If you had known then what you know now??

[doodlebugg 10]

Wow the way you describe it I wonder why ANYONE would marry a MENA guy and bring him here! LOL

I agree. I just had to pick my chin up off the ground. Gulp...

double

I'm exhausted from reading all of that! I'd have no time for work or my kids if I had to put up with a man like that one!

[Staashi 371]

[/font]

Insha'allah my husband will be here next month... and i am always asking people what the new things thing learned about their husbands and what would you have done differently?

Also quirky things to be on the look out ie. not having his underwear and hers washed together (mine could care less as long as he had clean underclothes) but that has happened to someone i have known.

Jen has helped me bunches with what to to so would like to hear other things.

OUr MENA s/o will have to get used to alot of things what did you do to help?

~Rajaa

Ok, this is what I have learned since we have been married. I'm not gonna say what our situation is other than that he is from a MENA country. I will say he is very self-centered and usually looks out for himself. So my advice is totally from that (and only MY) perspective. I envy those of you who have a calm, even-keeled man who will take responsibility for his actions. So please don't think all MENA men are like this but there are more than a few around. He has been on his own for a good many years, so he is as set in his ways as I am in mine....lol

1. Get him Arabic Satellite TV. That has been his lifeline.

2. See if there is somebody he knows living in the USA that he can talk to for free. It is too dang expensive for them to talk to their buddies overseas for very long.

3. Don't leave him alone if you don't have to to get in trouble on the computer--(don't even ask!!!)

4. English classes are good, but his didnt' have enough people to keep them going after a few months.

5. Get him a cellphone, but be sure to tell him the limits. When you are paying, they sometimes don't really care about costs.

6. He will think he should be able to get a job for a lot more than minimum wage. Yeah, I know they said before they got here they will do any kind of work. BS

7. He went through major culture shock/depression, slept a lot, angry a lot for a good year until he had his job under his belt and his own car.

8. Get him studying for driving test for your state. If he has no experience, get permit, not license.

9. Expect him to want to start his own business and expect it to be wildly successful, either here or in home country, expecting only to invest a small amount of money.

10. Expect him to want to send money home to family, especially during Ramadan and other special days. He will also need to send money for family medical problems, etc.

11. If he smokes, good luck getting him to do it outside of the house.

12. Give him a good part of the closet.

13. If you own the house, expect him to want you to put his name on it too or he won't want to put any effort into taking care of it. He expected to give me $50 for expenses for the whole month. He doesn't see it as fair that I have worked all my life and worked my butt off for what I have.

14. Expect him to be totally shocked at the difficulty of applying for and interviewing for a job. He has been used to just showing up and asking around for a job.

15. He doesn't eat halal except on Ramadan. The Imam here told him that was ok.

16. Mine is lapsed Muslim, so expect him to drink when he wants, smoke, etc. And in his circle, drinking (but thankfully on weekends) can mean drink till all the beer is gone or you feel good and high.

17. Remember this quote from my hubby, "If you tell a man what to do who is from __________, he will do exactly the opposite." And boy, did he mean it!!!! Walk the fine line between being mom and wife.

18. Praise him a lot for what he does right. Remember that most of these young guys have arrested development compared to agemates in the US. (OMG we are in trouble~~~ lol)

19. Don't nag or you will be his mother.

20. You have to train him how to be romantic and meet your needs. In his country, he never saw his parents hug or kiss, so you have to let him know what you want. He still won't kiss me in front of my brother. I have to tell him to say romantic words, etc. He is trying to do better.

21. Expect him to see you as bossy American (......or fill in the blank). He is used to women staying home cooking and cleaning while the men go out drinking coffee at night. He is in a whole new world where he ain't king anymore....lol He does NOT expect you to yell or scream back at him, which further pisses him off....lol

22. Expect him to slop water all over the kitchen counter and fling flour everywhere as he cooks and hopefully cleans.

23. You will be lucky if you have public transportation. When mine started working at a grocery store, the little bus kept leaving him, or calling and leaving messages he couldn't understand. He decided they ( the store managers) told him too much what to do so he just up and quit without having another job. Another major fight then.

