How to Poop at Work

[brnidokiegurl 0]

We've all been there but don't like to admit it..

We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something

brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise,

the *WORK POOP* is inevitable. For those who hate to go at work, here

is the Survival Guide for Pooping At Work.

*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the office so

the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but

doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not

stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to

make sure the smell has left your pants.

*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and

check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and

come back again. Be careful not to become a *FREQUENT FLYER*.

People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the

bathroom.

*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in

a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment.

If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not

happen. If you are a man and are standing next to the farter in the

urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is

uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both

parties feel uneasy.

*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun

pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this

should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left

the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop

hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to

stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the

*WALK OF SHAME*.

*WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after

you have just stunk up the bath room.. This can be a very uncomfortable

moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to

pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of

the *COURTESY FLUSH*.

* OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is Doggone

proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the

bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm.

Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before

entering the bathroom.

*SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you

can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the

opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering

the bathroom.

*####### BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall

and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and

vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this

occurs, remain in the stall until the *####### Burglar* leaves. This way

you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the

bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a

*WATERMELON*, or to alert potential *####### BURGLAR*. Very effective when

used in conjunction with a *SHIRLEY TEMPLE*.

*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential

*####### BURGLARS*that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all

doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a *SHIRLEY TEMPLE*, leave

the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet

water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon

coming on, create a diversion. See *CAMO-COUGH*.

SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF:

*The King Poop* = This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It

doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from

straining so hard.

* Bali Belly Poop* = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.

* Cement Block* = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

*Cork Poop* = Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there.

How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's

house.

*The Bungee Poop* = The kind of poop that just hangs off your rear

before it falls into the water.

*The Crippler* = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so

long your legs go numb from the waist down.

*The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang* = The kind of poop that hits you when

you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

*The Party Pooper* = The giant poop you take at a party. And when you

flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise...

NOW EVERYONE TRY TO GO POOP IN PEACE

QUIT LAUGHING... POOPING IS A NATURAL PROCESS

[panamania79 2]

We've all been there but don't like to admit it..

We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something

brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise,

the *WORK POOP* is inevitable. For those who hate to go at work, here

is the Survival Guide for Pooping At Work.

*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the office so

the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but

doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not

stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to

make sure the smell has left your pants.

*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and

check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and

come back again. Be careful not to become a *FREQUENT FLYER*.

People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the

bathroom.

*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in

a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment.

If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not

happen. If you are a man and are standing next to the farter in the

urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is

uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both

parties feel uneasy.

*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun

pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this

should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left

the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop

hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to

stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the

*WALK OF SHAME*.

*WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after

you have just stunk up the bath room.. This can be a very uncomfortable

moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to

pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of

the *COURTESY FLUSH*.

* OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is Doggone

proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the

bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm.

Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before

entering the bathroom.

*SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you

can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the

opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering

the bathroom.

*####### BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall

and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and

vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this

occurs, remain in the stall until the *####### Burglar* leaves. This way

you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the

bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a

*WATERMELON*, or to alert potential *####### BURGLAR*. Very effective when

used in conjunction with a *SHIRLEY TEMPLE*.

*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential

*####### BURGLARS*that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all

doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a *SHIRLEY TEMPLE*, leave

the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet

water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon

coming on, create a diversion. See *CAMO-COUGH*.

SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF:

*The King Poop* = This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It

doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from

straining so hard.

* Bali Belly Poop* = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.

* Cement Block* = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

*Cork Poop* = Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there.

How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's

house.

*The Bungee Poop* = The kind of poop that just hangs off your rear

before it falls into the water.

*The Crippler* = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so

long your legs go numb from the waist down.

*The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang* = The kind of poop that hits you when

you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

*The Party Pooper* = The giant poop you take at a party. And when you

flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise...

NOW EVERYONE TRY TO GO POOP IN PEACE

QUIT LAUGHING... POOPING IS A NATURAL PROCESS

[Amby 490]

I love the names for everything.

[spookyturtle 9,465]

Excellent.

[Teacher Mark 53]

[Muh and me 18]

[john & jean 37]

reminds me of GEORGE CARLIN ...

[Niels Bohr 72]

I dislike using the pottery terminal at the workplace because of people not flushing, etc...I've complained so many times to the facility director. The company decided to install the automatic flush, great idea. But, it's a little difficult to use do a courtesy flush.

Anyway, I am so embarrassed as to when someone walked into my stall. It happened three times. Geezes. What a ####### burgler.

[Amby 490]

I dislike using the pottery terminal at the workplace because of people not flushing, etc...I've complained so many times to the facility director. The company decided to install the automatic flush, great idea. But, it's a little difficult to use do a courtesy flush.

Anyway, I am so embarrassed as to when someone walked into my stall. It happened three times. Geezes. What a ####### burgler.

everybody poops. why be embarrassed?

[William33 110]

I dislike using the pottery terminal at the workplace because of people not flushing, etc...I've complained so many times to the facility director. The company decided to install the automatic flush, great idea. But, it's a little difficult to use do a courtesy flush.

Anyway, I am so embarrassed as to when someone walked into my stall. It happened three times. Geezes. What a ####### burgler.

Most auto flush toilets have a button on the side, just for you (or me)!

[spookyturtle 9,465]

And this forum is full of shiit too.

[Amby 490]

spooky I think if you go take a big poop you will feel way better

[spookyturtle 9,465]

spooky I think if you go take a big poop you will feel way better

What would Steven think?

[William33 110]

spooky I think if you go take a big poop you will feel way better

[Amby 490]

spooky I think if you go take a big poop you will feel way better

What would Steven think?

well maybe you can poop in his hand and then he call tell you that you did a good job. i read somewhere that that is a good bonding exercise for people.