feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out

[Nothing1234 2]

Uh whats wrong with online chatting (choke prison) ..seems extreme there?? each thier own if you BOTH agree and stick

Huh?

[sereia 0]

I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents here...I'm not really one for revenge, but I do believe that as an American bringing over a foreigner to live in the US and ultimately things didn't work out, I would still contact USCIS with a letter with your spouse's A# and a statement letting them know what happened. Family immigration (fiance/spouse) is such a touchy matter...you want to believe that everything ends in love, but I can assure you it doesn't. The idea of being responsible for someone is very disconcerting, and I wonder how many men on some of the other forums like the Asian, Eastern Europe/Russian threads have really thought about this. Because traditionally, males can't access too many public services, so the burden for USC women petiitioners is relatively low. Now on the other hand, you take some foreign chica who comes here, marries someone way older than her, fools around after she has her 10-year GC, man, she's golden! She's got her card, her alimony, and because of that I-864 she can can access all sorts of government services.

So I would say, go ahead and send that letter to USCIS - give them a little head's up. They don't have to deport the person, but remember this, when that person goes to apply for citizenship, GC renewal, or maybe even petiition a family member to come to the US, an IO will take a gander at that letter and see a little red flag on their case...might not change their mind or anything...but why not make the person sweat it out a little bit. .

Well said!

I think people who were used and/or abused have a right and in a sense a duty to let USCIS know what they have been dealing with. Does it mean their SO will get deported or it will change their petition in the future what so ever? NO? But I think if you have someone who used you, is seriously mentally ill, or abusive, you should tell USCIS!

I also think people who say "leave it up to G-d" might not really realize what the I-864 really means. What would you say if you "left it up to G-d" and then later you get a fat bill from the government asking for their money back because your SO was on walfare, food stamps, medicaid, etc? I doubt you'd be very happy then! Or your SO sues you? How would you feel? I think you need to protect yourself by all means! But "revenge" is a totally other thing, imo. If it gets to the point where it consumes your life and you can't take care of yourself or your children? Well then it might be time to rethink your stategy! But to poopoo people because they might want to take action against their SO to protect themself is really not a fair judgement.

Edited December 14, 2008 by Sheherazade

[Nothing1234 2]

I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents here...I'm not really one for revenge, but I do believe that as an American bringing over a foreigner to live in the US and ultimately things didn't work out, I would still contact USCIS with a letter with your spouse's A# and a statement letting them know what happened. Family immigration (fiance/spouse) is such a touchy matter...you want to believe that everything ends in love, but I can assure you it doesn't. The idea of being responsible for someone is very disconcerting, and I wonder how many men on some of the other forums like the Asian, Eastern Europe/Russian threads have really thought about this. Because traditionally, males can't access too many public services, so the burden for USC women petiitioners is relatively low. Now on the other hand, you take some foreign chica who comes here, marries someone way older than her, fools around after she has her 10-year GC, man, she's golden! She's got her card, her alimony, and because of that I-864 she can can access all sorts of government services.

So I would say, go ahead and send that letter to USCIS - give them a little head's up. They don't have to deport the person, but remember this, when that person goes to apply for citizenship, GC renewal, or maybe even petiition a family member to come to the US, an IO will take a gander at that letter and see a little red flag on their case...might not change their mind or anything...but why not make the person sweat it out a little bit. .

Well said!

I think people who were used and/or abused have a right and in a sense a duty to let USCIS know what they have been dealing with. Does it mean their SO will get deported or it will change their petition in the future what so ever? NO? But I think if you have someone who used you, is seriously mentally ill, or abusive, you should tell USCIS!

I also think people who say "leave it up to G-d" might not really realize what the I-864 really means. What would you say if you "left it up to G-d" and then later you get a fat bill from the government asking for their money back because your SO was on walfare, food stamps, medicaid, etc? I doubt you'd be very happy then! Or your SO sues you? How would you feel? I think you need to protect yourself by all means! But "revenge" is a totally other thing, imo. If it gets to the point where it consumes your life and you can't take care of yourself or your children? Well then it might be time to rethink your stategy! But to poopoo people because they might want to take action against their SO to protect themself is really not a fair judgement.

