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who said i love you first  

130 members have voted

  1. 1. In your relationship, who said "I love you" first?

    • man
      98
    • woman
      32
  2. 2. Do you agree with the article that the woman shouldn't say it first?

    • Yes I agree - I'm female
      35
    • No I don't agree - I'm female
      65
    • Yes I agree - I'm male
      6
    • No I don't agree - I'm male
      24


48 posts in this topic

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Filed: Timeline
Posted

Poll inspired this...

If I have a daughter one day, among the many things I'll teach her will be how to tie her shoes, to look both ways before crossing the street, to never end a sentence with a preposition, and to always let the man say "I love you" first.

I'll give her plenty of other relationship tips, too, like how it's perfectly okay to ask a guy out, to make the first move, to even propose, but when it comes to the "L" word, the ball's in the guy's court.

This issue can cause a bit of commotion. "What is this, the Victorian era?" wrote one person, "if you truly love someone, tell them. Otherwise you're just playing outdated coquettish games." Another put it more diplomatically: "I don't think I've ever said 'I love you' first, but someone has to do it. It's okay to take a few risks."

I appreciate both arguments and understand the sentiments behind them, but at the risk of having my feminist card revoked, I think it's naïve for a woman to utter those three little words before a man does.

Unlike asking a man out, making a move on him, or even proposing, there's no action-based response to the first "I love you." It's all words, it's all emotion. In that moment, he either loves you back or he doesn't -- you only hear the black or white of a 'yes' or 'no,' not the gray of "Well, I like you a whole lot and I could see myself falling in love with you, but I'm just not quite there yet."

And the truth is, it often takes men longer to get there than it does for women. Men process their emotions more slowly, they're usually more cautious about taking their feelings and relationships to the next level.

So what happens if you get there first and you say it and he's not there yet? What happens when your "I love you" is met with a "thank you," or worse, a deer-in-headlights look? Well, it stings, sure, but more than that, it can stop a perfectly happy and healthy relationship in its tracks before it's even too far from the station.

If a woman asks a man out and he says 'no,' at least she knows where she stands with him and she doesn't waste any time pining over someone who isn't interested. Same thing goes if she makes a move on him and she's rejected.

If she's in a serious relationship -- one where the expression of love has been made clearly by both partners -- and she's eager to make a deeper commitment, there's nothing wrong with proposing. At the very least, it'll start a conversation of where the relationship is headed so the woman can decide for herself if and how long she's willing to wait if the man isn't interested in getting married yet.

But an "I love you" uttered too soon, before the man has processed his feelings and reached the same level of adoration could end a relationship that just as easily could have had an eternal shelf life. As soon as those words are said, they change the dynamic. If a man isn't feeling the love quite yet, he may suddenly feel pressure to manifest that emotion. And if the woman doesn't get the response she expected, it could damage her confidence enough to derail the whole relationship entirely.

I guess my advice to my future daughter would be this: "If you love a man and want to have a long relationship with him, give him time to get there. If you think you've given him enough time and you're ready to move on if he doesn't feel the same way for you, then go ahead and tell him you love him. But only say those words if you're prepared to let him go."

Then I'd teach her how to make my famous chili and do a one-handed cartwheel.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/12....you/index.html

Life is a ticket to the greatest show on earth.

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
Timeline
Posted

he said it. i have never said i love you first.



* K1 Timeline *
* 04/07/06: I-129F Sent to NSC
* 10/02/06: Interview date - APPROVED!
* 10/10/06: POE Houston
* 11/25/06: Wedding day!!!

* AOS/EAD/AP Timeline *
*01/05/07: AOS/EAD/AP sent
*02/19/08: AOS approved
*02/27/08: Permanent Resident Card received

* LOC Timeline *
*12/31/09: Applied Lifting of Condition
*01/04/10: NOA
*02/12/10: Biometrics
*03/03/10: LOC approved
*03/11/10: 10 years green card received

* Naturalization Timeline *
*12/17/10: package sent
*12/29/10: NOA date
*01/19/11: biometrics
*04/12/11: interview
*04/15/11: approval letter
*05/13/11: Oath Ceremony - Officially done with Immigration.

