MENA 2008 Spouse Reunion

[nunyab 0]

Awwwwwww Mashallah some nice stories to warm your heart.....

Aymsgirl the pics are great...

Well we just decided the plane ticket isn't worth me paying to only be there for a week so i will be here waiting at the airport when the day comes.

[Nothing1234 2]

I'm so blessed as we really were never seperated for long. I had been in Egypt so much thru 2006, practically lived there thru 2007 and even during my pregnancy in 2008. I am and always was a traveling fool and I am thankful for my very flexible job.

We applied in November 2007 and he was approved in May 2008. He arrived 2 days after he received his visa on May 29th as we had to rush I was delivering the twins! We couldn't find a flight to get him here on that day so he arrived the day after the twins were born. I was not able to meet him at the airport like many as I had just had a Csection and was in the hospital. So my best friend picked him up (15 min thru immigration...YAY Phoenix), brought him to the hospital and we spent three days there w/ our twins! So our first days together were spent feeding babies and changing diapers...

Thank god for this wonderful year!!

I pray for all of you that are weiting...that you may be with your loved ones soon! I can only say how I admire those of you that have those very long waits and keep those relationships going. You are all amazing women (and men)!

[Sandrila 1]

HOLLA!

Oh how hard the time is to wait for our moments to come

Hubby has been here one month tomorrow!!! THANK THE LORD, HE IS GREAT!!!

It took us from June 07...filing for CR1 until November 2008 to receive the proper visa for him to get here.

1 year and 5 1/2 months from start to finish.

My husband did receive his K3 first...5 months before his arrival...our attorney advised him to wait it out for the CR1

NOW I am glad we did but giving up that K3 and waiting indefinitely nearly killed us. However now he is here and nothing to do but just waiting for greencard to come.

I saw him about 5 pm on November 13th...the first we did was went straight home

we drank together and stayed up all night...it was an unbelievable feeling, him coming into my place for the first time. I had invisioned that moment for too long. My best friend drove me to the airport. I was a nervous wreck.

Thank God it went so smooth and quick. Once I saw him it was like we were never apart.

My friends still waiting, I pray for you to be with your honeys soon.

I just wanted to add, the night my husband came we did go home and stay there until about midnight

then we wandered out around our apartment complex and heard music so we went into the local bar.

My husband is a very talented guitarist and I had hoped that he could do what he loves doing once here.

Something so spontaneous gave him a lasting memory of how kind and embracing some Americans can be.

There was a regular musician there just singing and playing alone. During one of his breaks I asked if my husband could play a few tunes and they ended up playing together and it was delightful.

I dont think my husband expected on his first night to be able to play live music nor be so admired and welcomed by people he doesnt know.

However, since then he played again last night with the same guy, the crowd was much bigger and he was a hit!!

needless to say people were very surprised and enchanted by this MOROCCAN kid on the block

My husband is too excited...a new door has opened for him again, by chance

[nunyab 0]

gush.... what sweet memories. Walking off the plane and holding his baby twins and the other stepping into the lime light....

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

In January 07 we signed the Kitab in Alexandria (kind of like getting engaged, but actually married). In May 07 we got married in Cairo. (Orfy since we couldn't get the US Consulate to sign the papers we needed to get married legally in Egypt).

I filed the I129 for our K1 visa in June 07 when I got home from Egypt. I sent in the response to an RFE on the I129 just days before I left for Egypt in Dec 07. While I was there we got news of the approval of the I129 and hoped he would get the Packet 3 while I was there, but no such luck. He had his interview in June and we spent one month in AP trying to get them to believe he wasn't still married to his ex.. and he got his visa in July. He decided to stay for the rest of the summer and come after Ramadan.

October 6 he arrived here in the sparsely populated and temperate Pacific Northwest.. (we will always be celebrating the 6th of October for dual reasons from here on!) We married legally here (good Lord how many anniversaries can one couple have!!!) and filed for the AOS immediately because he didn't get the Temp EAD a JFK which has left him in a state of panic, combined with deep depression, boredom, loneliness, frustration, and loss of self worth and inadequacy. For the first time in his ENTIRE 47 years of life he is dependent on a woman and unable to provide for his wife (me), his children, or his mother. He's gone from being the Rock of Gibralter to feeling like a sponge...

