Skype Calls and other proof of bonafide relationship

[TayL 0]

Well I have my fingers crossed for you both to have a couple of visits. Being married is a big step in itself, but leaving your country and getting married can feel like hell at times.

I've gotten shuttled around a LOT in my life. I'm fortunate in that a bunch of my friends live in his area (like the aforementioned one that lived with him) after having lived just a hop over the border.

Before you consider filing, you must meet each other. In my opinion, spending money on meeting each other and dating is more important than money to file a visa. Period. That should be your top priority. Long distance sucks, it's expensive as hell, but it's a fact of life for us.

I'm all about online relationships - don't get me wrong - but you need to be realistic financially and emotionally. I know you are confident in your relationship. Chances are your instincts are right. But you cannot be sure about anything until you meet.

You also cannot even file until you prove you've met in person. So focus on that. Meet eachother, enjoy each other's company and then let the next step fall into place.

You're jumping ahead of yourself.

I don't think we're jumping ahead because, if everything goes well on our visit? It's gonna SUCK if we have to wait several years to be able to file. If we've got everything ready and we *can't* live with each other, hosnap, he's got extra in savings to do what he wants with. If things do go right, then we can file when we've got the paperwork ready, which minimizes delays. I know it might seem odd. Whatever. But for both of us, it's incredibly important to have everything ready in order to minimize time apart. We're both tactile. And if it's just impossible for us to get the visa stuff together, then we're better to just step back from our relationship and be friends. Neither of us wants to do long distance forever and he wouldn't be happy up here. He'd never get used to the climate, among other things. He doesn't want to leave his job, which I totally understand. We have an order of operations in place.

[SapphireDreams 71]

^ Why would you have to wait several years?

Once you meet - you can pretty much file immediately after that and anticipate about a 7-9 month wait. Then you'll be together. If you plan to visit eachother a couple times during the wait you're pretty much golden. As much as I want to say that you can know someone purely from an online/phone standpoint. I've been in the exact same position as you and things were a bit different when we actually were face to face. Mannerisms and physical elements are a huge part of the relationship. Hell, even his voice will sound a bit different when you meet. I'm seriously SO excited for you, but from experience I just know that you need to be realistic.

I only say this because I really want things to work out for you, I really really do.

Online love is blinder than regular love in my opinion. Takes some time to cut through the fog. Probably won't take long, but you need to cut it.

[thetreble 19]

^^ Agreed.

Most of us here met our spouses online and spent quite some time going back and forth until we were ready to make the move. That doesn't discount your love for him because some people know instantly when it is the right person.

But I will say this, it seems you are focusing on the future and the paperwork part. When it comes down to it, the paperwork is a small percentage of the hurt one can go through when you leave your country. Many of us thought leaving Canada was no big deal, only to look back at it from afar and long to be "home" again.

My advice is just to take baby steps. It may seem like months apart sucks, but many of us spent years apart but made it still. Good luck.

[Flames9_RN 358]

Oops, i missed that they hadn't yet met face to face!!

[Emancipation 2]

Is this a first marriage for both of you TayL?

Just a question, cause Hubby & I knew before we met, we still went back and forth a couple of times (the big trip was me coming to CT to see if I could actually feel like I could live here). It's good that the USC comes to Canada but the CDN needs a trip to the US to see if you would actually LIKE the community where you will be living.. that was essential to me...

[trailmix 77]

I'm positive on this one. Largely because he was living with one of my best friends when I met him, is why I'm pretty sure I can live with the habits. I know it sounds weird. I've caught a lot of flack for it. We're also hoping for another visit in March, but we can't make guarantees.

I personally have no advice for you - you have made up your mind, I wish you well.

I'm a bit confused about the visiting part as you said earlier that you were hoping for a visit in April but above you say hoping for another visit in March? Anyway, technicalities!

What I wanted to say, just so it doesn't get lost here, although someone has already mentioned it - you must meet in person at least once before you can file - it is a requirement - you must show proof.

Just wanted to highlight that - I know you have done lots-o-research, but you said you were hoping for a visit in April before you file - just want to make sure you know

Another thing I am confused about is where you say - if everything goes well on your visit it will suck to have to wait years to file? Why would you have to wait years to file?

[Gypsyangel 11]

Hi TayL!

I saw this on another thread and thought of this thread. Thought I'd post it here because there were some questions about whether or not one should meet their fiance before filing for the I129F. As Trailmix said, and from what this person is experiencing, USCIS specifically says you have to have met and requires evidence of meeting. Not sure if this is the case all the time, but here it is .... something to consider before you spend hard-earned $$$ filing. Hope this helps rather than making you feel discouraged!!!!

Hi there VJers,

I just opened the mail and have received a dreaded Request for Evidence. I live and work in Bogota, where my fiance lives. So I have never had to travel to visit him. We worked together; that is how we met. I do not have the 129F packet on hand (I am in the US for Christmas) but I know we at least submitted:

photos of us together from various dates

my apartment lease (on which he and his mother are co-signers)

my passport copy (with my Colombian work visas, including the job where we met and stamps in and out of the country)

a letter from a coworker/friend

Here is what the letter says.

