feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

All I can say to writing a letter of support to anyone who spit in my face and treated me like #######, is a big fat "F THAT!!!!!" I think I'd also be saying a few other things that rhyme with "Mother Ucker" and a couple of "F you and the horse you rode in ons"...but that's just me.

Love, Stacie.

I agree. However if you read clearly her orig. post and many others, the reality is she is waiting for him to change and come running back to her. she is still not over him, and if he did come back she would take him back. Because as with all women who have been in abusive relationships ( i speak from past history) they keep thinking there is going to be a miracle and he will suddenly realize all hes done wrong and beocme the man she wants. However it does not happen most of the time, and not so easily. But she is not at that point yet that she is ready to move on and put him and his abuse where he belongs. Inshallah I hope she will be in that place soon.

He is coming back and what I do about divorcing him or staying is what I am working out. I dont feel the same as I did before he left....I feel differently... I love him but he threatened me with leaving so many times that I finally inside myself started giving myself the strength to survive whatever he does...losing my child did that for me.. I am not the same person anymore.. Losses that big do that for you...

If getting revenge helps people psychologically.. cool. I dont want any part of it any more. I am too close to the fire to get consumed by it and there is no one to pull me out.. Id rather build on what s going right in my life and let the bad things slip away and go

I know how to extract revenge.. I am just tired of doing so and for me, its not the right path. I need to heal from other losses and survive intact for my other kids.He will be back this week....and I will have to face what I will do from that point

[Staashi 371]

All I can say to writing a letter of support to anyone who spit in my face and treated me like #######, is a big fat "F THAT!!!!!" I think I'd also be saying a few other things that rhyme with "Mother Ucker" and a couple of "F you and the horse you rode in ons"...but that's just me.

Love, Stacie.

I am not talking about writing a letter that says we are still married or supporting. I am talking about writing a letter that the marriage was a real love and things didnt work out between us.

You THINK you know what you would do to someone. You didnt bury a baby between you... you have happiness ahead..

I am trying to let go of him with grace and calm and let him go on with his life and find some happiness and maybe another baby someday. Its my way of loving him and letting him go. He did wrong... but until you are faced with things.. you think you would know what you would do.. but sometimes if raging becomes a way of moving on and it keeps you torn up inside and the alternative is calmly letting the person slip away.... you make choices.. I need to be happy and I can only grieve one loss at a time.. He was undeniably a total ### to me. Id rather just put the feather on the river and let it float away than be consumed with rage and grief all the time...

Kat, if you wrote a letter of support saying that your marriage was a real love, we here at VJ could pull all the posts that you wrote these past 5 months and submit them to USCIS that says...this wasn't a real love, this man was a real Mother Fukcer. And I would have to say that somewhere in my USCIS heart of hearts that an IO would read that sh!t and be like "What the Fuvk???" So, to say that you're trying to let the feather go float down the river...you do that. Let it float on, but don't be Cleopatra Queen of Denial that this was happiness, wine and roses. And if it was and everything you told us was lies, then c'est la vie! But I don't think it was. And no, I don't know what I would do to someone who did this kind of stuff to me, but somewhere inside myself I think I would be arranging what I like to call a "Come to Jesus Meeting", not some sweet as pie letter to USCIS that says it was great we just were incompatible.

My husband and I have been to hell and back, and it didn't take losing a baby to do that. I almost died in Argentina last year, and he was by my side every day. He was my rock and my strength, and never kicked me when I was down. We have gone through so much and when I think of whatever else comes our way, we can face it - God willing.

And saying that we have happiness ahead because we didn't bury a baby...well, first and foremost, I have never been more scared of this baby dying than after being here on VJ - from your story, Jay Jay's story, Water's story about her friend, and more miscarriages than I can count, I just sit there everyday thinking about Murphy's Law - since it's been too perfect, too easy then it probably is just that and I don't know if this baby will make it or not - it's in God's hands and that's that.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

All I can say to writing a letter of support to anyone who spit in my face and treated me like #######, is a big fat "F THAT!!!!!" I think I'd also be saying a few other things that rhyme with "Mother Ucker" and a couple of "F you and the horse you rode in ons"...but that's just me.

Love, Stacie.

I am not talking about writing a letter that says we are still married or supporting. I am talking about writing a letter that the marriage was a real love and things didnt work out between us.

You THINK you know what you would do to someone. You didnt bury a baby between you... you have happiness ahead..

I am trying to let go of him with grace and calm and let him go on with his life and find some happiness and maybe another baby someday. Its my way of loving him and letting him go. He did wrong... but until you are faced with things.. you think you would know what you would do.. but sometimes if raging becomes a way of moving on and it keeps you torn up inside and the alternative is calmly letting the person slip away.... you make choices.. I need to be happy and I can only grieve one loss at a time.. He was undeniably a total ### to me. Id rather just put the feather on the river and let it float away than be consumed with rage and grief all the time...

