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Posted

Pa dagdag din :)

Misis: " Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister

ko kasi dinala niya ang limang anak namin."

Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"

Misis: " Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang

naman ang sa iyo diyan!"

_______________________________________________________________

Bisaya 1: " Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan."!

Bisaya 2: " Dili bay!"

Bisaya 1: " Kay Hipi?"

Bisaya 2: " Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan.

Gisulat niya sa likud o, "SAFARI."

_______________________________________________________________

Hello! Heto na naman ako. Gulung-gulo ulit ang isip

ko. May nais lang sana akong itanong sa inyo. Alam

ko matutulungan niyo ako. Ang BIRDS FLU ba ay

past tense ng BIRDS FLY?

_______________________________________________________________

Nakasakay ka sa FX, ng ikaw ay mautot. Buti na

lang malakas ang tugtog. Bawat pag-utot, sabay

sa tugtog. Nang ikaw ay bumaba, ang sasama ng

tingin nila sa iyo, bigla mong naalala...naka

Ipod ka pala!

_____________________________________________________________

WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.

HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi

nya "GO TO HELL", kaya eto uwi agad ako.

_______________________________________________________________

Lasing (takot): may multo sa banyo natin!

Wife: ha? Bakit?

Lasing: kasi bumubukas yung ilaw pag papasok ako

ng banyo eh.

Wife: Bwisit ka! ikaw pala umiihi sa ref!

_______________________________________________________________

1st night lola wore see thru dress, lolo didn't

react...

2nd night lola wore t-back, lolo still deadma...

3rd night lola all naked, lolo said "anu yan suot

mo, gusot-gusot!!"

______________________________________________________________

AMO: sagutin mo ang telepon inday!

INDAY: (baligtad ang hawak) hilo? hilo?

AMO: baligtarin mo!

INDAY: lohi? lohi?

AMO: telepon ang baligtarin mo!

INDAY: Puntili, puntili

_______________________________________________________________

Juan: bday ng asawa ko

Pedro: ano regalo mo?

Juan: tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.

P: ano naman sinabi?

J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.

P: ano binigay mo?

J: Baraha.

_______________________________________________________________

KRIMINAL 1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito

dadaan yung papatayin natin?"

KRIMINAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na

tayo dito wala parin siya!

Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya."

__________________________________________________________

Mula dito sa Bicol..... Maogmang Pasko sa gabos!!! :dance: :dance: :dance:

K1 Timeline

02/26/2007 - Filed I-129F

03/08/2007 - NOA1

06/05/2007 - NOA2

09/10/2007 - Interview

09/13/2007 - Visa Received

12/14/2007 - Flight to USA, POE-LAX

02/22/2008 - Wedding Date

AOS

05/29/2008 - I-485 received at Chicago Lockbox

06/19/2008 - Biometrics

08/25/2008 - Card production ordered

08/30/2008 - Green Card received

ROC

07/15/2010 - Mailed I-751 to CSC

07/19/2010 - NOA1

07/21/2010 - Check cleared

08/11/2010 - Biometrics

08/24/2010 - Card production ordered

08/27/2010 - Approval notice received

08/30/2010 - Green card received

N400 - Naturalization

08/08/2011 - Mailed N400 to Phoenix, AZ lockbox

08/12/2011 - NOA

08/15/2011 - Check cashed

09/07/2011 - Biometrics

09/09/2011 - Case status update - In line for testing & interview

09/13/2011 - Case status update - Interview scheduled

09/16/2011 - Interview appointment letter received from the mail

10/31/2011 - Test/Interview - Passed

12/07/2011 - In line for Oath Ceremony Scheduling

01/27/2012 - Oath Ceremony

Filed: K-3 Visa Country: Philippines
Timeline
Posted
:rofl::rofl:

My son named Zac

"My son's smile makes my day complete"

zac-1.jpg

VErqm5.png

MY K3 TIMELINE purple4.gifVid of how I prepared my interview documents purple.gifPapers that I brought on my USEM interview

AOS TIMELINE

06.17.2010 - submitted our papers

06.19.2010 - papers arrived at Chicago lockbox

06.24.2010 - Check cashed

06.28.2010 - NOA1 Hardcopy received (9 days from the day they got our papers)

07.05.2010 - Received Biometrics Schedule (July 26)

08.05.2010 - Biometrics done! (had to re-schedule from 7/26 to 8/5)

08.13.2010 - Got my interview letter

08.20.2010 - EAD card on production

09.06.2010 - Got my EAD Card (62 days)

09.07.2010 - Applied for SSN

09.14.2010 - SSN Card received

09.16.2010 - Interview schedule (APPROVED)

09.20.2010 - Welcome Notice Received ("Welcome to the USA")

09.25.2010 - 10 yr Green Card received! (98 days)

Posted

:lol::lol::lol:

padagdag din:

_______

ANG NAKARAAN..

