Update: "True Love" Post

[Carlos and Jocel 2]

I have no sympathy for her, 2 states away from you not she is being deported and wants to come back to you. If she is not getting deported do you think she will come back to you? Her mind is already made up. if your able to get her out of the hole, she most likely leave you again. There is no LOVE there and you will bea SUCKER to help her out. Let her go and move on...

[Aussielad 37]

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=163060

So the poor girl ended up in prison?

Your case, I think, is beyond VJ help. If it isn't too much of a financial burden on you I'd recommend you at least provide her with a lawyer. Don't you think at a minimum the poor girl is entitled to legal counsel?

What kind of visa is she here on?

She came here on a K1 Fiancee Visa. We married within the 90 days.

We have not yet applied for her AOS due to some unforseen financial complications.

She is still "Out of Status," and has overstayed 7 months.

She was picked up two states away at a bus station.

..............him providing her with a lawyer.....highly unlikely....he's flat out doing anything for her

i believe that this could be a USC abuse case teamed up with the mum on this.....

..........i would suggest for her to do a VAWA in front of the judge....but i guess who am i to judge right??

[DanielParul 50]

Whether she comes back or not, she deserves not to be embarrased, kept in prison and deported the way its happening right now. It wasn't any one person's fault that the relationship is in a mess but, please don't let the poor girl go through this all alone. GET A LAWYER and atleast give her a fair chance. I will pray for her...

[Beautiful_years 0]

I have followed your posts closely, a lot has happened btw you both and honestly even if you did make mistakes you had sincerely taken steps to right the wrongs, though sometimes its barely enough. I cant begin to think of what she is going through, the pains, the fright, the loneliness the emotions! Gosh its too much! Please do what you can as fast as you can, go get a loan or whatever from anywhere friends or family, she is your wife! Not girlfriend!!

My questions are, if she was not picked up and put in the removal proceedings, honestly ask yourself would she have ever returned to you? Even after all the efforts you have put in to get her back? Do you think she would have walked right back home to you? Say honey i'm home lets start from where we stopped?

Also if you do get the lawyer now and get her out do you think things will ever return back to normal between you both? Do you think she will ever stop blaming you?

Did she call now because she needed your help?

Did she have to stay there that long? Or was she adviced to by those who said they cared for her?

I hope they see where all the love and advice got her? The bus stop 2 states away where she was picked up and put in detention. so if the intent was for her to file for AOS alone..... they helped her mess it all up, and i havent heard you say they went there to take her out or bring her home!

Hey people lets stop judging, he made mistakes but so did she. I also acknowledge the pains of miscarriages and the anger and depression that goes with it especially when being away from what you know, your loved ones and your job, i also know how disappointing it could have been for her not having her AOS filled on time as this would have solved a lot of problems too, but honestly she isnt the first not to have had AOS filled on time.

Just a little more patience, or some private time out on her own and genuine care and concern should have performed miracles, she didnt have to stay out for too long, plus he was working things out, sending his mom away, doing everything possible to bring everything back to the kind of normalcy she wanted!

This whole situation is twisted.... things will never be thesame between the both of you.

I would advice you stand by her, get a lawyer, be there in court, take all the blames and do everything possible to bring her back home. After that have a very long talk with her, if she wants to try again with you, you are a lucky man, if not then let her GO! the earlier you both get things sorted out and over with the better!

This is simply too much drama, too much stiffling emotions and too much influence from outsiders!!

I am very sorry that you both have to go through all these and that hard as you try it never seems to be enough or will never be enough.

Lastly Veejay is a house of refuge for us all, should we have problems we come here and pour them out hoping someone would understand and give us advice there by sharing in our pains.... we dont come here to be judged or criticised or insulted or tried by people who cant see beneath their noses or people who are in a hurry to pass judgment! No offence intended to anyone, just my opinion.... and we should stick with the rules, there are ways to tell someone off without being insulting or annoying!

