feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Who needs a letter anyway? It's pointless. No divorcved alien requires a "letter" as in "permission" from an ex-spouse. All the alien needs from the ex-spouse is access to documentation that shows the marriage was real.

If you wish your husband no hurdles in the rest of his immigration path...then place none, give him all the evidence he needs to show USCIS that yours was a bonafide marriage and let him be.

You've said countless times, you believe that he had the right intentions in the beginning. Then you should not breathe another word about "reporting him", "fraud", "Using you". It simply was a marriage that was not meant to be. And of course, if you trully believe what you are saying, then whether he finishes the path alone or with another woman, wish him well.

As for discussion about the I864, if one does not believe the immigrant spouse had fraudulant intent, protecting onesself from enforcing such a document also shouldnt come into play.

By the way, I didnt bring that up. Someone else did. i already know that the reality of most men using means tested benefits is just not the same as women. Women with kids can stay on it for years. Men can only go on it one time in 3 years for 3 months. If you dont have kids, the person cannot apply for benefits. I didnt bring it up or complain about it or being held liable for it.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

Already getting it once a week... have since the fall. But you dont have to come on our forum from outside forums and say it. I already am

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

Already getting it once a week... have since the fall. But you dont have to come on our forum from outside forums and say it. I already am

i don't believe what she posted was meant in a malicious manner. sometimes someone from the outside will say something that is necessary that others closer to you won't say.

Edited December 15, 2008 by charles!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

And one more thing, as much as professional counseling can do, alot of getting better is resolve and willpower. When things hurt that bad, its a combination of medicine.therapy and time that help you get better. Its not one thing.. Some losses are so huge that you have to use several things just to be able to cope. Patly saying you need professional help is just a way of cutting down someone... especially if they dont know you. There are ways to say it... and not be trite..

But I am already getting it. I wouldnt be here if I hadnt. I think dealing with death and divorce in less than 4 months are pretty huge blows and I think I am dealing with things the best that can be expected....They are immeasurable losses and I am trying to go past them.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

Already getting it once a week... have since the fall. But you dont have to come on our forum from outside forums and say it. I already am

i don't believe what she posted was meant in a malicious manner. sometimes someone from the outside will say something that is necessary that others closer to you won't say.

Well considering I dont even know them and if they did,,, they would know I was already getting it as well as medication, I dont think she meant well at all. She doesnt know me and if she did, she wouldnt say it like that. She was just being trite. I am already getting it as well as taking medicine and I have considering things .dealt with things the best I could. Professional help isnt something you joke about. I have dealt with things that cripple some people into not functioning and I am still hanging in there. I dont need someone tritely dropping into our forum who i dont know tritely saying anything to me...

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

And one more thing, as much as professional counseling can do, alot of getting better is resolve and willpower. When things hurt that bad, its a combination of medicine.therapy and time that help you get better. Its not one thing.. Some losses are so huge that you have to use several things just to be able to cope. Patly saying you need professional help is just a way of cutting down someone... especially if they dont know you. There are ways to say it... and not be trite..

But I am already getting it. I wouldnt be here if I hadnt. I think dealing with death and divorce in less than 4 months are pretty huge blows and I think I am dealing with things the best that can be expected....They are immeasurable losses and I am trying to go past them.

suggestion one get professional help to get through something traumatic isn't what i'd call cutting a person down - making that observation offhand would be. tara did state she'd read your threads, so i don't believe her post was malicious, but sympathetic in nature.

Well considering I dont even know them and if they did,,, they would know I was already getting it as well as medication, I dont think she meant well at all. She doesnt know me and if she did, she wouldnt say it like that. She was just being trite. I am already getting it as well as taking medicine and I have considering things .dealt with things the best I could. Professional help isnt something you joke about. I have dealt with things that cripple some people into not functioning and I am still hanging in there. I dont need someone tritely dropping into our forum who i dont know tritely saying anything to me...

well if that's the way you want to take it, then so be it.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

And one more thing, as much as professional counseling can do, alot of getting better is resolve and willpower. When things hurt that bad, its a combination of medicine.therapy and time that help you get better. Its not one thing.. Some losses are so huge that you have to use several things just to be able to cope. Patly saying you need professional help is just a way of cutting down someone... especially if they dont know you. There are ways to say it... and not be trite..

