What Rumors/Stereotypes Did your MENA SO hear about American Spouses from MENA Friends, Family, etc?

[Chica Yeyé 41]

So I guess that their families make just as many stupid/asinine comments as your families do? I just have to wonder how many of the men take true offense and stand up to their families and friends like you guys do, or do they chuckle at it and blow them off.

Although I must say that as much as I would hate for my spouse to be continuously thought of as a potential terrorist, it stings just as bad or worse to be thought of as an actual #######, who is expendable and will be dropped as soon as my spouse has their GC. But that's just me.

Amen sister Staashi

[sereia 0]

So I guess that their families make just as many stupid/asinine comments as your families do? I just have to wonder how many of the men take true offense and stand up to their families and friends like you guys do, or do they chuckle at it and blow them off.

Although I must say that as much as I would hate for my spouse to be continuously thought of as a potential terrorist, it stings just as bad or worse to be thought of as an actual #######, who is expendable and will be dropped as soon as my spouse has their GC. But that's just me.

You bring up two excellent points!

[doodlebugg 10]

Some men (and it seems to be a trend with Muslim men) want sex every single day and several times a day. I agree with the poster that said she would allow her husband another wife. Sometimes I tell my husband to go get another wife because I can't keep up with him...so getting a second husband, definitely OUT of the question!!!!!

That's not the first time you've brought up that you're willing for your husband to take a second wife. Is this a serious talk you both have had or are you just always joking about it?

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

Back to the original question...

That we don't cook and clean like Moroccan wives do.

That's all I can really remember.

I told my husband that was NO RUMOR, it's absolutely TRUE!!! (Just in CASE he heard this.. actually he didn't) I'm a business woman, not "Suzy Homemaker"... and if he wanted a maid and a cook he was welcome to hire one! On the other hand, after seeing the condition of the bathroom and kitchens of many Egyptian homes... I'm SURE I'm a BETTER housekeeper than some! EWWWWWWWWWW WET and SLIMY...

How ever his Mom asked me "How will you feed him when you work all day?" Knowing that H doesn't like pizza, I told her with a straight face, "we have many Pizza places in America that deliver...." She said, "but he doesn't EAT PIZZA"... to which I replied, "I bet he will eventually..."

I have a friend in Alex who is actually a decent cook but has pretended not to know how for over 2 years of living there... some stereotypes can be beneficial...

K

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

So I guess that their families make just as many stupid/asinine comments as your families do? I just have to wonder how many of the men take true offense and stand up to their families and friends like you guys do, or do they chuckle at it and blow them off.

Although I must say that as much as I would hate for my spouse to be continuously thought of as a potential terrorist, it stings just as bad or worse to be thought of as an actual #######, who is expendable and will be dropped as soon as my spouse has their GC. But that's just me.

Oh I don't think we've actually had a full count to know that the score is equal both ways.... And I would guess that blowing off the comments is probably one of the better way to handle it here or there... We BOTH agreed that there was no getting past the idea that he was (from the Egyptian side) marrying me to come to the USA, or (from the American side) marrying me for a green card... because that is something people think REGARDLESS of what anyone says... so why get upset?

I think that Americans being ignorant and making stupid comments about your spouse being a camel jockey or a terrorist is not as bad as your own people believing YOUR intentions are evil... (which is what Egyptians are saying about other Egyptians when they allude to the marry and dash scenario)

I have a friend who has been married to her Egyptian husband for 25+ years and her Mother In Law still tells her son, "It's not too late for me to find you a nice Egyptian wife!"... which at this point in their lives is laughable... even if it is so rude on the MIL's part...

The huge cultural difference is the fact that Marriage in Islam is a Contract, not a Sacrement, and this is a hard thing for Western Women to comprehend, with the high importance that Islam puts on marriage before hanky panky (3 times a day...) Fornication is a sin, Adultery draws the death penalty, but divorce is NOT a sin.

However in my husband's culture (Saidi/Egyptian) men are not allowed to say the first name of your wife (even if they find it out...) because this is considered an invasion of your privacy, so I"m not too worried about them calling me a #######... IF the thought crossed their mind... I think this would be an unwise thing for them to even think in his presence..

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Olivia, it sounds like living in egypt is going to be awesome for you.!!!!

I really hope so. I'll stay in touch with you all when I am over there this coming summer.

If I cover those legs and arms I think I may suffer heat stroke. He doesn't recommend bringing any kind of jeans but more like cotton pants.

Oh, Olivia, you're going to kill yourself with the heat. DO NOT, whatever you do, DO NOT bring jeans planning to wear them in the summer because the heavy denim fabric will be hot and exhausting. Actually, if I were you I would bring just a couple changes of clothes and plan to buy a wardrobe here. Once you change your American dollars into Egyptian pounds, you will see how far your money will go. For summer, wear SKIRTS and to protect yourself from the prying eyes, and wear skirts that scrape the ground. Besides, they're cooler if you choose your fabrics carefully. Your jeans will be what you will want for winter because it gets COLD here and you won't want to buy them here (they're expensive and icky). Hang onto some of your US currency for winter clothes. Leather coats and boots (sorry PETA people) are very inexpensive to buy.

