What Rumors/Stereotypes Did your MENA SO hear about American Spouses from MENA Friends, Family, etc?

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

After last weeks post about American stereotypes of MENA spouses I was asking my husband what kinds of warnings he got when he told people he was marrying an "Amrikia"? He reminded me that he told VERY FEW people that he was marrying me... and always kept me (literally) under wraps when we were in Egypt (at least from his friends but NOT family....) I know this to be true as he's a very private middle aged "Saidi" guy (TOTALLY old school)...

I thought I could guess most of the things people typically say... but I was wrong and a couple I could hardly believe my ears... Here's what he said would be some of the "standard" responses...

#1 She will probably not be faithful to you... you know how those American women are... (regardless if she is Muslim or not) And of course at a drop of a hat she'll divorce you... those Americans don't take marriage seriously... (oh yeah it's US!!!)

#2 She will spend all your money and demand more and more and more... (I guess they think we are a bunch of gold diggers... hehehehe MAKES NO SENSE TO ME, but that's what THEY think, although I'd say the opposite to be more of the "norm") Didn't see this one coming!!!!!

#3 She will never let you come back to see your family!

#4 "Wink Wink"... OH, Mabrook! You found a way to America!!!

#5 Aren't there any MEN in AMERICA!!! Why don't they marry their OWN men!!!! (comes from both women and men... but from different points of view...)

#6 When finding out an American woman is a Muslim - "Oh she probably converted so she could get divorced and marry again!" (They think Christian women in America, as Orthodox Christians in Egypt, cannot get divorced and remarried!!!!) TOTALLY didn't see this one coming and fell out laughing when he told me.... Oh yeah.... right!!! American women chosing one of the most difficult religions to belong to in America so they could get married again????

The saddest thing I heard was that no one really makes an issue out of it for the most part because they figure it's temporary anyway... Why get riled up... when he can always divorce her and find a nice Egyptian girl someday.... Let him go to America and make his fortune... then he can come home and have fat Egyptian babies with a nice young Egyptian bride... As a male, being divorced from a foreign woman doesn't even count as 1 strike... (not the same if you're a MENA woman!) Due to the automatic presumption that he was only trying to "better himself" for his future.... when he married a foreigner.

I remembered reading some time back an article about the efforts of the Egyptian government to "educate" young men in Upper Egypt on the importance of marrying local women instead of foreigners who are twice their age, (which according to this article 40% of the poor men do to improve their financial outlook).

No wonder H didn't broadcast his plans to marry me outside of his family...

I guess they even have TV sitcoms or soaps where they make fun of the men who do this... or maybe it's making fun of the women... not sure which...

Here's a link to the article...

http://www.albawaba.com/en/news/210260

So what kinds of "advice" or warning did your SO get from the MENA folk???

[NancyB 0]

The saddest thing I heard was that no one really makes an issue out of it for the most part because they figure it's temporary anyway... Why get riled up... when he can always divorce her and find a nice Egyptian girl someday.... Let him go to America and make his fortune... then he can come home and have fat Egyptian babies with a nice young Egyptian bride... As a male, being divorced from a foreign woman doesn't even count as 1 strike... (not the same if you're a MENA woman!) Due to the automatic presumption that he was only trying to "better himself" for his future.... when he married a foreigner.

This can be true from any "developing country" not only Egypt!!!!!!!

I feel they should do something over there about those un-married women. They men go and marry, and the women rott away. Not fair at all!

[Berber Mama 5]

This can be true from any "developing country" not only Egypt!!!!!!!

I feel they should do something over there about those un-married women. They men go and marry, and the women rott away. Not fair at all!

Um, aren't you contributing to that problem seeing that you are an American married to an Egyptian?

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

I feel they should do something over there about those un-married women. They men go and marry, and the women rott away. Not fair at all!

What do you think the Egyptian Government should do about the un-married women?????

I'm guessing the older men think it's fine if the young men leave... makes it easier for them to have multiple wives... with less competition...