But I am already getting it. I wouldnt be here if I hadnt. I think dealing with death and divorce in less than 4 months are pretty huge blows and I think I am dealing with things the best that can be expected....They are immeasurable losses and I am trying to go past them.

suggestion one get professional help to get through something traumatic isn't what i'd call cutting a person down - making that observation offhand would be. tara did state she'd read your threads, so i don't believe her post was malicious, but sympathetic in nature.

Well considering I dont even know them and if they did,,, they would know I was already getting it as well as medication, I dont think she meant well at all. She doesnt know me and if she did, she wouldnt say it like that. She was just being trite. I am already getting it as well as taking medicine and I have considering things .dealt with things the best I could. Professional help isnt something you joke about. I have dealt with things that cripple some people into not functioning and I am still hanging in there. I dont need someone tritely dropping into our forum who i dont know tritely saying anything to me...

well if that's the way you want to take it, then so be it.

Charles, unless you have no clue as to how women say things to each other,,,not knowing someone and saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP is just a way to insult someone. If you know someone and you say like professional help can help you through this stuff and I hope you get it... its alot differently than someone just saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. Thats just a way to belittle or cut someone down.. something I dont need right now.I dont know her and she doesnt know me personally because if she did, she would already know I was getting it and not just try to say something sarcastic.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

There are all kinds of medication. Some work for some people, and others don't. In general, the medication that I would presume would be prescribed would be to, in a sense, take the "edge" off your emotions. Limit the lows and and dull triggers to deep emotion. Sinergy, I am sure, did not mean anything by her comment, other than that at times, some of your posts seem to be still very highly emotional and focused on one concept, one point, repetitive in a way. That could be an indicator that the medication prescribed might not be addressing the issue as well as another could. Have a talk with your psychiatrist in private, if you feel that this might be the case.

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

And one more thing, as much as professional counseling can do, alot of getting better is resolve and willpower. When things hurt that bad, its a combination of medicine.therapy and time that help you get better. Its not one thing.. Some losses are so huge that you have to use several things just to be able to cope. Patly saying you need professional help is just a way of cutting down someone... especially if they dont know you. There are ways to say it... and not be trite..

But I am already getting it. I wouldnt be here if I hadnt. I think dealing with death and divorce in less than 4 months are pretty huge blows and I think I am dealing with things the best that can be expected....They are immeasurable losses and I am trying to go past them.

suggestion one get professional help to get through something traumatic isn't what i'd call cutting a person down - making that observation offhand would be. tara did state she'd read your threads, so i don't believe her post was malicious, but sympathetic in nature.

Well considering I dont even know them and if they did,,, they would know I was already getting it as well as medication, I dont think she meant well at all. She doesnt know me and if she did, she wouldnt say it like that. She was just being trite. I am already getting it as well as taking medicine and I have considering things .dealt with things the best I could. Professional help isnt something you joke about. I have dealt with things that cripple some people into not functioning and I am still hanging in there. I dont need someone tritely dropping into our forum who i dont know tritely saying anything to me...

well if that's the way you want to take it, then so be it.

Charles, unless you have no clue as to how women say things to each other,,,not knowing someone and saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP is just a way to insult someone. If you know someone and you say like professional help can help you through this stuff and I hope you get it... its alot differently than someone just saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. Thats just a way to belittle or cut someone down.. something I dont need right now.I dont know her and she doesnt know me personally because if she did, she would already know I was getting it and not just try to say something sarcastic.

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

And one more thing, as much as professional counseling can do, alot of getting better is resolve and willpower. When things hurt that bad, its a combination of medicine.therapy and time that help you get better. Its not one thing.. Some losses are so huge that you have to use several things just to be able to cope. Patly saying you need professional help is just a way of cutting down someone... especially if they dont know you. There are ways to say it... and not be trite..