24. In my case, expect him to be the most stubborn man you ever met.

25. We did better when he got his own checking account. Many fights were over how much he should pay for expenses and poor thing, he couldnt' save most of his pay check. Welcome to the real world, baby.

27. Expect him to say he gave up his whole WONDERFUL life to come here and you should.....fill in the blank.

28. Expect you to be the one accommodating him, at least in the beginning and maybe he will begin to do the same in time.

29. Expect major culture shock. Every one of his friends (except for one) said they wanted to go back home during the first year. Give him time. It is not as great here as he expected. All he heard himself say was that he only wants to be here with you. Well, he's here and boy does it suck sometimes because it is all sooo different and he is not king of the world anymore.

29. I know this sounds horrible, but believe me, it has been a journey. Things are much better now, he is truly trying to change and not be so rigid, keep his temper in check, and be more reasonable. In turn, I am trying to be more understanding, less bossy, and let things go that are not major issues. I find that if I plant an idea, then let him think about it, he will often come around. Crazy game, but he is young, I realize that. I know he truly loves me and I love him, so we keep chugging along. HOpe I don't sound really negative, I love him like cray. BUT I am also realistic. It will be interesting to see if some of you other ladies have had similar experiences.

More to come......love to all!!!

My husband had many of these issues and he's not even MENA - they are actually more of a generalization of many men who come to the US as immigrants. And for those of you not experiencing at least 5 of the 29 you're WAY LUCKY!!!!

[MrsAmera 41]

well...I think that a lot of those things disipate with time...but gee I managed to do it with a full time job and 2 kids.... I think that it's important that those who haven't dealt with some issues, know that if they are having problems it's not uncommon. More than one of us have experienced these similar issues so I don't think that it's such an anomoly.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

[/font]

Insha'allah my husband will be here next month... and i am always asking people what the new things thing learned about their husbands and what would you have done differently?

Also quirky things to be on the look out ie. not having his underwear and hers washed together (mine could care less as long as he had clean underclothes) but that has happened to someone i have known.

Jen has helped me bunches with what to to so would like to hear other things.

OUr MENA s/o will have to get used to alot of things what did you do to help?

~Rajaa

Ok, this is what I have learned since we have been married. I'm not gonna say what our situation is other than that he is from a MENA country. I will say he is very self-centered and usually looks out for himself. So my advice is totally from that (and only MY) perspective. I envy those of you who have a calm, even-keeled man who will take responsibility for his actions. So please don't think all MENA men are like this but there are more than a few around. He has been on his own for a good many years, so he is as set in his ways as I am in mine....lol

1. Get him Arabic Satellite TV. That has been his lifeline.

2. See if there is somebody he knows living in the USA that he can talk to for free. It is too dang expensive for them to talk to their buddies overseas for very long.

3. Don't leave him alone if you don't have to to get in trouble on the computer--(don't even ask!!!)

4. English classes are good, but his didnt' have enough people to keep them going after a few months.

5. Get him a cellphone, but be sure to tell him the limits. When you are paying, they sometimes don't really care about costs.

6. He will think he should be able to get a job for a lot more than minimum wage. Yeah, I know they said before they got here they will do any kind of work. BS

7. He went through major culture shock/depression, slept a lot, angry a lot for a good year until he had his job under his belt and his own car.

8. Get him studying for driving test for your state. If he has no experience, get permit, not license.

9. Expect him to want to start his own business and expect it to be wildly successful, either here or in home country, expecting only to invest a small amount of money.

10. Expect him to want to send money home to family, especially during Ramadan and other special days. He will also need to send money for family medical problems, etc.

11. If he smokes, good luck getting him to do it outside of the house.

12. Give him a good part of the closet.

13. If you own the house, expect him to want you to put his name on it too or he won't want to put any effort into taking care of it. He expected to give me $50 for expenses for the whole month. He doesn't see it as fair that I have worked all my life and worked my butt off for what I have.