Maybe that's why there are so many Egyptian women on the Muslim Marriage websites... they figured out what's good for the goose is good for the gander..

[NancyB 0]

Um, aren't you contributing to that problem seeing that you are an American married to an Egyptian?

What do you mean by this? It's like I said! They should find a solution for their problems plain and simple. If you want to read more into that's your problem.

If "Anyone" have a problem they find the solution, am I correct? It has nothing to do with any woman on this forum.

What if all the American men was leaving here and marrying women outside? What would you feel? what would the government do to relieve this problem? Try to find a solution right?

A lot of women are afraid of their children not being Egyptian and having Egyptian rights when they marry foreigners. Do you not think they should work on this problem? A lot of these women don't want to marry "older men" and men "older enough to be their dads, and grand dads" and we really can't be that naive to think "only true love" brought our husbands here. I know we don't want to hear that. I'm not saying that they don't love us; but we are used to certain liberties here and will not stand for anything less. We, well most of us speak up for what we stand for, we speak up when something is going right for us. To men, all women are nags, and we hear American men saying it to us all the time. How so, men from Egypt. Do you think they want to hear us talking(but to them nagging) all the time? No!

I really do wish sometimes, to be a woman who could overlook things, and not make a big deal out of everything. It's not a big deal to us, but to them it's a big deal. It's just not in me to hear myself explaining the same thing to my husband over and over again, without having an attitude. In Egypt, most, and I'm not saying all, but most women put up with that. Now, giving a chance and they had a good economy they wouldn't come here. The honest ones will tell you that. I don't like men who would tell you what you want to hear but in his heart it's a lie. How many women I meet, hear crying after thinking all was rosy with MENA men. We women want to hear what we want to hear!

I'm Muslim, and wouldn't deny my husband another wife. I see (unofficial) polygamy practice all over the America. I see so many married men and single ladies dating. Why is that? Why don't they just be men and tell their wives they want another women? Why cheat and lie? Don't believe this one. Post on Craigslist and ask for a MENA man. I swear, I've seen a friend make up an e-mail and posted that she wanted an Arab boyfriend just to see how many responses she would get. The box was full.

Since you ask I was really responding about this stupid law:http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/1587/context/archive

Also for male children of Egyptian mothers and foreign fathers, it is very difficult to get married, since few Egyptian parents want their daughter's children to suffer the same stigma.

I was speaking on this viewpoint! Women are afraid there. Secondly, Muslim women can't married non-Muslim men but Muslim men are marrying non-Muslim women. Now, what do you suppose all those women do in Egypt? rott away? I dont think so.

Egypt is a mess! I personally don't care for the government they suck!

[Berber Mama 5]

I really do wish sometimes, to be a woman who could overlook things, and not make a big deal out of everything.

Gees lady, try and chill out. I think you are really reading more into my comment than I meant. I was only joking with you. But since you want to get all huffy and call me stupid....ROT is spelled with one T and not two.

[Courtney08 0]

Hmm.......... The things that I have heard are simple things; we are really trying hard not to dwell on the #######. Being apart is hard enough without having to factor in the constant berating of ignorant people.

Americans are loose.

congrats on the green card.

Wouldn't it be better to marry a good muslim girl, without any children. (the without children always gets me like its a bad thing that I have a past or I should somehow feel ashamed for having children ***from a previous marriage***)

There are others, and I will make sure to ask next time we are together, but he even "keeps me under wraps" except to his good friends and family. I can completely understand though because if you have been to the other thread on the vice versa "what stupid things have you heard because of your MENA SO ? ", you know we take it as a joke but man those comments can cut deep.

Edited December 28, 2008 by Courtney n Ahmad

[NancyB 0]

I really do wish sometimes, to be a woman who could overlook things, and not make a big deal out of everything.

Gees lady, try and chill out. I think you are really reading more into my comment than I meant. I was only joking with you. But since you want to get all huffy and call me stupid....ROT is spelled with one T and not two.