Truthfully these have been (for many reasons) 2 MOST difficult months. More difficult than I imagined. And 200000 times more difficult that he EVER imagined... (I'm the realist and even I wasn't prepared for this)

He is not happy here. He never wanted to move here but understood that the sacrifice was too great for me to move to Egypt and lose my business and leave my (barely an adult) son who's father has returned to the ME and is an only child. He knew I couldn't maintain my home here and he would never allow me to sell it and compromise my future retirement security in my country (especially if something happened to him) by spending my last few working years earning a few thousand dollars a year working in Egypt.

He didn't have HUGE expectations of what life would be like here. But he finds little to like about the US. He readily admits he could put up with the small town life, the lack of male friends/buddies to hang out with, and other annoying factors IF HE COULD WORK!!!!

He is a typical 47 year old Egyptian MAN who has always been the sole provider for his family and became the "Alpha Male" of his family of origin (5 sisters, 2 brothers, Mom, and eventually his wife, and 3 children) and the Manager of the family business, at the young age of 25 when his father passed away suddenly.

It breaks my heart to see my Manly Man Saidi Husband with tears in his eyes. I find no joy in the fact that my business is having the most profitable year EVER when my husband cringes every time I spend a dime and refuses to allow me to spend a PENNY on him. We are deeply grateful to Allah for the bounty He has provided to us in these difficult and uncertain times.

I am certain that I have married a most wonderful husband, devoted father and caring son. But the sadness of watching him grow more withdrawn and depressed day after day combined with the guilt he feels over becoming a "burden" to me (no matter how hard I try to tell him that this isn't the case!!!) is taking a toll on both of us. And I think the emptiness he felt during these days of the Eid (while I was sick as a dog) has made this the darkest week ever.

We race to the mailbox everyday hoping to find a letter with our Biometrics Appointment date... so far nothing... I've tried to find volunteer opportunities for him with no success. I can barely concentrate on my very stressful and tedious work as a consultant for worrying about what he is doing to keep himself from going mad with boredom while I am away. The quality of my work has suffered which brings even more stress.

He is already saying that maybe we should plan to go back to Egypt and forget the idea of him living here... but we both know that he gave up everything to come here and really has nothing to go back to in the way of a job. IF we could finish the biometrics ####### I'd put him on a plane to go and visit his relatives in New York until that damn EAD came! At least I could get my work done and he would be much less like a fish out of water surrounded by Egyptians, relatives, city bustle, and night life. (not much of that in the Pacific Northwest)

I don't mean to be a "Debbie Downer" but our "reunion" has been clouded by the difficulties he never anticipated he would face, no matter how many times I warned him of the HIGH possibility that these difficulties could occur. It has been ANYTHING BUT a "honeymoon". Fortunately we are not young, this is our 3rd marriage and we had a lot of time together in Egypt before he came here.

However Karamella in Egypt (on vacation with nothing to do but play Egyptian house frau) and Karamella in Amrika (the highly driven business woman/consultant working as many billable hours a day as she can squeeze in) are NOT the same... and nothing I told him about how my life is/was here prepared him for the feelings of "neglect" that he feels when I leave him home all day and then come home too tired to cook a proper dinner. (I don't believe it when he denies that he feels this way for a minute!) He has never in his LIFE lived with a "working woman". His mother never worked, his sisters have never worked, and his daughters will never work as long as they are his responsibility (unmarried) according to him....

I am very happy for all of you that have been joyfully reunited and are moving forward with your lives. I pray for those who are still waiting... and waiting and missing days together that will never come back. The Immigration process is so frustrating and inhumane.

Please pray for us to survive this depressing and difficult period, for H to find his "niche" in this new place, and K to stop feeling so guilty for insisting that he come here (when he could have given me a fairly adequate life in Egypt where he knows how to manage his affairs and earn a living).

Salaam and Best Wishes for All...

K

Will someone tell me what kind of insanity made me agree to this Arabic Dish????? I swear I spend my time on VJ more now that he is here than when he wasn't... Gotta have something to do when he is glued to the tube...

[Nothing1234 2]

Karamella,

He's not alone when it comes to frustration of what the US is...lack of male friends (life time buddies) to hang out with and all the other things you have named. We are waiting on his EAD as well and its been a tough road w/ our new twins as well. I never painted the US as a rose garden but they still have this image of a better place, tons of people, etc. He is also proud and I don't think ever dreamed what its like to have a career wife... I sometimes wonder if he actually ever listened to my endless stories about my life being my work...