"LAST MEETING : The Petitioner and the benficiary must have met in person between July 22, 2006 and July 21, 2008. Submit evidence of meeting the beneficiary in person within the 2-year period preceding the filing of the petition.

You have submitted primary evidence including copies of your passport pages that show the identification page and admission stamps; however secondary evidence is requested.

This secondary evidence may be airline ticket stubs and receipts (that include month, day, and year), ATM and credit card transactions, flight itinerary on airline/travel agency letterhead, etc.

NOTE: Secondary evidence is used to support any primary evidence that has been submitted. The following DOES NOT constitute evidence of meeting: photos (dated or undated), disc, videos, emails, letters, phone bills, and greeting cards."

Reading this very carefully I see the phrase "preceding the filing of the petition". Soooo...this means I have to submit something from between when we started dating in January 2008 and when we submitted the petition in July 2008?

Ideas:

1.We are taking our first trip together in a few weeks, from Dec 30-Jan 10. Will submitting the currently unused (but purchased by me with both our names on them) tickets for this trip do anything for us? I am not sure I have the receipt, but I can dig around.

2. Can I contact our employer and have them write a letter on company letterhead saying that we worked there simultaneously until July 1, 2008??

We did not travel together during that time. We lived in the same city, we were busy with work and saving for the 129F; we went on friggin dates.

3.Will submitting email receipts of my flights between the US and Bogota (arriving in Jan 08 and leaving July 08 to visit my family) be useful? They were all e-tickets...

I realize this does not prove that we met, but for the love of god, I have a work visa for his employer in my passport and flew in and out of the city where he lives. I really don't know what more to submit.

Also, credit/ATM receipts for WHAT?

The kicker is I am in the US til the 30th, he's in Colombia, they want this evidence by Jan 4.

Sheesh.

Thanks as always, VJ Team....

[texascamelqueen 1]

Before you consider filing, you must meet each other. In my opinion, spending money on meeting each other and dating is more important than money to file a visa. Period. That should be your top priority. Long distance sucks, it's expensive as hell, but it's a fact of life for us.

I'm all about online relationships - don't get me wrong - but you need to be realistic financially and emotionally. I know you are confident in your relationship. Chances are your instincts are right. But you cannot be sure about anything until you meet.

You also cannot even file until you prove you've met in person. So focus on that. Meet eachother, enjoy each other's company and then let the next step fall into place.

You're jumping ahead of yourself.

..........I completely agree with this. You have no idea what a person is REALLY like until you spend time with the person face-to-face. Everything seems so exciting and romantic when you are in anticipation of something, but you don't get to know someone until you are around them for the day-to-day things in life. I met my now-fiance when I was on holiday in Morocco, we kept in touch profusely over the next year, and then I went back to visit for a month. However, we discussed having no expectations for marriage before I got there, that we just need to let things naturally take their course. If things felt right, they felt right. Obviously, things felt right for us, but I would have never agreed to marrying without having spent that essential time together to know him on another level, with all the good, bad, boring, annoying, and wonderful things that come along with day-to-day life.

So, spend the money on a trip to go see him and just feel it out. See if you're truly compatible on day-to-day stuff. Hell, what if it turns out you're not even attracted to him once you meet him in person (god, that would be awkard)? My point is, you need to know each other in reality. You definitely don't want to get ahead of yourself and then regret it later.

[Caladan 19]

1) It's tempting to make it all about immigration, but remember there's a marriage and a relationship at the end of this. You should meet in person because you think you like this person enough to be married to them; you have to meet in person before you file (generally speaking), but that really should be quite secondary.

2) Canadian-American couples tend, as a general rule, to have spent more time in person, to speak the same language, to be a similar age. Add to that the fact that any Canadian looking to get to the U.S. can do so very easily, there's not a huge risk of fraud and not much scrutiny. The burden of proof is still on you but you're not having to overcome a lot of hurdles.

3) We sent in a relatively thin file: evidence of several meetings (plane ticket stubs), a couple of months of phone records, four photos.

[maplestar 2]

..........I completely agree with this. You have no idea what a person is REALLY like until you spend time with the person face-to-face. Everything seems so exciting and romantic when you are in anticipation of something, but you don't get to know someone until you are around them for the day-to-day things in life. I met my now-fiance when I was on holiday in Morocco, we kept in touch profusely over the next year, and then I went back to visit for a month. However, we discussed having no expectations for marriage before I got there, that we just need to let things naturally take their course. If things felt right, they felt right. Obviously, things felt right for us, but I would have never agreed to marrying without having spent that essential time together to know him on another level, with all the good, bad, boring, annoying, and wonderful things that come along with day-to-day life.

This rings true for me, too. We've known each other online for more than a decade, so there was already a high level of trust between us. But I think we each had a little nagging in the back of our heads until this summer, when I managed to get down there for a month-long visit. I think something like that helps prove that a couple can live together. Because I think it's quite possible to love somebody deeply, but to be incompatible as husband and wife.

[trailmix 77]

Tay hasn't been back to read any of these replies.

Tay, if you do see this thread, hope we haven't scared you off!

I hope you will come back if you have more questions about your immigration process