May ibinulong ang daga sa elepante..

Biglang hinimatay ang elepante. Ano ang ibinulong ng daga?

DAGA: Buntis ako, ikaw ang ama!

SA PAGPAPATULOY..

Dahil di makapaniwala ang elepante, dinala niya ang daga sa doctor.

Tuwang-tuwa ang elepante at masayang ibinulong sa daga ang resulta ng ultrasound.

Biglang hinimatay ang daga. Ano ang ibinulong ng elepante?

ELEPANTE: Ako nga ang ama at elepante ang anak natin. Kambal sila!

:lol:

___________

BF: (nagdridrive) babe pakiss na man o..

GF: Ano ka ba? nag dridrive ka eh, gusto mo bang mabunggo tayo? ako na lang kikiss sayo..

BF: Ok, game babe..

GF:hmm, pikit ka muna..

:lol:

___________

Nalubog ang barko, patay lahat ng tao sa trahedya. Isang kuba ang naiwan..

KUBA: halika pating.. kainin mo na ako. wala ng silbi ang buhay ko!

PATING: huwag mo kong linlangin. turtle ka!

:lol:

___________

Sa isang barrio..

BISITA: Tatang naiinom po ba tubig dito?

TATANG: Nasa sayo yan anak kung gusto mong nguyain...

:lol:

___________

Merry Christmas to all!!!! :D:D:D

N400 timeline:

04/17/2013 - sent N400
05/06/2013 - biometrics letter notice date
05/17/2013 - biometrics appointment

05/21/2013 - in line for interview

07/08/2013 - actual interview date

07/19/2013 - oath ceremony

Mom's IR5

10/15/2013 - sent I130

10/16/2013 - receipt date on NOA1 (Overland Park, Kansas)

11/22/2013 - received notice, case transferred to TSC

12/13/2013 - Email update, Petition approved!

01/23/2014 - case transferred to NVC

03/04/2014 - case number assigned

03/06/2014 - submitted DS-261

03/07/2014 - paid AOS Fee

03/19/2014 - sent AOS package

03/25/2014 - paid IV Fee

03/29/2014 - submitted DS260

03/31/2014 - sent DS-260(IV) civil documents

04/08/2014 - IV and AOS Checklist (I864A - incomplete information (place of residence))

04/09/2014 - sent AOS checklist

04/21/2014 - false AOS checklist

05/07/2014 - email notification for case complete

05/14/2014 - received appointment interview letter via email

05/15/2014 - CEAC status "In Transit" to consulate (US Embassy, Manila)

06/11/2014 - interview @ 6:15am (PASSED)

06/11/2014 - CEAC status "ISSUED" (visa is authorized for printing)

07/??/2014 - flight to US POE Detroit

it is all by the grace of God!

Filed: Country: Philippines
Timeline
Posted

I just want to add these unintended jokes in our many dialects:

To illustrate the complexity and superiority of Kapampangan over Tagalog an unhatched egg which was itlog on the road from Manila to Bulacan became an ebun when it crossed the river into Apalit.

To complete this theory that Kapampangan was "more advanced" than Tagalog there's the example of the very same bird or ibon in Tagalog that became ayup in Kapampangan.

Raised in a multi-lingual household I got confused because I remember my mother ordering the gardener to get rid of ants (langgam in Tagalog) and our Visayan gardener chased the birds away.

My adventures in mistranslation have caused many embarrassing situations that have become simply amusing in retrospect. In my youth I was nearly thrown out of a bakery in Spain when I asked for the price of mamon in the display case.

I learned later that these were called magdalenas and that mamon was the vulgar term for breasts. A friend in Madrid wanted to buy canned goods at a grocery and asked for preservativas. She was surprised to be given a choice of condoms because the correct term for canned goods was conservas.

