If you had known then what you know now??

[sereia 0]

well lucky you

[Tunisia216 2]

I think ummmmmmm it's too late isn't it?? can't really say buyers remorse can you ???

Insha'allah my husband will be here next month... and i am always asking people what the new things thing learned about their husbands and what would you have done differently?

Also quirky things to be on the look out ie. not having his underwear and hers washed together (mine could care less as long as he had clean underclothes) but that has happened to someone i have known.

Jen has helped me bunches with what to to so would like to hear other things.

OUr MENA s/o will have to get used to alot of things what did you do to help?

~Rajaa

SORRY COPIED THIS BY MISTAKE....

Thank you for being honest enough to share. It does seem unacceptable to a lot of us here (including me on many of the things you said) but it took a lot of honesty to share it and I do not doubt there are things on your list that some people here may be able to relate to. I am glad to see that you did say at the end things are improving with his attitude and outlook. inshallah it only continues to get better and better for you.

Mashallah that is all i have to say... i pray i have half the patience this sister does.

lol----The odd thing is, he thinks all the guys from his country are like him. He will say things like, ask anyone from _____ they will say the same thing. I am like, geeze, hope they are not all like them or his country is screwed!!! Yeah, I think I am way too patient, but like I said, he is much improved. We shall see.....

Maybe that's kind of like what my Mum says about my step dad. They've been married 20 years and I always use to say I hope I can find a guy like Daddy and she'd laugh and say HONEY do you think that he came that way? That's 20 years of blood sweat and tears, I never found him like that, I made him like that hehehe old dog, new tricks syndrome rofl

makes me wonder what he says about your mom but that is what marriage is isn't it???? blood, sweat, tears, smiles, laughter, comfort, anger etc etc... with me it seems to be all of any of those feelings my hubby has a gift to make me feel as happy as a cow on a salt lick or as mad as a bull in spain there seems to be no middle ground the emotions he has me feeling is Complete...good and bad hehe

:rofl: OMG I thought my grandmother was the only one who said that... "I'm happier than a cow on a salt lick (or salt block) " And let's not forget, "This skirt is tighter than #######'s hat band" (Never got half the stuff she says lol )

[nunyab 0]

I think ummmmmmm it's too late isn't it?? can't really say buyers remorse can you ???

Insha'allah my husband will be here next month... and i am always asking people what the new things thing learned about their husbands and what would you have done differently?

Also quirky things to be on the look out ie. not having his underwear and hers washed together (mine could care less as long as he had clean underclothes) but that has happened to someone i have known.

Jen has helped me bunches with what to to so would like to hear other things.

OUr MENA s/o will have to get used to alot of things what did you do to help?

~Rajaa

SORRY COPIED THIS BY MISTAKE....

Thank you for being honest enough to share. It does seem unacceptable to a lot of us here (including me on many of the things you said) but it took a lot of honesty to share it and I do not doubt there are things on your list that some people here may be able to relate to. I am glad to see that you did say at the end things are improving with his attitude and outlook. inshallah it only continues to get better and better for you.

Mashallah that is all i have to say... i pray i have half the patience this sister does.

lol----The odd thing is, he thinks all the guys from his country are like him. He will say things like, ask anyone from _____ they will say the same thing. I am like, geeze, hope they are not all like them or his country is screwed!!! Yeah, I think I am way too patient, but like I said, he is much improved. We shall see.....

Maybe that's kind of like what my Mum says about my step dad. They've been married 20 years and I always use to say I hope I can find a guy like Daddy and she'd laugh and say HONEY do you think that he came that way? That's 20 years of blood sweat and tears, I never found him like that, I made him like that hehehe old dog, new tricks syndrome rofl

makes me wonder what he says about your mom but that is what marriage is isn't it???? blood, sweat, tears, smiles, laughter, comfort, anger etc etc... with me it seems to be all of any of those feelings my hubby has a gift to make me feel as happy as a cow on a salt lick or as mad as a bull in spain there seems to be no middle ground the emotions he has me feeling is Complete...good and bad hehe