Kat, if you wrote a letter of support saying that your marriage was a real love, we here at VJ could pull all the posts that you wrote these past 5 months and submit them to USCIS that says...this wasn't a real love, this man was a real Mother Fukcer. And I would have to say that somewhere in my USCIS heart of hearts that an IO would read that sh!t and be like "What the Fuvk???" So, to say that you're trying to let the feather go float down the river...you do that. Let it float on, but don't be Cleopatra Queen of Denial that this was happiness, wine and roses. And if it was and everything you told us was lies, then c'est la vie! But I don't think it was. And no, I don't know what I would do to someone who did this kind of stuff to me, but somewhere inside myself I think I would be arranging what I like to call a "Come to Jesus Meeting", not some sweet as pie letter to USCIS that says it was great we just were incompatible.

My husband and I have been to hell and back, and it didn't take losing a baby to do that. I almost died in Argentina last year, and he was by my side every day. He was my rock and my strength, and never kicked me when I was down. We have gone through so much and when I think of whatever else comes our way, we can face it - God willing.

And saying that we have happiness ahead because we didn't bury a baby...well, first and foremost, I have never been more scared of this baby dying than after being here on VJ - from your story, Jay Jay's story, Water's story about her friend, and more miscarriages than I can count, I just sit there everyday thinking about Murphy's Law - since it's been too perfect, too easy then it probably is just that and I don't know if this baby will make it or not - it's in God's hands and that's that.

I don't want to stay mad at him anymore...especially if we split. Second,it WAS real love on my end.. and I think you and I know that...He was awful to me.. But I think it was mostly because he just didnt want to be married to me...not because he was perpetrating fraud against me. I think he might have cared for me a great deal. When he got to the states and realised what it was like here.. especially kids from other marriages and other financial stress he snapped. If I wrote a letter that said I loved him and I wanted it to work and it didnt... that is no one elses business but my own. Why would I want him to be deported ? So he could never see his baby s grave again? So we couldnt be amicable friends even though we werent together? Whats the point of raging on and on. I dont think the letter has to be sweet as pie but I did love him and I wanted him and it was completely real on my end and still is.. I dont want to crucify my husband.. even if we divorce because I really love him.... so I think its perfectly honest of me to write a letter if we split that I loved him... I felt the love died between us and that our child died and I wish him the best...

Your come to jesus letter may help you... but it sure doesnt help me and if we did split up I would want him to be able to see his little boy in the cemetary and still be on normal terms with me. It may not be "smart" in your book but its what will help me sleep at night and at this point.. thats all that matters...

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

All I can say to writing a letter of support to anyone who spit in my face and treated me like #######, is a big fat "F THAT!!!!!" I think I'd also be saying a few other things that rhyme with "Mother Ucker" and a couple of "F you and the horse you rode in ons"...but that's just me.

Love, Stacie.

I am not talking about writing a letter that says we are still married or supporting. I am talking about writing a letter that the marriage was a real love and things didnt work out between us.

You THINK you know what you would do to someone. You didnt bury a baby between you... you have happiness ahead..

I am trying to let go of him with grace and calm and let him go on with his life and find some happiness and maybe another baby someday. Its my way of loving him and letting him go. He did wrong... but until you are faced with things.. you think you would know what you would do.. but sometimes if raging becomes a way of moving on and it keeps you torn up inside and the alternative is calmly letting the person slip away.... you make choices.. I need to be happy and I can only grieve one loss at a time.. He was undeniably a total ### to me. Id rather just put the feather on the river and let it float away than be consumed with rage and grief all the time...

Kat, if you wrote a letter of support saying that your marriage was a real love, we here at VJ could pull all the posts that you wrote these past 5 months and submit them to USCIS that says...this wasn't a real love, this man was a real Mother Fukcer. And I would have to say that somewhere in my USCIS heart of hearts that an IO would read that sh!t and be like "What the Fuvk???" So, to say that you're trying to let the feather go float down the river...you do that. Let it float on, but don't be Cleopatra Queen of Denial that this was happiness, wine and roses. And if it was and everything you told us was lies, then c'est la vie! But I don't think it was. And no, I don't know what I would do to someone who did this kind of stuff to me, but somewhere inside myself I think I would be arranging what I like to call a "Come to Jesus Meeting", not some sweet as pie letter to USCIS that says it was great we just were incompatible.

My husband and I have been to hell and back, and it didn't take losing a baby to do that. I almost died in Argentina last year, and he was by my side every day. He was my rock and my strength, and never kicked me when I was down. We have gone through so much and when I think of whatever else comes our way, we can face it - God willing.

