feelings about revenge and deportation when things dont work out

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Hard to say for sure until you are actually put in the position to make the choice.

Anyway, it's kind of a moot point, since there's not much that can be done to affect the immigration status anyway. I would not, however, be complicit in immigration fraud, e.g. telling USCIS that everything is fine and dandy in order for him to get a green card.

Oh, and I'm not so sure I believe in karma either. Isn't the reason that people's bad deeds eventually catch up with them because someone eventually refuses to put up with it?

Nah, thats poetic justice or something like that lol

karma, in my mind, is that they will be wronged by someone or face the heartache they caused someone else.

You cheat, get cheated on ect ect

Yeah, I don't believe in that - why would that be the case? Also, is everything bad that happens to us a payback for bad things we've done in the past? Ok, now I'm really going off-topic...

lol no not everything

[diadromous mermaid 36]

In the clear case of immigration marriage-fraud (unilateral) reporting the matter to USCIS is not exacting revenge. It's one duty.

That being said, when an injured spouse is so rattled by the end of a marriage that they are either not willing, or unable to see that other factors were at hand and that the relationship ran its course, and are inclined to report an alien for marriage-fraud when there is practically no indicia of fraud other then those made up in their minds, are behaving in a vengeful fashion, and will likely learn very quickly that their efforts were wasted.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Yep,,what the mermaid said.

jJ

[bhajishah 4]

On the other han if a person does not realize or see the light and learn from mistakes, how are we to protect him from hurting another woman?? We have grown plenty of selfish monsters in this world. because its sociall accepted to do. no real punishment.

[Nothing1234 2]

On the other han if a person does not realize or see the light and learn from mistakes, how are we to protect him from hurting another woman?? We have grown plenty of selfish monsters in this world. because its sociall accepted to do. no real punishment.

I don't believe thats our social responsiblity. It's much healthier to move on and let life deal with monsters. They are that way for a reason and if they can't change; we shouldn't waste our lives trying to fix their problems. That's what counselors and medication are for.

[bhajishah 4]

Well you know your man better than i us. we jsut know the code thya have been taught to live by. this applies to all over the world not just in native country ie universal. If you feel like he has betrayed it then sure turn him into immigration. and let Alah handle it. Not suppose to use widwos divorcess etc those with kids or esp Allah talk to get gain in this material world. V haram..//and his punshment will be twice in the end...

again i dont know your situation and we dont hear from him. Could be that you did not get to know him or respect and love him for who he is. ... so all these questions are up for you to decide what is right in your situation. Even accepting blame for what you are repsonsible for. and grow and learn.

[doodlebugg 10]

My ex left me with a 1 and 2 year old. He did things to me that would shock a lot of people and I won't get into it here.

When he left all I could think of is revenge BUT truth be told I needed ALL of my energy to just get through each and every day making sure I did a good job at work and kept my kids as happy as possible given the circumstances. I really think that if I had put my mind to it and sought out revenge after all the hard work it would have taken I would probably feel worse, not better.

I agree, God is the one who should do the punishing, if punishing is even warranted. We don't know everything, i.e. if he's mentally ill, etc. If it doesn't work out I would just LET IT GO and focus on those two precious pumpkins of yours. Trust me it's worth it in the end. I look at my two daughters today and although we have our normal tween issues they are very healthy, smart and well adjusted little girls and I'm very proud of myself in the way that I handled things (and still am handling things). My husband now always says he can't believe that I don't try to get him for all he's worth but seriously what would it accomplish, you know? My life is good now and again, God will judge and punish more than I ever could.

That being said though, I can't say what I would have done if there weren't children involved! lol

[morocco4ever 63]

If it was clear cut green card fraud I would do everything possible to call him out on it and have him deported. Why would I just shut my mouth? I find that would more be a response of someone who has been worn down into submission more than acceptance of the situation. In my mind I have myself to think about. I signed that I-864 under false pretense. That right there is motive enough for me to fight it. That is a pretty big responsibility.

On the other hand if the man was just a cad then I would have to divorce, without any actions to try to prove fraud. My mistake for allowing myself to fall for such a man, but time to learn from it and move on. BUT you would never find me helping him to adjust status. He wasn't thinking of me when he was out doing #######, so why would I waste a moment of my time assisting him?

The real test is how would a person know the difference? This would be easier said than done if your heart had been totally ripped out and destroyed.