14. Expect him to be totally shocked at the difficulty of applying for and interviewing for a job. He has been used to just showing up and asking around for a job.

15. He doesn't eat halal except on Ramadan. The Imam here told him that was ok.

16. Mine is lapsed Muslim, so expect him to drink when he wants, smoke, etc. And in his circle, drinking (but thankfully on weekends) can mean drink till all the beer is gone or you feel good and high.

17. Remember this quote from my hubby, "If you tell a man what to do who is from __________, he will do exactly the opposite." And boy, did he mean it!!!! Walk the fine line between being mom and wife.

18. Praise him a lot for what he does right. Remember that most of these young guys have arrested development compared to agemates in the US. (OMG we are in trouble~~~ lol)

19. Don't nag or you will be his mother.

20. You have to train him how to be romantic and meet your needs. In his country, he never saw his parents hug or kiss, so you have to let him know what you want. He still won't kiss me in front of my brother. I have to tell him to say romantic words, etc. He is trying to do better.

21. Expect him to see you as bossy American (......or fill in the blank). He is used to women staying home cooking and cleaning while the men go out drinking coffee at night. He is in a whole new world where he ain't king anymore....lol He does NOT expect you to yell or scream back at him, which further pisses him off....lol

22. Expect him to slop water all over the kitchen counter and fling flour everywhere as he cooks and hopefully cleans.

23. You will be lucky if you have public transportation. When mine started working at a grocery store, the little bus kept leaving him, or calling and leaving messages he couldn't understand. He decided they ( the store managers) told him too much what to do so he just up and quit without having another job. Another major fight then.

24. In my case, expect him to be the most stubborn man you ever met.

25. We did better when he got his own checking account. Many fights were over how much he should pay for expenses and poor thing, he couldnt' save most of his pay check. Welcome to the real world, baby.

27. Expect him to say he gave up his whole WONDERFUL life to come here and you should.....fill in the blank.

28. Expect you to be the one accommodating him, at least in the beginning and maybe he will begin to do the same in time.

29. Expect major culture shock. Every one of his friends (except for one) said they wanted to go back home during the first year. Give him time. It is not as great here as he expected. All he heard himself say was that he only wants to be here with you. Well, he's here and boy does it suck sometimes because it is all sooo different and he is not king of the world anymore.

29. I know this sounds horrible, but believe me, it has been a journey. Things are much better now, he is truly trying to change and not be so rigid, keep his temper in check, and be more reasonable. In turn, I am trying to be more understanding, less bossy, and let things go that are not major issues. I find that if I plant an idea, then let him think about it, he will often come around. Crazy game, but he is young, I realize that. I know he truly loves me and I love him, so we keep chugging along. HOpe I don't sound really negative, I love him like cray. BUT I am also realistic. It will be interesting to see if some of you other ladies have had similar experiences.

More to come......love to all!!!

My husband had many of these issues and he's not even MENA - they are actually more of a generalization of many men who come to the US as immigrants. And for those of you not experiencing at least 5 of the 29 you're WAY LUCKY!!!!

I fully expect a few of these so can i pick which 5?

Edited January 7, 2009 by Y_habibitk

[Zee Bee 61]

Ok, this is what I have learned since we have been married. I'm not gonna say what our situation is other than that he is from a MENA country. I will say he is very self-centered and usually looks out for himself. So my advice is totally from that (and only MY) perspective. I envy those of you who have a calm, even-keeled man who will take responsibility for his actions. So please don't think all MENA men are like this but there are more than a few around. He has been on his own for a good many years, so he is as set in his ways as I am in mine....lol

1. Get him Arabic Satellite TV. That has been his lifeline.

2. See if there is somebody he knows living in the USA that he can talk to for free. It is too dang expensive for them to talk to their buddies overseas for very long.

3. Don't leave him alone if you don't have to to get in trouble on the computer--(don't even ask!!!)

4. English classes are good, but his didnt' have enough people to keep them going after a few months.

5. Get him a cellphone, but be sure to tell him the limits. When you are paying, they sometimes don't really care about costs.