My response (and I believe many others) was in the REVENGE and DEPORTATION title. I would never do that to anyone. I'd move on. I would however, let USCIS know I was no longer w/ my spouse if I'm not longer assisting them financially. It's pretty simple but by no means would I go out of my way to get them deported because I had a vengeful heart. I also think if someone was abusive to me to an extreme extent, whether he/she be American or not, I'd not only let USCIS know I was no longer with them but the authorities would know as well. Restraining order!

On another note though... Has anyone ever been required to pay the goverment back? That is something I'm interested in knowing. I know a few people that have had spouses leave them here and been on assistance (women w/ children) and I know for a fact their husbands were not sent a bill from USCIS.

[sereia 0]

I've read and heard of stories of people were made to pay the government back for means tested benefits. How often that happens? Who knows?! But its something to consider! Also one can be sued by their SO for the 125% above poverty level bit......

About the revenge and deporation comment... How can you honestly get better revenge other than contacting USCIS and let them know what they've done anyway? It seems to me Kat thinks that alone is considered "revenge". She said she's even willing to write a letter in support..... I'm not one for leaving it up to G-d. I feel a responsibility to do my part and to let G-d do his as well. Just my honest opinion.

If I had two kids, my husband screwed me out of child support, and I wasn't wealthy...you bet I'd be suing him for the sake of my children! I wouldn't leave that up to G-d either....... To each their own.

Edited December 14, 2008 by Sheherazade

[Nothing1234 2]

I agree. I think the subject was blurred once again.

You make good points but getting child support or doing what you have to do to support a family is not revenge. I think doing it because you want to scew someone over (as the title represented) is not right. I think when I say leave it to god...I mean things that will happen to that person down the road...that does not mean go get the help and support you need to protect yourself and your family. I think Kat already knows what she has to do...but needs at times to write it down and put her thoughts in place. I do the same in a journal when I have conflicting feelings/thoughts.

I was told once that if you have something weighing heavy on your heart/mind. At night before bed, write it down and what thoughts you are having. It helps you get a peaceful rest and get out all thats on your mind.

Like I said before...IMHO if anyone is abusive, they need help and need to be reported not only to someone in immigration but to the local authorities. That is not revenge that is called protecting your families safety and health.

[Nothing1234 2]

I've read and heard of stories of people were made to pay the government back for means tested benefits. How often that happens? Who knows?! But its something to consider! Also one can be sued by their SO for the 125% above poverty level bit......

About the revenge and deporation comment... How can you honestly get better revenge other than contacting USCIS and let them know what they've done anyway? It seems to me Kat thinks that alone is considered "revenge". She said she's even willing to write a letter in support..... I'm not one for leaving it up to G-d. I feel a responsibility to do my part and to let G-d do his as well. Just my honest opinion.

If I had two kids, my husband screwed me out of child support, and I wasn't wealthy...you bet I'd be suing him for the sake of my children! I wouldn't leave that up to G-d either....... To each their own.

BTW---where are u?

I just re-read the letter of support comment!

[sereia 0]

BTW---where are u?

I just re-read the letter of support comment!

Finally up and running!

Get on chat if you're still around!

[Staashi 371]

All I can say to writing a letter of support to anyone who spit in my face and treated me like #######, is a big fat "F THAT!!!!!" I think I'd also be saying a few other things that rhyme with "Mother Ucker" and a couple of "F you and the horse you rode in ons"...but that's just me.

Love, Stacie.

Edited December 14, 2008 by Staashi

[Nothing1234 2]

All I can say to writing a letter of support to anyone who spit in my face and treated me like #######, is a big fat "F THAT!!!!!" I think I'd also be saying a few other things that rhyme with "Mother Ucker" and a couple of "F you and the horse you rode in ons"...but that's just me.

Love, Stacie.

Sh*t... I choked on my tea as I was reading that. I had this crazy imagine of you in my head! A girl after my own heart

BTW---where are u?

I just re-read the letter of support comment!

Finally up and running!

Get on chat if you're still around!

On my way babes!

