If you had known then what you know now??

[nunyab 0]

ooohh you know that's a good idea cause my friend (another vjr) her husband had a 10 $ bill and took the bus and handed it to the bus driver and didn't get change thinking that the bus was really expensive.

my husband saw me use the ATM and his mother does but not sure he knows how to use it as a money device.

[M_n_M 1]

Hey guys...

I've been reading everyone's responses for a while now (I made it to page 9 and then really felt like responding). Some of the things written are super funny, some are super scary...lol. But here is my two cents. I've been living with my hubby in Iran for the past two months (just visiting... and getting his NVC stage completed). Even though we're not in the US together yet, I do anticipate the home sickness, and the phone calls, and the job stuff...but we're both going to be continuing our education, and probably living at my parents house until we find our own place once he does move over. But in terms of doing things in the house and what not. My husband does the laundry, washes dishes (when I spend a lot of time on dinner), vacuums, and MAN are his closets and drawers clean and organized!!!! In our relationship, HE has to keep ME in check when it comes to the house chores (although I admit, I'm pretty much where I should be now, he's helped a lot). He doesn't expect much though... our relationship is very understanding and we're super accommodating of each other. Thank God for everything really. I'm happy I don't have to deal with a lot of what some of you guys have to deal with...although I must say I'm jealous of your patience. I think though the hard part will start once he actually moves to the US.

Good luck everyone!!

[ya falaha! 0]

I just read this thread well not the entire thing but you know. I have to admit I can relate to a lot of the list hehaditcoming created. If I had more time I'd elaborate. I'm sorry but I just can't believe some of y'all don't relate to *any* of that list. We are talking men, MENA men specifically. They aren't the easiest dudes to live with.

If I had known then what I know now? Hmmm honestly, I'm not sure I'd have gone through with this. No my husband isn't awful and he doesn't cheat and do all that sordid ####### that I read here sometimes. It's just a rough road that I didn't consider to its full extent. And maybe I'm just a little selfish and tired in my advancing age (mid 30s) to deal with the hand holding that comes with marrying and importing these men.

[JODO 2]

I just read this thread well not the entire thing but you know. I have to admit I can relate to a lot of the list hehaditcoming created. If I had more time I'd elaborate. I'm sorry but I just can't believe some of y'all don't relate to *any* of that list. We are talking men, MENA men specifically. They aren't the easiest dudes to live with.

If I had known then what I know now? Hmmm honestly, I'm not sure I'd have gone through with this. No my husband isn't awful and he doesn't cheat and do all that sordid ####### that I read here sometimes. It's just a rough road that I didn't consider to its full extent. And maybe I'm just a little selfish and tired in my advancing age (mid 30s) to deal with the hand holding that comes with marrying and importing these men.

Moody you are the real deal. Now on to read that list!

[sandinista! 1,816]

I just read this thread well not the entire thing but you know. I have to admit I can relate to a lot of the list hehaditcoming created. If I had more time I'd elaborate. I'm sorry but I just can't believe some of y'all don't relate to *any* of that list. We are talking men, MENA men specifically. They aren't the easiest dudes to live with.

If I had known then what I know now? Hmmm honestly, I'm not sure I'd have gone through with this. No my husband isn't awful and he doesn't cheat and do all that sordid ####### that I read here sometimes. It's just a rough road that I didn't consider to its full extent. And maybe I'm just a little selfish and tired in my advancing age (mid 30s) to deal with the hand holding that comes with marrying and importing these men.

honestly, no. that guy sounds like a complete #######. but that's not to say that it's not a huge change to be married and living with a man. it is. and is made even more interesting by the fact that a lot of things are different because my husband immigrated here from a place that's very different from the us. but the huge amount of underlying disrespect and loathing that must exist in order to behave like that woman's husband is a completely foreign concept. bickering, misunderstandings, ridiculously petty arguments sometimes, yeah. but blatant disrespect like that for me and my belongings...no way.

[ya falaha! 0]

I'm not referring to the disrespectful parts or the really ridiculous jerky parts. I'm talking more about the frustrating culture clash type stuff and the being clueless parts. Basically what I'm saying is, it's not a smooth, uneventful ride. I'm sure a lot of the ppl in this forum have been able to get past that stuff and have learned to live harmoniously. Maybe those ppl aren't as picky as I am. Or maybe they're able to see past the heaps of frustration to see the rainbow at the end. I've seen glimpses of the rainbow but then the clouds roll back in.

[sandinista! 1,816]

got it

[amal 4]

I just read this thread well not the entire thing but you know. I have to admit I can relate to a lot of the list hehaditcoming created. If I had more time I'd elaborate. I'm sorry but I just can't believe some of y'all don't relate to *any* of that list. We are talking men, MENA men specifically. They aren't the easiest dudes (Interesting tid bit...did u know that "dude", in arabic, means "booger") to live with.

If I had known then what I know now? Hmmm honestly, I'm not sure I'd have gone through with this. No my husband isn't awful and he doesn't cheat and do all that sordid ####### that I read here sometimes. It's just a rough road that I didn't consider to its full extent. And maybe I'm just a little selfish and tired in my advancing age (mid 30s) to deal with the hand holding that comes with marrying and importing these men.