But I am already getting it. I wouldnt be here if I hadnt. I think dealing with death and divorce in less than 4 months are pretty huge blows and I think I am dealing with things the best that can be expected....They are immeasurable losses and I am trying to go past them.

suggestion one get professional help to get through something traumatic isn't what i'd call cutting a person down - making that observation offhand would be. tara did state she'd read your threads, so i don't believe her post was malicious, but sympathetic in nature.

Well considering I dont even know them and if they did,,, they would know I was already getting it as well as medication, I dont think she meant well at all. She doesnt know me and if she did, she wouldnt say it like that. She was just being trite. I am already getting it as well as taking medicine and I have considering things .dealt with things the best I could. Professional help isnt something you joke about. I have dealt with things that cripple some people into not functioning and I am still hanging in there. I dont need someone tritely dropping into our forum who i dont know tritely saying anything to me...

well if that's the way you want to take it, then so be it.

Charles, unless you have no clue as to how women say things to each other,,,not knowing someone and saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP is just a way to insult someone. If you know someone and you say like professional help can help you through this stuff and I hope you get it... its alot differently than someone just saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. Thats just a way to belittle or cut someone down.. something I dont need right now.I dont know her and she doesnt know me personally because if she did, she would already know I was getting it and not just try to say something sarcastic.

i've learned a lot about how women talk to each other in this very forum. i've also learned quite a bit about how one takes offense to something that does not sound offensive to the average reader.

[sara..... 371]

kat, i hope u dont take this the wrong way, but many of us that have been thru a lot less than u have with the immigration process have had to have some sort of help. ur a very strong women and i do not mean to be rude or disrespectful to u, but girl u been thru alot, infact more than a lot of us have. I can understand why someone might suggest getting some help. Sometimes in life we have to get help so that we can move forward. Plz do not think im trying to insult u i care about u and what happens in ur life and ur future

sara

[sara..... 371]

now as for the topic of this thread i already told perviz if its green card ur after ok so be it but u gonna pay thru the nose in child support and support for me so nope if i found out that its gc he is after or it didnt work out i would not try to get him deported

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

kat, i hope u dont take this the wrong way, but many of us that have been thru a lot less than u have with the immigration process have had to have some sort of help. ur a very strong women and i do not mean to be rude or disrespectful to u, but girl u been thru alot, infact more than a lot of us have. I can understand why someone might suggest getting some help. Sometimes in life we have to get help so that we can move forward. Plz do not think im trying to insult u i care about u and what happens in ur life and ur future

sara

Thanks so much. I totally dont take anything the regulars on the board say badly because we know each other. Its when people who dont know us come here and say stuff, its irritating.

Its ok...and I am kind of used to things by now and the reality is that I love this board and would take care of any of the girls here as if they were my family because I know their stories

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

There are all kinds of medication. Some work for some people, and others don't. In general, the medication that I would presume would be prescribed would be to, in a sense, take the "edge" off your emotions. Limit the lows and and dull triggers to deep emotion. Sinergy, I am sure, did not mean anything by her comment, other than that at times, some of your posts seem to be still very highly emotional and focused on one concept, one point, repetitive in a way. That could be an indicator that the medication prescribed might not be addressing the issue as well as another could. Have a talk with your psychiatrist in private, if you feel that this might be the case.

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

And one more thing, as much as professional counseling can do, alot of getting better is resolve and willpower. When things hurt that bad, its a combination of medicine.therapy and time that help you get better. Its not one thing.. Some losses are so huge that you have to use several things just to be able to cope. Patly saying you need professional help is just a way of cutting down someone... especially if they dont know you. There are ways to say it... and not be trite..

But I am already getting it. I wouldnt be here if I hadnt. I think dealing with death and divorce in less than 4 months are pretty huge blows and I think I am dealing with things the best that can be expected....They are immeasurable losses and I am trying to go past them.

suggestion one get professional help to get through something traumatic isn't what i'd call cutting a person down - making that observation offhand would be. tara did state she'd read your threads, so i don't believe her post was malicious, but sympathetic in nature.