:rofl: OMG I thought my grandmother was the only one who said that... "I'm happier than a cow on a salt lick (or salt block) " And let's not forget, "This skirt is tighter than #######'s hat band" (Never got half the stuff she says lol )

In my defense he isn't here either stay tuned for the issues soon.

my grandmother had so many... lets see slicker than snot? ummm there's more like "her elevator doesn't make it to the top" or "not the bightest color in the box" i noticed my mother now says that ohh even "####### or get off the pot" hehehe

[Tunisia216 2]

my grandmother had so many... lets see slicker than snot? ummm there's more like "her elevator doesn't make it to the top" or "not the bightest color in the box" i noticed my mother now says that ohh even "####### or get off the pot" hehehe

hehe I said that phrase today to Jihed, he was taking forever to make his mind up about something and half doing it and I told him *** or get off the pot! He goes pot??? I said toilet! He looked at me and said but I went when I got home from work!

He does however crack me up when he uses a new "American phrase" He said to me just a minute ago when I commented about something I read on VJ, "If you say so habibty" I always make note of his new American slangs and he gets so it's cute!

My grandmothers were things like the salt lick, something being tighter than #######'s hat band, telling me to get her something from in yonder, dagflabbit in replacement of any curse word, madder than a hen, on and on she still says new ones sometimes that make me laugh.

[tanyakaraman 0]

I love it when my husband picks up new slang too! Especially the stuff he gets from rap songs LOL. For awhile there, he was calling me "shawty" all the time...with his accent and stuff...just cracked me up.

Then there was the time he was telling me a story that happened that day at work. He was saying,"I was cutting the cheese and...."

I, being the goofball I am sometimes, interrupted and asked him if he knew what "cutting the cheese" meant here.

After I explained, he continued the story, "So while I was FARTING...."

[~Jackie~ 30]

try explaining 'whats good for the goose is good for the gander'....lol

[amal 4]

wth is embargo...I can't do big words on Mondays lmaooooooooooooooooooooo

Because the U.S. isn't very happy with Iran right now, it has placed restrictions on dealing with Iran (embargoes) in hopes that this will change its behavior. (Kind of like a time-out.) One of these restrictions is that certain items cannot be exported to Iran. It just so happens that the MJ is one of the things on the list. :-(

and just why can't Michael Jordan go to Iran? that's just not fair sorry, just had to say it...

and wth are u doing pluralling (is that even a word) the word "embargo" when the word in its singular form antagonizes me lmaooo

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

[/font]

Insha'allah my husband will be here next month... and i am always asking people what the new things thing learned about their husbands and what would you have done differently?

Also quirky things to be on the look out ie. not having his underwear and hers washed together (mine could care less as long as he had clean underclothes) but that has happened to someone i have known.

Jen has helped me bunches with what to to so would like to hear other things.

OUr MENA s/o will have to get used to alot of things what did you do to help?

~Rajaa

Ok, this is what I have learned since we have been married. I'm not gonna say what our situation is other than that he is from a MENA country. I will say he is very self-centered and usually looks out for himself. So my advice is totally from that (and only MY) perspective. I envy those of you who have a calm, even-keeled man who will take responsibility for his actions. So please don't think all MENA men are like this but there are more than a few around. He has been on his own for a good many years, so he is as set in his ways as I am in mine....lol

1. Get him Arabic Satellite TV. That has been his lifeline.

2. See if there is somebody he knows living in the USA that he can talk to for free. It is too dang expensive for them to talk to their buddies overseas for very long.

3. Don't leave him alone if you don't have to to get in trouble on the computer--(don't even ask!!!)

4. English classes are good, but his didnt' have enough people to keep them going after a few months.

5. Get him a cellphone, but be sure to tell him the limits. When you are paying, they sometimes don't really care about costs.

6. He will think he should be able to get a job for a lot more than minimum wage. Yeah, I know they said before they got here they will do any kind of work. BS

7. He went through major culture shock/depression, slept a lot, angry a lot for a good year until he had his job under his belt and his own car.

