Daughter wants to return to Canada

[Udella&Wiz 325]

hey all - haven't been on in a while.

If you've seen my posts pver tha last year, you'll know that my teenager is not happily adjusting here. She has friends and the whole 9 yards, but is self-sabotaging by avoiding school and responsibilities to the point that I've come to realize that maybe it is better if I send her back home . She hates that I've brought her here, hates her step-family (because they're the reason she's here) Some days are ok, some are just a mess. - I don't take this lightly as it upsets me deeply, but I am seriously considering it as an option.

She turns 17 in a few weeks and therefore is officially an adult in a year........what do we have to do to get her back into Canada - since leaving, I've obviously filed saying we've left, cancelled Health cards, let the SIN office know etc etc....

Does she just move back and start applying to get everything back. I heard there's a process for re-applying through Canadian immigration - but sheesh, we've barely left and we have to apply to get back into our own country?

And then what to do here.......let's say this takes 3/4 of a year which would put us right around when we need to apply to lift conditions. How do we handle it, should we apply for her, knowing she may or may not be staying? If we didn't then it would nullify everything. Then what happens if she stays in Canada and feels like coming for a short visit...do they give her a hard time at the border for the rest of her life?

Well - that's my cheery post for the day

Edited December 18, 2008 by Udella&Wiz

[trailmix 77]

Hi there,

Sorry to hear things aren't working out with your Daughter adjusting to living in the U.S.

She is Canadian and doesn't have to do anything to go back to Canada - she can move today. She will need to notify the Health Care people that she is back - there will probably be a waiting period before it is reinstated. Not sure what province you are from, but you can google it and find all the info you need on that one.

I know nothing about applying to lift conditions - so I won't answer that.

Hard to say if they will give her a hard time at the border if she does decide to move back. It's always possible, but the solution would be for her to bring proof of strong ties to Canada with her each time.

Good luck

Edited December 18, 2008 by trailmix

[raymaga 25]

Sorry to hear things aren't working out with your daughter.

My daughter LOVES living in the U.S. and has no intentions of ever returning to Canada to live, at least not in the near future. She came here when she was 17 and is now attending university in the US.

Your daughter can return to Canada anytime she wants and there is no immigration process whatsoever. We are from B.C., and if we returned there to live, there is a 6 month waiting period to get back onto the medical plan there (someone will correct me if things have changed since I left Canada). They recommend applying right after arriving in Canada, but the waiting period would still be in affect. So, you would need some form of medical insurance during the waiting period. You don't need to re-apply for the SIN because that remains with the person for life.

If she hasn't left the US by the time you need to apply for the lifting of conditions, I would definitely apply anyways, just in case she changes her mind and decides to stay.

As far as coming to the US to visit, she would be considered a visitor just like any other Canadian and would require the proper identification (passport) when entering. My kids come to visit us all the time, they simply say they are visiting their mother and they have never had any problems.

Best wishes.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Sorry to hear things aren't working out with your daughter.

My daughter LOVES living in the U.S. and has no intentions of ever returning to Canada to live, at least not in the near future. She came here when she was 17 and is now attending university in the US.

Your daughter can return to Canada anytime she wants and there is no immigration process whatsoever. We are from B.C., and if we returned there to live, there is a 6 month waiting period to get back onto the medical plan there (someone will correct me if things have changed since I left Canada). They recommend applying right after arriving in Canada, but the waiting period would still be in affect. So, you would need some form of medical insurance during the waiting period. You don't need to re-apply for the SIN because that remains with the person for life.

If she hasn't left the US by the time you need to apply for the lifting of conditions, I would definitely apply anyways, just in case she changes her mind and decides to stay.

As far as coming to the US to visit, she would be considered a visitor just like any other Canadian and would require the proper identification (passport) when entering. My kids come to visit us all the time, they simply say they are visiting their mother and they have never had any problems.

Best wishes.

Thanks folks - looks like the waiting period for ontario is 153 days (or as near as I could figure out with a quick google search). That puts a bit of a wrench into the works, but I guess that's all we could do is wait and hope she doesn't have any serious medical issues during that time - I wouldn't expect any, but then again you never know.

Obviously we'd be buying personal health insurance there since the Out of country on our current medical plan likely wouldn't entertain covering a child who has decided to take up permanent residence outside the US

[trailmix 77]

Thanks folks - looks like the waiting period for ontario is 153 days (or as near as I could figure out with a quick google search). That puts a bit of a wrench into the works, but I guess that's all we could do is wait and hope she doesn't have any serious medical issues during that time - I wouldn't expect any, but then again you never know.

Obviously we'd be buying personal health insurance there since the Out of country on our current medical plan likely wouldn't entertain covering a child who has decided to take up permanent residence outside the US

Hi there,

I just did a quick look and it looks like the waiting period is only 3 months - so at least that is a little better

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Thanks folks - looks like the waiting period for ontario is 153 days (or as near as I could figure out with a quick google search). That puts a bit of a wrench into the works, but I guess that's all we could do is wait and hope she doesn't have any serious medical issues during that time - I wouldn't expect any, but then again you never know.