Then of course, everyone knows why the famous "Pitoy" Moreno uses his Christian name and is billed as "Jose Moreno" in Spain. Pitoy translates into ####### and moreno means dark.

We not only have problems with Spanish, but with English as well. A Filipino in London once complained about the Royal Mail because his letters never reached home.

It was discovered that he did not use the red "post box," he put his letters in the green "litter box" that one found all over the city. That’s not as bad as stories I hear from friends in Philippine Airlines who recounted, complete with actions, how a hysterical stewardess, during an emergency, ordered the passengers to "ejaculate" when she meant evacuate.

Then there was the steward who tried to locate the proud owner of a pair of glasses that were lost and found. He got on the loudspeaker and announced that he had found a pair of "testicles" when he actually meant "spectacles."

Other examples abound, once, while I was walking around the Dagupan market I was surprised to overhear someone ask a vendor antutan? What sounded like the Pilipino word for intercourse actually meant "what is that?"

Our jokes, our texts, our speech are funny because we think in many languages flitting from English to Pilipino to Spanish to other Philippine languages creating culture-based puns only Pinoys find hilarious.

Remember those jeepney signs that read, "God knows Hudas not pay." What about mudguards on trucks that read "Safe side" and "Suicide." In terms of surnames, will you give your hard-earned savings to an investment banker named "Lugue" or go to court with "Attorney Pakulong?"

The Philippines is a nation of over 7,000 islands with numerous ethno-linguistic groups, thus it is necessary to have one national language--other than English--but as the above examples have shown a national language can also confuse and delight.

aka Señorita Tessa, Señora Bonita, Mariquita Linda, Muñequita Linda, Amor Perdido y Chaparrita Chula!

Filed: K-3 Visa Country: Philippines
Timeline
Posted (edited)
:lol: Edited by o0pink0o

My son named Zac

"My son's smile makes my day complete"

zac-1.jpg

VErqm5.png

MY K3 TIMELINE purple4.gifVid of how I prepared my interview documents purple.gifPapers that I brought on my USEM interview

AOS TIMELINE

06.17.2010 - submitted our papers

06.19.2010 - papers arrived at Chicago lockbox

06.24.2010 - Check cashed

06.28.2010 - NOA1 Hardcopy received (9 days from the day they got our papers)

07.05.2010 - Received Biometrics Schedule (July 26)

08.05.2010 - Biometrics done! (had to re-schedule from 7/26 to 8/5)

08.13.2010 - Got my interview letter

08.20.2010 - EAD card on production

09.06.2010 - Got my EAD Card (62 days)

09.07.2010 - Applied for SSN

09.14.2010 - SSN Card received

09.16.2010 - Interview schedule (APPROVED)

09.20.2010 - Welcome Notice Received ("Welcome to the USA")

09.25.2010 - 10 yr Green Card received! (98 days)

Posted

Big Girls Dont Cry

May bakla na umamin sa pamilya na bakla siya. At pag maypipanood siyang teleserye at namamatay ang lead na crush niya siya ay naiyak

Habang nanonood ng katapusan ng isang palabas at namatay ang crush niya hindi siya umiyak . Kasama niya tatay niya

Tatay: WOW anak lalaking lalaki na a

Bakal: Siyempre tay alam mo sabi ni Fergie Big Girls Dont Cry.

hahaha :lol:

-------------------------------------------

telephone:kkkkrrrrrrrinngggggggggg

yaya:hello po

lalaki:nasaan girlfriend ko

yaya:nasa taas po ser nakikipaglandian po ser

lalaki:patayin mo sila

yaya:opo

after 3 minuites

yaya:ser patay na po sila

lalaki:tapon mo sila sa swimmng pool

yaya:ser wala po tayong swimming pool

lalaki:ay! sorry wrong number..

hahaha! :lol:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Host: What "K" (kalabaw) is the national animal of the Philippines ?

Contestant: Kuto?

Host: Hinde. Clue, it tills the land.

Contestant: Kutong Lupa!

hahaha! :lol:

F2A

Petitioner (My Mom)

Beneficiary (My Sister 18 y.o)

06-07-19- Sent I-130

06-11-19- NOA1

02-19-20- "Initial Review, Transferred to another Visa Center"

03-11-20- APPROVED!!!

Filed: Country: Philippines
Timeline
Posted

Ambisyoso

EDSON: "Inay, kelan po ba tayo bibili ng bapor?"

SABEL: "Malapit na anak."