8. Get him studying for driving test for your state. If he has no experience, get permit, not license.

9. Expect him to want to start his own business and expect it to be wildly successful, either here or in home country, expecting only to invest a small amount of money.

10. Expect him to want to send money home to family, especially during Ramadan and other special days. He will also need to send money for family medical problems, etc.

11. If he smokes, good luck getting him to do it outside of the house.

12. Give him a good part of the closet.

13. If you own the house, expect him to want you to put his name on it too or he won't want to put any effort into taking care of it. He expected to give me $50 for expenses for the whole month. He doesn't see it as fair that I have worked all my life and worked my butt off for what I have.

14. Expect him to be totally shocked at the difficulty of applying for and interviewing for a job. He has been used to just showing up and asking around for a job.

15. He doesn't eat halal except on Ramadan. The Imam here told him that was ok.

16. Mine is lapsed Muslim, so expect him to drink when he wants, smoke, etc. And in his circle, drinking (but thankfully on weekends) can mean drink till all the beer is gone or you feel good and high.

17. Remember this quote from my hubby, "If you tell a man what to do who is from __________, he will do exactly the opposite." And boy, did he mean it!!!! Walk the fine line between being mom and wife.

18. Praise him a lot for what he does right. Remember that most of these young guys have arrested development compared to agemates in the US. (OMG we are in trouble~~~ lol)

19. Don't nag or you will be his mother.

20. You have to train him how to be romantic and meet your needs. In his country, he never saw his parents hug or kiss, so you have to let him know what you want. He still won't kiss me in front of my brother. I have to tell him to say romantic words, etc. He is trying to do better.

21. Expect him to see you as bossy American (......or fill in the blank). He is used to women staying home cooking and cleaning while the men go out drinking coffee at night. He is in a whole new world where he ain't king anymore....lol He does NOT expect you to yell or scream back at him, which further pisses him off....lol

22. Expect him to slop water all over the kitchen counter and fling flour everywhere as he cooks and hopefully cleans.

23. You will be lucky if you have public transportation. When mine started working at a grocery store, the little bus kept leaving him, or calling and leaving messages he couldn't understand. He decided they ( the store managers) told him too much what to do so he just up and quit without having another job. Another major fight then.

24. In my case, expect him to be the most stubborn man you ever met.

25. We did better when he got his own checking account. Many fights were over how much he should pay for expenses and poor thing, he couldnt' save most of his pay check. Welcome to the real world, baby.

27. Expect him to say he gave up his whole WONDERFUL life to come here and you should.....fill in the blank.

28. Expect you to be the one accommodating him, at least in the beginning and maybe he will begin to do the same in time.

29. Expect major culture shock. Every one of his friends (except for one) said they wanted to go back home during the first year. Give him time. It is not as great here as he expected. All he heard himself say was that he only wants to be here with you. Well, he's here and boy does it suck sometimes because it is all sooo different and he is not king of the world anymore.

29. I know this sounds horrible, but believe me, it has been a journey. Things are much better now, he is truly trying to change and not be so rigid, keep his temper in check, and be more reasonable. In turn, I am trying to be more understanding, less bossy, and let things go that are not major issues. I find that if I plant an idea, then let him think about it, he will often come around. Crazy game, but he is young, I realize that. I know he truly loves me and I love him, so we keep chugging along. HOpe I don't sound really negative, I love him like cray. BUT I am also realistic. It will be interesting to see if some of you other ladies have had similar experiences.

More to come......love to all!!!

OK I'm getting a creepy feeling that we've been married to the same man.... Did you marry one of my ex's????

I can swear on a stack of Quran's that what this sister wrote sounds like a COMPLETE (Unfiltered) VERSION of How it is for MANY in MENA marriages... Unfortunately this is not my first MENA marriage and after reading your post I'm in a complete state of DeJaVu..... Thank goodness I'm also able to laugh about it... (now)... and keep saying "YaRab! Let THIS ONE be different"..