6. He will think he should be able to get a job for a lot more than minimum wage. Yeah, I know they said before they got here they will do any kind of work. BS

7. He went through major culture shock/depression, slept a lot, angry a lot for a good year until he had his job under his belt and his own car.

8. Get him studying for driving test for your state. If he has no experience, get permit, not license.

9. Expect him to want to start his own business and expect it to be wildly successful, either here or in home country, expecting only to invest a small amount of money.

10. Expect him to want to send money home to family, especially during Ramadan and other special days. He will also need to send money for family medical problems, etc.

11. If he smokes, good luck getting him to do it outside of the house.

12. Give him a good part of the closet.

13. If you own the house, expect him to want you to put his name on it too or he won't want to put any effort into taking care of it. He expected to give me $50 for expenses for the whole month. He doesn't see it as fair that I have worked all my life and worked my butt off for what I have.

14. Expect him to be totally shocked at the difficulty of applying for and interviewing for a job. He has been used to just showing up and asking around for a job.

15. He doesn't eat halal except on Ramadan. The Imam here told him that was ok.

16. Mine is lapsed Muslim, so expect him to drink when he wants, smoke, etc. And in his circle, drinking (but thankfully on weekends) can mean drink till all the beer is gone or you feel good and high.

17. Remember this quote from my hubby, "If you tell a man what to do who is from __________, he will do exactly the opposite." And boy, did he mean it!!!! Walk the fine line between being mom and wife.

18. Praise him a lot for what he does right. Remember that most of these young guys have arrested development compared to agemates in the US. (OMG we are in trouble~~~ lol)

19. Don't nag or you will be his mother.

20. You have to train him how to be romantic and meet your needs. In his country, he never saw his parents hug or kiss, so you have to let him know what you want. He still won't kiss me in front of my brother. I have to tell him to say romantic words, etc. He is trying to do better.

21. Expect him to see you as bossy American (......or fill in the blank). He is used to women staying home cooking and cleaning while the men go out drinking coffee at night. He is in a whole new world where he ain't king anymore....lol He does NOT expect you to yell or scream back at him, which further pisses him off....lol

22. Expect him to slop water all over the kitchen counter and fling flour everywhere as he cooks and hopefully cleans.

23. You will be lucky if you have public transportation. When mine started working at a grocery store, the little bus kept leaving him, or calling and leaving messages he couldn't understand. He decided they ( the store managers) told him too much what to do so he just up and quit without having another job. Another major fight then.

24. In my case, expect him to be the most stubborn man you ever met.

25. We did better when he got his own checking account. Many fights were over how much he should pay for expenses and poor thing, he couldnt' save most of his pay check. Welcome to the real world, baby.

27. Expect him to say he gave up his whole WONDERFUL life to come here and you should.....fill in the blank.

28. Expect you to be the one accommodating him, at least in the beginning and maybe he will begin to do the same in time.

29. Expect major culture shock. Every one of his friends (except for one) said they wanted to go back home during the first year. Give him time. It is not as great here as he expected. All he heard himself say was that he only wants to be here with you. Well, he's here and boy does it suck sometimes because it is all sooo different and he is not king of the world anymore.

29. I know this sounds horrible, but believe me, it has been a journey. Things are much better now, he is truly trying to change and not be so rigid, keep his temper in check, and be more reasonable. In turn, I am trying to be more understanding, less bossy, and let things go that are not major issues. I find that if I plant an idea, then let him think about it, he will often come around. Crazy game, but he is young, I realize that. I know he truly loves me and I love him, so we keep chugging along. HOpe I don't sound really negative, I love him like cray. BUT I am also realistic. It will be interesting to see if some of you other ladies have had similar experiences.

More to come......love to all!!!

A lot of these apply to us too. He is getting better with some of these (finally got his permit after "studying" for 5 months for the test) but it does take a lot of love and patience.

Sometimes I feel like I am dealing with a 5 year old , or maybe they behave better ?

