Risks associated with marrying a foreign girl

[InnocentBystander 0]

But I do think it's insulting when men come on here and act as though American women suck and aren't worth their time....

American women don't suck, but many of them seem to have their priorities mixed up. Of course, there are good and bad people everywhere. Most what I would consider "good" American women are already in a steady relationship of some sort or are married. The singles crowd is utterly ridiculous. It's all about how tight your "game" is and nothing is sacred anymore. There are many aspects of American culture I simply do not identify with. I can socialize with just about any sort of crowd, but marrying them is a totally different story.

[William33 110]

But I do think it's insulting when men come on here and act as though American women suck and aren't worth their time....

American women don't suck, but many of them seem to have their priorities mixed up. Of course, there are good and bad people everywhere. Most what I would consider "good" American women are already in a steady relationship of some sort or are married. The singles crowd is utterly ridiculous. It's all about how tight your "game" is and nothing is sacred anymore. There are many aspects of American culture I simply do not identify with. I can socialize with just about any sort of crowd, but marrying them is a totally different story.

Do not falsely believe that a woman from another country will be any different, in terms of compatibility and long term stability. It's all about the couple and their ability to work at the relationship to find success. Americans are lazy about working at relationships. If you have two Americans involved, you have exponentially increased the odds of failure.

At the end of the day, you will still need to work hard to remain happy, irrespective of origin.

Edited December 26, 2008 by William33

[minnew 4]

You ask me and my fiance 4 years ago before we started dating....Do you ever think you would end up with a Canadian/American? The answer was no, I went to school in the U.S. I had no intent of staying in the U.S. or meeting the love of my life. Yes divorce rates are high, probably even higher so when you mix in immigration. I am marrying an enlisted serviceman,the divorce rates in the military have always been high, its just something that happens and sometimes people think "that would never happen to me." I do not like looking at those statistics, but they are real. All I know is that I am willing to make the relationship work whatever obstacle comes our way, and that's what a marriage is all about, two people who love each other enough to make it work. I guess its like the saying Love conquers all!!

[Teacher Mark 53]

....this forum seems very friendly and insightful.

Stick around friend!

be gentle, he's new.

use the good lube ...

Hello all. I didn't really know where to post this question, but this forum seems very friendly and insightful. My question is to those men (or women) from the USA who have married a foreign bride. FWIW, I do not assume there are more or less risks involved in marrying a foreigner than there is in marrying an American. I'm a little naive on the subject and I'd like to learn more.

I read divorce rates for K1 and K3 visa marriages are roughly 20%, which is great compared to the 50+% rates for American marriages. Do the rates vary much based on region? For instance, is the divorce rate higher for those marriages where the bride comes from Southeast Asia or the Caribbean, than say a bride from Russia or Norway? I have met some very sweet foreign girls, but I will be honest... my American buddies always tell me to watch out. They say they only want a visa.

I am not the sort of person who discriminates. I don't assume somebody from another nation has lesser values than I do, just because I am from the USA. To that extent, I will confess that I believe most normal men and women want something tangible in a partner. Whether it be money, security, love, his/her smile, his/her sense of humor. I think this is somewhat true at least.

There was this one cute Russian girl working at the beach and she called me after I gave her my number. She had to return home after the summer, but she was very sweet. All my friends told me she's Russian and that automatically means she loves you first and foremost because you can give her a green card and a better standard of living. Truth be told, I can't blame Russian girls if that is true. I mean, who wouldn't want a better standard of living? I think that's normal.

Perhaps some of you can shed more light on this subject. I ask this question, because it's a little scary nowadays to marry an American girl. The odds are against you. The statistics reveal over half the marriages end within a few years. So, by marrying an American girl, chances are I will be divorced and have to give up half of what I earned during that time we were married (regardless of whether she helped contribute to that). Even couples that have the best of intentions going in often end up in divorce. It's a little crazy if you ask me. So, I'm interested in the possibility of finding a girl in Russia or maybe some other country. Why is there such a stigma and no such stigma for American-American marriages?

