What Rumors/Stereotypes Did your MENA SO hear about American Spouses from MENA Friends, Family, etc?

[notime4haterz 0]

Some men (and it seems to be a trend with Muslim men) want sex every single day and several times a day. I agree with the poster that said she would allow her husband another wife. Sometimes I tell my husband to go get another wife because I can't keep up with him...so getting a second husband, definitely OUT of the question!!!!!

That's not the first time you've brought up that you're willing for your husband to take a second wife. Is this a serious talk you both have had or are you just always joking about it?

I probably shouldn't say this, but since you asked...my husband wants it 3-4 times a day, EVERY SINGLE DAY. It's very hard for me to comply all the time. He doesn't get mad or anything (which makes me feel even more guilty if I don't do it). Since my bout with cancer, I tend to get tired easily. That's why I have maids clean my house and landscapers do my lawn, etc. I just can't handle as much physical strain as other people my age. If I get tired like this when I'm young, then how about when I'm older? He's very, very, good to me. I wouldn't want to deny him anything. He tends to take it all as a joke. He tells me that he's getting older and he doesn't need another wife. However, I don't know. Physically, I'm no match for him. I would rather he take a lawful wife (and if she got pregnant, have legitimate children) than him sneaking around and cheating on me. Maybe it's because we aren't living 100% of the time together yet. I'm hoping that when he's here, or if I decide to relocate there, that after awhile it will all calm down.

[notime4haterz 0]

As for stereotypes...when we got married, one of my brothers in law, who did not attend the wedding (was still back in the country) already knew that I was Muslim and all that. He did ask however, if people born and raised in America knew how to pray and memorize Quran, etc. the same way they do back home. It was almost as if he wondered if we learn differently here. I have also met several Arabs from gulf states, during my undergrad years in university talk about how our imams and "scholars" in the US were not good enough and were not "learned" and "not really scholars". They feel that only people from the middle east were worthy of teaching and preaching.

I think it's a valid question to ask. if Muslims raised in America can read and recite Quran, because we speak English... and actually non-Arabic speaking American Muslims often learn to read Quran in a totally different way than an Arab. My son learned to read Quranic Arabic by learning all the Arabic Letters and then reading the Surah's written in a form of arabic used to teach non-arabic speaking Muslims how to read Quran. (Giant letters with the vowels added to the words, meant to help you decipher the words for saying them, even if you don't know the vocabulary.) He can't read an arabic newspaper or sign, but can read Quran from those books... in Arabic letters.. not transliteration, which is the only way I can read.

Also I know several "Hafiz" here of Somali descent who don't comprehend more than a few words of Arabic, even though they are "Hafiz" (someone who has memorized the whole Quran). They learn "madressa style" by repetition... without comprehension.

And you are totally right, my husband won't take the opinion of ANY American Muslim leader on ANYTHING. He has to call his sister in Egypt and have her ask her Sheikh because Americans are totally unqualified... which actually in many cases probably is true, considering ANYONE who is hired by a local masjid can call themselves an Imam... Very few Imam's around here who have ANY formal training (Al Azhar, etc.) and I haven't a clue how they got hired... That's the problem with all the mosques here being mostly independent...

I don't happen to agree with him... and would rather get a fatwa from Jamal Badawi than the Sheikh of the Azhar when it comes to issues related to life in the USA, but that's just my opinion, certainly not his...

K

I agree with you. You always articulate my thoughts perfectly in your posts LOL! I love Hamza Yusef. I think he's a great source of inspiration for Muslims living in America. However, if I want an actual fatwa, I check out Salih Al Munajid from KSA. He's hard core Islam. If he says something is ok, then it must be, because he's the type that usually says everything is haram or makrooh, etc. LOL!

[UmmSqueakster 54]

The problem with taking opinions from overseas scholars is that urf, culture, plays a roll in religious rulings. A fatwa from KSA will take saudi culture in account, a fatwa from al Azhar will take egyptian culture into account, etc etc etc. My husband has his favorite saudi based scholars, but when it comes to something effecting life here in the US, he'll always ask what Sh. Hamza Yusuf has to say, or will talk to one of the local scholars here in town who have a clue.

