Do your parents feel happy about your marriage?

[sherry0201 0]

I am not sure how everyone's parents feel about international marriage.

I married USC and he has been a wonderful person. BUT, he is from a family which is very different from

my family. I grew up in Japan and my parents are very hardworking and supported me to get education in the US.

They paid for my education in the US( undergraduate)

and also they always save money and organize things for the future.

I lived with my grand parents and great grand mother. We all lived together and shared.

My dad worked so hard to get his career and my mother works held her own career as an independent woman until recently. My family said education is the most important thing that they can give to their children.

Now, my family grew up with a single mother. She has been divorced twice and has been dating several men.

She could not even pay for his education, but she spends a lot of money on her brand bags and fancy cloths.

His father cannot help financially either.

My parents are very disappointed by my decision to marry my husband. He graduated from really good college. But,

a family as a whole, his family is very different from my family. And my parents are not even planning to come to the US and meet my husband's parents. They did not participate on my small wedding either.

And one time, I was so stressed out by my husband's debts from his college years, My mother told me that if his parents cannot come up with the same amount of money my family comes up, she will not going to help out. It is not just fair.

I totally understand that. It sounds like my husband's parents try to take an advantage of my family.

So, of course we will never be able to get a house or anything.

I started saving my income for our future down payment. Also we are thinking about moving to a different place where things are cheaper.

How are your parents?

[SunDrop 59]

I am not sure how everyone's parents feel about international marriage.

I married USC and he has been a wonderful person. BUT, he is from a family which is very different from

my family. I grew up in Japan and my parents are very hardworking and supported me to get education in the US.

They paid for my education in the US( undergraduate)

and also they always save money and organize things for the future.

I lived with my grand parents and great grand mother. We all lived together and shared.

My dad worked so hard to get his career and my mother works held her own career as an independent woman until recently. My family said education is the most important thing that they can give to their children.

Now, my family grew up with a single mother. She has been divorced twice and has been dating several men.

She could not even pay for his education, but she spends a lot of money on her brand bags and fancy cloths.

His father cannot help financially either.

My parents are very disappointed by my decision to marry my husband. He graduated from really good college. But,

a family as a whole, his family is very different from my family. And my parents are not even planning to come to the US and meet my husband's parents. They did not participate on my small wedding either.

And one time, I was so stressed out by my husband's debts from his college years, My mother told me that if his parents cannot come up with the same amount of money my family comes up, she will not going to help out. It is not just fair.

I totally understand that. It sounds like my husband's parents try to take an advantage of my family.

So, of course we will never be able to get a house or anything.

I started saving my income for our future down payment. Also we are thinking about moving to a different place where things are cheaper.

How are your parents?

Unhappy that I'm proposing moving to the US with their only grandchild, especially as they themselves lived in the US for the first 7 years of my daughter's life. They are worried about being alone as they get older.

Different cultures are difficult to get your head around, particularly if you are very traditional and inexperienced in those differences. Both my SO and I come from 'western' cultures, but we're still worlds apart in terms of the discrepancies between family beliefs and values. I have a relationship with my mother in particular that is often strained and hard work. I'm never really sure where I stand and feel that she's often harshly judgemental of me. I realise she wants the best for me, but 'the best' is actually set by her standards. His family, by comparison, let him get away with not doing well at school and there wasn't any expectation that he go to university. His relationship with his parents is honest, equal and he describes them as being best friends. Status matters to my folks, happiness is what's important to his.

It's easy to judge another person's situation, so please don't feel that you have to agree with what I'm about to say, but actually, why should your parents pay towards your husband's college debts? Yes, it would ease your stress but dealing with debts responsibly as a couple and getting yourselves to a place where you can afford your own home together would give you a far greater sense of acheivement.

I honestly don't believe his parents are thinking so far as "let her parents pay for our kid's education, they can afford it". I sure as hell wouldn't let my child's in-laws determine what I should or shouldn't be spending my money on. Help isn't something that should come with conditions, you either give it or you don't. It fosters resentment and keeps apron-strings tied for longer than they should.

If I had to guess, they would always find something that they weren't happy about. After all, it's his existence that has taken their daughter away from them and from my understanding of your culture, they had expectations of how you would 'repay' their support when they are no longer able to work, which you now won't be able to fulfil. Again, resentment.

