare 3]

I would go farther and say that nobody should let others tell them whom to Marry or

not. Nobody can predict the outcome of anyones marriage. Although the percentages

are high nobody can tell you 100% that you will surely fall prey to a marriage scam.

Information that's provided here comes from people experiences; it's to help you in your

journey; be it negitive or positive. People stay together for all kinds of reasons. I know

if I was from another Country and had someone taking care of me and letting me go to

school I'd take advantage of it. I would be more then willing to put my true love and kids back in my country on hold to better positon myself and to let the paperwork go thru.

This is just my opinion, some are barely still together with their mates; and they know who they are, but that mate isn't as loving as they were when they were trying to get here.

My wish is for all to be happy and find a mate that loves them and that they can love. Because I do care; I continue to post my journey. Since my journey started I've met alot of wonderful couples. Regretfully I have to post that I personally know of approx. 70% of the people that married an Alien are no longer together.

For the couples that are still happily married I say wonderful !!

[ForeverAmen 0]

I would go farther and say that nobody should let others tell them whom to Marry or

not. Nobody can predict the outcome of anyones marriage. Although the percentages

are high nobody can tell you 100% that you will surely fall prey to a marriage scam.

Information that's provided here comes from people experiences; it's to help you in your

journey; be it negitive or positive. People stay together for all kinds of reasons. I know

if I was from another Country and had someone taking care of me and letting me go to

school I'd take advantage of it. I would be more then willing to put my true love and kids back in my country on hold to better positon myself and to let the paperwork go thru.

This is just my opinion, some are barely still together with their mates; and they know who they are, but that mate isn't as loving as they were when they were trying to get here.

My wish is for all to be happy and find a mate that loves them and that they can love. Because I do care; I continue to post my journey. Since my journey started I've met alot of wonderful couples. Regretfully I have to post that I personally know of approx. 70% of the people that married an Alien are no longer together.

For the couples that are still happily married I say wonderful !!

As always you've shared some good thought provoking information. If I may, I would like to comment on some of the statements you've made. I agree with you and many others regarding the fact that some of us may/will be scammed. Being scammed can take place by any individual regardless of their country of origin, race, economic status, etc., etc. So while I do encourage everyone to be aware of the possibility, I also want to make it known that we should each be mindful of our own situation(s). We can certainly learn from each other, but be sure to take heed of our own matter(s).

Many of us come to VJ to learn more about Immigrating to the USA, and to learn more about our SO's culture. Tons of good, practical information can be found in many postings. And while I sometimes agree with what's posted, I am as equally weary about some peoples understandings. For example - reading about one person's wonderful relationship, is not exactly how your relationship may turn out. On the other hand, reading about a fellow members horrible experience is (again) not exactly how your relaqtionship may turn out. Basically - read what you may on this site, but be sure to apply what needs to be applied to your own individual situation. For the most part do y-o-u.

This past January marks 3 years since my husband arrived. To this day, I can honestly and truly say that I count each of the 1,095 plus days that he has been here a blessing! Has everyday been a bed of roses? No way. But even in our 'valley' moments I am still able to say with 100% certainty that "it's all good". Believe it or not, many of the 'valley' moments in my marriage, were due to my overreacting to some of the things I've read here on VJ based on others and their experience(s). Going back to what I stated earlier - be sure to apply what needs to be applied to your own situation; do y-o-u. You are engaged/married to an individual, not a collective body. My husband is laid back, enjoys a good bible based or political debate. Loves to watch soccer, wrestling and basketball. And when he first meets you, he probably won't have much to say. But during future visits may talk your ear off!

Idocare, in part I want to elaborate a bit on your comment regarding what you would do, etc., etc (highlighted above in red). For the sake of no drama, please let it be clear that I agree with alot of what Idocare shares, and I always welcome the knowledge of her experience. But I don't want someone reading into the matter and indirectly take it in as their own.

First - thank God we are individuals and not one collective body. Because not everyone will do as you've claimed regarding going to school. Nevertheless, as have been stated I am fully aware that scams can and will happen. However, for those of you reading, may I also encourage you to get to know and understand your situation to the best of your ability.

Is my SO here in the USA and enrolled in school? Yes. So obviously I am a bit biased.

However, not only is he in school, but he also works (full time), AND fully participates in the management of our household. How many of you know where and how your SO spends his/her time and money? Not think you know, but actually know?!?!? It puzzles me when I hear about some scams. Why? Because there were some clues stearing you in the face! The even greater question is - what are you going to do about it? Address the issue? Or hope and pray it fades away? Please take note that I stress the word 'some', because keeping it real ... some scammers are simply !#$% good!

Is their a bank account in which funds suddenly vanishes at certain times of the year? How does your SO interact with you, your family and friends? How does his family and friends interact with you? Or are you his/her 'secret'? Does your SO go on the defense when tough questions are asked? Or is he/she an open book? Call me crazy, but I know the password to my husband's email account, banking info., and he does mine. Now - momma didn't raise no fool ... I also have a means of tracking various info. in case it changes. AND ... I am slowly but surely understanding and speaking his language. The oddity in all of this, is in part due to my own paranoia from some of the things I've read and hear here on VJ. Of course VJ is not to blame for my own short comings. Nevertheless, after saying all that I've stated, I want to reiterate the importance of getting to know your SO for yourself, and not allowing others misfortunes to guide your relationship. BUT - do take into consideration what needs to be considered. And for those of you who may be thinking I've gone to far ... remember what I said, do y-o-u.