[childress_london 3]

wth is embargo...I can't do big words on Mondays lmaooooooooooooooooooooo

Because the U.S. isn't very happy with Iran right now, it has placed restrictions on dealing with Iran (embargoes) in hopes that this will change its behavior. (Kind of like a time-out.) One of these restrictions is that certain items cannot be exported to Iran. It just so happens that the MJ is one of the things on the list. :-(

and just why can't Michael Jordan go to Iran? that's just not fair sorry, just had to say it...

and wth are u doing pluralling (is that even a word) the word "embargo" when the word in its singular form antagonizes me lmaooo

Awwww...poor Michael Jordan.

em⋅bar⋅go

   /ɛmˈbɑrgoʊ/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [em-bahr-goh]

noun, plural -goes, verb, -goed, -go⋅ing.

–noun

1. an order of a government prohibiting the movement of merchant ships into or out of its ports.

2. an injunction from a government commerce agency to refuse freight for shipment, as in case of congestion or insufficient facilities.

3. any restriction imposed upon commerce by edict.

4. a restraint or hindrance; prohibition.

–verb (used with object)

5. to impose an embargo on.

As you will see "embargoes" is the plural form of "embargo". However, you bring up a point. Is there ONE embargo that covers ALL restrictions, or is each restriction a separate embargo?

[childress_london 3]

OK just had to say it's too early in the morning for this deep thought! LOL. It must be the linguist in me coming out. Oh and the correct word is pluralizing. ;-) OMG, make me stop! I'll try better next time, Amal.

[amal 4]

[/font]

Insha'allah my husband will be here next month... and i am always asking people what the new things thing learned about their husbands and what would you have done differently?

Also quirky things to be on the look out ie. not having his underwear and hers washed together (mine could care less as long as he had clean underclothes) but that has happened to someone i have known.

Jen has helped me bunches with what to to so would like to hear other things.

OUr MENA s/o will have to get used to alot of things what did you do to help?

~Rajaa

[/color]

1. Get him Arabic Satellite TV. That has been his lifeline. He wants arabic tv but it just hasn't happened yet. So now we live on HGTV.ugggg

2. See if there is somebody he knows living in the USA that he can talk to for free. It is too dang expensive for them to talk to their buddies overseas for very long. I totally understand this point but MJ saved us after 1.5 years of massive bills.

3. Don't leave him alone if you don't have to to get in trouble on the computer--(don't even ask!!!) Haven't had too much trouble with this issue but did have a minor incident back during AF's visit when she didn't leave for or 4 months...if u catch my drift

4. English classes are good, but his didnt' have enough people to keep them going after a few months. Mine didn't have the option of English classes as they weren't offered anywhere near the town we lived in at the time.

5. Get him a cellphone, but be sure to tell him the limits. When you are paying, they sometimes don't really care about costs. OMG yes. He needed a cellphone soooooo badly and things were much better once he got one. I did have to explain the limitations of it but it is all good now.

6. He will think he should be able to get a job for a lot more than minimum wage. Yeah, I know they said before they got here they will do any kind of work. BS this is so very true. minimum wage jobs are not for people with 2 degrees so no money is better than "lowering" ones self to do yucky jobs.

7. He went through major culture shock/depression, slept a lot, angry a lot for a good year until he had his job under his belt and his own car. Car was major issue. It was hard to comprehend that one has to actually HAVE money to purchase a car. culture shock was an issue but wasn't too major (except for a few smaller issues)

8. Get him studying for driving test for your state. If he has no experience, get permit, not license. Permit for sure first! Hubby had driven before but the driving "ways" of other countries is wayyyyy different than American rules. I don't know about other countries but in Jordan, they have rules that NOBODY follows.

9. Expect him to want to start his own business and expect it to be wildly successful, either here or in home country, expecting only to invest a small amount of money. We are currently on this ride. The business is a graphic design/web design/sign business (he is wonderful at it). We had 0 monies when we began this roller coaster and we're still slowly creeping up the first hill.......

