Difficult being married. Not adjusting well.

[pittman1971 0]

Hi all

My wife and I have been married almost 2 years, she is from Mexico. We went through the whole immigration process and she was able to come here this past November. This is her 2nd time living here but she is having a very difficult time adjusting. It seems that every other day she wants to leave, go to Mexico or Memphis Tn. In short our problems started in January after her mom went back to Mexico after a month visiting here. We have a son together, he is 18 months old and a daddy's boy. Well it seems for the past few months my wife has been planning on leaving for good. We had both agreed on my step-daughter and my son going to Mexico for the summer with her family. Then all of a sudden she wanted to go, I said OK are you coming back? Her answer was I don't know, well of course I added a little heat to the fire. I told her she could go but my son stays here. A few weeks passed with no arguments and then she asked me to take her and the kids to Memphis to fly out to Mexico City. I let her know again my son stays. I then asked her why Memphis and not AEX. Her reply was her mother was flying to Memphis to take her cousin something and that she wanted to fly from Memphis so her mom can help with the kids. To make this short, one day we were talking about our marriage problems. I asked her to cancel her trip to Mexico so we could try and fix the problems. The 1st words out of her mouth were, I can't because my family already paid 1500 dollars on 1 way tickets. She said she wanted to go back there is nothing here for her. I went to work the next day, when I got home I noticed she had luggage packed. I then picked my son up and went to a friends. The next day my attorney got the emergency custody paperwork in order and signed by the judge. My wife was served the divorce/ emergency custody papers about 5 days later. I was advised not to let her know where I was with our son due to her possibly trying to take him out of the country. Well after she got the papers I called her and let her see our son for a few hours. By day 9 I was at our home taking care of yardwork while our son stayed with my wife and sister in the house. Later my wife came outside and we talked about what was happening. She said she does not want a divorce, I explained to her that paperwork was the only thing I could file to have emergency custody of our son. My wife then asked me what will it take for us to stay together? I told her to sign full custody of our son over to me and we can work on it from there. The next day we were at my attorney's and she signed full custody over to me. We have been back together for 10 days now. For the 1st 6-7 days everything seemed great but now I can see her changing again. She has asked me almost everyday to have the custody papers cancelled. Well when she asks that I feel like she is playing a game, biding her time until she can get him out of the country. As for me I love my wife and kids and want things to work but at the same time I need to protect my son. I will never cancel the custody papers and if she wants she can leave. I will even buy her another 1 way ticket if she so chooses.

Anyone else having problems?

[joej 0]

Wow, that is a lot to take in. So sorry that your marriage is not working. It is scarry to think that a spouse would take kids to their country and you may or may not see them again. Is it possible to work something out where you can share custody? Do you trust her to send your son back? Have you removed conditions on the greencard yet? I think you definately did the right thing in getting her to sign custody of your son to you. Very smart. There is one thing that concerns me though. It sounds like she may have signed it out of feeling trapped. If that is the case, do you want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you? It is hard to tell her genuineness from just seeing one side of the story.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I can't say that this has ever happened to me but I wish you luck and safety for your family and your son.

[raymaga 25]

So sorry to hear of your situation. Two people should only stay together because they want to, not because they have to. If your wife does not want to be married to you, and wants to return to Mexico, then you should let her go, letting her know that can still see your son.

I hope you can come to a good resolution to this situation.

Best wishes.

[Sweetgirl 0]

