From the mouth of a babe

[Aymerlu 3]

I just had to made a comment on what my son told me last night. As some of you may or may not know my 11 year old son is autistic. This child is brilliant with his speaking, working etc and has always told me that he thinks "outside the box." He is also the type of child that always has to have things in A,B,C order. Like if you say you are going to the grocery store, bank and to the mall BUT you go to the mall, bank and grocery store, it will completly freak him out and throw him off.

Last night he had went to bed early and as I was getting ready for bed I heard him in his room crying. I go in to see what was the problem and he says "Mom, you and Khallid keep telling me that he will be here soon and soon was a long time ago. The kids tease me because I tell them I am going to have a dad and they tell me I'm lying." He was just sobbing, which of course made me also. I tried to explain to him about the U.S goverment and they tend to check Middle Eastern men a bit (but really A LOT) because of 9/11 etc. He looks at me all so serious and said "Well mom, there must be something wrong because they check them out more because that's just not right, there are bad people everywhere, right?" Then he starts talking about Oklahoma City bombings, and other incidents I vagely remember and he said "see mom......they were from the U.S!!!" To make a long story short we were up a couple hours, me TRYING to explain why things are the way they are. Hard for me to explain when I myself don't even understand.

So what do you tell your kids about this process and why things are like they are????

[chri'stina 190]

aww

I haven't been in that experience since I have no kids, but I imagine it is very hard. I know it's really nothing like it, but before Sujeet moved here we'd always talk about him and around my cousins little girl too, and she'd constantly say "where's suj?". Since she was 3 we didn't try explaning the visa stuff, we just told her he's not here yet. The day she was going to meet him, she was extremely excited that she would meet this mysteriously named person finally, and that he was a real person.

I hope Khallid can come to you very soon!!

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

  Aymerlu said:

I just had to made a comment on what my son told me last night. As some of you may or may not know my 11 year old son is autistic. This child is brilliant with his speaking, working etc and has always told me that he thinks "outside the box." He is also the type of child that always has to have things in A,B,C order. Like if you say you are going to the grocery store, bank and to the mall BUT you go to the mall, bank and grocery store, it will completly freak him out and throw him off.

Last night he had went to bed early and as I was getting ready for bed I heard him in his room crying. I go in to see what was the problem and he says "Mom, you and Khallid keep telling me that he will be here soon and soon was a long time ago. The kids tease me because I tell them I am going to have a dad and they tell me I'm lying." He was just sobbing, which of course made me also. I tried to explain to him about the U.S goverment and they tend to check Middle Eastern men a bit (but really A LOT) because of 9/11 etc. He looks at me all so serious and said "Well mom, there must be something wrong because they check them out more because that's just not right, there are bad people everywhere, right?" Then he starts talking about Oklahoma City bombings, and other incidents I vagely remember and he said "see mom......they were from the U.S!!!" To make a long story short we were up a couple hours, me TRYING to explain why things are the way they are. Hard for me to explain when I myself don't even understand.

So what do you tell your kids about this process and why things are like they are????

Bless your son!!! I have worked with autistic children..some cases more extreme than others so I understand a bit of what you are saying. Especially about doing things in the order that you say. The world will come to an end in their eyes.

I tell my children that it may seem like it is taking a long time, but in the end when it all is said and done, the time we will have will be much, much longer. I have my husbands family writing to my children so they won't feel as if his family has taken thier mom away...and to make them feel like they are a part of the family even though they are in America and their new family is in the UK. I even found some pressies on ebay that I knew my sons would like, but had my husband pay for them and send them in his name so my boys will know that their new step dad is thinking of them.

I gather from your thread that your son does not know his father? If I am wrong then I apologize, but if I am correct, I would suggest having your husband and his family write lots of letters to just him so it makes it more personal if you know what I mean. Your son would also be able to show those letters to the kids in school! I guarantee those kids will be a bit envious of your son for having someone from another country write to him. I know my sons are well pleased and even talk about it in their show and tell in class. Have your husband and or his family send your son something that they may hold to be personal or have some kind of attachment to them for "safe keeping" until the next time they see him. These are all just ideas that may well help out. Goodluck with it..

Laura Mitchell..

One more thing...how about having your son read some of what others are going through on here so he knows that he isn't the only child waiting for their new mom or dad?

