If you had known then what you know now??

[childress_london 3]

A question I have for you ladies who have children from previous marriages. How did your husband feel about your children and how did he adjust to them? Were there any jealous or insecure feelings?

[Aymsgirl 0]

A question I have for you ladies who have children from previous marriages. How did your husband feel about your children and how did he adjust to them? Were there any jealous or insecure feelings?

We both had children so we both had to deal with this. My husband first became friends with the kids. He would play soccer with them, take them to the park, play boring monopoly, watch videos, play playstation and talk and have fun with them. After months of this he would start correcting them by telling them it's better to do this or that with your mother. Then eventually when what I was doing wasn't working he started laying down the law. They learned quickly that he's a nice guy and fair but you have to listen to him the first time. He still feels it's not his job to correct them or punish them all of the time but he will step in if he sees me having a difficult time. I will also say that he said he surprises himself with my children in how he has the patience with them that he doesn't have with the boys and probably will not have with Malek.

My husband didn't have jealous feelings against my kids. My daughter takes my husband more like a buddy than a step dad and she thinks she has him wrapped around her finger. I'm glad she loves him so much but my son had a problem with him advising him what to do after awhile. He once said I hate you, you will never be my father. Once, hubby set it in stone that he loved him and that he wasn't trying to take over dad's job but he wanted him to grow up and be a good man my son accepted him.

I will add that my husband did say a few times in the beginning that we let the kids rule us. That he has noticed a lot of kids are spoiled here and gets too many chances. That the family dynamic of raising children seems to be lost somewhere..meaning that kids watch a lot of tv, play a lot of video games and stuff like that.

Edited February 13, 2009 by Aymsgirl

[ya falaha! 0]

I typed a bunch of stuff then realized ok sharing my personal experience is fine and dandy but it's not really going to help. My husband isn't like yours or anyone else's here and same for my kids. What works for us may not work for you. My kids were 9 and 10 when their stepdad got here. Don't know how old your children are. Give everyone time to deal with things their own way. Don't force a relationship, let it blossom on its own. Let your husband and kids know their respective boundries. For the husband let him know how much "discipline" or guidance you're comfortable with him giving. You'll know what to do. Whatever you do, don't compare your life or situation with others. Everyone is different. Remember that we really don't know what goes on inside of each others' homes or real lives. Take what you read here with a grain of salt.

A question I have for you ladies who have children from previous marriages. How did your husband feel about your children and how did he adjust to them? Were there any jealous or insecure feelings?

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I typed a bunch of stuff then realized ok sharing my personal experience is fine and dandy but it's not really going to help. My husband isn't like yours or anyone else's here and same for my kids. What works for us may not work for you. My kids were 9 and 10 when their stepdad got here. Don't know how old your children are. Give everyone time to deal with things their own way. Don't force a relationship, let it blossom on its own. Let your husband and kids know their respective boundries. For the husband let him know how much "discipline" or guidance you're comfortable with him giving. You'll know what to do. Whatever you do, don't compare your life or situation with others. Everyone is different. Remember that we really don't know what goes on inside of each others' homes or real lives. Take what you read here with a grain of salt.

A question I have for you ladies who have children from previous marriages. How did your husband feel about your children and how did he adjust to them? Were there any jealous or insecure feelings?

great advise!

[Aymsgirl 0]

I typed a bunch of stuff then realized ok sharing my personal experience is fine and dandy but it's not really going to help. My husband isn't like yours or anyone else's here and same for my kids. What works for us may not work for you. My kids were 9 and 10 when their stepdad got here. Don't know how old your children are. Give everyone time to deal with things their own way. Don't force a relationship, let it blossom on its own. Let your husband and kids know their respective boundries. For the husband let him know how much "discipline" or guidance you're comfortable with him giving. You'll know what to do. Whatever you do, don't compare your life or situation with others. Everyone is different. Remember that we really don't know what goes on inside of each others' homes or real lives. Take what you read here with a grain of salt.

A question I have for you ladies who have children from previous marriages. How did your husband feel about your children and how did he adjust to them? Were there any jealous or insecure feelings?

I agree also.

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

For me the answer is very simple - I would never do it again!!!

Then again I am a Dream Crusher and damn proud of it LOL

Edited February 13, 2009 by ~*Dorothy*~

[~Jackie~ 30]

I said 'never again' but I didn't listen to myself.

jJ

Edited February 14, 2009 by just_Jackie

[Aymsgirl 0]

I said 'never again' but I didn't listen to myself.

jJ

I guess the moral of the story is never say never.