Obviously we'd be buying personal health insurance there since the Out of country on our current medical plan likely wouldn't entertain covering a child who has decided to take up permanent residence outside the US

Hi there,

I just did a quick look and it looks like the waiting period is only 3 months - so at least that is a little better

DOH! not sure what page I was at. no matter what, I'm pretty much in tears about the whole thing - is there anyone else who has lived permanently away from there kid for extended periods? I expected it a few years from now for university, but she's not ready and I'm not ready apparently either. Not talking divorced parents here, I mean far away (like 9 hrs to Kitchener from Virginia the way it would be in our case).

I don't even know who in my family would/could take her - all this time we've been handing her the line that she's got to learn to live with it and there's no turning back - this will just make her think if she whines long enough, she gets what she wants - it's been 1 long year of whining let me tell you

[thetreble 19]

DOH! not sure what page I was at. no matter what, I'm pretty much in tears about the whole thing - is there anyone else who has lived permanently away from there kid for extended periods? I expected it a few years from now for university, but she's not ready and I'm not ready apparently either. Not talking divorced parents here, I mean far away (like 9 hrs to Kitchener from Virginia the way it would be in our case).

I don't even know who in my family would/could take her - all this time we've been handing her the line that she's got to learn to live with it and there's no turning back - this will just make her think if she whines long enough, she gets what she wants - it's been 1 long year of whining let me tell you

Udella, as a Kitchener native myself who has their whole family in Kitchener, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I know how far away it is. Where would your daughter live?

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I would only do this if one of my brothers or my parents were able (they all live within a couple minutes of each other in Pioneer Park) - possibly my best friend, but I know she has her own kids to worry about as well.

sigh - why must teenagers be so hard headed

[Emancipation 2]

DOH! not sure what page I was at. no matter what, I'm pretty much in tears about the whole thing - is there anyone else who has lived permanently away from there kid for extended periods? I expected it a few years from now for university, but she's not ready and I'm not ready apparently either. Not talking divorced parents here, I mean far away (like 9 hrs to Kitchener from Virginia the way it would be in our case).

Hubby is 24 hrs drive from his kiddos.. used to be 16, now it's unbearable for driving.. its not easy on him.. every day is a struggle.. he calls faithfully every night but its not the same...

His daughter said to him last night, "daddy I have a Christmas concert at school tomorrow... if you leave CT tonite you can be here in the morning for my concert" (she has no idea how far it is to drive from here to there).. broke his heart.

I realize that's probably not comforting at all.. *sigh.. wish I could say it was easy, but Hubby I know struggles with it each and every day. But you do what's best for your kiddos, and you do the best with what you are given, and you show them you love them by being consistent and letting them know they are loved and treasured.. that's really the most you can do.. I'm sure your daughter will miss you like mad... it will be so hard for both of you

[MrsCat 6]

Sorry to hear that Udella. I think B4H5 is living apart from her daughter so she might be able to give you some tips on managing with the distance. Not that that could ever be managed. I hope things work out as they're meant to be with the least amount of problems possible.

It might be the time of year too Udella. I'm just guessing, but if things seem worse now it might also be because of Christmas time and wanting things to be the way they used to. Obviously, things haven't been working for some time, so I'm sure that's not the only cause. Sorry that this is taking its toll on you all. The visa process distance is hard enough and when things don't seem to be working as well as we had envisioned it makes it extra difficult.

(F)

[thetreble 19]

I would only do this if one of my brothers or my parents were able (they all live within a couple minutes of each other in Pioneer Park) - possibly my best friend, but I know she has her own kids to worry about as well.

sigh - why must teenagers be so hard headed

I lived in Doon/ Pioneer Park all my life. If I was still there I'd surely put her up

Just know everything will turn out okay. I'm sure it would be incredibly hard for you to have her leave and go home, and be at a distance from her. There are some people here that can give better advice because they do this too. We are here for ya though.

[Peggy 1]

My youngest son was 16 when we moved to the USA. He struggled for over a year trying to fit in here and make GOOD friends. He hated the school he went to, so he quit in grade 11. He did get his GED but I wanted him to graduate from High School. It is now 3 years later and sometimes I wish I have never brought him here. Alot of times I feel like I ruined his life by taking him from his home in Nova Scotia.

This is a way different life then what we were used to living. The US is gun crazy. Everyone and their dog owns one. I hate guns and am still not used to the idea that people carry them in their cars and on them 24/7.

Best of luck with your daughter. I know how it feels.

[BH45 0]

Udella....my heart goes out to you. I know what you are going through.

When my visa was approved in February '08, I needed to get the ok from my ex to bring my daughter with me. Over the next few months, there were days that she wanted to come and days she didn't. At the end of it, she remained in Northern Ontario - a 17 hour drive - with my sister and her hubby. Since I left on June 29, I have called her daily. It's not the same and when she is sad and lonely, it tears at my heart. She is only 14. Her dad didn't want to let her move here with me and as I said, she wasn't really open to the idea either.

At this point, my AP has been approved and apparently was mailed on December 8. Today is the 18th and I still don't have those precious documents. I want to go and visit with her over the holidays, but as each day passes, I really sink a little lower thinking it may not come to happen.

It's going to be rough. I have my loving hubby but it's not the same as holding my baby girl. I knew it was going to be rough. There are many days when I miss her so much I spend the day in our room thinking of her and shedding tears.

((((( hugs ))))) as you go through the process of letting her return to Ontario and for the days to come.