Complete Timeline

Filed: Country: Germany
Timeline
Posted

I honestly don't remember. We may have said it at the same time.

____________________________________

Done with USCIS until 12/28/2020!

penguinpasscanada.jpg

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?" ~Gandhi

Posted

I sort of said it first. We were in IM and signing off, and in a moment of complete 'overwhelmedness' I said "Hey, just wanted to say" sent it and then went "Nevermind, chickened out." He emoted *smiles* and said "I know.. me too." I smiled back and we said goodnight.

He later told me that he had wanted to say it a couple of days earlier, but was worried that I'd think it was all too fast and unrealistic. So, whilst my conventional wisdom says not to say it first, where my soulmate experience goes I am very glad I didn't stick to convention :)

Timeline Summary:

K-1/K-2 NOA1 - POE: 9 February - 9 July 2010

Married: 17 July 2010

AOS mailed - Interview : 22 November 2010 - 10 March 2011

ROC mailed - approved: 14 February - 18 June 2013

Citizenship mailed - ceremony: 9 February - 7 June 2017

 

VJ K-2 AOS Guide

Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Netherlands
Timeline
Posted

He said it first. And he was drunk when he said it, so he forgot he said it first!

:luv:

Met online January 6, 2007

Met in person May 31, 2007

2nd visit September 21, 2007

3rd visit December 21, 2007

4th visit March 29, 2008

Engaged April 1, 2008 (I know...April Fool's Day...what a day to decide to spend your life together haha)

I-129F mailed June 6, 2008

NOA1 June 19, 2008

Touched July 9, 2008

Touched Nov. 4, 2008

NOA2 Nov. 4, 2008 (FINALLY)

NOA2 received Nov. 12, 2008

Packet 3 received Nov. 14, 2008

Packet 3 sent Nov. 27, 2008

Packet 4 received Dec. 3, 2008

Medical exam scheduled Dec. 16, 2008

Interview scheduled Jan. 6, 2009

K1 Visa APPROVED!!! Jan. 8, 2009

US Entry Feb. 3, 2009

Wedding Feb. 14, 2009

9331.gif

piko1b812n.png

Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Argentina
Timeline
Posted

He said it first. weird thing, I was not ready to say it back...He caught me off guard! :blush:

I did say it two days later though :D

Saludos,

caro

***Justin And Caro***
Happily married and enjoying our life together!

Posted

He said it first. (L):)

K1 timeline:

2008.04.10 - I-129F sent to CSC

2008.04.15 - NOA1

2008.05.02 - Touched

2008.08.11 - NOA2

2008.08.22 - NVC received

2008.08.27 - Consulate received

2008.09.01 - Packet 3 received

2008.09.29 - Packet 3 sent

2008.10.03 - Email from the embassy with the invitation for the interview

2008.10.13 - Packet 4 received

2008.10.24 - Medical exam

2008.11.12 - Interview date

2008.11.14 - Visa received

2009.04.18 - US entry

2009.05.06 - Applied for SSN

2009.05.16 - SSN card received

2009.06.24 - Wedding

2009.07.11 - Marriage Certificate received

AOS timeline:

2009.07.16 - I-485, I-765, I-131 sent to Chicago National Office

2009.07.22 - NOA for AOS, EAD, AP

2009.08.27 - Biometrics appointment

2009.09.01 - EAD, AP approved

2009.09.04 - AP received / EAD card production ordered

2009.09.10 - EAD card received

2009.09.11 - Applied for new SSN card (name changed)

2009.09.19 - New SSN card received

2009.10.06 - Passed written DMV test

2009.10.13 - AOS interview - approved / Card production ordered

2009.10.22 - Green Card received

2010.06.21 - Passed behind-the-wheel driving DMV test

2011.10.13 - Green Card expires (90 days earlier file I-751)

Lifting of Conditions timeline:

2011.07.26 - I-751 sent to CSC

 

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