[bhajishah 4]

Go on woith life family and friends , have your big brothers kick his azz

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

If it was clear cut green card fraud I would do everything possible to call him out on it and have him deported. Why would I just shut my mouth? I find that would more be a response of someone who has been worn down into submission more than acceptance of the situation. In my mind I have myself to think about. I signed that I-864 under false pretense. That right there is motive enough for me to fight it. That is a pretty big responsibility.

On the other hand if the man was just a cad then I would have to divorce, without any actions to try to prove fraud. My mistake for allowing myself to fall for such a man, but time to learn from it and move on. BUT you would never find me helping him to adjust status. He wasn't thinking of me when he was out doing #######, so why would I waste a moment of my time assisting him?

The real test is how would a person know the difference? This would be easier said than done if your heart had been totally ripped out and destroyed.

It has been ( the heart thing) I just want to enjoy my kids and my family and enjoy the people around me that are nice. I have been extremely kind to him and extremely faithful and true to him and he hasnt returned much of that.If someone else wants what I have been dealing with,they can have it. As far as even spending one hour of my time extracting revenge....?Not interested anymore. I think I have wasted enough time. Either he is good to me and we go foward,,, which based on his past treatment.. I think thats unlikely.. or I brace for a "cordial"breakup. I have been very nice to him and more patient than others I think would have been and unfortunately for my emotions it hasnt been clear cut in any stretch of the imagination. I think Moroccoforever... since you know what I have gone through this year with loss.. I think you can safely say that there is probably not much more that could have happened to break my heart. At this point, I just want to walk away in tact and basically not only expect the worst,,, but brace myself for whatever he does.. Holding onto to me for immigration purposes doesnt need to be a tie... he can adjust without me and I think that is important for him to know.. not to waste ANY MORE OF MY LIFE.. to be able to fix his. He has all the papers he needs and he doesnt need to stay with me to turn the 2 year card into a permanent one. I think as long as he truly understands this and I dont put blocks up like revenge tactics.. I can get out of this mess and go on with my life. I truly just want to be loved for me and not to walk down this street anymore. If he knows he doesnt have to stay.. he just might move on without resistance and that would be FABULOUS FOR ME because I am tired of the way things are

getting left alone by myself with time to heal and time to think alot has backfired on the whole keep in her the dark tactic while I figure out what I want antics he has pulled. I dont want to be in deep storage while someone else comes up with a plan.. I want out of the fridge and back to my life...

Just a thought

[SaadBell 0]

Revenge, hard question, when my 23 year marriage went south I left, he got the house, all the furniture the whole nine yards. I went to live with my mother, so he got the better deal, and still I wait for the karma part, which has not happen yet. Even the Judge told him he was lucky, I didn’t take any support; nothing and I gave 23 years of my life and came away with my daughter and the clothes on my back. He lives in the home, with all the things that were mine, dishes, pots and pans, everything. Now looking back I don’t know if that was the smartest thing to do. He is raking in the money and living a pretty good life, while I am struggling, poor and without any home or furniture. So maybe I am not the best person to ask this question. Some days it makes me upset to think about all I walked away from and he got the pot of gold and I got NOTHING. So if I had to do it again, I might not be as loving and sweet. He took a lot from me, and yes I am lucky to have a new husband, but he is not here yet, and so when I get down, I think of very nasty things I would love to do. I won’t ever do them, but sometimes just thinking of them makes me happy. I did learn a hard lesson with my first marriage, I would not wish that lesson on anyone. Just do what you think is best and hope that you have no regrets, I know I have ton's of them. I am do damn passive.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

In the clear case of immigration marriage-fraud (unilateral) reporting the matter to USCIS is not exacting revenge. It's one duty.

That being said, when an injured spouse is so rattled by the end of a marriage that they are either not willing, or unable to see that other factors were at hand and that the relationship ran its course, and are inclined to report an alien for marriage-fraud when there is practically no indicia of fraud other then those made up in their minds, are behaving in a vengeful fashion, and will likely learn very quickly that their efforts were wasted.

agreed...and I cant prove jack...He just doesnt love me...Thats not a crime...thats reality

[doodlebugg 10]

I know this has nothing at all to do with the subject of this thread but I have to say the most important and rewarding thing that I did once my divorce was final was to take time to get to know me. I got to know what makes me tick and what makes me happy. I spent about 9 to 10 years getting to know Bridget and feeling comfortable to be by myself. I confess that before that I lived for my ex husband. He was my identity and I couldn't be happy when he was away, which was a LOT.