Gracias, en voz alta la boca!!!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Wow several ppl posting in MENA that I don't normally see. Hi all..

I think I've read that list before. I didn't hear any of those things but it does make me sad to read them if that is really the things being said. I know while I was in Egypt my Husband fought against discrimination almost everyday for me. We'd go shopping in the markets and automatically they would think I was a tourist and try to charge my Husband extremely absurd prices which would cause a big scene and an argument for 30 minutes. Eventually I felt so bad I'd just buy something because I saw how badly my Husband chewed these men out making them have scared looks on their faces.

[Berber Mama 5]

Gracias, en voz alta la boca!!!

de nada idiota

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

I think I've read that list before. I didn't hear any of those things but it does make me sad to read them if that is really the things being said. I know while I was in Egypt my Husband fought against discrimination almost everyday for me. We'd go shopping in the markets and automatically they would think I was a tourist and try to charge my Husband extremely absurd prices which would cause a big scene and an argument for 30 minutes. Eventually I felt so bad I'd just buy something because I saw how badly my Husband chewed these men out making them have scared looks on their faces.

Hi Olivia... doyou think I made these things up??? Or H made them up??? Why would anyone tell you those things? These are comments made to MENA people marrying from outside of MENA (USA in this case...) Unless you understand arabic and could eves drop on conversations, and no one knew you understood... (which I find to be a VERY useful and enlightening way to learn things) it's doubtful you'll EVER hear these things... Egyptians are typically very gracious (to your face at least!) and would never say what they REALLY thought, if it was negative, to your face.

I don't think I'd call what you experienced "being discriminated against".... they were just doing what people in poor countries do... get the best price they can from someone they perceive can afford to pay more... It's a bargaining society and I think this is just par for the course...

This NEVER happens to H when he's with me because no one knows where I"m from.. as I make it a point to be as "average" as possible when in public. Is is possible you looked like a tourist? Or spoke English out loud? That would result in you being treated like a tourist... Of course, isn't a tourist someone who is visiting another country???? You weren't living there were you???? I watched my friend's son and his wife last Christmas when I was in Egypt walk around the market... they were visiting from Canada... and they paid more for many things than H would have, but they still thougt it was a bargain and didn't feel "discriminated" against...

Next time you go, experiment with blending in as much as you can and whisper to your husband when you're bargaining for something... They will think you are properly shy and maybe he won't have to defend you all day...

I've been overcharged when shopping alone... but figure that's my fault because I didn't know the going rate for something.. And I don't mind if I overpay (not by huge amounts lest I appear foolish) when I'm just visiting because I know how desperately poor people are and it's STILL a grand bargain for me! On the other hand when you earn a living in LE and live in Egypt you have to be much more careful with your money because it's so hard to come by!

So don't feel discriminated against.. just feel that you were seen as having the means to pay more...brush up on your arabic and get in there and BARGAIN! Another trick, ask people what the price should be for things before you go out... same with taxi fares... ask how much it should be from Point A to Point B... and then if they are nice to you, tip them... they really really need it...

Oh gosh all this talk of shopping makes me want to take a trip to Manchea... When's your next trip???

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Good tips. I want to get an Egyptian wardrobe when there and Nawal sent me links to some arabic lessons! My return trip is around May 20th - August 5th.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

What do you mean by this? It's like I said! They should find a solution for their problems plain and simple. If you want to read more into that's your problem.

If "Anyone" have a problem they find the solution, am I correct? It has nothing to do with any woman on this forum.

What if all the American men was leaving here and marrying women outside? What would you feel? what would the government do to relieve this problem? Try to find a solution right?

I'm Muslim, and wouldn't deny my husband another wife. I see (unofficial) polygamy practice all over the America. I see so many married men and single ladies dating. Why is that? Why don't they just be men and tell their wives they want another women? Why cheat and lie? Don't believe this one. Post on Craigslist and ask for a MENA man. I swear, I've seen a friend make up an e-mail and posted that she wanted an Arab boyfriend just to see how many responses she would get. The box was full.