[Aymerlu 3]

  ljwinquist said:

I gather from your thread that your son does not know his father? If I am wrong then I apologize, but if I am correct, I would suggest having your husband and his family write lots of letters to just him so it makes it more personal if you know what I mean. Your son would also be able to show those letters to the kids in school! I guarantee those kids will be a bit envious of your son for having someone from another country write to him. I know my sons are well pleased and even talk about it in their show and tell in class. Have your husband and or his family send your son something that they may hold to be personal or have some kind of attachment to them for "safe keeping" until the next time they see him. These are all just ideas that may well help out. Goodluck with it..

Laura Mitchell..

One more thing...how about having your son read some of what others are going through on here so he knows that he isn't the only child waiting for their new mom or dad?

Yes, he does know his father, but basically as soon as we knew of his diagnosis, he started treating him differently. My son hates going with his father, hates talking to him etc, which I think is very sad, but with the way he has been treated by him, I can't say I really blame him. My fiance although thousands of miles away has been more of a father to him than his biological father. They are going to have a great time once he gets here.

[Dixie_Peach 1]

amy... you are soooooooooo blessed with such an angel! *hugs*

[Together4ever 1]

It is hard on the kids to try to understand all this. My youngest is 10 and asks me about once a week when Mohammed will "finally be coming"? I have tried to skirt the issue with him by saying "we are waiting for permission" and changing the subject. I don't want the child to get a bad taste in his mouth about the government. Those opinions are best formed on his own one way or the other. Well, about 2 weeks ago he finally started asking questions and demanding more specific answers from me. I tried to explain what a visa is and why it is taking so long as I was driving. His reaction broke my heart.

"But Mom, why is it taking so long?"

"Because they have to be sure we are not lying and that Mohammed is not a terrorist."

"WHATTTTTT????"

It was like someone slapped him across his face. He got very angry and said, "But Mohammed is NOT a terrorist and you guys love each other!!!"

Really gives you a different perspective on things. I had quite a struggle trying to keep from crying as I was driving but I felt his little hand pat my arm. He grumbled a bit then we turned on the radio. Out of the mouths of babes indeed, Amy. Bless your sweet son.

[KarenCee 3]

Amy....*HUGS*....I hope Khallid is here soon. I know that has to be hard to explain...my daughter is a special needs child and I know how hard it is to explain things to as well. I also work with Aspergers children so I do understand a bit of what you explain about your precious son.

You and your son are in my thoughts...as well as Khallid.

[MrsAmera 41]

This just made me think of my son when we left Morocco last summer. We spent almost 2 months with Youssef and my son was 17 months old - Youssef is not his biological father but my son has no contact with his "dad". As we were leaving the airport in Marrakech, Mikhail was in his stroller and we had to walk through the security gate - my son starts wailing, "baba, baba, baba!" And there was nothing either of us could do. From that day until Youssef came Mikhail would always say "Baba?" and look all over the house for him - it really broke my heart. When Youssef came here (finally) and we were at the airport (my son was almost 2) he ran right to him and gave him a huge hug. I really wonder if these people know how hard this is not only on the adults involved but also the children.

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

  AmeraMouttaki said:

This just made me think of my son when we left Morocco last summer. We spent almost 2 months with Youssef and my son was 17 months old - Youssef is not his biological father but my son has no contact with his "dad". As we were leaving the airport in Marrakech, Mikhail was in his stroller and we had to walk through the security gate - my son starts wailing, "baba, baba, baba!" And there was nothing either of us could do. From that day until Youssef came Mikhail would always say "Baba?" and look all over the house for him - it really broke my heart. When Youssef came here (finally) and we were at the airport (my son was almost 2) he ran right to him and gave him a huge hug. I really wonder if these people know how hard this is not only on the adults involved but also the children.

I am so happy he sees Yousef as his Baba - one and only daddy.

  Aymerlu said:

So what do you tell your kids about this process and why things are like they are????

Although I don't have kids, I rememebr being the kid waiting for a visa to be reunited with my parents in the US. It is tough! My prayers and thoughts are with you and your wonderful boy that Khalid will be here soon.

[crazyinEgypt 0]

I don't have kids yet (two on the way!!!), but I do know what you are going through. My nephews and nieces have been writing me letters and we talked on the net and they wanted to know why it was taken me so long to come home. Very hard to explain to little ones, and really, something we shouldn't have to explain. As a U.S citizen I am supposed to be FREE to marry who I want, but through this process I don't feel the freedom at all.