If you had known then what you know now??

[Henna Rose 0]

I have seen children spit and kick their parents in my store. As nuts and ridiculous as it is, I have seen adults act worse in the store. No wonder children these days dont have discipline- bcz their parents dont either. I have seen adults curse the cashiers, adults fist fight over who was first in the checkout lines, adults stealing galore, adults yelling in the service desk line bcz one person was in front of them and they didnt like to wait. Im honestly not too surprised at how children turn out these days considering how their parents act.

This is so true, Tamara ! If it takes a village to raise a child, does that mean I am supposed to be teaching your kids basic manners and social skills ? This is one of my pet peeves, esp. when the children are older ! It's appalling to see how spoiled some children are and what they are allowed to get away with these days

I can see how this would cause major tensions in the household for the immigrating spouse who has never met his step children, only to find out they are spoiled brats...talk about culture shock !!

[nunyab 0]

He's going to get his feelings and pride hurt a lot. Hate to say it but it's true. My husband has been here 3 years now and it still happens to him. Although I'm sure she wasn't uber nice to him, I've noticed that at least with my husband even the smallest things make him feel so bad, meaning he expects different treatment then what is often presented. Also I think that here the style of business is just different. My husband wants to hear what he wants to hear, and he doesn't want to hear anything to the contrary. When presented with the realization that gee his skills really aren't that great and he needs to improve them he just says "oh well so and so they're just an a** or they're just racist". Well truth be told they're being honest. Although your husband really wants to work, can you enroll him in some class, or some career development things through the local job center? If he's taking ESL classes maybe he could get a job at the book store or cafeteria on campus to start things off. He can continue to apply for other jobs but in the meantime be building skills that he will need.

yeah signing him up for classes on thursday insha'allah for esl I suggested he go out for walk and now he even hesitates to go to the masjiid for events because "they all speak english" .. ummmmm well we are in the u.s.??? Anyway, we're working on it... thanks for your suggestions though i appreciate it.

[caybee 21]

He's going to get his feelings and pride hurt a lot. Hate to say it but it's true. My husband has been here 3 years now and it still happens to him. Although I'm sure she wasn't uber nice to him, I've noticed that at least with my husband even the smallest things make him feel so bad, meaning he expects different treatment then what is often presented. Also I think that here the style of business is just different. My husband wants to hear what he wants to hear, and he doesn't want to hear anything to the contrary. When presented with the realization that gee his skills really aren't that great and he needs to improve them he just says "oh well so and so they're just an a** or they're just racist". Well truth be told they're being honest. Although your husband really wants to work, can you enroll him in some class, or some career development things through the local job center? If he's taking ESL classes maybe he could get a job at the book store or cafeteria on campus to start things off. He can continue to apply for other jobs but in the meantime be building skills that he will need.

yeah signing him up for classes on thursday insha'allah for esl I suggested he go out for walk and now he even hesitates to go to the masjiid for events because "they all speak english" .. ummmmm well we are in the u.s.??? Anyway, we're working on it... thanks for your suggestions though i appreciate it.

This will get better, and his confidence will improve as his language skills do. My husband's first (short-lived) job was in a Subway, and he had so much trouble understanding the patrons. Now he dreams in English and is the comedian at his workplace (all Americans). He does have his little coffee shop clique, though, and he admonishes them to speak Arabic when they are together. Reda will find that balance in time, and before long, you'll both be looking back, amazed at his progress.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I love supernanny

and rescue nanny 911

where were those shows back in the day when I really needed them???

my 5 y.o is afraid of supernanny

[venusfire503 54]

I almost hate to post this, but my husband's been here since May 2008, he hasn't had any serious problems adjusting, nor been really homesick. He's done almost everything on his own - from getting his Social Security Card and state ID to finding a job and punctually navigating on public transportation, improving his English - with minimal assistance. He thinks we work too hard and take friendships too much for granted, wishes he had Moroccan buds to hang out at the coffee shop with, even puts up with my evil and cruel older sister with dignity and grace; he just moves from day to day with few complaints.

He's got housework, laundry, and grocery shopping down pat, doesn't drive and doesn't care much about that, has his own bank accounts and manages money well. My friends and family all love him, and he loves them. Other than being cranky without enough sleep and a cup of coffee in the morning, his sweet, thoughtful, easy-going, laid-back, accomodating, go with the flow attitude has made him a breeze to live with. But, we don't have the language, cultural and religious gulfs to close, and that probably has a lot to do with our happiness and lack of drama. We're a great match! I'm truly blessed.

Sorry

Why are you sorry? It's wonderful to hear that things are going well for you! I like to tell people when things are good for me, in an effort to give others hope.