Since you ask I was really responding about this stupid law:http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/1587/context/archive

Also for male children of Egyptian mothers and foreign fathers, it is very difficult to get married, since few Egyptian parents want their daughter's children to suffer the same stigma.

I was speaking on this viewpoint! Women are afraid there. Secondly, Muslim women can't married non-Muslim men but Muslim men are marrying non-Muslim women. Now, what do you suppose all those women do in Egypt? rott away? I dont think so.

Egypt is a mess! I personally don't care for the government they suck!

A good portion of your post is incomprehensible to me..... and mostly off topic... so I won't attempt to respond to all of it....

However, I will say that I believe the crux of the problem seems to be the same as many other problems all around the world... ECONOMICS... If young men living in Egypt had hope for making a family wage and being able to afford to marry and start a family I'm nearly 100% sure it would drastically slow the flow out of Egypt (and as you said many other struggling countries too).

My ex-MIL pointed out that for both MEN and WOMEN in Egypt (these days) marriage has become a "what can I get out of it" quest for economic security and "upward mobility". I believe this is fueled by the economic dispair felt by 90% of the population. I think the relative ease and low cost of travel combined with accessibility of "rich foreign women" on the internet, has created a new avenue for this quest.

And just for the record... there are plenty of single and divorced Egyptian (and other) Muslim men living outside of Egypt for young Egyptian women to meet on the net for marriage... That's part of what convinced me to let my family look for a husband for me IN EGYPT, rather than here in the USA. As a Muslim I can only marry a Muslim man, but all the Muslim men my age are marrying young women from "back home" because they can "afford" to... I feel fortunate that my husband didn't need to come to the USA to be able to meet his financial obligations, yet was still willing to come here to be with me when he would have much rather had me come live there.

Men in the USA are obviously marrying women from overseas by the BOAT LOAD... but I don't think (other than trying to drive everyone crazy through the immigration process) the government will do a thing about it...We are a country of immigrants and will always be one. And I don't think the Egyptian government will do anything about their "problem" either as every Egyptian that leaves Egypt is one less job prospect and will likely send more $$ back to Egypt than they ever would have earned IN Egypt... For the Egyptian government it's probably Win/Win...

K

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

Good tips. I want to get an Egyptian wardrobe when there and Nawal sent me links to some arabic lessons! My return trip is around May 20th - August 5th.

Will you be in Cairo or Alex? I can hook you up with good clothes shops in either... Just be careful when you buy gallebeyas that they don't have newspaper facing on the back of the embroidery... what a MESS!!!! You should have seen the washing machine and dryer after I ran it through without knowing...YUCK! See what I get for paying $8 a dress! tehehehehehehehe

May 20th!!! Prepare to be HOT!!!! Come to think of it... dress like a tourist and pay extra... you can't imagine how hot it is all covered up in Egypt in the summer...

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Good tips. I want to get an Egyptian wardrobe when there and Nawal sent me links to some arabic lessons! My return trip is around May 20th - August 5th.

Will you be in Cairo or Alex? I can hook you up with good clothes shops in either... Just be careful when you buy gallebeyas that they don't have newspaper facing on the back of the embroidery... what a MESS!!!! You should have seen the washing machine and dryer after I ran it through without knowing...YUCK! See what I get for paying $8 a dress! tehehehehehehehe

May 20th!!! Prepare to be HOT!!!! Come to think of it... dress like a tourist and pay extra... you can't imagine how hot it is all covered up in Egypt in the summer...

Ack! Maybe I will wear shorts and a t-shirt all the time in the summer. When I grew up in Texas I ran around in a Bikini and shorts with sandals most of the time.

No way he'd let me do that!

I'll be in Cairo until we go to the resort town of El Gouna where he is confirmed as the Doctor there upon his release from the Egyptian Military. They said they liked his fluency in reading, writing, and speaking English and the tourist would also like that and they like his clean cut look. I have to admit I really like it too.