So many times both of us have said...Let's leave and go back to Egypt. We'd have so much help, family around and his career back but we know we made this commitment to try and make it work. My "H" got here in May 08 so I can tell you that things get better...I promise. He's already getting used to the boring US and trying hard to make new friends and business contacts. It will never be Egypt for him but we are building a life so that we can both have our careers and a happy family life.

Big hugs girl! Keep your chin up and I'm only a PM away!

[nunyab 0]

I am sorry that things are difficult. I have a friend going somethign similar. From this i told my husband that life is hard... I realized we americans live to work... we work alot of hours and increasingly harder. I told him he will not find work, I told him take the worst life is and make it more difficult. He keeps telling me as long as he has his wife life will be good. Insha'allah he'll mean that when it comes time.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Second petition filed in Feb.2007, visa granted in March 2008, he came here in August, and we got married. I prefer not to remember the hell and high water we went through since early 2006 just to get him here.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

Karamella,

He's not alone when it comes to frustration of what the US is...lack of male friends (life time buddies) to hang out with and all the other things you have named. We are waiting on his EAD as well and its been a tough road w/ our new twins as well. I never painted the US as a rose garden but they still have this image of a better place, tons of people, etc. He is also proud and I don't think ever dreamed what its like to have a career wife... I sometimes wonder if he actually ever listened to my endless stories about my life being my work...

So many times both of us have said...Let's leave and go back to Egypt. We'd have so much help, family around and his career back but we know we made this commitment to try and make it work. My "H" got here in May 08 so I can tell you that things get better...I promise. He's already getting used to the boring US and trying hard to make new friends and business contacts. It will never be Egypt for him but we are building a life so that we can both have our careers and a happy family life.

Big hugs girl! Keep your chin up and I'm only a PM away!

Thanks Nawal, It helps to know that it gets better. It must help that he has 2 children here to keep him busy and how could one get too bored with twins???? I am shocked to hear you are still waiting for his EAD!!!!! Since an arrival in MAY???????????????? Yasalaam!!!

I was going to suggest our two husband's chat or commiserate on the phone sometime but if he heard this (no EAD since a May arrival) I think he might harm himself or simply get on a plane and leave.... and now that I know that 3 or 4 months is "IF YOU ARE LUCKY" I really think I will look into sending him to New York for a visit once we finish the biometrics. Now that it is full blown winter here he doesn't even walk outside during the day when I'm gone. He refuses to let me buy a car for him to use, hasn't gotten his driver's license (barely even cracked the manual open) because he says owning a car here it too expensive because of insurance, etc. even though he's seen how difficult it is to get around with out one!

He learned to ride the bus to downtown, but the walk to the bus stop is pretty nasty when it's rainy and cold. We are supposed to get snow tomorrow and have temperatures in the teens all next week and I think he will go completely insane sitting in front of the TV 24/7 in the house. I come home from work and try to think of things to "entertain him" but how many times can you go to the mall???

He doesn't like to eat out because it's expensive (when he insists on paying) or it's humiliating (when I pay), even if I tell him to use the card on our joint account so the cashier doesn't see a WOMAN paying he won't do it. He has also announced that patronizing a place that sells alcohol is haram/forbidden and when I asked for the daleel for this he can't give it to me, but assures me it is in Quran, not hadith...

He met some Egyptians here and they invited him out to coffee and he ended up sitting at the table with my EX HUSBAND! He claims it didn't bother him, but it gave me the heebee jeebies... I knew they would meet up in the masjid someday (both are from Alex and they know all about each other thru my ex's family who know H) but I didn't expect them to socialize. My ex was dishonorable with me and needs a good t...z whoopin' so the thought of them having polite chitty chat just irked me NO END. Yes I'm over it now, but it was a real gut churner.

I tried to get him into any ESL programs but without transportation it is difficult and the Community College was full until spring and of course he is SURE he'll be working by then. (Right Pollyanna!)

Having been married to foreigners my entire life I WARNED HIM REPEATEDLY of the difficulties he would face here. Especially since he was a total newbie, unlike my ex's who all went to school here.

Please tell me if there is some reason for the hold up in your husband's EAD! 7 months seems UNBEARABLE. I will look at your timeline and see if I can figure something out from it... but that just freaks me out....

