feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out

[SaadBell 0]

You are really doing wonderful, you may not see it that way, but from where I am sitting I say good job mate. You are taking good care of your children, and truly from all that you have went through you are amazing, be proud, people fall apart for a lot less. To be honest I admire your courage and intelligence, you are a strong beautiful woman. I am being a big baby these days feeling all sorry for myself and to be honest I have nothing to be really depressed about, compared to a lot of folks. I blame it on menopause, sucks buttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. Now that I am on break I have time to think about my life, this can be good or bad, now I am thinking I will work geriatrics since I will be young compare to my patients. OMG someone stop the bleeding.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

You are really doing wonderful, you may not see it that way, but from where I am sitting I say good job mate. You are taking good care of your children, and truly from all that you have went through you are amazing, be proud, people fall apart for a lot less. To be honest I admire your courage and intelligence, you are a strong beautiful woman. I am being a big baby these days feeling all sorry for myself and to be honest I have nothing to be really depressed about, compared to a lot of folks. I blame it on menopause, sucks buttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. Now that I am on break I have time to think about my life, this can be good or bad, now I am thinking I will work geriatrics since I will be young compare to my patients. OMG someone stop the bleeding.

I wish I knew how to inbed blinkies like you and jeaane victoria do

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

I get the need to just move on and forget about it but don't you think America has enough jerks as it is without importing more? It kind of makes me angry to see all the people getting in illegally across the borders or through greencard fraud, etc. Your ex sounds like a psychopath that definitely belongs where he came from. Unfortunately, I see American taxpayers having to foot the bill to support him in prison or pay for welfare for his future kids. I've met so many educated, intelligent and honest foreigners that would really benefit our society but they don't get in because schmucks like your ex and others take their place. That's one of my pet peeves actually.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I know this has nothing at all to do with the subject of this thread but I have to say the most important and rewarding thing that I did once my divorce was final was to take time to get to know me. I got to know what makes me tick and what makes me happy. I spent about 9 to 10 years getting to know Bridget and feeling comfortable to be by myself. I confess that before that I lived for my ex husband. He was my identity and I couldn't be happy when he was away, which was a LOT.

I went from being very uncomfortable being alone and needing to have tons of freinds around me and needing to be anywhere but my house when the kids were with him,...to WANTING to be by myself alone. I had control of the clicker, I had control over what movies I watched. I could lay around like a lazy slob in my pj's all day not caring what I looked like or I could dress up and feel confident about myself because I was pleasing...ME!

I can't stress enough how important that time was. Now I have a very loving husband and I have had to tell myself every day for a while that a bomb is not going to drop and everything is not going to just fade and melt away. That being said, if God forbid anything were to happen to my marriage now, I know I'll survive, no questions ask. I won't put up with bs. I have no NEED for a man in my life but I love how his presence, love and companionship enhances my life. It enhances it, not makes it, if that makes sense.

It was very hard at first and like I said I spent many nights up late talking to friends, going out till all hours because I couldn't stand alone but it paid off bigtime. I am happy with me and because of that I have a lot more to offer anyone whether it be a girlfriend, my husband, my family, my kids. I hope to God that part of me has rubbed off on my girls.

Well said and beautiful Bridget!

Nicely said Bridget! I am sure the girls are chips off the 'ole block.

Edited December 13, 2008 by Brad and Vika

[Ban Hammer 13,283]

I know this has nothing at all to do with the subject of this thread but I have to say the most important and rewarding thing that I did once my divorce was final was to take time to get to know me. I got to know what makes me tick and what makes me happy. I spent about 9 to 10 years getting to know Bridget and feeling comfortable to be by myself. I confess that before that I lived for my ex husband. He was my identity and I couldn't be happy when he was away, which was a LOT.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I get the need to just move on and forget about it but don't you think America has enough jerks as it is without importing more? It kind of makes me angry to see all the people getting in illegally across the borders or through greencard fraud, etc. Your ex sounds like a psychopath that definitely belongs where he came from. Unfortunately, I see American taxpayers having to foot the bill to support him in prison or pay for welfare for his future kids. I've met so many educated, intelligent and honest foreigners that would really benefit our society but they don't get in because schmucks like your ex and others take their place. That's one of my pet peeves actually.

I am not importing more.. I just am tired of being pissed off and sad about it anymore.. I cant help the american taxpayers out with this one.. I did my best..

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

I am not importing more.. I just am tired of being pissed off and sad about it anymore.. I cant help the american taxpayers out with this one.. I did my best..

