Married to a Nigerian and still together?

[totes 0]

I see both sides.... I'm married to an amazing Nigerian man but I also have/am an advocate for women who have been scammed and have much experience with women who have been scammed and also with the scammer's themselves.

I've been married just a short time, 6 weeks to be exact but.... I knew my husband through and through before I embarked on this journey.

To the OP.... my husband is adjusting very well... the biggest problem thus far is the cold, lol. We live in Arkansas so it can get pretty cold, I think 15 is our temp tonight. Food, he loves everything American except for Pizza, lol. I don't get that! That's unAmerican! He's moving from Nigerian time (a snails pace) to our time (woooohooooo!). Reading everything he can and studying the driver's manual and checking into night classes with his time until EAD. He's anxious to go to work... it's not easy for these men! They are proud and as someone said.... the head of household so they want and NEED to provide for their family!

My advice to the OP is be supportive.... he has or will be leaving his family, friends and everything he knows.. if you think that's not difficult, give it a try... I sure have. He has/will have a language barrier, culture shock and will be totally dependent on you for support and guidance until he learns his way. At the same time... be real. You knew what you were getting into when you married him. It comes with some risks, no doubt but.... you obviously loved/love him enough to marry him and go thru this BS process so.... give it 200%. IF he's not in it for the right reasons, that's his cross to bare, not yours! Enjoy your happiness and love your husband!

Sure there are many men and women in and from third world countries who are looking to get out but..... to those who are in doubt.... I say.... follow your gut even if you don't want to!

hugs!

[ebonyqueen 0]

Well a few people that are marrying Nigerian men nowadays are staying together. The American lady is taking huge risk in sponsoring a Nigerian or lets say any foreign man that comes from a developing country. How can a Nigerian man be in love with his wife in his heart AND to love money the same time? Is not possible! A Nigerian man wants to come to America to make dollars, his primary goal. That is either going to school to make dollars. The woman is just HELPING him so he can succeed. The green card gives him permanant residence.

A real marriage within a Nigerian man and an American woman, where the Nigerian man can love with his heart and not for ulterior motives, will be in Nigeria without helping him to get visa. That takes a huge adjustment on the American woman, depending on his income. That also means the American woman not to bring him dollars and to adjust third-world country lifestyle. Tell him you have no money, and will not take him to America and lets see how far this relationship will last. Perhaps, most of these men want to use a woman to cross over.

Almost all the guys occupying cyber cafes are scammers. Is what we call here in Nigeria-yahoo boys.

I also noticed most of these women are meeting these guys online. Is more better if these women can come to Nigeria to pick their men other than getting a desperate soul.

There are many good men in Nigeria that are not going to the internet. Find him around your age or older, same place of worship as you and SAME goals in life. Ask yourself why is this man is interested in me. Most men in the past married for sex and companionship and to make family.

Best wishes for all!

...are you for real

So....only those of the same nationality can have a "real marriage" in America?

It's amazing the different ways prejudice rears its ugly head...aint it?!!!!!!!!!

[ebonyqueen 0]

Taking any foreign man is a huge risk. The American woman is usually marrying because of love/companionship and sex while the foreign man is marrying for money with benefits.

....Ummm, we don't need to be married to get sex!!!!

Nor do we need to seek a foreigner for it!

[idocare 3]

Sassyfemale.

I totally agree with most of your post. I especially hope that viewers take to heart

when you mentioned to tell the person that your not willing to bring them into the U.S.

But you're willing to go and live there with them since they love you sooooo much.

The long and short of it all is that if a person intent is too get too America they won't waste their time with you, knowing that you won't bring them. The real test is

do the Americans love their fiance/husband so much that they'd be willing to move

and be with them. So far, that's the only way to avoid being totally scammed.

Trust me it's not a good feeling; and you won't know you have been scamed until

it's too late and you have filed all the paperwork necessary. I've been around for a

while and too everyone that gets scammed they didn't think their spouse was

capable of doing such a thing, including me.

Love isn't suspose to have boundaries, if you choose to tell your person of interest

that you won't help them get here but rather stay with him in his country and you never

hear from him again; you probably just saved yourself from financial and mental ruin.

In Nigeria I hear that your suspose to be financially stable before you marry; if

someone is always telling you of situations or occurrences that would prompt you to

send money; I'd be wary. I'd let them solve their own problem, many peeps milk money

out of others that way. Your love interest shouldn't need you to rescue them; sounds

a little cruel; but I say that for a reason. Just my little two cents.