You're an adult (I assume) so maybe it's time to start acting like one.

You can chart your own course or you can let your peers decide for you. Put another way, you can be a wolf or you can be a sheep.

Your entire article reeks of someone who cares way too much about what other people think.

Getting over that is step 1. Before you find a wife, find yourself.

I rest my case (Insightful? Yes. Friendly? Not so much) !

Edited December 26, 2008 by Joe Six-Pack

[Tahoma 2,292]

Hello all. I didn't really know where to post this question, but this forum seems very friendly and insightful. My question is to those men (or women) from the USA who have married a foreign bride. FWIW, I do not assume there are more or less risks involved in marrying a foreigner than there is in marrying an American. I'm a little naive on the subject and I'd like to learn more.

I read divorce rates for K1 and K3 visa marriages are roughly 20%, which is great compared to the 50+% rates for American marriages. Do the rates vary much based on region? For instance, is the divorce rate higher for those marriages where the bride comes from Southeast Asia or the Caribbean, than say a bride from Russia or Norway? I have met some very sweet foreign girls, but I will be honest... my American buddies always tell me to watch out. They say they only want a visa.

I am not the sort of person who discriminates. I don't assume somebody from another nation has lesser values than I do, just because I am from the USA. To that extent, I will confess that I believe most normal men and women want something tangible in a partner. Whether it be money, security, love, his/her smile, his/her sense of humor. I think this is somewhat true at least.

There was this one cute Russian girl working at the beach and she called me after I gave her my number. She had to return home after the summer, but she was very sweet. All my friends told me she's Russian and that automatically means she loves you first and foremost because you can give her a green card and a better standard of living. Truth be told, I can't blame Russian girls if that is true. I mean, who wouldn't want a better standard of living? I think that's normal.

Perhaps some of you can shed more light on this subject. I ask this question, because it's a little scary nowadays to marry an American girl. The odds are against you. The statistics reveal over half the marriages end within a few years. So, by marrying an American girl, chances are I will be divorced and have to give up half of what I earned during that time we were married (regardless of whether she helped contribute to that). Even couples that have the best of intentions going in often end up in divorce. It's a little crazy if you ask me. So, I'm interested in the possibility of finding a girl in Russia or maybe some other country. Why is there such a stigma and no such stigma for American-American marriages?

You're an adult (I assume) so maybe it's time to start acting like one.

You can chart your own course or you can let your peers decide for you. Put another way, you can be a wolf or you can be a sheep.

Your entire article reeks of someone who cares way too much about what other people think.

Getting over that is step 1. Before you find a wife, find yourself.

Let's see if I understand this advice...

> It is childish to have a conversation about one of the most important decisions of your life.

> The world is black and white...there are no shades of gray.

> Never listen to anyone...their opinions, advice, and information don't matter.

> Tearing someone down helps them find themself.

I can hardly wait for step 2.

[Saddle Bronc 124]

What happens if the American in question is a naturalised immigrant?

[justashooter 430]

All my friends told me she's Russian and that automatically means she loves you first and foremost because you can give her a green card and a better standard of living. Truth be told, I can't blame Russian girls if that is true. I mean, who wouldn't want a better standard of living? I think that's normal.

russian/chinese women have a high rate of fraudulent K1 intent. middle eastern and north or west african men and jamaican men do, as well. we all know this from empirical evidence, some of which can be gleaned from this board. caveat emptor. asian women in general are more family oriented and commit at a deeper level that western women, but only if they regard you as "part of the family". getting into the family requires that you accept and invest in her family, as much as you expect her to accept and invest in yours.

it is mature of you to admit that any woman who is worth having is wise enough to look at the package she is considering from all angles. it shows good judgement, and should be expected. love is earned in many different ways. it is not all about mushy emotions, and involves practicality. the strongest marraiges are based in practicality and enhanced by mush.

go with your heart, but keep your eyes open, and keep listening to the advice of people that are willing to let you grow, but concerned about your safety.

