Married to a Nigerian and still together?

[Afrilaskan Queen 0]

Hi! I was reading your post today and was interested to ask you something, after three visits, pics, emails, etc, today you're wondering how many women get duped into a false relationship. Is it possible others have given their opinions about your relationship? You said you were asking in general - I'd be curious as well. When I met my husband I was very sternly advised from an elderly person who had known someone who experienced marriage fraud. I may be wrong but my opinion the dramatic stories always get the headlines, these are individuals not a state group, as individuals with different backgrounds the possibilities are endless the intentions and motives of all people arn't selfish and bad. I imagine many american marriages where partners deceive for their own gain - the definition of fraud. Love is falling and trust and trusting to fall, no one wants to be hurt but I believe every experience is valuable and you create your own experience with your thoughts and views just as much. Yes, I have seen Nigerians faithfully married. I knew a couple too where the man was considerably younger and attractive and many many years later their relationship answered the doubts.

[SweetBliss 0]

Hi Aflilaskan Queen,

I just wanted to add my 2cents for what its worth...Ive been married to a Nigerian man for almost 2 yrs he came to the states last Jan 08 and we are doing good. It definatly is a culture shock for my husband and still is ...hes cold all the time he still can not wrap his mind around american food, we have good times and some hard times as well. in the end we really love one another. so we keep working out all the adjustments it takes. we are not only newly married and of different cultures but also a interracial couple, my thoughts to you is be in for the long haul with immigration and then more once hes here, nothing good is easy and will be great in the end. Having God in our lives is also very helpful to our relationship. I would say hang in there and pray alot:)

[babynursetobe 0]

Hi! I was reading your post today and was interested to ask you something, after three visits, pics, emails, etc, today you're wondering how many women get duped into a false relationship. Is it possible others have given their opinions about your relationship? You said you were asking in general - I'd be curious as well. When I met my husband I was very sternly advised from an elderly person who had known someone who experienced marriage fraud. I may be wrong but my opinion the dramatic stories always get the headlines, these are individuals not a state group, as individuals with different backgrounds the possibilities are endless the intentions and motives of all people arn't selfish and bad. I imagine many american marriages where partners deceive for their own gain - the definition of fraud. Love is falling and trust and trusting to fall, no one wants to be hurt but I believe every experience is valuable and you create your own experience with your thoughts and views just as much. Yes, I have seen Nigerians faithfully married. I knew a couple too where the man was considerably younger and attractive and many many years later their relationship answered the doubts.

There was nothing inparticular about today that made me post this question. Yes, many have given their opinions of my long distance relationship with my husband (both good and bad). It wasn't being duped into a false relationship that I was concerned about. More so the transition once they are here and how difficult it is I guess. Anyway, thanks to all of you who have answered my question thus far both in this forum and personally.

[Ta Ta 1]

There are no guarantees for a marriage. American or culturally mixed. Some make it and some don't. Whether you make it is up to both of you and not one sided. Both must want to work on it.

Nor does anyone else know or fully understand another's SO and what is in his heart.

When something bothers you, communicate with your SO and have healthy boundaries in place. Use common sense, respect and trust that is earned step by step. Grow through communication with him, not so much about him with others, but directly with him.

Find a professional counselor or pastor in your area, who guides multi cultured couples through the transition if needed.

Wishing you all the best and thanks for sharing your concerns. Nothing wrong with wanting some positive feedback at all as you said.

This journey is tough enough and support and encouragement is helpful.

I was an immigrant once and know from experience.

Edited December 29, 2008 by Omoba

[Ban Hammer 13,248]

Sorry guess I didn't realize how to post the question?? Or where to post it for that matter.......I tend to hang out in the mena forum more than others and still kind of new to vj so my apologies if I irritated anyone with my question...........

not a problem, it's what some of us live for

[babynursetobe 0]

Sorry guess I didn't realize how to post the question?? Or where to post it for that matter.......I tend to hang out in the mena forum more than others and still kind of new to vj so my apologies if I irritated anyone with my question...........

not a problem, it's what some of us live for

Thanks Charles I'm noticing that to be very true the more and more I hang around here and read the posts!

