What happened to Valsu?

[Old Dominion 26]

It would be a stretch to assume that this particular view or interpretation of this situation would or could be voiced from both sides of the plexiglass window. It is possible though that I (and possibly a few others) am personally guilty of empathizing too much with the other party in this story, and in doing so, am presuming to view this from the inside and not outside of said window. Projecting the viewpoint from across the plexiglass sort of leads one to a different interpretation of these sad events.

The "file then enjoy the benefits of without follow-up" style of following the immigration process happens too often, is extremely upsetting, and goes against every guide, regulation, and immigration law ever written. The endless justification of it, especially followed with the assignment of some kind of "will or miracle of god" directing it, is both offensive and sickening to me. It has nothing to do with the religious views of the poster. It is more related to the implication that this situation is "god-directed" (however one refers to god) rather than "neglect-caused". Leaving that implication out and sticking to facts would make this story a hell of a lot more palatable (spelling?).

I'm sorry, the inference that this situation is somehow some kind of miracle is highly offensive to me. Perhaps if all of us just stick to facts without speaking for or assigning the will or actions of higher powers to those facts then the poster may come off as less offensive.

Assigning your deeds and the resulting consequences to the will of God is pretty arrogant.

Says Jesus (peace be upon him) referring to Bible-thumpers whose actions do not denote their words:

"The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses; therefore, all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

"

Thanks all.

I'm here. Just have been real busy juggling work and the children since school let out for the Holidays, and I'm swamped with "end-of-the-year" paperwork.

Things are great between my wife and I right now, and we now have open communication better than we ever had previously.

We are looking forward to her coming home next week, and her bond hearing will be on the 30th. One judge was willing to do a special early hearing just for us, so we didn't have to wait until the 9th of January.

We're going to wait and celebrate Christmas after she gets released, so we can experience it as a family.

God has answered so many prayers for us, and no matter how many times I witness His miracles, I still stand amazed.

I know for a certainty that there are many people praying for us. I hope the Lord richly blesses everyone who took a moment of their time to remember us in prayer; and again I say, "Thank you."

We are whole again, and soon shall be reunited.

In what way is this comment helpful?

I understand. In some places, mine included, it is common for fundamentalist Christians to use these expressions in ordinary conversation. I notice similar praises being offered here by Muslims. I wonder if his bride has the same religious outlook?

I agree fully with the concern that invoking God can be a cop-out, a way of denying personal responsibility.

[himher 634]

I think that succinctly summarizes the problem. The solution? Finding a non-offensive way to point that out. I, for one, am, at times, sadly lacking in tact. <don't look so stunned> lol

It would be a stretch to assume that this particular view or interpretation of this situation would or could be voiced from both sides of the plexiglass window. It is possible though that I (and possibly a few others) am personally guilty of empathizing too much with the other party in this story, and in doing so, am presuming to view this from the inside and not outside of said window. Projecting the viewpoint from across the plexiglass sort of leads one to a different interpretation of these sad events.

The "file then enjoy the benefits of without follow-up" style of following the immigration process happens too often, is extremely upsetting, and goes against every guide, regulation, and immigration law ever written. The endless justification of it, especially followed with the assignment of some kind of "will or miracle of god" directing it, is both offensive and sickening to me. It has nothing to do with the religious views of the poster. It is more related to the implication that this situation is "god-directed" (however one refers to god) rather than "neglect-caused". Leaving that implication out and sticking to facts would make this story a hell of a lot more palatable (spelling?).

I'm sorry, the inference that this situation is somehow some kind of miracle is highly offensive to me. Perhaps if all of us just stick to facts without speaking for or assigning the will or actions of higher powers to those facts then the poster may come off as less offensive.

Assigning your deeds and the resulting consequences to the will of God is pretty arrogant.

Says Jesus (peace be upon him) referring to Bible-thumpers whose actions do not denote their words:

"The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses; therefore, all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

"

Thanks all.

I'm here. Just have been real busy juggling work and the children since school let out for the Holidays, and I'm swamped with "end-of-the-year" paperwork.

Things are great between my wife and I right now, and we now have open communication better than we ever had previously.

We are looking forward to her coming home next week, and her bond hearing will be on the 30th. One judge was willing to do a special early hearing just for us, so we didn't have to wait until the 9th of January.

We're going to wait and celebrate Christmas after she gets released, so we can experience it as a family.

God has answered so many prayers for us, and no matter how many times I witness His miracles, I still stand amazed.

I know for a certainty that there are many people praying for us. I hope the Lord richly blesses everyone who took a moment of their time to remember us in prayer; and again I say, "Thank you."

We are whole again, and soon shall be reunited.

In what way is this comment helpful?

I understand. In some places, mine included, it is common for fundamentalist Christians to use these expressions in ordinary conversation. I notice similar praises being offered here by Muslims. I wonder if his bride has the same religious outlook?

I agree fully with the concern that invoking God can be a cop-out, a way of denying personal responsibility.

[Mags 112]

Is this the place for this? I mean, really?