Understood.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I get the need to just move on and forget about it but don't you think America has enough jerks as it is without importing more? It kind of makes me angry to see all the people getting in illegally across the borders or through greencard fraud, etc. Your ex sounds like a psychopath that definitely belongs where he came from. Unfortunately, I see American taxpayers having to foot the bill to support him in prison or pay for welfare for his future kids. I've met so many educated, intelligent and honest foreigners that would really benefit our society but they don't get in because schmucks like your ex and others take their place. That's one of my pet peeves actually.

also if I keep being mad at him I am just going to collapse and not be able to handle the rest of the things going on in my life and my kids...I dont think that there is anyone who knows me personally who would not agree that giving up the anger wont help me in the long run.What he planned on doing to me was normal for alot of the people he knows.. marry someone... just anyone and tell them anything to get what you want. Unfortunately for me, I believed in him and the people around him. I am just tired of being mad. I am tired of finding out stuff. I just want to leave and go on with my life..I lost too much already. Getting pissed will just drag it out further and once they have their greencard,,there is little you can do anyway so why even bother. Its not worth it and will only prolong the agony...I did the very best I could to be a good wife and fair with him. I am just tired of the lies.. the abandonment and the pain I have lived with and I want to move on to other things and go be happy...The happiness of my other kids depend on it and hating him wont bring my little one back. I have enough to deal with with recovering than get mad at him. Better just let him do his thing and get away from me... All these choices were his not mine and I made them my choices.. I did the best I could. You can t compete with a whole set of things against you in the beginning. From the very beginning I was absolutely nothing and I couldnt see it. The baby came and he was nothing to him too. I ended up alone.. so I just want to stop the madness and let him just have his dreams and his life because I want mine back. I cant have them back being drug around in limbo not knowing what he will do next. I am tired of crying and getting lied to. I want to go foward..

thanks anyway

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

When I was much younger I was vengeful but I know what you mean. Pretty soon you're so emotionally drained and hoping for reconciliation that you just want to live and let live. Bygones be bygones.

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

I just hope you won't be held financially responsible for the loser.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I second that.

[Imua 0]

Thirded - since he is a man(well male anyway, a real man wouldn't behave the way he has)I think the only thing you would need to worry about is if he were eligible for Medicaid or food stamps, correct???

I have given this a lot of thought and can picture myself in your same situation (my husband leaving me) - we will have been married for 2 years when he comes so he will have the unconditional 10-yr GC when he arrives, no? THE GOLDEN TICKET.... All he would have to do is get some $7/hr job at McD's, find a $300/month room share through the Jackson Heights Nepali grapevine, call a lawyer and he would be home free - he could be married to some 25-year old Kanchi by the end of 2009... At that point really i could do nothing since we have been married over 2 years so it would make no sense trying to contact ICE, right? it would be like banging my head against a wall... All I know is that I trust him and love him my heart tells me he is a good man with a conscience and it is not in his personality to do this, screw over a kind-hearted, lonely NEARLY BLIND woman just so he can help his family... He and his family are people who have never smoked, drank, gambled or even eaten meat in their whole lives and would not even sacrifice a goat during the Dashain festival even though it is customary for their caste... I am putting all of my trust in Govi and if it is all an act then he should win the Best Actor Oscar for 2008. I do believe in karma, it is the only thing that makes sense to me and if he is using me then he will be used, if not in this life then in the next... My ex was a cheater who somehow always managed to get cheated himself, stole over $!000 from my brother and then almost died from AMS(altitude sickness) when he was playing at being his 'trekking guide' - he would have died if not for the goodness of my brother and yet he still admits he lives to cheat tourists...

Sorry to remble, my point is I agree with Kat, when he has the 10yr GC there really isn;t anything you can do... even if you have Spector Pro and have chat records where he is discussing leaving you and marrying someone from his country unless I am mistaken he is home free at that point so why waste any more mental energy?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Thirded - since he is a man(well male anyway, a real man wouldn't behave the way he has)I think the only thing you would need to worry about is if he were eligible for Medicaid or food stamps, correct???

I have given this a lot of thought and can picture myself in your same situation (my husband leaving me) - we will have been married for 2 years when he comes so he will have the unconditional 10-yr GC when he arrives, no? THE GOLDEN TICKET.... All he would have to do is get some $7/hr job at McD's, find a $300/month room share through the Jackson Heights Nepali grapevine, call a lawyer and he would be home free - he could be married to some 25-year old Kanchi by the end of 2009... At that point really i could do nothing since we have been married over 2 years so it would make no sense trying to contact ICE, right? it would be like banging my head against a wall... All I know is that I trust him and love him my heart tells me he is a good man with a conscience and it is not in his personality to do this, screw over a kind-hearted, lonely NEARLY BLIND woman just so he can help his family... He and his family are people who have never smoked, drank, gambled or even eaten meat in their whole lives and would not even sacrifice a goat during the Dashain festival even though it is customary for their caste... I am putting all of my trust in Govi and if it is all an act then he should win the Best Actor Oscar for 2008. I do believe in karma, it is the only thing that makes sense to me and if he is using me then he will be used, if not in this life then in the next... My ex was a cheater who somehow always managed to get cheated himself, stole over $!000 from my brother and then almost died from AMS(altitude sickness) when he was playing at being his 'trekking guide' - he would have died if not for the goodness of my brother and yet he still admits he lives to cheat tourists...