[MrsAmera 41]

No they don't trust me LOL! However there are times when I confuse my husband with my 5 year old because they both are asking me "why???" or "what's to eat??" or "I don't want to get up..."

[amal 4]

Karmell and Amal you hit the nail on the head. This is dead on in so many ways to our relationship. Rahma I think you are right to some degree with your situation. While we too are young and building our life together we have 2 kids so that makes our situation a little more difficult. The sending money home issue is a biggie for us. We send monthly, because his mom is a widower as well as in special situations and holidays. It's definetely hard sometimes and I wish that there was someway we could claim his mom as a dependent for tax purposes (alas no SSN for her). Patience is huge. Sure there are some couples that seem to have the "perfect" relationship, and I think a lot seem that way at first but in time it definetely starts to grate, issues spring up and must be dealt with. Another hurdle we have is the perception of my family. It took my parents a long time to see that us sending money to his family was not a luxury but really something they depended on. It also took them a long time to understand how hard the adjustment for my husband was. Now that they get it it's almost too late but at least they do have some compassion and understanding for the past.

My mother doesn't care much for my husband. She calls him the "tiny arab"... She says he's egotistical, self centered/absorbed, and is an a$$$$ all the way around. He says she's a drama queen and doesn't like how she nit picks about EVERYTHING in our lives (long story..would take 10 pages to explain).

My father, on the other hand, is super relaxed like I am. He has asked me a few times if the man honestly makes me happy. I can't really explain the details of my answer to him on this in a public forum.

Bottom line is that I love my husband very much and am trying my best to help him become more attentative towards both myself and my son. He's a prude about a lot of issues. He's also extremely intelligent (which has it's ups and downs)

There are more good days than bad and we are both getting better. I'm sure he has a long long list of stuff that aggravates him about me lmao

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

My father, on the other hand, is super relaxed like I am. He has asked me a few times if the man honestly makes me happy. I can't really explain the details of my answer to him on this in a public forum.

[Aymsgirl 0]

Honestly, I have a wonderful husband but a lot of these traits I see in him as well. I was reading some of what she posted and had to laugh because at times it is my life. I love my man with all of my heart but he represents some of these. This is an honest moment but you know he could probably write a book about me as well!! To each his own!

[Imua 0]

[/font]

Insha'allah my husband will be here next month... and i am always asking people what the new things thing learned about their husbands and what would you have done differently?

Also quirky things to be on the look out ie. not having his underwear and hers washed together (mine could care less as long as he had clean underclothes) but that has happened to someone i have known.

Jen has helped me bunches with what to to so would like to hear other things.

OUr MENA s/o will have to get used to alot of things what did you do to help?

~Rajaa

Ok, this is what I have learned since we have been married. I'm not gonna say what our situation is other than that he is from a MENA country. I will say he is very self-centered and usually looks out for himself. So my advice is totally from that (and only MY) perspective. I envy those of you who have a calm, even-keeled man who will take responsibility for his actions. So please don't think all MENA men are like this but there are more than a few around. He has been on his own for a good many years, so he is as set in his ways as I am in mine....lol

1. Get him Arabic Satellite TV. That has been his lifeline.

2. See if there is somebody he knows living in the USA that he can talk to for free. It is too dang expensive for them to talk to their buddies overseas for very long.

3. Don't leave him alone if you don't have to to get in trouble on the computer--(don't even ask!!!)

4. English classes are good, but his didnt' have enough people to keep them going after a few months.

5. Get him a cellphone, but be sure to tell him the limits. When you are paying, they sometimes don't really care about costs.

6. He will think he should be able to get a job for a lot more than minimum wage. Yeah, I know they said before they got here they will do any kind of work. BS

7. He went through major culture shock/depression, slept a lot, angry a lot for a good year until he had his job under his belt and his own car.

8. Get him studying for driving test for your state. If he has no experience, get permit, not license.

9. Expect him to want to start his own business and expect it to be wildly successful, either here or in home country, expecting only to invest a small amount of money.

10. Expect him to want to send money home to family, especially during Ramadan and other special days. He will also need to send money for family medical problems, etc.