[M_n_M 1]

Meriem and Virtual Wife, I'm totally with you on the great, hardworking, fast learning, relatively trouble free husbands. (knock on wood) My husband is great as is our relationship! May all of our marriages be blessed!!

[nunyab 0]

My husband is also warming up to the kids in a "friendly way" he stated they already have a father and would prefer to be viewed as a big brother so he plays and they are all learning about eachother.

My kids are really starting to have a good time with him and ask for him. In fact my 10 yr old stood up in front of us all and said "I Like This Man" we all laughed so hard it was fun.

[MrsAmera 41]

My situation is a little different but I'll offer input. My son was 6 months old when I met my husband. His father was 100% out of the picture (by his choice not mine). By the time my husband got here my son was 1 1/2. I purposely took him with me to Morocco to spend a summer together with my husband. This was very important to me because I knew that my husband would not only be my husband but a father to my son. I had to make sure that we were compatible not only as a couple but as a family. It did go well, if it wouldn’t have we would have had to end the relationship. I made it clear we were a package deal . My son is now 5 yrs old and we have a 2 yr old together. We function as a nuclear family. My oldest son only knows my husband as his father and so there aren’t really step-parent issues. The biggest difference we had to overcome was style in parenting. In Morocco parents are a lot more passive, children are expected to behave, do what they are told with little interaction from parents. That’s not how I was raised and not how I wanted to raise my own kids. It’s taken us sometime to get to the point we are today and my husband has a ways to go but he’s learning to be more patient and involved with the kids and not to expect so much out of them. When we take them to Morocco his family will probably think we’re too soft on them but I think they are much to hard on their kids!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

i have mixed thought on the raising of their kids, i see how his neice is and she is very spoiled prob never had a spanking in her life, and also the way they raise the kids is NOT to be self sufficience but to stay home and never venture far from the parents or is it just my family there? His youngest brother now has a gf from the states there and the mother is throwing a hissy that she doesnt want him to go (hes not that close to a decision) but at 20 something his mentality is not that of a working man that would be ready to go out and work and support a family but more to do sport and go surfing all day but this is the way he was allowed to be

Edited February 15, 2009 by brnidokiegurl

[childress_london 3]

Thanks for your comments!

[nunyab 0]

Always here for you... good question btw

[Sandrila 1]

My situation is a little different but I'll offer input. My son was 6 months old when I met my husband. His father was 100% out of the picture (by his choice not mine). By the time my husband got here my son was 1 1/2. I purposely took him with me to Morocco to spend a summer together with my husband. This was very important to me because I knew that my husband would not only be my husband but a father to my son. I had to make sure that we were compatible not only as a couple but as a family. It did go well, if it wouldn’t have we would have had to end the relationship. I made it clear we were a package deal . My son is now 5 yrs old and we have a 2 yr old together. We function as a nuclear family. My oldest son only knows my husband as his father and so there aren’t really step-parent issues. The biggest difference we had to overcome was style in parenting. In Morocco parents are a lot more passive, children are expected to behave, do what they are told with little interaction from parents. That’s not how I was raised and not how I wanted to raise my own kids. It’s taken us sometime to get to the point we are today and my husband has a ways to go but he’s learning to be more patient and involved with the kids and not to expect so much out of them. When we take them to Morocco his family will probably think we’re too soft on them but I think they are much to hard on their kids!

I think the styles in parenting stem alot from our cultures. Being born American, I do like the idea of us being more interactive with our children, that children are entitled to their feelings and opinions and that they live a priviledge life. However, with alot of these points come excessiveness which is not good. I appreciate the fact that my husband would raise "our" child much differently and I do because I see how much lack of discipline from a very early age, too much catering to the childrens' every whim and too many material "things" can cause the child to be far too spoiled, unappreciative and irresponsible.

I see it in my own children, from how I was raised and how I raised them, and quite frankly after traveling to less priviledged, commercial and materialistic countries I find the children there to be very GOD fearing, extremely respectful to their parents (regardless of what they can provide or how hard they were on them) and shockingly well behaved.

Whatever is going on in those families, I think alot of parents here would benefit greatly from taking some tips from the more old fashioned, rigid ways, not only from MENA households but from households of even our grandparents and great grandparents.