Sorry to remble, my point is I agree with Kat, when he has the 10yr GC there really isn;t anything you can do... even if you have Spector Pro and have chat records where he is discussing leaving you and marrying someone from his country unless I am mistaken he is home free at that point so why waste any more mental energy?

You cannot compare Patti. I think my situation is much different in that he had lots of opportunities to change and lots of people willing to help ( including employers, my family ) and refused to work and complained 24 hours a day.He abandoned me when I WAS kind to him. We were in a totally different situation and I dont think that you are in the same.I dont want you to compare because you cannot. We each have completely different situations and none of us can compare them with each other. You can put your trust in someone.. And when you have tried and given it your all, you can at least live with no regrets.Dont worrying about him marrying right after he gets his papers. I would say dont worry at all. Live your life and do the best you can and enjoy your time with him. I am telling you that at the end of the day,if you did the best you could, lived a little and enjoyed things... thats all you can really do. Avoiding relationships because you are scared is going to kill you too. Its not worth worrying about cause you cant change anything.. The heart is a fragile thing and love is scary no matter what you do. Its when you have alot to worry about money wise such as assets..(all I have is a homesteaded house.. which he cannot make me sell) and frankly I am just tired of planning for the worst and being sad about him anymore) I advise you to live your life and not worry too much and try to be happy for the moment... I wasted alot of time trying to change the unchangable and its not worth it. Period

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Thirded - since he is a man(well male anyway, a real man wouldn't behave the way he has)I think the only thing you would need to worry about is if he were eligible for Medicaid or food stamps, correct???

I have given this a lot of thought and can picture myself in your same situation (my husband leaving me) - we will have been married for 2 years when he comes so he will have the unconditional 10-yr GC when he arrives, no? THE GOLDEN TICKET.... All he would have to do is get some $7/hr job at McD's, find a $300/month room share through the Jackson Heights Nepali grapevine, call a lawyer and he would be home free - he could be married to some 25-year old Kanchi by the end of 2009... At that point really i could do nothing since we have been married over 2 years so it would make no sense trying to contact ICE, right? it would be like banging my head against a wall... All I know is that I trust him and love him my heart tells me he is a good man with a conscience and it is not in his personality to do this, screw over a kind-hearted, lonely NEARLY BLIND woman just so he can help his family... He and his family are people who have never smoked, drank, gambled or even eaten meat in their whole lives and would not even sacrifice a goat during the Dashain festival even though it is customary for their caste... I am putting all of my trust in Govi and if it is all an act then he should win the Best Actor Oscar for 2008. I do believe in karma, it is the only thing that makes sense to me and if he is using me then he will be used, if not in this life then in the next... My ex was a cheater who somehow always managed to get cheated himself, stole over $!000 from my brother and then almost died from AMS(altitude sickness) when he was playing at being his 'trekking guide' - he would have died if not for the goodness of my brother and yet he still admits he lives to cheat tourists...

Sorry to remble, my point is I agree with Kat, when he has the 10yr GC there really isn;t anything you can do... even if you have Spector Pro and have chat records where he is discussing leaving you and marrying someone from his country unless I am mistaken he is home free at that point so why waste any more mental energy?

We all just have a path... and sometimes you just have to eat the ravioli

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Thirded - since he is a man(well male anyway, a real man wouldn't behave the way he has)I think the only thing you would need to worry about is if he were eligible for Medicaid or food stamps, correct???

I have given this a lot of thought and can picture myself in your same situation (my husband leaving me) - we will have been married for 2 years when he comes so he will have the unconditional 10-yr GC when he arrives, no? THE GOLDEN TICKET.... All he would have to do is get some $7/hr job at McD's, find a $300/month room share through the Jackson Heights Nepali grapevine, call a lawyer and he would be home free - he could be married to some 25-year old Kanchi by the end of 2009... At that point really i could do nothing since we have been married over 2 years so it would make no sense trying to contact ICE, right? it would be like banging my head against a wall... All I know is that I trust him and love him my heart tells me he is a good man with a conscience and it is not in his personality to do this, screw over a kind-hearted, lonely NEARLY BLIND woman just so he can help his family... He and his family are people who have never smoked, drank, gambled or even eaten meat in their whole lives and would not even sacrifice a goat during the Dashain festival even though it is customary for their caste... I am putting all of my trust in Govi and if it is all an act then he should win the Best Actor Oscar for 2008. I do believe in karma, it is the only thing that makes sense to me and if he is using me then he will be used, if not in this life then in the next... My ex was a cheater who somehow always managed to get cheated himself, stole over $!000 from my brother and then almost died from AMS(altitude sickness) when he was playing at being his 'trekking guide' - he would have died if not for the goodness of my brother and yet he still admits he lives to cheat tourists...

Sorry to remble, my point is I agree with Kat, when he has the 10yr GC there really isn;t anything you can do... even if you have Spector Pro and have chat records where he is discussing leaving you and marrying someone from his country unless I am mistaken he is home free at that point so why waste any more mental energy?

please explain to people about eating the ravioli and where you got that expression patti... cause now even I cant remember it