And saying that we have happiness ahead because we didn't bury a baby...well, first and foremost, I have never been more scared of this baby dying than after being here on VJ - from your story, Jay Jay's story, Water's story about her friend, and more miscarriages than I can count, I just sit there everyday thinking about Murphy's Law - since it's been too perfect, too easy then it probably is just that and I don't know if this baby will make it or not - it's in God's hands and that's that.

Real love doesnt crucify the other person.. it lets go..People end up getting what is coming to them. If I wrote a letter telling them I loved him and it didnt work out, thats not lying..My mom would like to string him from a telephone pole but she also wasnt here during my pregnancy helping me nor was she here one day after the funeral.... Yes ,, he should have done a ton of things differently and yes he was unkind to me.. no doubts about it.. But I have to go on.. with him here or with him gone and I cant hold this kind of rage I have been kindling with no where to place it.

As far as your baby, I am sure you have been through hard things in your life.. Consider this a gift and a good form of payback for the things you did right. Karma is a ######... I consider losing my child payback to me for anything I have done wrong in my life....Its searing pain coupled with having to endure it everyday makes me understand that there are a hell of alot worse things in life than foreclosure debt and divorce. I dont really suffer people who complain constantly lightly anymore. I promptly remind them when they whine about their kids that they could be burying them and to love and appreciate what they have...

I appreciate the living and life and I dont want to rip on anyone period. I need to survive this and directing energy towards revenge will kill whatever joy and happiness I have left.. I was very different a year ago.. I can t go this direction anymore or it will swallow me alive and Ill never be happy again

[morocco4ever 63]

Kat, I do see some improvement, but there are still things that you aren't seeing clearly. Letting go is healthy, yes. But you are going a step further. You are planning on assisting him. Why? To prove to him that you loved him? Again, why? That is not letting go, that is trying to show him that he made a mistake. If you are truly ready to let go you would not care one way or the other what he thinks. Besides Kat, he will never see things the way you want him too. You need to get that out of your head right now.

Let go Kat, but don't help him. He is a big boy, and you don't owe anything to him. Don't wait for him to make it right by you either because he won't. By not writing a letter to assist him isn't revenge, it is the final step to letting go with a peaceful heart.

[Nothing1234 2]

Kat, I do see some improvement, but there are still things that you aren't seeing clearly. Letting go is healthy, yes. But you are going a step further. You are planning on assisting him. Why? To prove to him that you loved him? Again, why? That is not letting go, that is trying to show him that he made a mistake. If you are truly ready to let go you would not care one way or the other what he thinks. Besides Kat, he will never see things the way you want him too. You need to get that out of your head right now.

Let go Kat, but don't help him. He is a big boy, and you don't owe anything to him. Don't wait for him to make it right by you either because he won't. By not writing a letter to assist him isn't revenge, it is the final step to letting go with a peaceful heart.

Amen.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Kat, I do see some improvement, but there are still things that you aren't seeing clearly. Letting go is healthy, yes. But you are going a step further. You are planning on assisting him. Why? To prove to him that you loved him? Again, why? That is not letting go, that is trying to show him that he made a mistake. If you are truly ready to let go you would not care one way or the other what he thinks. Besides Kat, he will never see things the way you want him too. You need to get that out of your head right now.

Let go Kat, but don't help him. He is a big boy, and you don't owe anything to him. Don't wait for him to make it right by you either because he won't. By not writing a letter to assist him isn't revenge, it is the final step to letting go with a peaceful heart.

sand and water...moroccoforever......sand and water

we will come through the doors beyond the grave

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Who needs a letter anyway? It's pointless. No divorcved alien requires a "letter" as in "permission" from an ex-spouse. All the alien needs from the ex-spouse is access to documentation that shows the marriage was real.

If you wish your husband no hurdles in the rest of his immigration path...then place none, give him all the evidence he needs to show USCIS that yours was a bonafide marriage and let him be.

You've said countless times, you believe that he had the right intentions in the beginning. Then you should not breathe another word about "reporting him", "fraud", "Using you". It simply was a marriage that was not meant to be. And of course, if you trully believe what you are saying, then whether he finishes the path alone or with another woman, wish him well.

Kat, I do see some improvement, but there are still things that you aren't seeing clearly. Letting go is healthy, yes. But you are going a step further. You are planning on assisting him. Why? To prove to him that you loved him? Again, why? That is not letting go, that is trying to show him that he made a mistake. If you are truly ready to let go you would not care one way or the other what he thinks. Besides Kat, he will never see things the way you want him too. You need to get that out of your head right now.