11. If he smokes, good luck getting him to do it outside of the house.

12. Give him a good part of the closet.

13. If you own the house, expect him to want you to put his name on it too or he won't want to put any effort into taking care of it. He expected to give me $50 for expenses for the whole month. He doesn't see it as fair that I have worked all my life and worked my butt off for what I have.

14. Expect him to be totally shocked at the difficulty of applying for and interviewing for a job. He has been used to just showing up and asking around for a job.

15. He doesn't eat halal except on Ramadan. The Imam here told him that was ok.

16. Mine is lapsed Muslim, so expect him to drink when he wants, smoke, etc. And in his circle, drinking (but thankfully on weekends) can mean drink till all the beer is gone or you feel good and high.

17. Remember this quote from my hubby, "If you tell a man what to do who is from __________, he will do exactly the opposite." And boy, did he mean it!!!! Walk the fine line between being mom and wife.

18. Praise him a lot for what he does right. Remember that most of these young guys have arrested development compared to agemates in the US. (OMG we are in trouble~~~ lol)

19. Don't nag or you will be his mother.

20. You have to train him how to be romantic and meet your needs. In his country, he never saw his parents hug or kiss, so you have to let him know what you want. He still won't kiss me in front of my brother. I have to tell him to say romantic words, etc. He is trying to do better.

21. Expect him to see you as bossy American (......or fill in the blank). He is used to women staying home cooking and cleaning while the men go out drinking coffee at night. He is in a whole new world where he ain't king anymore....lol He does NOT expect you to yell or scream back at him, which further pisses him off....lol

22. Expect him to slop water all over the kitchen counter and fling flour everywhere as he cooks and hopefully cleans.

23. You will be lucky if you have public transportation. When mine started working at a grocery store, the little bus kept leaving him, or calling and leaving messages he couldn't understand. He decided they ( the store managers) told him too much what to do so he just up and quit without having another job. Another major fight then.

24. In my case, expect him to be the most stubborn man you ever met.

25. We did better when he got his own checking account. Many fights were over how much he should pay for expenses and poor thing, he couldnt' save most of his pay check. Welcome to the real world, baby.

27. Expect him to say he gave up his whole WONDERFUL life to come here and you should.....fill in the blank.

28. Expect you to be the one accommodating him, at least in the beginning and maybe he will begin to do the same in time.

29. Expect major culture shock. Every one of his friends (except for one) said they wanted to go back home during the first year. Give him time. It is not as great here as he expected. All he heard himself say was that he only wants to be here with you. Well, he's here and boy does it suck sometimes because it is all sooo different and he is not king of the world anymore.

29. I know this sounds horrible, but believe me, it has been a journey. Things are much better now, he is truly trying to change and not be so rigid, keep his temper in check, and be more reasonable. In turn, I am trying to be more understanding, less bossy, and let things go that are not major issues. I find that if I plant an idea, then let him think about it, he will often come around. Crazy game, but he is young, I realize that. I know he truly loves me and I love him, so we keep chugging along. HOpe I don't sound really negative, I love him like cray. BUT I am also realistic. It will be interesting to see if some of you other ladies have had similar experiences.

More to come......love to all!!!

My husband had many of these issues and he's not even MENA - they are actually more of a generalization of many men who come to the US as immigrants. And for those of you not experiencing at least 5 of the 29 you're WAY LUCKY!!!!

I agree - I can relate to some of this stuff and he isn't even here yet!!! Thank God at least he won't need to be able to drive to get around, unless he needs to have a DL for work. #20 - this makes me laugh because he didn't even want his mom and dad to see us kiss on our wedding day!! Yes I had to teach him a lot of romantic things but boy was it worth it...

[Nothing1234 2]

I guess there are many factors and Rahma made some good points. However, I do wonder if some of the issues surround the SO not knowing the language well and not understanding the culture at all? If a spouse doesn't require English classes because his/her English is very good and they have had bank accounts/debit card responsiblities before and jobs, is the transition easier? If the USC has ME cultural experience or relatives, does this make it easier? So many factors....Hmmm.