That's kind of my plan. A couple changes of clothes and an empty suitcase for all the clothes I would buy there that are much cheaper and have me fitting in a little better.

Since you will be there during the summer why not wear cotton salwar kameez? You can buy them on eBay from India, have them custom tailored(you provide measurements) and they will send them to you.

Do you have a link I can look at and see if that's feasible?

Olivia...you will have a blast. If you check out some of my pics on facebook, I have summer pics up from spending summers there. It is HELLA HOT! I did wear a bathing suit on the beaches only with a matching bathing suit skirt. I pretty much wear whatever I want (that you'd typically wear here in the US) but with Carina underneath. They have awesome body suits to wear under your Western clothing. Looks awesome...leggings and bodysuit shirts/tshirts. Don't settle for cheaper versions, they stink and do not last as long after tons of washings!

I did. I talked to Waleed about it and he still won't let me go on the beach in a bathing suit unless it's a private beach. So I guess that swimsuit cover is in order...

Ok, I totally thought I had nothing to contribute but JUST today my husband said something that made me ROTFLMAO!

He had dinner with his friend Fady last night and his friend asked him if it was true that ALL american women want sex EVERY night

Did your husband let him know that this isn't a misconception?

I agree. I tell Waleed I want it every night even on my period. I think it's cos I just turned 30 and my body is really ...mmm...

I regretted wearing jeans the first time I was there. It was killer hot. The first visit I wore long coulottes, cargo pants and some jeans. 2nd time there, I brought long capris, long skirts and knee length shorts. I felt better in the capris and knee length shorts. Went swimming both times and wore the same thing both times. A sleeveless tshirt and shorts. Kinda felt naked surrounded by women in full hijabs in the water, but at the same time, I dress how I dress here in the USA. It was still modest to me. But walking to the beach from the flat, I wore long shorts and just took them off when I got to the water.

I can't remember if I brought jeans or not. I think mostly I wore work pants like slakes and khakis.

What does a swimsuit cover up shirt look like?

You know those gauzy big shirts that they well near the swimswear that you can put on over your suit... very light weight but long (cover your bottom) and typically have long sleeves... If you can find one that isn't "see through" even better... Try Walmart... or Target they have them every spring when the swim wear comes out...

Ok I will have to look around. It's a must have according to him last night if I want to go to the beach.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

As for stereotypes...when we got married, one of my brothers in law, who did not attend the wedding (was still back in the country) already knew that I was Muslim and all that. He did ask however, if people born and raised in America knew how to pray and memorize Quran, etc. the same way they do back home. It was almost as if he wondered if we learn differently here. I have also met several Arabs from gulf states, during my undergrad years in university talk about how our imams and "scholars" in the US were not good enough and were not "learned" and "not really scholars". They feel that only people from the middle east were worthy of teaching and preaching.

I think it's a valid question to ask. if Muslims raised in America can read and recite Quran, because we speak English... and actually non-Arabic speaking American Muslims often learn to read Quran in a totally different way than an Arab. My son learned to read Quranic Arabic by learning all the Arabic Letters and then reading the Surah's written in a form of arabic used to teach non-arabic speaking Muslims how to read Quran. (Giant letters with the vowels added to the words, meant to help you decipher the words for saying them, even if you don't know the vocabulary.) He can't read an arabic newspaper or sign, but can read Quran from those books... in Arabic letters.. not transliteration, which is the only way I can read.

Also I know several "Hafiz" here of Somali descent who don't comprehend more than a few words of Arabic, even though they are "Hafiz" (someone who has memorized the whole Quran). They learn "madressa style" by repetition... without comprehension.

And you are totally right, my husband won't take the opinion of ANY American Muslim leader on ANYTHING. He has to call his sister in Egypt and have her ask her Sheikh because Americans are totally unqualified... which actually in many cases probably is true, considering ANYONE who is hired by a local masjid can call themselves an Imam... Very few Imam's around here who have ANY formal training (Al Azhar, etc.) and I haven't a clue how they got hired... That's the problem with all the mosques here being mostly independent...

I don't happen to agree with him... and would rather get a fatwa from Jamal Badawi than the Sheikh of the Azhar when it comes to issues related to life in the USA, but that's just my opinion, certainly not his...

K

[sereia 0]

I agree. I tell Waleed I want it every night even on my period. I think it's cos I just turned 30 and my body is really ...mmm...

ahhhhh tmi!

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

You know those gauzy big shirts that they well near the swimswear that you can put on over your suit... very light weight but long (cover your bottom) and typically have long sleeves... If you can find one that isn't "see through" even better... Try Walmart... or Target they have them every spring when the swim wear comes out...