Alhamdulilah, we have scholars taking the initiative to educate new students of knowledge who are familiar with tradition and american/european culture. Zaytuna College is a dream becoming a reality.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

The huge cultural difference is the fact that Marriage in Islam is a Contract, not a Sacrement, and this is a hard thing for Western Women to comprehend, with the high importance that Islam puts on marriage before hanky panky (3 times a day...) Fornication is a sin, Adultery draws the death penalty, but divorce is NOT a sin.

But isn't divorce the ONE thing God hates?

Of course not! God Hates MANY MANY MANY things!!!!! Murder, adultery, lying, stealing, injustice, hypocrisy, jealousy, I could go on forever!

Divorce is something that he permits AND hates. It is said the angels cry and thunder rolls in heaven when a divorce occurs. But it is permitted without condition.

There is a hadith about a woman who came to one of the rightly guided Khalifa (leader) I think it was Umar, and asked for a divorce from her husband. He put the woman in prison for 3 days and then asked her if she still wanted a divorce (and prison) or if she wanted to go home to her husband. She asked to go back top prison because she said she hadn't had such peace and tranquility since she got married...

The Khalifa asked her why she didn't like her husband and she said he looked ugly to her and he smelled bad... and she would rather live in the prison the rest of her life than go back to him. She was immediately granted her divorce..... So it obviously doesn't take something serious like abuse, adultery, or abandonment for a woman (in the time of the Khalifate) to get a divorce! Men don't even have to ASK ANYONE, they just declare that they are divorcing their wife, and it's a done deal...

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

The problem with taking opinions from overseas scholars is that urf, culture, plays a roll in religious rulings. A fatwa from KSA will take saudi culture in account, a fatwa from al Azhar will take egyptian culture into account, etc etc etc. My husband has his favorite saudi based scholars, but when it comes to something effecting life here in the US, he'll always ask what Sh. Hamza Yusuf has to say, or will talk to one of the local scholars here in town who have a clue.

Alhamdulilah, we have scholars taking the initiative to educate new students of knowledge who are familiar with tradition and american/european culture. Zaytuna College is a dream becoming a reality.

Plus you have to check to see who's payroll the sheikh is on... I think your husband is SPOT ON... but I admit it's hard to get Sh. Hamza on the phone, and finding someone in our town that has a clue... well..... needle in a haystack...

But I love it when Nationally recognized scholars come to town because our community is so small it's not hard to get a personal (and even private) appointment with them for counseling or advice. Abdullah Idris Ali from Kansas City is one of my fav's....

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

As for stereotypes...when we got married, one of my brothers in law, who did not attend the wedding (was still back in the country) already knew that I was Muslim and all that. He did ask however, if people born and raised in America knew how to pray and memorize Quran, etc. the same way they do back home. It was almost as if he wondered if we learn differently here. I have also met several Arabs from gulf states, during my undergrad years in university talk about how our imams and "scholars" in the US were not good enough and were not "learned" and "not really scholars". They feel that only people from the middle east were worthy of teaching and preaching.

I think it's a valid question to ask. if Muslims raised in America can read and recite Quran, because we speak English... and actually non-Arabic speaking American Muslims often learn to read Quran in a totally different way than an Arab. My son learned to read Quranic Arabic by learning all the Arabic Letters and then reading the Surah's written in a form of arabic used to teach non-arabic speaking Muslims how to read Quran. (Giant letters with the vowels added to the words, meant to help you decipher the words for saying them, even if you don't know the vocabulary.) He can't read an arabic newspaper or sign, but can read Quran from those books... in Arabic letters.. not transliteration, which is the only way I can read.

Also I know several "Hafiz" here of Somali descent who don't comprehend more than a few words of Arabic, even though they are "Hafiz" (someone who has memorized the whole Quran). They learn "madressa style" by repetition... without comprehension.

And you are totally right, my husband won't take the opinion of ANY American Muslim leader on ANYTHING. He has to call his sister in Egypt and have her ask her Sheikh because Americans are totally unqualified... which actually in many cases probably is true, considering ANYONE who is hired by a local masjid can call themselves an Imam... Very few Imam's around here who have ANY formal training (Al Azhar, etc.) and I haven't a clue how they got hired... That's the problem with all the mosques here being mostly independent...

I don't happen to agree with him... and would rather get a fatwa from Jamal Badawi than the Sheikh of the Azhar when it comes to issues related to life in the USA, but that's just my opinion, certainly not his...