I'm not saying our relationship is perfect or that our future is to live happily ever after, only god knows that! We have our ups and downs but we are just starting out together as all newlyweds. I read all that people post and file things away in my head for future reference for assistance if I need it but I have not had those large struggles yet, thank god. We have two new babies, stress, OH YES, but everyone has stress with new borns, finding a job (in our economy its a struggle for all), mobile phone (doesn't everyone have one these days? and pay as you go works if you want to control bills ), as Amal said magic jack saves us TONS of $$$ in calls to Egypt and www.alosmart.com calling cards we hardly spend $20 bucks a month to say hi/happy"whatever" to friends there now. As for sending money home, we haven't had the need to do that yet. I'm prepared to do it if necessary as I do help my own father out now with bills and he lives with us. We do send gifts (but I send gifts to my family in the US too, why would it differ to our family overseas?)

I just know, if I was faced with some of these large hurdles on top of the immigration process stress, that I would not be strong enough (or put up with) dealing w/ a major language barrier, an additional "baby" to the two that we have and someone who was selfish or verbally abusive. I would rather be alone. As for what other people think of our relationship, having faith or not having faith in it... I say BITE ME I don't care what others think, I never have. I have this built in mechanism, if you say I can't do something, it only makes me strive harder to prove you wrong.

I truly wish EVERYONE no matter if I have disagreements or differences with them the best of luck in this journey. I never want to see someones marriage fail, it breaks my heart. But I think if you live life in shadow of fear, you will truly never live. It doesn't mean don't take precautions but stay positive and enjoy life, thank god each day for what he gives us. If you don't feel like that way in your relationship, then maybe there is need to look at it and think is this how I deserve to live or want to live?

Sorry for the long post just wanted to share what was on my mind/heart and my own opinion on things. I am by no means making light of someone elses struggle and I'd like to add our journey has only just begun too. Praying for all of us that this journey brings us happiness and future blessings.

[tanyakaraman 0]

LOL...some of these are soooo familiar.

Ok, this is what I have learned since we have been married. I'm not gonna say what our situation is other than that he is from a MENA country. I will say he is very self-centered and usually looks out for himself. So my advice is totally from that (and only MY) perspective. I envy those of you who have a calm, even-keeled man who will take responsibility for his actions. So please don't think all MENA men are like this but there are more than a few around. He has been on his own for a good many years, so he is as set in his ways as I am in mine....lol

1. Get him Arabic Satellite TV. That has been his lifeline. [/color]Mine figured out how to watch Turkish TV on the internet, including live soccer games...don't ask me how he does it, I have no idea.

2. See if there is somebody he knows living in the USA that he can talk to for free. It is too dang expensive for them to talk to their buddies overseas for very long. ...or get Skype! Mine calls his family/friends for free on the computer

3. Don't leave him alone if you don't have to to get in trouble on the computer--(don't even ask!!!) LOL mine doesn't get "in trouble", but he takes it everywhere...including the WC (he will even talk by webcam while sitting on the John!)

4. English classes are good, but his didnt' have enough people to keep them going after a few months. Mine is taking ESL....or I am, I'm not sure which, as he fenagles me into doing all his homework for him!

5. Get him a cellphone, but be sure to tell him the limits. When you are paying, they sometimes don't really care about costs. Yes! And it must be a fancy/expensive one too!

6. He will think he should be able to get a job for a lot more than minimum wage. Yeah, I know they said before they got here they will do any kind of work. BS Yeah, we went thru this too....

8. Get him studying for driving test for your state. If he has no experience, get permit, not license. Don't forget to add that he will be learning to drive YOUR CAR (and you will be cringing, as I did, when he throws it into Park while you're still moving along at 20 mph!)

9. Expect him to want to start his own business and expect it to be wildly successful, either here or in home country, expecting only to invest a small amount of money. Yeah, BTDT....

10. Expect him to want to send money home to family, especially during Ramadan and other special days. He will also need to send money for family medical problems, etc. Yesss....