If you want to have a discussion about what defines a miracle then please start a thread in Off Topic.

Other than that --------> back on to the original topic please.

[Ban Hammer 13,146]

Is this the place for this? I mean, really?

If you want to have a discussion about what defines a miracle then please start a thread in Off Topic.

Other than that --------> back on to the original topic please.

a miracle is this thread isn't locked yet

[melusine 5]

a miracle is this thread isn't locked yet

LMAO!

[Valsu 1]

I'm finding some of these statements quite atrocious, and I'm not about to waste my time getting into a religous debate. St. Matthew 7:6 makes that point quite clear.

The miracle that God performed was that in spite of the struggles my wife and I have faced, we still love each other and our marriage has been restored.

If it upsets you that my wife and I have worked out our marriage in spite of these immigration and family challenges, then tough. It's too bad that you wish for all things not in relation to yourself to crash and burn, so you can point and laugh at it.

I took responsibility for all of my actions, or the lack thereof, and made right every situation immediately on becoming aware of it. I've made every honest effort to make things right, and my wife has thoroughly appreciated it, noticed and accepted it, and we have both forgiven each other for all things; and shall start fresh upon her release next week. How many men do you know would have done everything in a similar situation to make things right? Be honest with yourself. Only ones who truly love their wives; and I truly love my bride.

Just look around to all of the other threads where some men and women are just giving up on thier relationships for no reason at all. Then search what we faced as a couple, whether circumstantial or self-afflicted, and yet our love has prevailed through it. We found strength in our weaknesses.

You can kick and scream all you want about how "you" feel toward "our" personal life and situation, but at the end of the day we will be the ones working on a happy marriage and making things right in our lives, and moving forward. Whether or not you can forgive me will ultimately never matter.

I'm sure it just boils your blood that through God's help, our marriage was made whole again even through such tempestuous circumstances.

Get angry, laugh, cry, scream, rationalize all you want--I don't really care what you think, "internet tough guy!"

My wife and I are excited and at peace, whether you like it or not. Our love has overcome the trials.

Toward such I will forever say, "To God be the praise!"

Now, cheer up, Uncle Scrooge--it's Christmas time!

Merry Christmas.

Edited December 24, 2008 by Valsu

[YGandMAT 0]

Valsu, I'm happy that you and your wife have worked out your differences. Family is the most important thing in this world, treasure it, hold on to it and never let it go.

Best of luck to both of you (and your family) always.

[justashooter 430]

I took responsibility for all of my actions, or the lack thereof, and made right every situation immediately on becoming aware of it. I've made every honest effort to make things right, and my wife has thoroughly appreciated it, noticed and accepted it, and we have both forgiven each other for all things; and shall start fresh upon her release next week. How many men do you know would have done everything in a similar situation to make things right? Be honest with yourself. Only ones who truly love their wives; and I truly love my bride.

the thing i like most about effusively religious persons is their utter naivete. they think that just because their mind wraps around something, that another's will, as well. self delusion is a powerful binding, and is terribly entertaining to a candid observer.

your wife hasn't forgotten anything that has happened to her. she will balance the scales soon enough. i'm married to an asian woman and we've cohabited for the last 4 years. i know how they think, and what they are capable of. their logic can make a western woman look foolish, and their anger is an ever deepening well. you will fall in soon enough.

[maliciant 7]

I'm going to have to say that while I agree somewhat with justashooter in that things may seem all honkey dory right now and once she's actually out of jail and has the freedom to make a decision of her own again, things may get better... but I disagree with the notion that all asian women think alike, I think the culture of the philippines is VERY different from the culture of china. The culture differences between various asian countries that are connected by land may be less signficantly different but those seperated by oceans will have less direct influence and for example in the philippines, occupation from the spanish has very much influenced the culture (something china for example, didn't experience).

I do doubt that things are really all worked out since right now valsu's wife really doesn't have the freedom to make her own decisions, once she's out of jail, the AOS is official, she'll actually have some degree of freedom that she hasn't had since arriving in the US. Valsu says everything is worked out now but if you asked him before his wife left if there was a serious problem he'd have said there wasn't, he was busy with work and didn't realize there was a problem, hopefully that's not the case again.

[Old Dominion 26]

Let's just hope that love prevails over any barriers to resuming a healthy marriage. As we are taught, "God is Love" and if heartfelt love is missing from a marriage, then God is not present.

[shaggy_mutt 0]

Himher, I don't take Valsu's comment the way you did at all.

He isn't saying that God caused their separation. He's saying that a kind, merciful God - the kind who gave His Son as the sacrifice for our sins - helped two alienated people to reconcile.

I don't see how that could be "offensive and sickening"...

Edited December 26, 2008 by shaggy_mutt

[Valsu 1]

the thing i like most about effusively religious persons is their utter naivete. they think that just because their mind wraps around something, that another's will, as well. self delusion is a powerful binding, and is terribly entertaining to a candid observer.

your wife hasn't forgotten anything that has happened to her. she will balance the scales soon enough. i'm married to an asian woman and we've cohabited for the last 4 years. i know how they think, and what they are capable of. their logic can make a western woman look foolish, and their anger is an ever deepening well. you will fall in soon enough.