Hi all

My wife and I have been married almost 2 years, she is from Mexico. We went through the whole immigration process and she was able to come here this past November. This is her 2nd time living here but she is having a very difficult time adjusting. It seems that every other day she wants to leave, go to Mexico or Memphis Tn. In short our problems started in January after her mom went back to Mexico after a month visiting here. We have a son together, he is 18 months old and a daddy's boy. Well it seems for the past few months my wife has been planning on leaving for good. We had both agreed on my step-daughter and my son going to Mexico for the summer with her family. Then all of a sudden she wanted to go, I said OK are you coming back? Her answer was I don't know, well of course I added a little heat to the fire. I told her she could go but my son stays here. A few weeks passed with no arguments and then she asked me to take her and the kids to Memphis to fly out to Mexico City. I let her know again my son stays. I then asked her why Memphis and not AEX. Her reply was her mother was flying to Memphis to take her cousin something and that she wanted to fly from Memphis so her mom can help with the kids. To make this short, one day we were talking about our marriage problems. I asked her to cancel her trip to Mexico so we could try and fix the problems. The 1st words out of her mouth were, I can't because my family already paid 1500 dollars on 1 way tickets. She said she wanted to go back there is nothing here for her. I went to work the next day, when I got home I noticed she had luggage packed. I then picked my son up and went to a friends. The next day my attorney got the emergency custody paperwork in order and signed by the judge. My wife was served the divorce/ emergency custody papers about 5 days later. I was advised not to let her know where I was with our son due to her possibly trying to take him out of the country. Well after she got the papers I called her and let her see our son for a few hours. By day 9 I was at our home taking care of yardwork while our son stayed with my wife and sister in the house. Later my wife came outside and we talked about what was happening. She said she does not want a divorce, I explained to her that paperwork was the only thing I could file to have emergency custody of our son. My wife then asked me what will it take for us to stay together? I told her to sign full custody of our son over to me and we can work on it from there. The next day we were at my attorney's and she signed full custody over to me. We have been back together for 10 days now. For the 1st 6-7 days everything seemed great but now I can see her changing again. She has asked me almost everyday to have the custody papers cancelled. Well when she asks that I feel like she is playing a game, biding her time until she can get him out of the country. As for me I love my wife and kids and want things to work but at the same time I need to protect my son. I will never cancel the custody papers and if she wants she can leave. I will even buy her another 1 way ticket if she so chooses.

Anyone else having problems?

Wow,sorry to hear that.,you should let her go if she would like to or you should honestly discuss all the possible variations of how your marriage would work out. Though, I understand your position and i also understand what she feels. She was carrying this little child for 9 month., she gave a birth to him.She went through this whole process by carrying him inside her balley,feeling his moves and etc.,, and only woman mothers know what is it look like,what is it feels like ,its more her child then your child. He came out from her body. Yes.,its your son too ,but you can't even imagine how hard would be for the woman to loose her child like that. She will go crazy! Its not gonna be so hard for you as for her. Though.,from another point of view,i think that the baby's future will be better if he stays in the U.S as its less danger here.,but he must be raised by his real mother and father if possible.

You should guys work out something between 2 of you.

You should honestly talk out all the possible variations about your lifes ,how is everything gonna work out as i said above.

Maybe you should move to Mexico with her for a while and see how is everything goes.

I dont know ,do something,dont let her go alone,just like that.

I know its gonna be hard for you to give the baby to her., but you cant even imagine how much harder is it gonna be for her ,not to see the little baby son. Actually,Baby needs both parents and preferebly should reside in the U.S for the less lack of possible danger.

Also,i have a feeling that maybe there is someone pushing on her about something?.....

I'm sure she loves you .,but maybe she just wanted to take a brake?

Or my other suggestion is take all your family to the Cruise Liner trip and have a great time.! ., maybe then something gonna change in a positive direction

Sincerely.

[joej 0]

Hi all

My wife and I have been married almost 2 years, she is from Mexico. We went through the whole immigration process and she was able to come here this past November. This is her 2nd time living here but she is having a very difficult time adjusting. It seems that every other day she wants to leave, go to Mexico or Memphis Tn. In short our problems started in January after her mom went back to Mexico after a month visiting here. We have a son together, he is 18 months old and a daddy's boy. Well it seems for the past few months my wife has been planning on leaving for good. We had both agreed on my step-daughter and my son going to Mexico for the summer with her family. Then all of a sudden she wanted to go, I said OK are you coming back? Her answer was I don't know, well of course I added a little heat to the fire. I told her she could go but my son stays here. A few weeks passed with no arguments and then she asked me to take her and the kids to Memphis to fly out to Mexico City. I let her know again my son stays. I then asked her why Memphis and not AEX. Her reply was her mother was flying to Memphis to take her cousin something and that she wanted to fly from Memphis so her mom can help with the kids. To make this short, one day we were talking about our marriage problems. I asked her to cancel her trip to Mexico so we could try and fix the problems. The 1st words out of her mouth were, I can't because my family already paid 1500 dollars on 1 way tickets. She said she wanted to go back there is nothing here for her. I went to work the next day, when I got home I noticed she had luggage packed. I then picked my son up and went to a friends. The next day my attorney got the emergency custody paperwork in order and signed by the judge. My wife was served the divorce/ emergency custody papers about 5 days later. I was advised not to let her know where I was with our son due to her possibly trying to take him out of the country. Well after she got the papers I called her and let her see our son for a few hours. By day 9 I was at our home taking care of yardwork while our son stayed with my wife and sister in the house. Later my wife came outside and we talked about what was happening. She said she does not want a divorce, I explained to her that paperwork was the only thing I could file to have emergency custody of our son. My wife then asked me what will it take for us to stay together? I told her to sign full custody of our son over to me and we can work on it from there. The next day we were at my attorney's and she signed full custody over to me. We have been back together for 10 days now. For the 1st 6-7 days everything seemed great but now I can see her changing again. She has asked me almost everyday to have the custody papers cancelled. Well when she asks that I feel like she is playing a game, biding her time until she can get him out of the country. As for me I love my wife and kids and want things to work but at the same time I need to protect my son. I will never cancel the custody papers and if she wants she can leave. I will even buy her another 1 way ticket if she so chooses.