11. If he smokes, good luck getting him to do it outside of the house. Get him to the doctor ASAP and get him a prescription for Chantix! Mine supposedly quit on that stuff, but I suspect he still smokes occasionally when I'm not around...however, the mere fact that he claims to have quit prevents him from smoking in the house any more...

12. Give him a good part of the closet. Sooo true! Mine has more clothes (and more expensive clothes) than I do...and at least 5 times as many pairs of shoes!! And is VERY particular about how his clothes are washed.

13. If you own the house, expect him to want you to put his name on it too or he won't want to put any effort into taking care of it. He expected to give me $50 for expenses for the whole month. He doesn't see it as fair that I have worked all my life and worked my butt off for what I have. Also, keep in mind that he may not understand the concept of cutting the grass and will not see the point of doing so...

14. Expect him to be totally shocked at the difficulty of applying for and interviewing for a job. He has been used to just showing up and asking around for a job. The concept of applying online was totally foreign to him...took awhile to convince him that's the way its done here, and spent many a night filling out applications for him.

25. We did better when he got his own checking account. Many fights were over how much he should pay for expenses and poor thing, he couldnt' save most of his pay check. Welcome to the real world, baby. He couldn't believe they actually charge fees for overdrafts...and stilll does not feel comfortable writing checks. He says only the rich ppl wrote checks in Turkey.

More to come You have more??.....love to all!!!

OMG!! I asked Wael if he was SURE he was from Egypt!!! This is just unbelievable what you have written.

I just don't know what to say. My hubby is NOTHING like you have written.

But he's still the best thing since sliced bread...

[amal 4]

My father, on the other hand, is super relaxed like I am. He has asked me a few times if the man honestly makes me happy. I can't really explain the details of my answer to him on this in a public forum.

well...I don't know how often he reads this so I try not to get TOO overly personal and my reply to my father was a long discussion. I'm lonely a lot because he spends a lot of time on the computer. I've mentioned this in the forum before. When he actually puts down the computer and spends time with us, it is WONDERFUL and in those moments, I'm happy. It's the lonliness that makes it hard to explain.

[Nothing1234 2]

My father, on the other hand, is super relaxed like I am. He has asked me a few times if the man honestly makes me happy. I can't really explain the details of my answer to him on this in a public forum.

well...I don't know how often he reads this so I try not to get TOO overly personal and my reply to my father was a long discussion. I'm lonely a lot because he spends a lot of time on the computer. I've mentioned this in the forum before. When he actually puts down the computer and spends time with us, it is WONDERFUL and in those moments, I'm happy. It's the lonliness that makes it hard to explain.

I do understand that at times. But I experienced it with my father when I was young. He's a total TV addict. It was horrible and lonely at times as a kid because he was glued to the ####### tube. He's very different now with the twins but my childhood those are some of my memories. I told him while I was pregnant that I had those thoughts when I was young and I think it affected him because he spends a great deal of time with the twins now.

[Tunisia216 2]

My father, on the other hand, is super relaxed like I am. He has asked me a few times if the man honestly makes me happy. I can't really explain the details of my answer to him on this in a public forum.

well...I don't know how often he reads this so I try not to get TOO overly personal and my reply to my father was a long discussion. I'm lonely a lot because he spends a lot of time on the computer. I've mentioned this in the forum before. When he actually puts down the computer and spends time with us, it is WONDERFUL and in those moments, I'm happy. It's the lonliness that makes it hard to explain.

I do understand that at times. But I experienced it with my father when I was young. He's a total TV addict. It was horrible and lonely at times as a kid because he was glued to the ####### tube. He's very different now with the twins but my childhood those are some of my memories. I told him while I was pregnant that I had those thoughts when I was young and I think it affected him because he spends a great deal of time with the twins now.

Of course! That's what my Dad said grandparents do - they try to make up for all the bad things they've done with their kids (mistakes) or for life in general. When I asked him why? His response, "I'm trying to get into Heaven of course!"