10. Expect him to want to send money home to family, especially during Ramadan and other special days. He will also need to send money for family medical problems, etc. Wants to very badly but can't since we have no money. I got lucky here because he knows that we have to have money to live. I've seen many though that are very selfish and keep hundreds of dollars for themselves and to send home but only contribute minute amounts to the bills here.

11. If he smokes, good luck getting him to do it outside of the house. Hubby doesn't smoke so we didn't have this problem ALTHOUGH his best friend smokes like a chimney and when he stayed with us for a couple weeks, I told him if he smoked in my apartment, I'd kill him. He went outside each time.

12. Give him a good part of the closet. We both have equal parts of the closet. He has very few clothes. We really need to go shopping for him SOON.

13. If you own the house, expect him to want you to put his name on it too or he won't want to put any effort into taking care of it. He expected to give me $50 for expenses for the whole month. He doesn't see it as fair that I have worked all my life and worked my butt off for what I have. This was a major issue for us. He saw it as MY home and not OURS and he always found things wrong with it. He couldn't wait to get out of there and get someplace that we could call OURS.

14. Expect him to be totally shocked at the difficulty of applying for and interviewing for a job. He has been used to just showing up and asking around for a job. This is spot on for our situation. It was definitely an eye opener for him to see our process.

15. He doesn't eat halal except on Ramadan. The Imam here told him that was ok. Mine doesn't have an issue with this. If halal is available and affordable enough, we try to get it but it is acceptable to eat what is available to you so we aren't too strict about it.

16. Mine is lapsed Muslim, so expect him to drink when he wants, smoke, etc. And in his circle, drinking (but thankfully on weekends) can mean drink till all the beer is gone or you feel good and high.no alcohol in our home. neither of us drink those types of beverages so this is a + for us

17. Remember this quote from my hubby, "If you tell a man what to do who is from __________, he will do exactly the opposite." And boy, did he mean it!!!! Walk the fine line between being mom and wife.I've heard this a few times too. Walking the line is difficult but possible with much patience.

18. Praise him a lot for what he does right. Remember that most of these young guys have arrested development compared to agemates in the US. (OMG we are in trouble~~~ lol) and don't expect to be praised for what you do right. unless it is cooking one of his favorite meals lol!

19. Don't nag or you will be his mother. yup

20. You have to train him how to be romantic and meet your needs. In his country, he never saw his parents hug or kiss, so you have to let him know what you want. He still won't kiss me in front of my brother. I have to tell him to say romantic words, etc. He is trying to do better.major issue here. I went through months of explaining to him what I wanted/needed from him and he still has difficulties in this area but he is much much better. behind closed doors....ROMANTICIZER ALL THE WAY lmao

21. Expect him to see you as bossy American (......or fill in the blank). He is used to women staying home cooking and cleaning while the men go out drinking coffee at night. He is in a whole new world where he ain't king anymore....lol He does NOT expect you to yell or scream back at him, which further pisses him off....lol I can't count how many times we had issues with this. He was taken aback the first time I got in his face when he was being rude. He is learning to deal with that though.

22. Expect him to slop water all over the kitchen counter and fling flour everywhere as he cooks and hopefully cleans. Mine actually gets mad at me coz I'm a slop in the kitchen and he is mr clean.

23. You will be lucky if you have public transportation. When mine started working at a grocery store, the little bus kept leaving him, or calling and leaving messages he couldn't understand. He decided they ( the store managers) told him too much what to do so he just up and quit without having another job. Another major fight then. no public transportation in my home town so this was not an issue

24. In my case, expect him to be the most stubborn man you ever met.oh yeah baby. and I'm the most stubborn woman so we butt heads a lot

25. We did better when he got his own checking account. Many fights were over how much he should pay for expenses and poor thing, he couldnt' save most of his pay check. Welcome to the real world, baby.Wanted his own but we finally agreed on a joint account for immigration purposes.