I agree 100% I would really have to do some SERIOUS considerating if the opportunity came to do it again. I love my husband but it's not a cake walk for sure (in our relationship)

I'm not referring to the disrespectful parts or the really ridiculous jerky parts. I'm talking more about the frustrating culture clash type stuff and the being clueless parts. Basically what I'm saying is, it's not a smooth, uneventful ride. I'm sure a lot of the ppl in this forum have been able to get past that stuff and have learned to live harmoniously. Maybe those ppl aren't as picky as I am. Or maybe they're able to see past the heaps of frustration to see the rainbow at the end. I've seen glimpses of the rainbow but then the clouds roll back in.

I totally feel ya here too. We have our good times and they are just as good as the bad times are bad. Right now..the storms are-a-brewing again ... If u ever wanna talk..u know where I'm at!

amal

Edited February 11, 2009 by amal

[sereia 0]

In total agreement, Moody!

[honeyblonde 0]

I didn't read the whole thread yet, but in response to what Moody said, it is really slow for some of them to adjust, and a lot of it has to do with a huge mix of their expectations, their previous travel experience, work experience, driving experience, etc.

Abdel has been here over 3 years now and I would say that in the past 6 months many of the huge clouds have started to lift. Some of the more recent developments are:

- He is finally getting a good grasp of the bills and money and the budget.

- He actually washed his car and detailed it for the first time - after it was paid off. To me this showed pride in ownership - something really new for him since he came from an extremely poor family and had absolutely nothing to call his own.

- He's finally talking to his family more and I actually heard him tell his little sister who just moved to Canada to be with her husband "Don't call home so much, you'll get addicted to it. Find things to do there to help you adjust." I found this ironic since he wouldn't call home hardly at all his first couple of years. He felt like he was disappointing them by not sending home as much money as he wanted to then.

- He has finally found an amount to send home that has a cap. Before he could send as much as he wanted, there was no cap. It was just never enough.

- He has finally admitted there is a cost of living difference (that one took forever!)

- He finally admits that culture shock is a real experience for immigrants to and from anywhere, and that he did suffer from it.

- He has started pulling out his wallet in restaurants instead of letting me pick up the tab (we have a joint account, so it was both our money anyway, but now he grasps the expectation in general that the man pays the bill.) The down side of that is that he tips $15 no matter how much the tab and when I tell him that is 50% sometimes, he says "If I made my day, why shouldn't I help someone else make theirs?" How on earth do I argue with that? I'm generous too, but that's a little overboard to me.

- He has finally agreed to get an annual physical exam. That one took a few people around us dying of cancer and his older sister finding out she is diabetic before he relented. He thought all doctors here were just out to get all of his money.

- He finally has grasped that sometimes we have to use credit no matter how much we hate it.

- I can ride with him and not dig holes in his seats with my nails, or gasp.

I could go on forever probably, but what I'm trying to say is that they do get better. They are learning a whole new life and for many of them they are also learning so many skills they never had. It does take the patience of god and sometimes even that doesn't seem to be enough. I wonder how I made it through the past 3 years without biting off the tip of my tongue but one thing that must not be said, no matter how difficult it is, is "I told you so."

There's an old saying that "It's always darkest before the dawn" and in these relationships, that is often true. Just when you think they aren't going to ever "get" something, they have a sudden breakthrough and it's like they've always known it.

Honestly though, I don't think I'd do it again if something happened between us. Then again, who knows.

[allousa 1]

I just read this thread well not the entire thing but you know. I have to admit I can relate to a lot of the list hehaditcoming created. If I had more time I'd elaborate. I'm sorry but I just can't believe some of y'all don't relate to *any* of that list. We are talking men, MENA men specifically. They aren't the easiest dudes to live with.

If I had known then what I know now? Hmmm honestly, I'm not sure I'd have gone through with this. No my husband isn't awful and he doesn't cheat and do all that sordid ####### that I read here sometimes. It's just a rough road that I didn't consider to its full extent. And maybe I'm just a little selfish and tired in my advancing age (mid 30s) to deal with the hand holding that comes with marrying and importing these men.

JUST WHAT DO YOU MEAN...WILLIS????? We are the same age (I may be just slightly advanced as I haven't hit the "4-0", yet)....

Amen to all that you said sister friend! It IS a very rough road just dealing with all of the cultural differences. Our case is so different than most because I met him while he was here in the States and we dated and married while he was living here, BUT, we did have to do the whole readjustment thing when he came back from being stuck in Morocco for 4 years. It has been real H-E-L-L at times and there are times that I thought I would never go back and do this again...until...I see my precious little boy. I would do it a thousand times over just to have him in my life!

Edited February 11, 2009 by allousa

[sereia 0]

It's just a rough road that I didn't consider to its full extent. And maybe I'm just a little selfish and tired in my advancing age (mid 30s) to deal with the hand holding that comes with marrying and importing these men.

I'm not quite there but I think it's still tiring regardless of age!

[MrsAmera 41]

honeyblonde - you're right. We still have some clouds but they're starting to clear (husband has been here 3 yrs and 1 month). Just in the last few months his tune has really started to change. I see that he's finally grasping things and really opening up about what life was like when he first came. He's admitted a lot of things I never thought he would. He also has told me recently that I was an angel for putting up with all his mood swings in depression. Just last night one of his friends who is from Marrakech was visiting with his wife from Pennsylvania and he told him "American is really nice, you just need to get used to it." (his friend has been here 6 months). OMG NEVER did I think he would say that!

[Jenn! 918]

One of the things that I've concluded from the whole adjustment process is that Morocco and Italy are a whole lot more similar in terms of culture/behavior/lifestyle than Morocco and the U.S.! The laid-back attitude just does not fly here most of the time. I wonder how we'd do in, say, Singapore.

[sereia 0]

Get the canes out!!!