EDSON: "Kelan nga po?"

SABEL: "Pag may sarili na tayong dagat!"

Kamote at Sawa

Usapang lasing sa isang kanto.

BLANTE: "Alam mo pare, nag-enjoy talaga ako doon sa bukid ng lolo ko! Minsay naghukay kami ng kamote, biruin mo, nakahukay kami ng kamoteng kasinglaki ng simbahan ng Mariveles?!"

TORANG: "Sisiw yan pare, sa sawang dumaan sa likod-bahay namin! Noong kasalukuyang dumadaan yung ulo nung sawa, nag-aalmusal kami. Noong dumaan yong buntot, naghahapunan na kami!"

BLANTE: "Ang yabang mo naman, pare, may sawa ba namang ganon kahaba? Niloloko mo naman ako eh."

TORANG: "O sige, pare, para magkasundo tayo, liitan mo yung kamote mo at iiksian ko naman yung sawa ko!"

Tiklo

Isang holdaper ang pumasok sa isang bangko. Lumapit siya sa teller at nagbigay ng kapirasong sulat. Ganito ang nakalagay sa sulat: Ilagay mo sa bag ko ang lahat ng pera at wag kang kikilos ng masama!!! Pagkabasa ng teller sa sulat, dalidaling nagsulat ito. Inabot ng teller ang sulat sa holdaper, at ganito ang laman: Ayusin mo ang sarili mo. Ngumiti ka dahil ikaw ay kinukunan ng litrato!!!

Asenso Na

IDOT: "Kumusta na? Long time no see ah!"

BONI: "Kararating ko lang galing sa Africa."

IDOT: "Africa?"

BONI: "Doon kami nadestino."

IDOT: "Hindi ba maraming cannibals doon?"

BONI: "Nakakatakot nga, pero mga edukado na ngayon sila."

IDOT: "Hindi na ba sila kumakain ng tao?"

BONI: "Nangangain pa rin ng tao, pero gumagamit na ng kutsara!"

I Don't Know

TEACHER: "Good morning, class!"

STUDENT: "Good morning, ma'am!"

TEACHER: "Our lesson for today is about Biology, Boni, what is the scientific name of coconut?"

BONI: "Cocos nucifera, ma'am."

TEACHER: "Very good! Chari, stand up! What is the scientific name of papaya?"

CHARI: "Hindikus Alamus!"

Walang Wala

Math ang kasalukuyang subject sa klase ni Mistro Danilo.

MR DANILO: "Dunggaw, apat na mansanas, bawasan mo ng dalawa. Ilan ang natira?"

DUNGGAW: "Dalawa po."

MR DANILO: "Very good! Gary, kung meron akong limang mansanas at kinain ko ang isa, ilan ang natira?"

GARY: "Apat na lang po."

MR DANILO: "Very good! Anton, stand up! May tatlo kang mansanas, ang isa ay inilagay mo sa refrigerator, ilan na lang ang hawak mo?"

ANTON: "Tatlo pa rin po."

MR DANILO: "Bakit?"

ANTON: "Wala po kaming refrigerator eh!"

Siopao

Sa isang paligsahan ng palakihan ng boobs.

HOST: "Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Japan!"

Kasinglaki ng pinggan ang dibdib. Palakpakan ang mga tao.

HOST: "Here's Miss USA!"

Kasinglaki ng unan. Lalong lumakas ang palakpakan.

HOST: "Please welcome, Miss India!"

Kasinglaki ng palanggana ang dibdib. Sigawan ang mga tao.

HOST: "And now, Ladies and gentlemen, last but not the least, Miss Philippines!"

Kasinglaki ng Siopao. "Boo! Boo! Boo!" sabi ng mga tao, "Talo na yan!"

HOST: "Teka! Nipples pa lang yan!"

Posted

CARABAO ENGLISH

EXCERPTS FROM ENGLISH-FILIPINO DICTIONARY:

ASPECT: pantusok / pandurog ng yelo

CITY: bago mag-ocho

DEDUCT: ang bibe

DEFEAT: ang paa

DEPOSIT: ang gripo

DETAIL: ang buntot

DEVASTATION: istasyon ng bus

EFFORT: kung saan nagla-landing ang erflane

MELT: ngamit mantali sa mewang mara indi maulog ang

mantalon

PERSUADING: unang kasal

DEPRESS: ang nagkasal sa persuading

PREDICATE: pakawalan mo ang pusa

PROTESTANT: tindahan ng prutas

STATUE: ikaw ba 'yan?