This post is my opinion, strictly mine, if it annoys anyone then exercise your fundamental human right and move over!

Edited December 11, 2008 by Beautiful_years

[Chelle62 0]

I have followed your posts closely, a lot has happened btw you both and honestly even if you did make mistakes you had sincerely taken steps to right the wrongs, though sometimes its barely enough. I cant begin to think of what she is going through, the pains, the fright, the loneliness the emotions! Gosh its too much! Please do what you can as fast as you can, go get a loan or whatever from anywhere friends or family, she is your wife! Not girlfriend!!

My questions are, if she was not picked up and put in the removal proceedings, honestly ask yourself would she have ever returned to you? Even after all the efforts you have put in to get her back? Do you think she would have walked right back home to you? Say honey i'm home lets start from where we stopped?

Also if you do get the lawyer now and get her out do you think things will ever return back to normal between you both? Do you think she will ever stop blaming you?

Did she call now because she needed your help?

Did she have to stay there that long? Or was she adviced to by those who said they cared for her?

I hope they see where all the love and advice got her? The bus stop 2 states away where she was picked up and put in detention. so if the intent was for her to file for AOS alone..... they helped her mess it all up, and i havent heard you say they went there to take her out or bring her home!

Hey people lets stop judging, he made mistakes but so did she. I also acknowledge the pains of miscarriages and the anger and depression that goes with it especially when being away from what you know, your loved ones and your job, i also know how disappointing it could have been for her not having her AOS filled on time as this would have solved a lot of problems too, but honestly she isnt the first not to have had AOS filled on time.

Just a little more patience, or some private time out on her own and genuine care and concern should have performed miracles, she didnt have to stay out for too long, plus he was working things out, sending his mom away, doing everything possible to bring everything back to the kind of normalcy she wanted!

This whole situation is twisted.... things will never be thesame between the both of you.

I would advice you stand by her, get a lawyer, be there in court, take all the blames and do everything possible to bring her back home. After that have a very long talk with her, if she wants to try again with you, you are a lucky man, if not then let her GO! the earlier you both get things sorted out and over with the better!

This is simply too much drama, too much stiffling emotions and too much influence from outsiders!!

I am very sorry that you both have to go through all these and that hard as you try it never seems to be enough or will never be enough.

Lastly Veejay is a house of refuge for us all, should we have problems we come here and pour them out hoping someone would understand and give us advice there by sharing in our pains.... we dont come here to be judged or criticised or insulted or tried by people who cant see beneath their noses or people who are in a hurry to pass judgment! No offence intended to anyone, just my opinion.... and we should stick with the rules, there are ways to tell someone off without being insulting or annoying!

This post is my opinion, strictly mine, if it annoys anyone then exercise your fundamental human right and move over!

Very well said and I agree with you , Good luck to both of you and I hope things work out in what ever way is best for you both and for the children.

[himher 634]

William, I know there is a time and place for moderation. This case is beyond help on VJ, unless there is a little sub-area of VJ for people who immigrate spouses/fiances over to work and cook and clean for them until the sponsor gets around to updating their status. Outside of VJ in the general community that's sometimes viewed as human trafficking. I and many others have tried kindly (and at times impolitely but this guy only hears what he wants to hear) to point out that is exactly what this case LOOKS like.

The woman was in an abusive situation. That's not a moral judgement, that's a fact. She had the same problem that any local girl would have had post-miscarriage. She needed medical and professional help - and didn't get it. She was out of status on the day her I94 expired. She needed to keep her status here, and didn't get to. "K1/married within 90 days" is NOT legal status no matter how many VJ members line up behind this guy and explain their delay in following the immigration path. Present in the US with valid I94 is legal status. "Pending AOS" with expired I94 is legal status. I would politely advise moderators to point that out when "we married within the 90 days but delayed AOS and we were OK" gets posted as a legal or alternate immigration path. I would politely advise K1 petition applicants to plan to follow through on their spouses visa journeys - AOS is a required step, not an optional step, in the immigration process.