Anyone else having problems?

Wow,sorry to hear that.,you should let her go if she would like to or you should honestly discuss all the possible variations of how your marriage would work out. Though, I understand your position and i also understand what she feels. She was carrying this little child for 9 month., she gave a birth to him.She went through this whole process by carrying him inside her balley,feeling his moves and etc.,, and only woman mothers know what is it look like,what is it feels like ,its more her child then your child. He came out from her body. Yes.,its your son too ,but you can't even imagine how hard would be for the woman to loose her child like that. She will go crazy! Its not gonna be so hard for you as for her. Though.,from another point of view,i think that the baby's future will be better if he stays in the U.S as its less danger here.,but he must be raised by his real mother and father if possible.

You should guys work out something between 2 of you.

You should honestly talk out all the possible variations about your lifes ,how is everything gonna work out as i said above.

Maybe you should move to Mexico with her for a while and see how is everything goes.

I dont know ,do something,dont let her go alone,just like that.

I know its gonna be hard for you to give the baby to her., but you cant even imagine how much harder is it gonna be for her ,not to see the little baby son. Actually,Baby needs both parents and preferebly should reside in the U.S for the less lack of possible danger.

Also,i have a feeling that maybe there is someone pushing on her about something?.....

I'm sure she loves you .,but maybe she just wanted to take a brake?

Or my other suggestion is take all your family to the Cruise Liner trip and have a great time.! ., maybe then something gonna change in a positive direction

Sincerely.

Your reply is interesting, but I half to disagree. It can be equally hard for either parent to loose a child. In this scenario I tend to side with dad, since mom is the one wanting to leave and take the baby away. Yet still, it is hard to tell motives and there is usually more to the story.

[TracyTN 237]

I'm very sorry to read about your situation. It sounds as if the trust has left the relationship and once that is gone, I'm not sure what can be done to recover it.

Good luck to you.

[Pammy 0]

Hi all

My wife and I have been married almost 2 years, she is from Mexico. We went through the whole immigration process and she was able to come here this past November. This is her 2nd time living here but she is having a very difficult time adjusting. It seems that every other day she wants to leave, go to Mexico or Memphis Tn. In short our problems started in January after her mom went back to Mexico after a month visiting here. We have a son together, he is 18 months old and a daddy's boy. Well it seems for the past few months my wife has been planning on leaving for good. We had both agreed on my step-daughter and my son going to Mexico for the summer with her family. Then all of a sudden she wanted to go, I said OK are you coming back? Her answer was I don't know, well of course I added a little heat to the fire. I told her she could go but my son stays here. A few weeks passed with no arguments and then she asked me to take her and the kids to Memphis to fly out to Mexico City. I let her know again my son stays. I then asked her why Memphis and not AEX. Her reply was her mother was flying to Memphis to take her cousin something and that she wanted to fly from Memphis so her mom can help with the kids. To make this short, one day we were talking about our marriage problems. I asked her to cancel her trip to Mexico so we could try and fix the problems. The 1st words out of her mouth were, I can't because my family already paid 1500 dollars on 1 way tickets. She said she wanted to go back there is nothing here for her. I went to work the next day, when I got home I noticed she had luggage packed. I then picked my son up and went to a friends. The next day my attorney got the emergency custody paperwork in order and signed by the judge. My wife was served the divorce/ emergency custody papers about 5 days later. I was advised not to let her know where I was with our son due to her possibly trying to take him out of the country. Well after she got the papers I called her and let her see our son for a few hours. By day 9 I was at our home taking care of yardwork while our son stayed with my wife and sister in the house. Later my wife came outside and we talked about what was happening. She said she does not want a divorce, I explained to her that paperwork was the only thing I could file to have emergency custody of our son. My wife then asked me what will it take for us to stay together? I told her to sign full custody of our son over to me and we can work on it from there. The next day we were at my attorney's and she signed full custody over to me. We have been back together for 10 days now. For the 1st 6-7 days everything seemed great but now I can see her changing again. She has asked me almost everyday to have the custody papers cancelled. Well when she asks that I feel like she is playing a game, biding her time until she can get him out of the country. As for me I love my wife and kids and want things to work but at the same time I need to protect my son. I will never cancel the custody papers and if she wants she can leave. I will even buy her another 1 way ticket if she so chooses.