[Perseverance 1]

Idocare,

While I do acknowledge that scams happen, and I am sorry for what happened to you. I respectfully disagree that the only way to insure that you wont get scammed is to move to the home country of the SO. There are plenty of people who have thriving successful relationships, living in this country, and did not get scammed. All relationships take work, and the relationship between an American and someone from another culture will take extra work.

Now I dont think that anyone should run blindly into any relationship, and I would hope as I said before that the American would act as a responsible adult when making life changing decisions. Do not take my words wrong and go saying that I am calling you irresponsible that is NOT what I am saying.

A person can get themselves scammed right here in their own country by a member of the opposite sex. Utilise the same inner voice or intuition with someone from overseas as you would here. I agree with what you said about "rescuing" that is a VERY valid point. If your innver voice is trying to tell you something....LISTEN to it.

P

Sassyfemale.

I totally agree with most of your post. I especially hope that viewers take to heart

when you mentioned to tell the person that your not willing to bring them into the U.S.

But you're willing to go and live there with them since they love you sooooo much.

The long and short of it all is that if a person intent is too get too America they won't waste their time with you, knowing that you won't bring them. The real test is

do the Americans love their fiance/husband so much that they'd be willing to move

and be with them. So far, that's the only way to avoid being totally scammed.

Trust me it's not a good feeling; and you won't know you have been scamed until

it's too late and you have filed all the paperwork necessary. I've been around for a

while and too everyone that gets scammed they didn't think their spouse was

capable of doing such a thing, including me.

Love isn't suspose to have boundaries, if you choose to tell your person of interest

that you won't help them get here but rather stay with him in his country and you never

hear from him again; you probably just saved yourself from financial and mental ruin.

In Nigeria I hear that your suspose to be financially stable before you marry; if

someone is always telling you of situations or occurrences that would prompt you to

send money; I'd be wary. I'd let them solve their own problem, many peeps milk money

out of others that way. Your love interest shouldn't need you to rescue them; sounds

a little cruel; but I say that for a reason. Just my little two cents.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

If you would engage in an overseas relationship with someone who is scamming you, you would engage in a relationship in the US with someone who is scamming you for other reasons.

This possibility does not boil down to the mate you chose, but to how you feel inside and what you seek outside. Only someone who is going to say to you everything you want to hear can fill that negative void inside.

But do not let me discredited the scammer. The are very clever. The are prepared with every answer and question you are going to ask around this relationship. Even pretending to move to their country will not stop them from letting you book your flight and ship your stuff before you get there. They are ready for anything you try to say and do to test their sincerity.

What it boils down to is trusting you...not them.

1 month yesterday. He is better then I ever imagined. I was not prepared for this love, devotion and dedication he is showering me, because he did not do it over the phone or in emails. He says it with his eyes and his actions.

As I stated before, when I went to visit my husband in NIgeria I did not feel all in love with him. I felt like he was responsible, God fearing, caring and considerate so I should chose him as a Step father and a husband. Once I seen his eyes, I fell right in love. Roberta Flack the first time ever I saw your face rings true for me.

[LovinLiberia 0]

If you would engage in an overseas relationship with someone who is scamming you, you would engage in a relationship in the US with someone who is scamming you for other reasons.

This possibility does not boil down to the mate you chose, but to how you feel inside and what you seek outside. Only someone who is going to say to you everything you want to hear can fill that negative void inside.

But do not let me discredited the scammer. The are very clever. The are prepared with every answer and question you are going to ask around this relationship. Even pretending to move to their country will not stop them from letting you book your flight and ship your stuff before you get there. They are ready for anything you try to say and do to test their sincerity.

What it boils down to is trusting you...not them.

1 month yesterday. He is better then I ever imagined. I was not prepared for this love, devotion and dedication he is showering me, because he did not do it over the phone or in emails. He says it with his eyes and his actions.

As I stated before, when I went to visit my husband in NIgeria I did not feel all in love with him. I felt like he was responsible, God fearing, caring and considerate so I should chose him as a Step father and a husband. Once I seen his eyes, I fell right in love. Roberta Flack the first time ever I saw your face rings true for me.

Preach it, MrsJ!!! Scammers and users are everywhere. How many stories have we heard about American women being duped by our own American men? How many stories have we heard about a relationship being perfect until the woman gets pregnant and then the American man is nowhere to be seen? I think we all know an American woman or two that has been screwed by a good for nothing American man that used her for a place to stay, food in his mouth, and a free ride.