I went from being very uncomfortable being alone and needing to have tons of freinds around me and needing to be anywhere but my house when the kids were with him,...to WANTING to be by myself alone. I had control of the clicker, I had control over what movies I watched. I could lay around like a lazy slob in my pj's all day not caring what I looked like or I could dress up and feel confident about myself because I was pleasing...ME!

I can't stress enough how important that time was. Now I have a very loving husband and I have had to tell myself every day for a while that a bomb is not going to drop and everything is not going to just fade and melt away. That being said, if God forbid anything were to happen to my marriage now, I know I'll survive, no questions ask. I won't put up with bs. I have no NEED for a man in my life but I love how his presence, love and companionship enhances my life. It enhances it, not makes it, if that makes sense.

It was very hard at first and like I said I spent many nights up late talking to friends, going out till all hours because I couldn't stand alone but it paid off bigtime. I am happy with me and because of that I have a lot more to offer anyone whether it be a girlfriend, my husband, my family, my kids. I hope to God that part of me has rubbed off on my girls.

[Nothing1234 2]

I know this has nothing at all to do with the subject of this thread but I have to say the most important and rewarding thing that I did once my divorce was final was to take time to get to know me. I got to know what makes me tick and what makes me happy. I spent about 9 to 10 years getting to know Bridget and feeling comfortable to be by myself. I confess that before that I lived for my ex husband. He was my identity and I couldn't be happy when he was away, which was a LOT.

I went from being very uncomfortable being alone and needing to have tons of freinds around me and needing to be anywhere but my house when the kids were with him,...to WANTING to be by myself alone. I had control of the clicker, I had control over what movies I watched. I could lay around like a lazy slob in my pj's all day not caring what I looked like or I could dress up and feel confident about myself because I was pleasing...ME!

I can't stress enough how important that time was. Now I have a very loving husband and I have had to tell myself every day for a while that a bomb is not going to drop and everything is not going to just fade and melt away. That being said, if God forbid anything were to happen to my marriage now, I know I'll survive, no questions ask. I won't put up with bs. I have no NEED for a man in my life but I love how his presence, love and companionship enhances my life. It enhances it, not makes it, if that makes sense.

It was very hard at first and like I said I spent many nights up late talking to friends, going out till all hours because I couldn't stand alone but it paid off bigtime. I am happy with me and because of that I have a lot more to offer anyone whether it be a girlfriend, my husband, my family, my kids. I hope to God that part of me has rubbed off on my girls.

Well said and beautiful Bridget!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I know this has nothing at all to do with the subject of this thread but I have to say the most important and rewarding thing that I did once my divorce was final was to take time to get to know me. I got to know what makes me tick and what makes me happy. I spent about 9 to 10 years getting to know Bridget and feeling comfortable to be by myself. I confess that before that I lived for my ex husband. He was my identity and I couldn't be happy when he was away, which was a LOT.

I went from being very uncomfortable being alone and needing to have tons of freinds around me and needing to be anywhere but my house when the kids were with him,...to WANTING to be by myself alone. I had control of the clicker, I had control over what movies I watched. I could lay around like a lazy slob in my pj's all day not caring what I looked like or I could dress up and feel confident about myself because I was pleasing...ME!

I can't stress enough how important that time was. Now I have a very loving husband and I have had to tell myself every day for a while that a bomb is not going to drop and everything is not going to just fade and melt away. That being said, if God forbid anything were to happen to my marriage now, I know I'll survive, no questions ask. I won't put up with bs. I have no NEED for a man in my life but I love how his presence, love and companionship enhances my life. It enhances it, not makes it, if that makes sense.

It was very hard at first and like I said I spent many nights up late talking to friends, going out till all hours because I couldn't stand alone but it paid off bigtime. I am happy with me and because of that I have a lot more to offer anyone whether it be a girlfriend, my husband, my family, my kids. I hope to God that part of me has rubbed off on my girls.

I think I was better off before I met him.. I had gotten to that point when I finally met him.. having been by myself for a few years... Being with him has set me back a whole lot and I have alot of work to do to be ok again...my primary goal is surviving what I am in right now. ...I want to get better.. and the only tears I want to shed are for my son...not him anymore...Its easy saying this kind of stuff when you are out of the tunnel. When you are in it...its like looking up and seeing all dark... I want to get better. I dont want to suffer feeling insecure anymore