I applied online for him to be a volunteer at the local Meals on Wheels kitchen but they never replied. I think I will GO THERE today and get some answers! If he could work there from 8-1 it would keep him busy, let him practice his English, and give him some commercial kitchen work experience. I could drop him off on my way to work and he could take the bus home.... Seems like such a good match, I just haven't had time to dig into why they didn't reply to our offer.

Thanks for the encouragement, wish you lived closer so they could "hang out"... Maybe we need to form a Yahoo Group or something for newly arrived Egyptian husbands who don't have work permits.. a sort of expat group therapy spot... online towla and virtual shisha smoking???

Fi aman illah,

K

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

I am sorry that things are difficult. I have a friend going somethign similar. From this i told my husband that life is hard... I realized we americans live to work... we work alot of hours and increasingly harder. I told him he will not find work, I told him take the worst life is and make it more difficult. He keeps telling me as long as he has his wife life will be good. Insha'allah he'll mean that when it comes time.

My husband said (and still says) the same thing. But how long does love trump dignity?

I do admit I had a previous husband who didn't have a work permit or couldn't find a job and was just fine and dandy hanging out without work letting me support him. He found zillions of ways to entertain himself and didn't bat an eye lash at asking me to provide for him... In fact after he moved to Canada (to avoid being physically picked up and deported from the US) after he rec'd a Canadian "green card" he didn't work up there for a year and went straight on to public assistance up there. He didn't believe in taking jobs that were "below him" or "deadend". He had developed all kinds of hobbies and interests that could keep him entertained and occupied for months at a time.

I'm totally grateful that he has a strong work ethic and sense of personal responsibility but I just wonder how long it will be before the loss of dignity (in his mind) trumps the love thing... Sounds like Maslow's hierarchy of needs.. and his need to provide is pretty low on the pyramid... even though his need for love and companionship was pretty essential to him when he WAS providing... Who knows...

I wish your SO a temp EAD card and a FAST AOS!!!!

[Nothing1234 2]

Karamella,

There is good reason for the hold up! No worries...I will PM ya but tell your hubby not to freak! It's all good.

As for the twins, he is never bored with them its just that being home all day long with two little babies makes ya crave adult contact and conversation! I can't imagine how he does it ... I was home for my maternity leave 3 months and glady went back to work skipping after my leave was up!

Your hubby is welcome to reach out to my hubby! I wish we were closer as well! That would be great. There is not a large Arab population here however, my hubby is not really into going to find a middle eastern area....he's just looking for some friends that share the same interests.

Things will be fine ... and I think ESL classes are a great start to meet others. My hubbys English is very good so I had to find some other ways of finding things for him to do within his interests. He practices with a bunch of dancers 3 days a week at a local school so thats been a great relief to him being able to keep in shape. He's also into inviting every neighbor he meets at the mailboxes over for sheesha and dinner. I have never met so many people in my life since his arrival....

I am going to PM you my information.

[HLM 1]

Wow Karamella! Im so sorry this is has been a very rough road for u so far!! stay positive and know that everything is written; Allah knows best! when the time is right everything will happen and u will thank God for the timing becoz He is the best of planners!

Im praying for both of ur husbands to get their EADs soon ya rab ameeen. Keep the faith sisters

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

Wow Karamella! Im so sorry this is has been a very rough road for u so far!! stay positive and know that everything is written; Allah knows best! when the time is right everything will happen and u will thank God for the timing becoz He is the best of planners!

Im praying for both of ur husbands to get their EADs soon ya rab ameeen. Keep the faith sisters

Jezakallahkhair Okhti, if it wasn't for H's deep belief that Allah knows better in everything I think he would be in much worse shape... And Alhamdulillah I have been able to bite my tongue before I spout out reminders that it was the ONE AND ONLY thing he HAD to do when he arrived at JFK... and that wild camels couldn't have dragged me out of that room until I had the temp EAD stamp on my papers if it REALLY mattered to me. I think he now believes me when I tell him that in USA MAFISH MALESH! I wasn't joking when I told him if he didn't get it there he wouldn't be working for MONTHS...

Hard lesson..

Thanks for your dua. Every time we think about this we try to say Alhamdulillah for what we have. Always trying to look forward insha'allah.

K

[nunyab 0]

forgive me but what is EAD????

[Nothing1234 2]

forgive me but what is EAD????

An Employment Authorization Document (EAD), EAD card, known popularly as Work Permit, is a document issued by USCIS.