Ok I will have to look around. It's a must have according to him last night if I want to go to the beach.

Now this isn't for swimming, it's for walking around...(a way to cover your torso without getting hot).

When you swim you need an Egyptian bathing suit... basically a one piece with long sleeves, a skirt and leggings. However at the resort beach at Ain Sukhna they had a sign posted DISALLOWING swimming with clothes on... They WANTED guests to wear bathing suits! Guess it was an "image" thing... wanting to look "modern/western". It's not like strings from your cutoffs are going to clog the filter of the RED SEA! Go figure...

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I agree. I tell Waleed I want it every night even on my period. I think it's cos I just turned 30 and my body is really ...mmm...

ahhhhh tmi!

You know those gauzy big shirts that they well near the swimswear that you can put on over your suit... very light weight but long (cover your bottom) and typically have long sleeves... If you can find one that isn't "see through" even better... Try Walmart... or Target they have them every spring when the swim wear comes out...

Ok I will have to look around. It's a must have according to him last night if I want to go to the beach.

Now this isn't for swimming, it's for walking around...(a way to cover your torso without getting hot).

When you swim you need an Egyptian bathing suit... basically a one piece with long sleeves, a skirt and leggings. However at the resort beach at Ain Sukhna they had a sign posted DISALLOWING swimming with clothes on... They WANTED guests to wear bathing suits! Guess it was an "image" thing... wanting to look "modern/western". It's not like strings from your cutoffs are going to clog the filter of the RED SEA! Go figure...

I've read about those but I never thought I'd have to wear one. I wonder what the rules are at this resort town about their beaches.

[tanyakaraman 0]

My husband for one has not told his sisters & brother that I was married before and have children. He says they would "look at me differently". His parents, however, know the full truth and are fine with it. (seems like it should be the other way around, but what do I know?)

He says "slowly, slowly" we'll tell them...

I can't say it doesn't bother me a lil, but I guess that's his way of "defending my honor" by witholding information from them that would predispose me to being negatively stereotyped...

So I guess that their families make just as many stupid/asinine comments as your families do? I just have to wonder how many of the men take true offense and stand up to their families and friends like you guys do, or do they chuckle at it and blow them off.

Although I must say that as much as I would hate for my spouse to be continuously thought of as a potential terrorist, it stings just as bad or worse to be thought of as an actual #######, who is expendable and will be dropped as soon as my spouse has their GC. But that's just me.

[Ihavequestions 419]

The huge cultural difference is the fact that Marriage in Islam is a Contract, not a Sacrement, and this is a hard thing for Western Women to comprehend, with the high importance that Islam puts on marriage before hanky panky (3 times a day...) Fornication is a sin, Adultery draws the death penalty, but divorce is NOT a sin.

But isn't divorce the ONE thing God hates?

[UmmSqueakster 54]

That's kind of my plan. A couple changes of clothes and an empty suitcase for all the clothes I would buy there that are much cheaper and have me fitting in a little better.

I've been to Cairo twice in the summer - June and August. Yeah, it's hot. I think I spent a great deal of time laying under the fan in our flat. Some tips:

*Hippy clothes! I had 2 peasant blouses that got a lot of wear. They're light and airy, and keep you quite cool.

*Linen! It wrinkles, so have an iron handy, but it's oh so cool.

*long sleeves and a long skirt - yes, it seems counter intuitive, but if you keep the sun off your skin with light and airy fabrics, you'll actually stay cooler than in a tank top and shorts.

*hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! I always always always carried a water bottle around with me and would sip from it every 10 or 15 minutes.

*If you can, avoid going out around noon. If you're out sight seeing, take a long lunch. If you're near your apartment, go home for a nap.

*2 am is the best. If you can swing it, night time is awesome in Egypt. The air is much cooler, there's usually a breeze, and the little hole in the wall koshari stands are still open

As for what people said, well, the husband didn't let them say anything. If they started to say anything negative, he told them to shut up

Edited December 30, 2008 by rahma

[NicEgypt 0]

The huge cultural difference is the fact that Marriage in Islam is a Contract, not a Sacrement, and this is a hard thing for Western Women to comprehend, with the high importance that Islam puts on marriage before hanky panky (3 times a day...) Fornication is a sin, Adultery draws the death penalty, but divorce is NOT a sin.

But isn't divorce the ONE thing God hates?

Yes allah give all muslims the divorce as a solution if the marriage get hard and they can't live with each-other and allah hates this cuz this solution demolition family

[Y's_habibitk 2]

My husband has heard:

she can control you by not adjusting status.

American wives control you by threatening you with getting you thrown out of the country

His uncle asked if I asked to go to the liquor store yet (i'd been there for 3 days!) like all americans are drunks

Of course we all heard that american women are wh*res. He told me early on, that alot of guys there used to watch sex in the city..and think THAT was a perfect example of american women. hahaha