[CaNdiD wiTcH 0]

Where you find your true love is not limited to any specific area, but for now at least, limited to the earth.

I totally agree..

[almaty 19]

brother arijit is correct..there is no magic answer as everyone from everywhere is different...just because someone is from the PIs ..does not mean they will be as obedient/loving as a Yellow Lab.

the answer lies within you...not in others...no charge ..Drs. Dean and Arijit...Counseling and Empathy Lab,Inc.

[Teacher Mark 53]

brother arijit is correct..there is no magic answer as everyone from everywhere is different...just because someone is from the PIs ..does not mean they will be as obedient/loving as a Yellow Lab.

the answer lies within you...not in others...no charge ..Drs. Dean and Arijit...Counseling and Empathy Lab,Inc.

[almaty 19]

lol..brother joe..

[missmissy 38]

I understand the concept of trying to beat the odds and using statistics to better your chances of a succesful marriage but - in college I took a class called "How to Lie With Statistics." Numbers can be slanted to represent any viewpoint and cannot be relied upon entirely. It takes two to make a relationship work, no matter where you are from or where your spouse is from. If both parties are not totally committed then it will fail. I am an American woman and I hate to see us characterized as "bad marriage material" or "lazy in our relationships." I am neither. There are lazy people everywhere, not just here.

[mrsjohnsonscat 7]

As noted, there is great danger in using statistical data to make a decision.

Let's look at the over 50% of American marriages fail as being a true statement of fact. The next question you should ask yourself, is why is it 50%? Is is because it's relatively easy for people to get married without even the bare minimum of knowlegde about their partner? Is it because it's relatively easy to acquire a divorce?

Now compare one data point: Ease of marriage and the foreigns spouse.

In most cases it is not easy to get married to a foreign spouse. Few countries will allow a foreigner to walk into an county court and get married. They require paper work and usually waiting period. That along allows for a period of "cooling off".

OK, now you're married; next you have to bring your bride home. How long will that take? 30, 60, 90, 120, 180 days if you're lucky; unlucky...well read the boards.

The very process of marrying a foreign spouse requires the very thing that most Americans don't display in the process of getting married...patience and research.

Is there any wonder the divorce rates are so different?

My point is, sure statistical data can tell you somethings, but without understanding what causes the numbers to be what they are; the data is nearly worthless because you are unable to make an informed decision; just one based on what you think the numbers mean.

Edited December 26, 2008 by mrsjohnsonscat

[JVKn'CVO 11]

brother arijit is correct..there is no magic answer as everyone from everywhere is different...just because someone is from the PIs ..does not mean they will be as obedient/loving as a Yellow Lab.

the answer lies within you...not in others...no charge ..Drs. Dean and Arijit...Counseling and Empathy Lab,Inc.

Saludos,

Caro

[Henia 11]

have chosen to reply to this thread for 2 reasons:

1, I am a immigrant to the US who has married/filed for a foreign spouse

2, I used to work in immigrant help center in Detroit, MI area as a translator, before moving aboard.

I agree with many of the comments made here on this thread, but most of all Justashooter. He nailed the blacklisted countries down pat buuuut also he said that it doesn't apply to all people from those countries.

If you look to countries with low standard of living ... surely you will find more people there looking for an easy way out ... for any wa out … then surely you understand how easy it is for the human psyche to live in a “lie” for a couple of years when the end result is so sweet …. not to mention easy. But this is where common sense comes in... You cannot blind yourself with the whole "love" illusion. And I think you should not jump into things ... real love/relationships take time ... understanding and work. I mean, you two met then “fall in love” after a short whirlwind weekend (maybe even a roll in the hay) then your sweetheart is e-mailing visa applications then something is obviously wrong.