K

I agree with you. You always articulate my thoughts perfectly in your posts LOL! I love Hamza Yusef. I think he's a great source of inspiration for Muslims living in America. However, if I want an actual fatwa, I check out Salih Al Munajid from KSA. He's hard core Islam. If he says something is ok, then it must be, because he's the type that usually says everything is haram or makrooh, etc. LOL!

I'd like a fatwa to go please, hold the fundamentalism, hold the cultural bias, hold the political agenda, and load it up with moderation and a side of COMMON SENSE with some "spirit of Islam" to wash it down...

I can't chew anything HARD CORE... I had 8 years of haram haram haram, and it almost destroyed my deen...

[notime4haterz 0]

I can't chew anything HARD CORE... I had 8 years of haram haram haram, and it almost destroyed my deen...

Yeah, I had my experiences with people like that too. It used to bother me a lot. Now I figure, good for them if they can live that strictly. I know I cannot, at this point in my life.

All I meant was that if he says it's not haram, it must be a big concensus LOL because he makes almost everything haram. I love Hamza Yusef! But even he says that he doesn't consider himself a scholar. But the people he gets from Mauritania and others that he learned from...I'd take their opinions any day. They're very sensitive to our situation in the west. They're not black and white only with no lee way. I like that. They make concessions for American muslims when they give advice and rulings.

Edited December 31, 2008 by notime4haterz

[bhajishah 4]

The homies tell them that america is sex oriented society, women here cant get enough want it all the time, and perversions that thier women do not provide Ie oral and vibrators and all that oil monkey slapping sex time. They tell them to laugh and to scare him. and He usually say Im the man i will tame her ..whatever. lol

[Y's_habibitk 2]

The homies tell them that america is sex oriented society, women here cant get enough want it all the time, and perversions that thier women do not provide Ie oral and vibrators and all that oil monkey slapping sex time. They tell them to laugh and to scare him. and He usually say Im the man i will tame her ..whatever. lol

[Nothing1234 2]

The homies tell them that america is sex oriented society, women here cant get enough want it all the time, and perversions that thier women do not provide Ie oral and vibrators and all that oil monkey slapping sex time. They tell them to laugh and to scare him. and He usually say Im the man i will tame her ..whatever. lol

I was still laughing myself.

[Ban Hammer 13,502]

The homies tell them that america is sex oriented society, women here cant get enough want it all the time, and perversions that thier women do not provide Ie oral and vibrators and all that oil monkey slapping sex time. They tell them to laugh and to scare him. and He usually say Im the man i will tame her ..whatever. lol

I was still laughing myself.

oil monkey slapping sex time! huh?

[Sinergy 3]

The homies tell them that america is sex oriented society, women here cant get enough want it all the time, and perversions that thier women do not provide Ie oral and vibrators and all that oil monkey slapping sex time. They tell them to laugh and to scare him. and He usually say Im the man i will tame her ..whatever. lol

I was still laughing myself.

oil monkey slapping sex time! huh?

add that one to your book

[Nothing1234 2]

The homies tell them that america is sex oriented society, women here cant get enough want it all the time, and perversions that thier women do not provide Ie oral and vibrators and all that oil monkey slapping sex time. They tell them to laugh and to scare him. and He usually say Im the man i will tame her ..whatever. lol

I was still laughing myself.

oil monkey slapping sex time! huh?

add that one to your book

Oh believe me...it's added.

[Ban Hammer 13,502]

The homies tell them that america is sex oriented society, women here cant get enough want it all the time, and perversions that thier women do not provide Ie oral and vibrators and all that oil monkey slapping sex time. They tell them to laugh and to scare him. and He usually say Im the man i will tame her ..whatever. lol

I was still laughing myself.

oil monkey slapping sex time! huh?

add that one to your book

Oh believe me...it's added.

for some reason, i've got the image of a monkey covered in 30 wt oil in my head now.

[Nothing1234 2]

The homies tell them that america is sex oriented society, women here cant get enough want it all the time, and perversions that thier women do not provide Ie oral and vibrators and all that oil monkey slapping sex time. They tell them to laugh and to scare him. and He usually say Im the man i will tame her ..whatever. lol

I was still laughing myself.

oil monkey slapping sex time! huh?

add that one to your book

Oh believe me...it's added.

for some reason, i've got the image of a monkey covered in 30 wt oil in my head now.