The moral of the story is that everyone needs to be discerning when it comes to trusting, choosing, and believing in their partner. I do think that the chances of running into a fraudulent person are higher when dealing with someone from overseas, but there are still plenty of good ones in the bunch. Most often, when a person is scammed they realize that there were red flags all along. You have to pay attention.

MrsJ made a valid point about a scammer still allowing you to move to their country. They are prepared to dupe you any way they can and in the end allowing you to move there is still a big investment to them.

[Simply_Uno 1]

MMMMM , does not apply

[edmondson 0]

I see both sides.... I'm married to an amazing Nigerian man but I also have/am an advocate for women who have been scammed and have much experience with women who have been scammed and also with the scammer's themselves.

I've been married just a short time, 6 weeks to be exact but.... I knew my husband through and through before I embarked on this journey.

To the OP.... my husband is adjusting very well... the biggest problem thus far is the cold, lol. We live in Arkansas so it can get pretty cold, I think 15 is our temp tonight. Food, he loves everything American except for Pizza, lol. I don't get that! That's unAmerican! He's moving from Nigerian time (a snails pace) to our time (woooohooooo!). Reading everything he can and studying the driver's manual and checking into night classes with his time until EAD. He's anxious to go to work... it's not easy for these men! They are proud and as someone said.... the head of household so they want and NEED to provide for their family!

My advice to the OP is be supportive.... he has or will be leaving his family, friends and everything he knows.. if you think that's not difficult, give it a try... I sure have. He has/will have a language barrier, culture shock and will be totally dependent on you for support and guidance until he learns his way. At the same time... be real. You knew what you were getting into when you married him. It comes with some risks, no doubt but.... you obviously loved/love him enough to marry him and go thru this BS process so.... give it 200%. IF he's not in it for the right reasons, that's his cross to bare, not yours! Enjoy your happiness and love your husband!

Sure there are many men and women in and from third world countries who are looking to get out but..... to those who are in doubt.... I say.... follow your gut even if you don't want to!

Hi, am new to this forum and have been going through topics raised about nigerians and found your posting to be very very true.Am currently engaged,soory i must have to wish you all the best in your trip towards marriage.

My better half is American and we have been together for 2,1/2 years now,but the fact is that i never wanted to come to america at our first meeting due to the fact that she thought that i was a gold digger,but i love her so much that at a point we started talking about settling down together at a place.At the moment she has been living with me her in Nigeria going to 7 months and we are planning to file for the k 1 visa.but am scared of having to leave my entire life her in nigeria forAmerica and at the same time her carer is important too.

Some women feel that they can go to Africa on a shoping spree for men ,but at the end they get what they deserve by those men coming to America and dithching them.So in all we do lets make sure that we satisfy our consience and we will not regret any thing.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Hello Endy,

My husband and I met with our Pastor last night. The pastor asked him how he is dealing iwth the cold. My husband said..."that is a whole nothing story, but my heart is hear so that is where I have to be." Oh did I menion my mom was sittng across from us.

One question that ran through my head was.. why would he move here to America when there is so much work for him in Africa. (he is a Pastor) I could never move there, because of my son although we are considering buisness ventures there so frequent visits will be an option in the future.

Good luck on your journey. May you be guided by your higher power to follow your heart.

I see both sides.... I'm married to an amazing Nigerian man but I also have/am an advocate for women who have been scammed and have much experience with women who have been scammed and also with the scammer's themselves.

I've been married just a short time, 6 weeks to be exact but.... I knew my husband through and through before I embarked on this journey.

To the OP.... my husband is adjusting very well... the biggest problem thus far is the cold, lol. We live in Arkansas so it can get pretty cold, I think 15 is our temp tonight. Food, he loves everything American except for Pizza, lol. I don't get that! That's unAmerican! He's moving from Nigerian time (a snails pace) to our time (woooohooooo!). Reading everything he can and studying the driver's manual and checking into night classes with his time until EAD. He's anxious to go to work... it's not easy for these men! They are proud and as someone said.... the head of household so they want and NEED to provide for their family!

My advice to the OP is be supportive.... he has or will be leaving his family, friends and everything he knows.. if you think that's not difficult, give it a try... I sure have. He has/will have a language barrier, culture shock and will be totally dependent on you for support and guidance until he learns his way. At the same time... be real. You knew what you were getting into when you married him. It comes with some risks, no doubt but.... you obviously loved/love him enough to marry him and go thru this BS process so.... give it 200%. IF he's not in it for the right reasons, that's his cross to bare, not yours! Enjoy your happiness and love your husband!