[forchika 4]

Hello babynursetobe....we will be married two years in April and will be filing for removal of conditions in the next five months. I like to say that we are still adjusting in our marriage but, so far so good!!!!! Husband has adjusted well here in the US. The only problem he had was that it took him awhile to find work and when he did it was part-time. Which was fine because he decided to attend school full time. He did have some problems with banking in the US ( withdrawing money from account and using debit card for purchases), he would sometimes overdraft his checking account....got the hang of it after the bank kept hitting him with those $39 charges. He had no problems driving and getting a liscense. He adjusted well to the food here in the US and loves hotdogs and pizza!!!!! He is open to try anything that I cook. I have learned to cook many of the African foods and we alternate dinner menus. The one thing, I love about my husband is his frugalness, he can go into a thrift store and find brand new $100.00 Nike's for $10.00. He mainly goes to church, school and work and we hang out with our mutual friends on occasion. He does not like to see me upset and will quickly mend all disagreements. He has shared that he has heard that the women in the US are quick to want a divorce. I say ......as long as you are faithful, honest and trustworhty we will have no issues. The cross cultural marriage is a continued adjustement and we are beating the odds so far with the help of GOD!!! I wish you a speedy visa journey!!!!!!!

[babynursetobe 0]

Hello babynursetobe....we will be married two years in April and will be filing for removal of conditions in the next five months. I like to say that we are still adjusting in our marriage but, so far so good!!!!! Husband has adjusted well here in the US. The only problem he had was that it took him awhile to find work and when he did it was part-time. Which was fine because he decided to attend school full time. He did have some problems with banking in the US ( withdrawing money from account and using debit card for purchases), he would sometimes overdraft his checking account....got the hang of it after the bank kept hitting him with those $39 charges. He had no problems driving and getting a liscense. He adjusted well to the food here in the US and loves hotdogs and pizza!!!!! He is open to try anything that I cook. I have learned to cook many of the African foods and we alternate dinner menus. The one thing, I love about my husband is his frugalness, he can go into a thrift store and find brand new $100.00 Nike's for $10.00. He mainly goes to church, school and work and we hang out with our mutual friends on occasion. He does not like to see me upset and will quickly mend all disagreements. He has shared that he has heard that the women in the US are quick to want a divorce. I say ......as long as you are faithful, honest and trustworhty we will have no issues. The cross cultural marriage is a continued adjustement and we are beating the odds so far with the help of GOD!!! I wish you a speedy visa journey!!!!!!!

Thanks so much!! That is exactly what I was hoping to learn. I am worried about him finding work too, but I'm sure he will find something. Even if it does have to be part-time for awhile until he finds something more permanent. I just want him here and hopefully we can work through it all as it comes along......so thanks again!

[ose_n_me 0]

Still together... Still married... Still in love... (and still on the honeymoon... )

24 months married

8 months since he's been in the US

THANKS BE TO GOD....OUR BLESSINGS ARE IMMEASURABLE...AMEN

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Great to hear from you forchika! Sounds like your SO and mine have the same wonderful qualities. I will have to get some of those recipies for my husband. I have added fish to our menu, but not cooked the way he is used to.

Hello babynursetobe....we will be married two years in April and will be filing for removal of conditions in the next five months. I like to say that we are still adjusting in our marriage but, so far so good!!!!! Husband has adjusted well here in the US. The only problem he had was that it took him awhile to find work and when he did it was part-time. Which was fine because he decided to attend school full time. He did have some problems with banking in the US ( withdrawing money from account and using debit card for purchases), he would sometimes overdraft his checking account....got the hang of it after the bank kept hitting him with those $39 charges. He had no problems driving and getting a liscense. He adjusted well to the food here in the US and loves hotdogs and pizza!!!!! He is open to try anything that I cook. I have learned to cook many of the African foods and we alternate dinner menus. The one thing, I love about my husband is his frugalness, he can go into a thrift store and find brand new $100.00 Nike's for $10.00. He mainly goes to church, school and work and we hang out with our mutual friends on occasion. He does not like to see me upset and will quickly mend all disagreements. He has shared that he has heard that the women in the US are quick to want a divorce. I say ......as long as you are faithful, honest and trustworhty we will have no issues. The cross cultural marriage is a continued adjustement and we are beating the odds so far with the help of GOD!!! I wish you a speedy visa journey!!!!!!!

[Enlighten one :) 5]

It is sad that some people are trying to use this forum to sample the view of people about those united states citizens that marry to Nigerians.

On the contrary: it is fortunate that this forum is here to help people with the good, the bad, and the ugly. This is the best place to discover other people who might have been a victim of Marriage fraud or whose relationships are struggling because of the cultural differences.

It is unfortunate (sad) that good God fearing devoted men might experience the backlash of the negative perception many Americans have regarding the high fraud country Nigeria.

If you are in a relationship based on visa fraud chances are you would be in a similar deceptive relationship with a USC.