I am the American... also an immigrant myself. I dated American men ... and been around American culture to see marriage isn't top priority for most. Gone is the dreams of white weddings and babies … in are the dreams of corporate climbing and getting rich. But when you think about it ... when you can have sex without strings, welfare system to support unplanned children, etc then of course marriage isn't a prerequisite for a relationship. I hate to say it but I found in the US everyone wants everything fast ... fast route to sex, money, position etc. I wonder where 'best things come to those who wait' went to?! But saying that, this also applies for other countries as well not just the US. These types of new millennium morales are infiltrating across the globe.

Sure, there are still some really great people out there … caring about doing the right thing, real sincere individuals … but the more traditional people … most of them are not in the mainstream. Most of them live in Utah or Pennsylvania I think. It is rather hard to find these days a 20 year old virgin whose only dream in life is having that specular white wedding with the person of their dreams … esp one who is interesting, attractive and thinking similarly as you. Then add a few bad relationships into the mix … can you honestly blame an American man or women for seeking a foreigner's had in marriage? Images of the exotic come into the mind … maybe even visions of the old days … sure life would seem simple enough then. You never saw June Clever chewing out her husband about the bills … nor did you see him calling his wife fat, did you now? It was just all Bobby socks … find the 'One', fall in love, marry, bring them over and …. live happily ever after. Right?

Unfortunately, many Americans learn the hard way how dishonest some foreigners can be in their desperation to obtain permanent residence in the United States. Even the worse of food tastes like ambrosia when one is gripped with hunger -- a need that quickly disappears the minute unscrupulous foreigners get their papers. Many are so unscrupulous that they violate law …..and not to mention break their spouses' hearts.

It is rather easy for any person to get a feel for what that American is seeking … then develop that image … into this tangible dream life that they seek. I have unfortunately seen with my own two eyes how much lies are out … we used to (sorry to say) laugh how gallible people were.

So as I said before, that is where common sense comes into play. And some background information.

Lack of access to the foreigner's records in the foreigner's home country -- Unless the American citizen is familiar with bureaucratic protocol in the foreigner's country, the American has no access to the foreigner's records.

Lack of knowledge of the foreigner's culture

What are the cultural norms of the prospective spouse? How will their family react to the relationship? This takes a lot of time to really be there, living with your SO among their people to get a feel for what you are really getting yourself into. Almost always they show you the best face on those short visits.

Inability to speak the foreigner's language

This is self-explanatory. Even though English is the Business language throughout the world, that does not mean everyone knows it. It is rather difficult to establish a relationship with a person you cannot speak with. And even more difficult to decipher what is laying around in the background (what they donnot want you to know).

Problems associated with the foreigner's home country's relationship with international organizations like The Hague Conference on Private International Affairs 

Currently there are about 69 nations who are members of The Hague's Conference on Private International Law The Hague's Conference on Private International Law. While the member nations do not agree on everything, there is some level of order with regard to settling basic legal matters like child support, service of process, enforcement of decisions dealing with maintenance, etc.

Also some things to ponder for when they arrive:

Foreigner's ability to claim that he/she was assaulted by the American citizen without providing proof Most Americans do not know that foreign spouses who apply for permanent residence can expedite their requests by accusing their American spouses of domestic abuse. What is even worse is that the American spouse does not even know that the foreign spouse has filed a complaint against him/her with immigration -- a complaint against which the American spouse cannot defend him/herself (see http://www.immigrationfraudvictims.us/about.html).

American citizen is financially responsible for the foreigner for the next 10 years

One act of dishonesty that I am sure is prevalent with green-card-challenged foreigners is their refusal to tell the American sponsor that he/she is financially responsible for the sponsor for the next 10 years. If the sponsor becomes sick, loses a job or experiences some other economic disaster, the U.S. government makes certain that the sponsor cannot be found eligible for any economic benefits granted to poverty-stricken Americans.

Finally, I would like say marriage with a foreigner … someone from another culture can be amazing in more ways then one --- so donnot knock it until you have tried it.