I can relate to much of both the good and bad I've been reading on here. Sometimes it's really difficult, but I wouldn't trade my situation for anything. I hope no one takes this the wrong way (including my husband if he sees this), but to me, it's kind of similar to dealing with my children. I love them very much, but two of them have been labelled "emotionally disturbed", and I have my hands full. My son especially is very challenging, but he's also very cuddly and sweet. The love I have for and from all of them makes the frustration worth it all to me.

Especially considering where I came from.... my first husband made lots of money, but was emotionally unavailable. It didn't work well. It's so incredible to be married to someone who actually likes to spend time with me. I love it - he calls it "being sticky". Now that I have the love and affection I always needed, I can deal with everything else so much better than before. Even his little quirks

Best of luck to all!

venusfire

[venusfire503 54]

A question I have for you ladies who have children from previous marriages. How did your husband feel about your children and how did he adjust to them? Were there any jealous or insecure feelings?

My husband did very well, but I think he kind of knew he was in for alot. I would call him up sometimes when things weren't going so well, and he'd calm me down. My ex taught the children not to respect me, so it was really hard when I first moved out after all the divorce paperwork was signed. It's gotten much better now. Also, the divorce was still fairly fresh in their minds, and I was still adjusting to being on my own. It was alot all at once. Anyway, to answer your last question, there was no jealousy or insecure feelings on his part. My ex seems jealous about the children's relationship with their stepfather, though.

You also have to think about how the children will adjust to him as well.

Alot will depend on their ages. My little one was only 3 when he got here, and she avoided him, which upset him. He was worried that she wouldn't ever like him. I told him that as hard as it was, to just ignore her. He listened, and after a few days, she approached him. Then everything was fine. She adores him now - crawls up on his lap, etc. My son was 6 when my sweetie got here. He loved him right away, and says that his stepfather is his favorite person in the world. My daughter was 9, and was so excited when he got his visa. Things were great for about a year and a half. Then not so much. Things got really bad right after her dad remarried, and it took from last June until very recently until things got better. Everything seems ok now, and I hope it stays that way.

I think it's very helpful that you're thinking ahead on this. Good luck!

venusfire

[Nothing1234 2]

***BUMP*** For Amanda....its long but there is some good advice on getting ready in here if you weed through the crapola!

There was another one out there with lists of things to buy and be prepared for...but I'm having a hard time finding it...this thread went off in other directions...typical MENA style!

[Marriednow 4]

What I can't figure out is why he washes dishes in lukewarm water and a sponge that's been dipped in soapy COLD water... but wants me to boil his underwear!!! Hellooooooooooooooooooooo we don't EAT on the undies.. we do on the dishes! Maybe it comes from writing backwards... hehehehehehehe

That reminded me of how my husband used to wash his dishes with Tide in Morocco. Tee hee.

Do Egyptians do the same thing?

I had forgotten all about that Tide thing, heck the dishes, anything can be done with Tide there. I don't think there is another type of detergent in the whole country!!!

[caybee 21]

What I can't figure out is why he washes dishes in lukewarm water and a sponge that's been dipped in soapy COLD water... but wants me to boil his underwear!!! Hellooooooooooooooooooooo we don't EAT on the undies.. we do on the dishes! Maybe it comes from writing backwards... hehehehehehehe

That reminded me of how my husband used to wash his dishes with Tide in Morocco. Tee hee.

Do Egyptians do the same thing?

I had forgotten all about that Tide thing, heck the dishes, anything can be done with Tide there. I don't think there is another type of detergent in the whole country!!!

Yesss, my MIL kept a small container with a sponge and a paste made from Tide and water that she used for the dishes. It was abrasive and did a nice job of cleaning them, but it was heck on the hands, and it took a little more time to rinse the dishes, plus it made them super slippery. Actually, I used that trick a few times here when my husband first arrived if we ran out of dishwashing liquid before we made it to the store.

I've never been asked to boil my husband's undies though.

[Melly 2 0]

*bump*

[Muh and me 18]

If i knew then what i know now it would be i would have bought a bigger house for his books!

[amal 4]

lol

[Staashi 371]

I wish I had known how hard this all was going to be sometimes...I think I would have tried to prepare myself more. (Don't know how I would have done that, but it seems like a good idea now.)

[Sandrila 1]

Long time since I responded to this but if I had known then what I know now....

I would have never attempted to slave over the delicious Moroccan receipes because

NO ONE can make anything better than his momma

[Staashi 371]

Long time since I responded to this but if I had known then what I know now....

I would have never attempted to slave over the delicious Moroccan receipes because

NO ONE can make anything better than his momma

Amen to that!