If you were in a previous unhealthy relationship and did nothing to improve yourself emotionally or spiritually, there is a good chance you are in a similar type of relationship over seas.

[babynursetobe 0]

It is sad that some people are trying to use this forum to sample the view of people about those united states citizens that marry to Nigerians.

On the contrary: it is fortunate that this forum is here to help people with the good, the bad, and the ugly. This is the best place to discover other people who might have been a victim of Marriage fraud or whose relationships are struggling because of the cultural differences.

It is unfortunate (sad) that good God fearing devoted men might experience the backlash of the negative perception many Americans have regarding the high fraud country Nigeria.

If you are in a relationship based on visa fraud chances are you would be in a similar deceptive relationship with a USC.

If you were in a previous unhealthy relationship and did nothing to improve yourself emotionally or spiritually, there is a good chance you are in a similar type of relationship over seas.

All very good points Mrs. Jibowu.......Thanks! I'd like some of those recipes too Forchika......always looking for new ideas.

[Staashi 371]

Sorry guess I didn't realize how to post the question?? Or where to post it for that matter.......I tend to hang out in the mena forum more than others and still kind of new to vj so my apologies if I irritated anyone with my question...........

not a problem, it's what some of us live for

Thanks Charles I'm noticing that to be very true the more and more I hang around here and read the posts!

Michelle, please know that this is what I was trying to get for you. I have seen you in the MENA forum, but I knew that your request for information would be better served in the Sub-Saharan forum. I just wanted you to gain the best access to info that you were looking for.

All the best to you - and we'll keep on keeping on over in MENA!

[babynursetobe 0]

Sorry guess I didn't realize how to post the question?? Or where to post it for that matter.......I tend to hang out in the mena forum more than others and still kind of new to vj so my apologies if I irritated anyone with my question...........

not a problem, it's what some of us live for

Thanks Charles I'm noticing that to be very true the more and more I hang around here and read the posts!

Michelle, please know that this is what I was trying to get for you. I have seen you in the MENA forum, but I knew that your request for information would be better served in the Sub-Saharan forum. I just wanted you to gain the best access to info that you were looking for.

All the best to you - and we'll keep on keeping on over in MENA!

Thanks so much for looking out for me Staashi. I'm still pretty new to this site and still learning things. I tend to hang out in the MENA forum mostly cuz I have gotten to know everyone there more so than anywhere else. Hopefully you all won't kick me out just yet?? LOL. I am definately feeling much better and did get some of my questions answered even though my post offended someone from Nigeria, which wasnt' my intention, but oh well "such is life" I guess. Can't make all the people happy all of the time can we?? Thanks again!

[forchika 4]

Great to hear from you forchika! Sounds like your SO and mine have the same wonderful qualities. I will have to get some of those recipies for my husband. I have added fish to our menu, but not cooked the way he is used to.

Hello babynursetobe....we will be married two years in April and will be filing for removal of conditions in the next five months. I like to say that we are still adjusting in our marriage but, so far so good!!!!! Husband has adjusted well here in the US. The only problem he had was that it took him awhile to find work and when he did it was part-time. Which was fine because he decided to attend school full time. He did have some problems with banking in the US ( withdrawing money from account and using debit card for purchases), he would sometimes overdraft his checking account....got the hang of it after the bank kept hitting him with those $39 charges. He had no problems driving and getting a liscense. He adjusted well to the food here in the US and loves hotdogs and pizza!!!!! He is open to try anything that I cook. I have learned to cook many of the African foods and we alternate dinner menus. The one thing, I love about my husband is his frugalness, he can go into a thrift store and find brand new $100.00 Nike's for $10.00. He mainly goes to church, school and work and we hang out with our mutual friends on occasion. He does not like to see me upset and will quickly mend all disagreements. He has shared that he has heard that the women in the US are quick to want a divorce. I say ......as long as you are faithful, honest and trustworhty we will have no issues. The cross cultural marriage is a continued adjustement and we are beating the odds so far with the help of GOD!!! I wish you a speedy visa journey!!!!!!!

Anytime you are ready....just shoot me a pm!!!! I mostly learned from watching hubby cook when he first got here always made sure I would be his helper in the kitchen!!!!!! The one thing I have not made yet but, have watched him make numerous times is the Egusi soup. I will do it next time for sure!!!!! I would have my pen and paper ready when ever he cooked to right down everything!!!! That is the way that I learn best....also for future references!!!!! Babynursetobe please PM me also when you are ready for those recipies!!!!!