Well considering I dont even know them and if they did,,, they would know I was already getting it as well as medication, I dont think she meant well at all. She doesnt know me and if she did, she wouldnt say it like that. She was just being trite. I am already getting it as well as taking medicine and I have considering things .dealt with things the best I could. Professional help isnt something you joke about. I have dealt with things that cripple some people into not functioning and I am still hanging in there. I dont need someone tritely dropping into our forum who i dont know tritely saying anything to me...

well if that's the way you want to take it, then so be it.

Charles, unless you have no clue as to how women say things to each other,,,not knowing someone and saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP is just a way to insult someone. If you know someone and you say like professional help can help you through this stuff and I hope you get it... its alot differently than someone just saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. Thats just a way to belittle or cut someone down.. something I dont need right now.I dont know her and she doesnt know me personally because if she did, she would already know I was getting it and not just try to say something sarcastic.

I dont have a psychiatrist but I do have a therapist and yes it helps greatly. There is no way without therapy and a support group that I could have made it this far at all

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

now as for the topic of this thread i already told perviz if its green card ur after ok so be it but u gonna pay thru the nose in child support and support for me so nope if i found out that its gc he is after or it didnt work out i would not try to get him deported

I think that the reality is that when you have to go through so much its super painful when things dont work out. Its not like we met at starbucks. We literally had to wait a year or more to get together and pay humungous fees and just go through so much so when things dont work or bad things happen, it hurts extra bad. in my case it took me from the date I filed till he got here a total of 17 months. Thats alot of time to wait around to be together.... then when bad things happened it just tore me apart.

He will be back here tomorrow from overseas so we will see what happens.. Its been a hard hard road and I have made the choice to handle what ever happens civilly because I feel like being civil with him is better for my kids and my heart than getting upset. Plus like the mods say, there is very little you can do even if they have been hard on you once they have the greencard. Id rather just come to terms with things and be kind to him.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

If you are only seeing a therapist, and not a psychiatrist, how is it you have medication? My impression was that only psychiatrists (that hold an MD) are able to prescribe.

There are all kinds of medication. Some work for some people, and others don't. In general, the medication that I would presume would be prescribed would be to, in a sense, take the "edge" off your emotions. Limit the lows and and dull triggers to deep emotion. Sinergy, I am sure, did not mean anything by her comment, other than that at times, some of your posts seem to be still very highly emotional and focused on one concept, one point, repetitive in a way. That could be an indicator that the medication prescribed might not be addressing the issue as well as another could. Have a talk with your psychiatrist in private, if you feel that this might be the case.

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.

And one more thing, as much as professional counseling can do, alot of getting better is resolve and willpower. When things hurt that bad, its a combination of medicine.therapy and time that help you get better. Its not one thing.. Some losses are so huge that you have to use several things just to be able to cope. Patly saying you need professional help is just a way of cutting down someone... especially if they dont know you. There are ways to say it... and not be trite..

But I am already getting it. I wouldnt be here if I hadnt. I think dealing with death and divorce in less than 4 months are pretty huge blows and I think I am dealing with things the best that can be expected....They are immeasurable losses and I am trying to go past them.

suggestion one get professional help to get through something traumatic isn't what i'd call cutting a person down - making that observation offhand would be. tara did state she'd read your threads, so i don't believe her post was malicious, but sympathetic in nature.

Well considering I dont even know them and if they did,,, they would know I was already getting it as well as medication, I dont think she meant well at all. She doesnt know me and if she did, she wouldnt say it like that. She was just being trite. I am already getting it as well as taking medicine and I have considering things .dealt with things the best I could. Professional help isnt something you joke about. I have dealt with things that cripple some people into not functioning and I am still hanging in there. I dont need someone tritely dropping into our forum who i dont know tritely saying anything to me...

well if that's the way you want to take it, then so be it.

Charles, unless you have no clue as to how women say things to each other,,,not knowing someone and saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP is just a way to insult someone. If you know someone and you say like professional help can help you through this stuff and I hope you get it... its alot differently than someone just saying YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. Thats just a way to belittle or cut someone down.. something I dont need right now.I dont know her and she doesnt know me personally because if she did, she would already know I was getting it and not just try to say something sarcastic.

I dont have a psychiatrist but I do have a therapist and yes it helps greatly. There is no way without therapy and a support group that I could have made it this far at all