Anyone else having problems?

Hi Pittman1971,

Maybe your wife is just really HOMESICK. It may not mean she lost her love for you. Homesickness definitely leads to depression. Depression leads to unwise/unstable/desperate decisions. Believe me, I know!

I almost gave up everything (our American Dream, GC and my HUBBY!) earlier in our marriage. I was just sooo homesick and depressed all the time. I love my husband very much but something was missing - a part of me (my family, friends and lifestyle back in the Philippines). I felt worst because I know my husband is affected with my moodiness. I just wanted to leave - to stop all the hurting. He probably felt I wasnt happy being with him. But I was! I just couldnt help feeling homesick! Its really hard to explain.

Anyway, what happened was he sent me back to the Philippines for 5 months. I missed him terribly! He followed after 2 months and stayed for 2 weeks. When I came back here, I was refreshed. Realized what my priorities are. But I have to admit, I still do get homesick a lot! I know I couldnt live without him but couldnt live with ONLY him either! Hehe! If I could just be at two places at the same time, that would be awesome!

Anyway my point is, your wife is not a bad/not trustworthy person. She's probably confused and overwhelmed being away from "home". (Plus she may still have the "baby blues") Adjustment is really hard. She needs more time to get used to her new home. Maybe your wife just needs time to rethink things over. With a clear and relaxed mind, she may realize how important you are to her son's life (and to her life!). You are the father of her son - and that is a strong bond between you two. Or maybe, try to compromise with her. 6 months here, 6 months there so she wouldnt feel trapped.

This is just my opinion. Good luck and be strong.

[meauxna 15]

Anyone else having problems?

Didn't this get hashed out earlier this year?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...owtopic=377&hl=

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Anyone else having problems?

Didn't this get hashed out earlier this year?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...owtopic=377&hl=

I thought it rung a bell.

[*Robert* 2]

Yeah, what's up with that? This story reads like a fricking soap opera.

[thai2luv 0]

Anyone else having problems?

Didn't this get hashed out earlier this year?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...owtopic=377&hl=

After reading the old thread and now this new one, I have to question your wife's motives, and question the future success of your relationship.

Run Forest, Run!!!

Edited June 7, 2006 by thai2luv

[almaty 19]

i am going to be polite..and just say no comment..

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

All I see is a child being used as a bargaining tool by both parents. Now there is more than the two of you involved, whether it was planned or not. Marriage whether it is going well or not, is a compromise and even more so when you bring a child into it.

Don't know whether her intent was just to get a visa or not, after all we are only hearing one side of the story. This seems an excuse to make your point that much stronger as to why she shouldn't have custody of the baby. You claimed you had doubts from the beginning of your relationship whether it was fraud or not, well buddy you made the choice that it wasn't or you would not have married her!

I think the better thing to have done when she complained back in January was to allow her a visit home, but leaving behind the baby so the gal could truly see where her heart was. Atleast then she could have made an honest choice whether her life was with you and your child, or with her "big family".

After five months of this, maybe more, I think her actions have spoke enough. Now you two need to act like responsible parents and make the best choice for that child. Someone is going to end up hurt but it SHOULD not be him!

Bethanie

[Nessa 23]

i am going to be polite..and just say no comment..

ditto