27. Expect him to say he gave up his whole WONDERFUL life to come here and you should.....fill in the blank.I've heard this so many times I could puke.

28. Expect you to be the one accommodating him, at least in the beginning and maybe he will begin to do the same in time.This is where the Patience patience patience comes in. it is sooo hard but well worth it once they "come around"

29. Expect major culture shock. Every one of his friends (except for one) said they wanted to go back home during the first year. Give him time. It is not as great here as he expected. All he heard himself say was that he only wants to be here with you. Well, he's here and boy does it suck sometimes because it is all sooo different and he is not king of the world anymore. I couldn't agree more with this.

29. I know this sounds horrible, but believe me, it has been a journey. Things are much better now, he is truly trying to change and not be so rigid, keep his temper in check, and be more reasonable. In turn, I am trying to be more understanding, less bossy, and let things go that are not major issues. I find that if I plant an idea, then let him think about it, he will often come around. I use this strategy often. Crazy game, but he is young, I realize that. I know he truly loves me and I love him, so we keep chugging along. HOpe I don't sound really negative, I love him like cray. BUT I am also realistic. It will be interesting to see if some of you other ladies have had similar experiences.

More to come......love to all!!!

OK I'm getting a creepy feeling that we've been married to the same man.... Did you marry one of my ex's????

I can swear on a stack of Quran's that what this sister wrote sounds like a COMPLETE (Unfiltered) VERSION of How it is for MANY in MENA marriages... Unfortunately this is not my first MENA marriage and after reading your post I'm in a complete state of DeJaVu..... Thank goodness I'm also able to laugh about it... (now)... and keep saying "YaRab! Let THIS ONE be different"..

OK just had to say it's too early in the morning for this deep thought! LOL. It must be the linguist in me coming out. Oh and the correct word is pluralizing. ;-) OMG, make me stop! I'll try better next time, Amal.

I had to comment on ur post coz our situation is similar on many levels. it's a hard road but well worth traveling if you have the patience to stick it out. Some have seriously good luck and get the man of their dreams and then there are the rest of us who have to help to mold our SO's into the man of our dreams (if that makes sense)

[amal 4]

OK just had to say it's too early in the morning for this deep thought! LOL. It must be the linguist in me coming out. Oh and the correct word is pluralizing. ;-) OMG, make me stop! I'll try better next time, Amal.

Oh you just had to go and try to make it make sense on a Wednesday morning...what WILL we do with you???

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Alhamdulilah for my husband with his thriftiness and budgets. He's been here 3 years, hasn't sent home more than a few hundred, still doesn't drive, waited 8 months to be added to my cellphone plan and wouldn't let me buy him more than a pair of pants, and only that because his had holes in them. The only real downside to the budget conciousness is thinking we don't have to spend more than $200 a month on food.

If your husbands are computer savy, they can find just about everything they need for free online re: television. We don't have anything beyond basic basic cable. I'll have to ask the husband what websites he uses.

Perhaps it's easier because we're both young and starting out basically from scratch? Allahu Alem.

[MrsAmera 41]

Karmell and Amal you hit the nail on the head. This is dead on in so many ways to our relationship. Rahma I think you are right to some degree with your situation. While we too are young and building our life together we have 2 kids so that makes our situation a little more difficult. The sending money home issue is a biggie for us. We send monthly, because his mom is a widower as well as in special situations and holidays. It's definetely hard sometimes and I wish that there was someway we could claim his mom as a dependent for tax purposes (alas no SSN for her). Patience is huge. Sure there are some couples that seem to have the "perfect" relationship, and I think a lot seem that way at first but in time it definetely starts to grate, issues spring up and must be dealt with. Another hurdle we have is the perception of my family. It took my parents a long time to see that us sending money to his family was not a luxury but really something they depended on. It also took them a long time to understand how hard the adjustment for my husband was. Now that they get it it's almost too late but at least they do have some compassion and understanding for the past.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Oh for sure, our relationship isn't perfect in any way, shape or form. We just have different issues from the ones listed above