I don't like thinking of the fact that my parents will be alone without support in their old age, but I have had to make a decision that will benefit both me and my daughter for the long run. I am responsible for myself and her primarily, and getting pyschological/ emotional side of life straight is just as important as the practicalities.

Good luck and hopefully everything will settle down and gradually adjust for the best.

Warmly,

[Laura+Tom 2]

They are happy with me getting married to Tom and moving and they love him to bits. They know I'll have a better life with him than in the UK.

[tom&tata 2]

And one time, I was so stressed out by my husband's debts from his college years, My mother told me that if his parents cannot come up with the same amount of money my family comes up, she will not going to help out. It is not just fair.

I totally understand that. It sounds like my husband's parents try to take an advantage of my family.

So, of course we will never be able to get a house or anything.

I started saving my income for our future down payment. Also we are thinking about moving to a different place where things are cheaper.

How are your parents?

Do you expect your parents to pay for his college? If not, I think you are stressing out about that because you are not used to have that much debt. But I doubt that your in-laws expects your family try to pay the debt from his schooling.

My parents were not thrilled to see me moving far away & with somebody from different culture. It took a while for my parents to deal with it but they never try to take it out on me and for that my husband & I are very grateful. They just want me to be happy.

I talk to my parents (especially my mom) a lot. If we are not talking for few days, she will send out the search team for me - I will get text messages from my sister & nephew

[Otto 83]

Both our parents feel "If you're happy, we're happy"...

[MrsCat 6]

Both our parents feel "If you're happy, we're happy"...

[jundp 191]

My parents are both deceased, but my siblings (all of them) love my husband, as do my kids. His family, in turn, loves me and my kids. There are differences in the cultures, not huge but recognizable nonetheless. I am the one with debt from college, whereas he has none.

Maybe you are being sensitive without cause? Your family may pass judgment because of differences in the cultures and you sound like you aren't too thrilled with his family either. But remember, you married HIM and you love HIM. You didn't marry his family.

[Jeraly 4]

Both our parents feel "If you're happy, we're happy"...

Same here although I know my mum misses me and my dad is convinced I am going to move back as soon as I can...

As for differences, we have ours too - my mum struggled through a divorce with my dad but put herself back through uni and is now doing really well for herself. Jeremy's family grew up in poverty, sometimes eating out of bins and constantly moving to wherever they could survive.

Now he has worked hard in a fast food restaurant which he manages - it was just a job to start with but now he gets 5 weeks paid leave and full benefits so it's been great for us. He can comfortably support us but his family are under the impression we are rich and expect handouts... it is hard, but sometimes you just have to grin and bear it.

Actually to be honest, it drives me nuts

[Kamaboko 0]

I am not sure how everyone's parents feel about international marriage.

I married USC and he has been a wonderful person. BUT, he is from a family which is very different from

my family. I grew up in Japan and my parents are very hardworking and supported me to get education in the US.

They paid for my education in the US( undergraduate)

and also they always save money and organize things for the future.

I lived with my grand parents and great grand mother. We all lived together and shared.

My dad worked so hard to get his career and my mother works held her own career as an independent woman until recently. My family said education is the most important thing that they can give to their children.

Now, my family grew up with a single mother. She has been divorced twice and has been dating several men.

She could not even pay for his education, but she spends a lot of money on her brand bags and fancy cloths.

His father cannot help financially either.

My parents are very disappointed by my decision to marry my husband. He graduated from really good college. But,

a family as a whole, his family is very different from my family. And my parents are not even planning to come to the US and meet my husband's parents. They did not participate on my small wedding either.

And one time, I was so stressed out by my husband's debts from his college years, My mother told me that if his parents cannot come up with the same amount of money my family comes up, she will not going to help out. It is not just fair.

I totally understand that. It sounds like my husband's parents try to take an advantage of my family.

So, of course we will never be able to get a house or anything.

I started saving my income for our future down payment. Also we are thinking about moving to a different place where things are cheaper.

How are your parents?

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I hope things will get better somehow. Just be patient, keep trying hard to work on the issue and pray

I had a difficulty as well in the effort to make my parents accept my foreign spouse. It is interesting that he's actually a Japanese, though he was actually born and raised in Canada; and he only visited Japan once when he was 16. however, in about a year, we finally won my parents' heart.