On another note - if you are a female USA citizen, when your immigrate SO arrives, let him be a man! It's easy to want to pacify him as he adjust to his new environment. But be careful, as to not indirectly enable him to be trifling.

OK ....

As for an earlier comment about people not being around ....

It's true that some people leave because their relationship has dissolved. On the other hand, some of us come back when we are in need of information pertaining to our step in the process.

Regarding wanting to know if there are any happy couples here on VJ? Count me in! I am in love, l-o-v-e, LOVE! And I am confident in saying that I KNOW that brother loves me even more. Even during our 'valley' moments in which I remind him that he 'has his papers, so he can leave and stay in this country if he desires, even without me', his honey brown eyes looks at me and says ... only if you come with me.

One more thing ... as for mates not being as loving as when they first arrived ... sorry, I can't join in. Why? My husband and I show displays of affection in the open and behind closed doors. As a matter of fact, we just got back in from a walk/run through the neighborhood, our Ipods were going, and we were dancing (hand in hand), along the sidewalk, as though the entire world was ours.

Sorry for the long post. But I just want to remind people (as mentioned before) what's posted on VJ is based on an individual's own experience. Use what applies to you (if at all) and go foward.

Peace out!

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

Thank you Boaz for your wonderful post.

Idocare - I have a question. What do you base your 70% stat on? I'm just curious, is this something that is documented (like with immigration) or have their been studies? If it's based on your personal experience then how many couple do you know who have married an alien? If for instance you know 4 and 3 have divorced your sample is very small so your margin of error in applying in to general population has a HUGE room for error, while if you know of 1,000,000 couples and 700,000 are divorced you have a much better sample and your stats can be applied to the general population with relatively small error. Stats facinate me, I love research and compiling data but I also know that stats can be "ammended" to say what you wish them to say - even in scientific studies there are ways to exclude data that isn't wanted. It's one reason I try to be very careful when throwing out numbers & statistics that may be biased toward what I am wanting to prove at that moment in time.

[Old Dominion 26]

Good for you! However, it's important to remember that the Cameroons is not Nigeria...nor is Zambia, my bride's homeplace. Women trying to develop an online love affair with Nigerians simply need to be extra careful about the scam factor. Maybe someone will do a bit of research and conclude that 80% of the Nigerian men on international dating sites are up to some kind of scam to be able to live in a more affluent country, even China. Sad, isn't it?

[Simply_Uno 1]

[idocare 3]

I admit that I did take a statistics course in college.....LOL I guess with the training and all; I learned that I should not jump out there with solid numbers claiming them to be exact. Thus I said approx. That's what this forum is about; hypothesis, except for the lawyers and employees of USCIS that enjoy imputing from time to time. The approx. comes from hanging around all these years, reading on forums like this Sub Saharan and Effects of major family changes etc. (within this visa journey site)

If my memory server me correctly, they came up with the Effects of major family..... maybe a year after I joined because so many people were posting about being used or dumped.

It may not even be that old. But the administrator saw a need and added it within his site. Many many peoples journey take them to that site. My journey took me to that site; I knew there was a chance of me ending up there posting but my love for this man and my belief in what he told me was strong enough to take the chance. Even after reading the few others before me that posted of being scammed; I just couldn't see it happening to me. ( No way would a Medical Doctor be that manipultive, after all; his training is too help and heal ) Met his family and they were very nice to me. It's truly hard to figure out a scam until it too late in many cases.

Even tho I post mostly in Sub Saharan, this scam issue occurs in many Countries as mentioned earlier by many; it's not biased to Africa alone. My ex-husband is from Nigeria so approiately I post here.

I enjoyed reading the post from Boaz; and I know she understands why I continue to post. I appreciate her for openly encouraging me to continue to post. It's mature people like that; that can be a bit biased to reading a post (that sounds similiar to them ) but stick to what's real. Hats off to you girl !!!!

Finally, it's refreshing to read of some couples coming foward and reporting a loving relationship. That's the topic...... I want to say thanks to those who took the time to share with us that they and their Alien spouse is still together and I hope more take the time to post. You know I've been around since 2003 reading and posting.......LOL I'm hoping to see more from the past post. It would be nice to read from some people who married around the same time as I did........so if you care to share please do.....LOL. I hope the many that married when I did are still together and possibly have a new editions to the family to report.....LOL

I continue to post because I do care.

Edited February 12, 2009 by idocare

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

Good for you! However, it's important to remember that the Cameroons is not Nigeria...nor is Zambia, my bride's homeplace. Women trying to develop an online love affair with Nigerians simply need to be extra careful about the scam factor. Maybe someone will do a bit of research and conclude that 80% of the Nigerian men on international dating sites are up to some kind of scam to be able to live in a more affluent country, even China. Sad, isn't it?

What's sad is how the media portrays Nigerians. When a scam does happen they are all over it. It is RARE to find a positive uplifting story (of ANY culture) in main stream media because terrible, horrible news is what sells newspapers and magazines.

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

The sad thing about Nigerians and the scam word is it adds stress to the relationship from all sides. You have to defend yourself even more than most people because as soon as you mention Nigerian well meaning people will try to give you the scammer lecture.

[idocare 3]

Well Whibeygirl,

Your from the same place as I'm from and I don't hear much about Nigeria on the local news or Cnn . They especially don't mention anything much about international couples that I have heard. I'm a avid listener of CNN. What your experience?