Let go Kat, but don't help him. He is a big boy, and you don't owe anything to him. Don't wait for him to make it right by you either because he won't. By not writing a letter to assist him isn't revenge, it is the final step to letting go with a peaceful heart.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Who needs a letter anyway? It's pointless. No divorcved alien requires a "letter" as in "permission" from an ex-spouse. All the alien needs from the ex-spouse is access to documentation that shows the marriage was real.

If you wish your husband no hurdles in the rest of his immigration path...then place none, give him all the evidence he needs to show USCIS that yours was a bonafide marriage and let him be.

You've said countless times, you believe that he had the right intentions in the beginning. Then you should not breathe another word about "reporting him", "fraud", "Using you". It simply was a marriage that was not meant to be. And of course, if you trully believe what you are saying, then whether he finishes the path alone or with another woman, wish him well.

Kat, I do see some improvement, but there are still things that you aren't seeing clearly. Letting go is healthy, yes. But you are going a step further. You are planning on assisting him. Why? To prove to him that you loved him? Again, why? That is not letting go, that is trying to show him that he made a mistake. If you are truly ready to let go you would not care one way or the other what he thinks. Besides Kat, he will never see things the way you want him too. You need to get that out of your head right now.

Let go Kat, but don't help him. He is a big boy, and you don't owe anything to him. Don't wait for him to make it right by you either because he won't. By not writing a letter to assist him isn't revenge, it is the final step to letting go with a peaceful heart.

thanks diddie... I always have respected you and your opinions.. thanks

[sereia 0]

...All the alien needs from the ex-spouse is access to documentation that shows the marriage was real.

If you wish your husband no hurdles in the rest of his immigration path...then place none, give him all the evidence he needs to show USCIS that yours was a bonafide marriage and let him be.

What documentation would be needed for them to file the waiver to prove they were in a bonafide marriage, and get approved by themselves to remove conditions?

[LaL 418]

Who needs a letter anyway? It's pointless. No divorcved alien requires a "letter" as in "permission" from an ex-spouse. All the alien needs from the ex-spouse is access to documentation that shows the marriage was real.

If you wish your husband no hurdles in the rest of his immigration path...then place none, give him all the evidence he needs to show USCIS that yours was a bonafide marriage and let him be.

You've said countless times, you believe that he had the right intentions in the beginning. Then you should not breathe another word about "reporting him", "fraud", "Using you". It simply was a marriage that was not meant to be. And of course, if you trully believe what you are saying, then whether he finishes the path alone or with another woman, wish him well.

As for discussion about the I864, if one does not believe the immigrant spouse had fraudulant intent, protecting onesself from enforcing such a document also shouldnt come into play.

Edited December 15, 2008 by LaL

[Nothing1234 2]

Who needs a letter anyway? It's pointless. No divorcved alien requires a "letter" as in "permission" from an ex-spouse. All the alien needs from the ex-spouse is access to documentation that shows the marriage was real.

If you wish your husband no hurdles in the rest of his immigration path...then place none, give him all the evidence he needs to show USCIS that yours was a bonafide marriage and let him be.

You've said countless times, you believe that he had the right intentions in the beginning. Then you should not breathe another word about "reporting him", "fraud", "Using you". It simply was a marriage that was not meant to be. And of course, if you trully believe what you are saying, then whether he finishes the path alone or with another woman, wish him well.

As for discussion about the I864, if one does not believe the immigrant spouse had fraudulant intent, protecting onesself from enforcing such a document also shouldnt come into play.

{{{LaL}}}

[Sinergy 3]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

Who needs a letter anyway? It's pointless. No divorcved alien requires a "letter" as in "permission" from an ex-spouse. All the alien needs from the ex-spouse is access to documentation that shows the marriage was real.

If you wish your husband no hurdles in the rest of his immigration path...then place none, give him all the evidence he needs to show USCIS that yours was a bonafide marriage and let him be.

You've said countless times, you believe that he had the right intentions in the beginning. Then you should not breathe another word about "reporting him", "fraud", "Using you". It simply was a marriage that was not meant to be. And of course, if you trully believe what you are saying, then whether he finishes the path alone or with another woman, wish him well.

As for discussion about the I864, if one does not believe the immigrant spouse had fraudulant intent, protecting onesself from enforcing such a document also shouldnt come into play.

thanks lal

[Ban Hammer 13,502]

Have you concidered seeking professional help? after reading all your threads and posts, i think it would be wise.

About your husband, let go, like someone else sd, it takes time, but the sooner you let go the better.

I think considering what has happened. I am doing fine... Not enough going on in the Romanian forum I guess so you have to lurk over here:pop:

i think tara (sinergy) has a valid point - given all i've seen about this subject, professional counseling may well be a good idea.