Well, I cannot suggest I am being naive about our situation. I'm still the same analytical and rational man I was before, but I've also learned to understand the emotional, cultural and psychological side of my wife--which was lacking before. In addition, she has started communicating with me in ways she would/could not before. I'm not believing things are better because of what I assume her "future will" is going to be. Instead, I'm driving 7 hours either way every time the doors are available for me to see my wife (including Christmas Day), and I am spending 1 on 1 time with her 1-3 hours at a time--depending on how long the facility lets us visit (2-3 times per week).

She sees my devotion to her, and knows how much I love her. The confidence I have in our reconciliation is based off what she has made me to believe--not off of what I am hoping she believes. I have provided her proof for the evidence of my own changes, sacrifices, and commitments--so she knows I'm not playing around with her emotions. The choice(s) we have made was her own, and my own. We discussed, we cried, we prayed, we forgave, and we have come to a place of moving forward from this--by realizing and discussing our mistakes.

I can assure you, she certainly hasn't forgotten anything that has happened--especially things which took place between her and my mother which I never knew about previously. My mother said things to her which I could deem as near unforgivable, and if she ever does forgive her, it will be her choice to do so. All I want is for her to know how much she is loved and appreciated--I'll fight for her happiness, whatever it takes. It is going to take a long while for her to heal, and I'm not oblivious to that at all. It will simply require an extra resource of sensativity and patience on my own behalf.

As for a comparison of asian women, I must gracefully disagree with you. Before I become involved with my now Filipina wife, I had a Chinese girlfriend I met a couple of years after my divorce with my ex--although she eventually had to move away due to family reasons, and we parted ways soon after. While I agree that everything you said about your Chinese wife is true in relation to her, I've found the Filipina personality extremely different. One major difference is religion (Buddhism vs Catholic) predominantly. I don't recall them sharing virtually any asian characteristics that were similar other than both having black hair, and eating rice everyday.

Of course, anyone can change their minds about anything in this day and age, and I certainly hope and pray that will not be the case with my wife. If anything, she currently has me totally convinced that she's very much in love with me, and I'm not about to rob her of the chance to show me if that is truly the case. On the flip side, I'm very grateful that she's giving me another chance to show her how much I love her without the other things weighing against us. Just because the outcomes might be uncertain, it doesn't mean we shouldn't try. I'm sure the Lord will guide us correctly, for as long as we continue to trust in Him.

Edited December 26, 2008 by Valsu

[Valsu 1]

I'm going to have to say that while I agree somewhat with justashooter in that things may seem all honkey dory right now and once she's actually out of jail and has the freedom to make a decision of her own again, things may get better... but I disagree with the notion that all asian women think alike, I think the culture of the philippines is VERY different from the culture of china. The culture differences between various asian countries that are connected by land may be less signficantly different but those seperated by oceans will have less direct influence and for example in the philippines, occupation from the spanish has very much influenced the culture (something china for example, didn't experience).

I do doubt that things are really all worked out since right now valsu's wife really doesn't have the freedom to make her own decisions, once she's out of jail, the AOS is official, she'll actually have some degree of freedom that she hasn't had since arriving in the US. Valsu says everything is worked out now but if you asked him before his wife left if there was a serious problem he'd have said there wasn't, he was busy with work and didn't realize there was a problem, hopefully that's not the case again.

Well, I must say that I agree. Things certainly are not perfect, but with all circumstances considered, we're both just trying to stay positive and optimistic through this experience. I explained our discussions briefly in my previous post above, so I won't re-elaborate on that. I cannot claim that all things are all worked out--that would be a vast misconception. What I am saying is that we've worked out our marriage, where previously, I'm sure we both felt all hope was lost to a certain degree.

While I know our marriage has been salvaged, we ultimately have a surplus of work ahead of us to keep it maintained and prosperous; and for as long as we both give a full effort with God at the helm of our lives, then our hopes of a happy marriage with one another should be obtainable and realistic.

Previously, I was oblivious to many things; and my blindness, or deafness if you will, led me into snares. There's a term in the dictionary for such behavior--it's called ignorance. Once discovering my personal insufficiencies, however, I took charge to correct my oversights. There's a term in the dictionary for such behavior--it's called motivated. I used every resource available to me to prepare and acquire what was necessary to overcome the objectives, and succeeded with the Lord's assistance. There's a term in the dictionary for such behavior--it's called educated.

Now, only time will tell what our future beholds. The grace of God is sufficient, and hopefully we'll never take our eyes off of Him again. I'm thankful that He worked out a way, so that we could have another chance to prove our love for each other--even after the garbled up mess we made of everything.

Edited December 26, 2008 by Valsu

[macutelit 0]

And GOD knows the truth…

[Valsu 1]

And GOD knows the truth…

Amen!