[Staashi 371]

All I can say to writing a letter of support to anyone who spit in my face and treated me like #######, is a big fat "F THAT!!!!!" I think I'd also be saying a few other things that rhyme with "Mother Ucker" and a couple of "F you and the horse you rode in ons"...but that's just me.

Love, Stacie.

Sh*t... I choked on my tea as I was reading that. I had this crazy imagine of you in my head! A girl after my own heart

Annie, you know I love ya~!!! I just couldn't help myself. Choking on your tea.

[nunyab 0]

I had an American spouse that cheated. He told everyone how it was my fault he did that... told the kids terrible things to make him look good but as they got older they quickly found out who indeed was wronged. Not sure going to his level would have made things turn out the way they did. I am not saying anything i had to go through was similar or like yours but I know what i did as hard as it was. My mother always said "the right thing to so is often the hardest to do that's how you know it's right. " not sure if that always applied but somehow seems to have.

Take care Kat I pray you find the "right" way for you

[merijan 0]

All I can say to writing a letter of support to anyone who spit in my face and treated me like #######, is a big fat "F THAT!!!!!" I think I'd also be saying a few other things that rhyme with "Mother Ucker" and a couple of "F you and the horse you rode in ons"...but that's just me.

Love, Stacie.

I agree. However if you read clearly her orig. post and many others, the reality is she is waiting for him to change and come running back to her. she is still not over him, and if he did come back she would take him back. Because as with all women who have been in abusive relationships ( i speak from past history) they keep thinking there is going to be a miracle and he will suddenly realize all hes done wrong and beocme the man she wants. However it does not happen most of the time, and not so easily. But she is not at that point yet that she is ready to move on and put him and his abuse where he belongs. Inshallah I hope she will be in that place soon.

[sereia 0]

All I can say to writing a letter of support to anyone who spit in my face and treated me like #######, is a big fat "F THAT!!!!!" I think I'd also be saying a few other things that rhyme with "Mother Ucker" and a couple of "F you and the horse you rode in ons"...but that's just me.

Love, Stacie.

I agree. However if you read clearly her orig. post and many others, the reality is she is waiting for him to change and come running back to her. she is still not over him, and if he did come back she would take him back. Because as with all women who have been in abusive relationships ( i speak from past history) they keep thinking there is going to be a miracle and he will suddenly realize all hes done wrong and beocme the man she wants. However it does not happen most of the time, and not so easily. But she is not at that point yet that she is ready to move on and put him and his abuse where he belongs. Inshallah I hope she will be in that place soon.

So true, and well said! But she can have everyone on earth telling her to divorce him...but she won't be able to do it until she's ready (if she's ever ready...) unfortunately.

[Nothing1234 2]

All I can say to writing a letter of support to anyone who spit in my face and treated me like #######, is a big fat "F THAT!!!!!" I think I'd also be saying a few other things that rhyme with "Mother Ucker" and a couple of "F you and the horse you rode in ons"...but that's just me.

Love, Stacie.

Sh*t... I choked on my tea as I was reading that. I had this crazy imagine of you in my head! A girl after my own heart

Annie, you know I love ya~!!! I just couldn't help myself. Choking on your tea.

omg was I drinking...Image...I put Imagine...hmm

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

All I can say to writing a letter of support to anyone who spit in my face and treated me like #######, is a big fat "F THAT!!!!!" I think I'd also be saying a few other things that rhyme with "Mother Ucker" and a couple of "F you and the horse you rode in ons"...but that's just me.

Love, Stacie.

I am not talking about writing a letter that says we are still married or supporting. I am talking about writing a letter that the marriage was a real love and things didnt work out between us.

You THINK you know what you would do to someone. You didnt bury a baby between you... you have happiness ahead..

I am trying to let go of him with grace and calm and let him go on with his life and find some happiness and maybe another baby someday. Its my way of loving him and letting him go. He did wrong... but until you are faced with things.. you think you would know what you would do.. but sometimes if raging becomes a way of moving on and it keeps you torn up inside and the alternative is calmly letting the person slip away.... you make choices.. I need to be happy and I can only grieve one loss at a time.. He was undeniably a total ### to me. Id rather just put the feather on the river and let it float away than be consumed with rage and grief all the time...