Agaw-Buhay:

Nakaupo sa tabi ng kanyang asawang agaw-buhay si Juan.

Hawak hawak niya ang kamay nito at nararamdaman ni Juan

na hindi na magtatagal at babawian na ng buhay ang kanyang asawa.

"Juan, bago ako mamatay, mayroon akong gustong ipagtapat

sa iyo."

"Mahal, huwag ka ng magsalita at makakasama pa sa iyo."

"Pero Juan, kailangan talagang malaman mo na........"

"Sssshhhh, kung ano man iyon ay hindi na mahalaga, ang

importante ay nasa tabi mo ako sa huling sandali mo

rito sa mundo."

"Juan, nais kong ipagtapat sa iyo na pinag-taksilan kita

sana ay patawarin mo ako."

"Alam ko iyon, kaya nga kita NILASON."

TAGALOG CLASS

Teacher: O.k. class, today we will be

translating english to tagalog. Who

would like to go first?

Student 1: I will go first mam.

Teacher: I want you to translate "I have a blue

book" in tagalog.

Student 1: That's easy mam. "Meron

akong Libro na asul."

Teacher: That's very good. O.k., who

would like to go next?

Student 2: Ako po mam, me, me, right

here, I want to go next.

Teacher: O.k, o.k. I want you to

translate guy, mother, father, and you, and

put in a sentence.

Student 2: Yon lang pala eh, madali

lang yan. "Guy" is Ma, "Mother" is mama,

"Father" is Tay, "You" is Ka.

Teacher: That's good! O.k., now put

it in a sentence.

Student 2: No problem! Mam,

"Ma-Mama-Tay-Ka!

OLD CHINESE IN DEATH BED:

"Akyen junior 'ndyan ba?" "Dito po!"

"Akyen panganay 'ndyan ba?" "Dito

po!" "Akyen daughter 'ndyan ba?" "Dito po!"

"Akyen asawa 'ndyan ba?" "Dito din po!"

"Walahiya! Dito kayo lahat! Wala tao tindahan!"

Dying Chinese: "Ako lapit na patay. Ikaw sabi totoo kung sino ama ng

bunso natin kasi pangit siya kumpala sa 9 kapatid niya."

Wife: "Huwag ka galit siya lang tunay mo anak!"

USE IN A SENTENCE

SPANISH TEACHER: Ok class, use "puera" in a sentence.

STUDENT: Mi maestra es muy bonita.

TEACHER: That's very flattering but where is

the word "puera"?

STUDENT: Puera ka!

Happy New year everyone :)

3561055465_7e32541543_m.jpg3561659436_e8b5cc66fc_m.jpg

"Our Wedding Prayer"

Lord,help us to remember when we first met,and the strong love that grew between us.

To work the love into practical things so nothing can divide us

Grant us a Love that grows stronger with each passing year.

We ask for words both kind and loving

and for hearts always ready to ask forgiveness as well as to forgive.

Guide us to overcome every challenge

and keep our dreams pure to each other always.

Dear Lord,we put our marriage into Your hands.Amen

If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them.
Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Philippines
Timeline
Posted

ENGLISH CLASS: Bawal mag Tagalog.

Pedro: Ma'am. May I got out please?

Teacher: Why Pedro?

Pedro: Because, FATHER, MOTHER, ME!

Teacher: what?????

Pedro: (pinaspapawisan) . . . .TATA, INA, AKO!

AOS -
08-08-08 - Filed AOS with EAD and AP
08-18-08 - NOA for EAD,AP and AOS
08-21-08 - Received Biometrics Appointment Letter
09-09-08 - Biometrics Appointment 10am Kansas City
09-18-08 - I-485 transferred to CSC (got an email from USCIS)
10-07-08 - EAD Touched
10-19-08 - My birthday / Found out I am Pregnant!
10-22-08 - Grief, Pain, Sadness
11-06-08 - EAD card ordered; AP approved (USCIS website)
01-16-09 - AOS Touched
02-23-09 - Green Card (conditional) and welcome letter received in the mail
02-24-09 - Got the job in boyce and bynum lab



"When I bring my worries b4 d throne of Grace, I am at peace bcos I know my God is in full control"

My Website

 
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