Sure there are many men and women in and from third world countries who are looking to get out but..... to those who are in doubt.... I say.... follow your gut even if you don't want to!

Hi, am new to this forum and have been going through topics raised about nigerians and found your posting to be very very true.Am currently engaged,soory i must have to wish you all the best in your trip towards marriage.

My better half is American and we have been together for 2,1/2 years now,but the fact is that i never wanted to come to america at our first meeting due to the fact that she thought that i was a gold digger,but i love her so much that at a point we started talking about settling down together at a place.At the moment she has been living with me her in Nigeria going to 7 months and we are planning to file for the k 1 visa.but am scared of having to leave my entire life her in nigeria forAmerica and at the same time her carer is important too.

Some women feel that they can go to Africa on a shoping spree for men ,but at the end they get what they deserve by those men coming to America and dithching them.So in all we do lets make sure that we satisfy our consience and we will not regret any thing.

[edmondson 0]

Hello babynursetobe,

I wish you the best of luck on your journey and you have come to the right place. There are alot of threads in this forum that could probably answer all of your questions and concerns about USC/Nigerian SO. If you have anyother questions, please let us know and I am positive that everyone would give you some good feedback.

My husband and I have been married for 2 yrs and our K1 visa was a very short journey, but my hubby had his interview in The Netherlands because he was going to school there, so I could not give you alot of info regarding having an interview in Lagos.

When my hubby arrived in the States...there were many cultural differences and to this day there is stilll some differences. For example, my husband had his 3 school backpacks next to his night stand (near bathroom door) and I was getting tired of seeing them and moving them...so I put them in our closet for now, since we are on winterbreak. When he got home, he noticed the backpacks in the closet...and questioned me about it. He told me that in Nigeria a husband could "fire" his wife for moving his stuff. Is this true? I really do not know and did not want to make it a huge deal, so i said "Sweetheart, I was just trying to clean up alittle and since school is out right now, I thought you would not mind." He was understanding and did not say anything after that. I avoid conflicts at any expense and I respect what he thinks and feels...and he reciprocates from that.

Thanks for the reply. I am learning that I have to sacrifice alot being married to Ademola. Avoiding conflicts seems to be a common thing that one must do. The whole reason for the post is really just to learn as much as I can about what to expect. Things are wonderful between us when we are together, but then sometimes the seperation basically sucks and causes conflicts. I've just heard soooo many bad things about Nigeria and I want/need to hear some good things.

Am happy as Nigerian hearing you say good things about nigerians but the topic is quite disturbing,but i will advice you to hold your man tight and support him am sure he will give you the best of him self.i am currently with my fiance now for two and half years now and at first it was difficult but much easier now cause we have know and understood what make us happy and what makes us sad,keep loving your man and he will fullfil your heart desires.

For those that are lossing there man is a result of selfish intrest,thinking that they can go to a shop and buy a man,forgeting that when he realizes that he was bought with a price and been treated like a bought product he will get up and leave.

[LagosFraud1 0]

Just keep your eyes wide and really wide open because, yes, there's a very very very high probability he'll leave you to marry in his tribe when all documents are in his hands. Yes, it's not a joke. HE WILL LEAVE YOU SOMEDAY TO GO BACK AND MARRY IN HIS TRIBE. I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T BE ANY CLEARER. YES HE WILL LEAVE YOU WHEN HE GETS ALL HIS PAPERS.

[LovinLiberia 0]

LOL! Thanks for the warning, Ms. Cleo.

Edited January 27, 2009 by LovinLiberia

[Perseverance 1]

LOL! Thanks for the warning, Ms. Cleo.

Be afraid..... be VERY VERY VERY AFRAID...I cant be any clearer... BE AFRAID!!

I aint scarit....shoot

[Simply_Uno 1]

Just keep your eyes wide and really wide open because, yes, there's a very very very high probability he'll leave you to marry in his tribe when all documents are in his hands. Yes, it's not a joke. HE WILL LEAVE YOU SOMEDAY TO GO BACK AND MARRY IN HIS TRIBE. I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T BE ANY CLEARER. YES HE WILL LEAVE YOU WHEN HE GETS ALL HIS PAPERS.