My parents were mostly worried about cultural things (as they're pretty conservative), yet I guess they're relieved to know now that my husband is very nice and far from 'westernised' (anyone, no offence!)

Now my relationship with my parents is better than ever and I am very happy with this.

How's everything now so far? I would be very happy if you have some positive progress as to your situation.

[sherry0201 0]

Thank you so much everyone.

I do not expect money from my parents, but I totally understand that my parents want to help me out unless his parents offer the same thing. It is just different and I do not even expect anything from my husband's parents because they cannot.

My brother in law married a really rich girl and now he gets a free wonderful expensive place to live and can get a lot of free things. His wife's parents are too generous and his parents can take an advantage of it.

But, my parents are super strict and they are not going to let us do that. It is totally fine for me.

Every family is different.

I just feel sad and wish I could have a in laws who are financially at least stable.

[Kamaboko 0]

I am not sure how everyone's parents feel about international marriage.

I married USC and he has been a wonderful person. BUT, he is from a family which is very different from

my family. I grew up in Japan and my parents are very hardworking and supported me to get education in the US.

They paid for my education in the US( undergraduate)

and also they always save money and organize things for the future.

I lived with my grand parents and great grand mother. We all lived together and shared.

My dad worked so hard to get his career and my mother works held her own career as an independent woman until recently. My family said education is the most important thing that they can give to their children.

Now, my family grew up with a single mother. She has been divorced twice and has been dating several men.

She could not even pay for his education, but she spends a lot of money on her brand bags and fancy cloths.

His father cannot help financially either.

My parents are very disappointed by my decision to marry my husband. He graduated from really good college. But,

a family as a whole, his family is very different from my family. And my parents are not even planning to come to the US and meet my husband's parents. They did not participate on my small wedding either.

And one time, I was so stressed out by my husband's debts from his college years, My mother told me that if his parents cannot come up with the same amount of money my family comes up, she will not going to help out. It is not just fair.

I totally understand that. It sounds like my husband's parents try to take an advantage of my family.

So, of course we will never be able to get a house or anything.

I started saving my income for our future down payment. Also we are thinking about moving to a different place where things are cheaper.

How are your parents?

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I hope things will get better somehow. Just be patient, keep trying hard to work on the issue and pray

I had a difficulty as well in the effort to make my parents accept my foreign spouse. It is interesting that he's actually a Japanese, though he was actually born and raised in Canada; and he only visited Japan once when he was 16. however, in about a year, we finally won my parents' heart. (I mean in a year after we announced our relationship; anyhow we had a complete blessing for the marriage since I think my parents thought they had no other choice and felt like they're going to lose me if they kept disapproving )

My parents were mostly worried about cultural things (as they're pretty conservative), yet I guess they're relieved to know now that my husband is very nice and far from 'westernised' (anyone, no offence!)

Now my relationship with my parents is better than ever and I am very happy with this.

How's everything now so far? I would be very happy if you have some positive progress as to your situation.

[caybee 21]

My parents were very concerned in the beginning -- and they let us both know it! But they are crazy about my husband now and love him as a son. His family has always seemed happy with our decision. But even though our cultures are very different, our parents' expectations for us are pretty similar. I think that has helped.

[Yader&Sarah 0]

It is really hard for my parents, but I think since they realize that they set the curve for the rest of my family accepting our 'path,' they have tried a little more.

It is difficult because my fiance and parents don't speak the same language, and they have never met. Also, aside from cultural differences, we also have a lot of socioeconomic differences. I grew up super middle class america and my fiance grew up lower class nicaragua...during a revolution. Hard to compare. Anyway, I think my parents are scared all of these things will be too difficult for us to work out in our marriage.

I'm hoping and praying that when they meet him, they will love him (almost) as much as I do. The first step: they are planning on coming with me to Nicaragua when he has his interview. So at least they are trying...

[braveheart1 0]

jeraly, I'm originally from Bristol too, now living in San Fernando, CA for the past 2 months with my new husband. Just wanted to say hi and ask how you are adjusting to the change.

[weedebz 0]

My parents really like Nick and I get on great with Nick's parents and siblings. My parents biggest problem was with me moving so far away. Now we have webcams and I talk to them a couple of times a week and it helps that we can see each other.