The K1 path is clearly outlined, here on VJ, on the USCIS website, on other sites. Petition, interview, EAD/AOS, lift conditions, citizenship. In order to keep status here in the US, that is the path that needs to be followed. VJ (and no other site that I know of) does not exist to provide advice or input on "alternate paths".

I know this guy sounds sorry for the situation his household is in. All abusers are sorry when they significantly hurt the people around them with their actions and decisions. All abusers have long, eloquent explanations for how the actions of their victims or things out of their control caused them to do the harm. The bottom line is that the actions of this selfish, self-centered member have destroyed someone's life. If the OP was arrested jail, he or his mom would have a lawyer on the case immediately. That's the only option that allows someone who is looking at a penalty from a courtroom to ensure that all legal options are exercised and rights are protected. That's what you do when a family member gets in trouble. The OP needs an immigration lawyer for his wife. Looking for a "free" way through immigration or legal advice to navigate through the courts and jails is not what VJ is here for.

I will say it again, as in the last thread. The OP did not post here for moral judgement. This website is designed and intended to help others through the obstacles of US Immigration. We don't have all of the facts here, so surmising a definitive conclusion is reckless.

If you don't have something helpful to add, stay out of the thread.

[rodney22 0]

Just let her be. Your Mom was the excuse, not the reason she left. You wrote she still blames you. Let her go. Like a butterfly.

[R de la R 2]

You were responsible for filling the AOS, now she is in a mess so you are responsible for helping her as much as you can. Take her home, move your mother to other place and talk to her, just you and her without nobody else.

If she decides to go back home, then let her to go. You both are under pressure now.

[melusine 5]

I don't agree with some of you here....and I did read the whole last long thread from Valsu.

And I would like everyone here to think about the situation a minute before being so judgmental. I am the spouse but whoever I am, I am in a couple and whatever how long I would have to wait for my papers to be filed in case of a financial issue, I would probably have wait as well (without really knowing I would be out of status... is it true anyway ?) and if kids where involved, I would have wanted to get to know them a little more.... It's not like a full cleaning/cooking pattern either but just to do a part of the common chores while dealing with my own adjustment issues.

The first problem I see in their situation is that she doesn't seem to speak English that well which lead to misinterpretation (the : it's not good, it's great etc.) So as a husband who care I would probably check if it would be possible to get some (low cost/free if money is an issue) class to learn English.

I do think Valsu have part of the blame to not have been fast to understand what was going on with his wife and the feelings she is dealing and also for the choice of having crazy hours at work/getting a house too expensive (for the record, whatever my culture (european+canadian) and my level of english which is not too bad, I do also sometime feel trapped even tho my husband is the sweetest, more caring person on the planet (and I don't have any kid to look after, I don't cook but I do clean a bit, but we are living with his parents, in a nice house far from everything and without a car for me.... basically the big excitement of the day for me is when the mail person come to drop the mail...yeehaa... and when my hubby come back from work, at least this is what's going on when I am looking for a job (most of my industry is through short term contracts))...but anyway....

I do also thinks that She have all of a part to be blamed for ! (The over reaction, not looking for discussion, escaping (??!) etc.)

Then some life, it's not the fault from anybody have their blame as well (the knee injury, loosing the baby etc..).

Also, from what I understand.... she called him the first two times (after like a couple of weeks with no news) to wish happy birthday to one of the child and various talking and a promise to come home if the mom was gone... it's not like her first contact was about to get help... it was a genius thought.....

Too bad ICE came in the picture 2 days after....

So it's not like she called for help like some people said earlier.

(There is still something to clear up is the why she was where she was and what happened for ICE to come in the picture).

Anyway Valsu, I wish you good luck !And I also would strongly ask to ICE if you could go see her (wherever she is) to at least give a comforting hug and then to figure out things with a lawyer or so.

[KimandRuss 0]

While it's certainly best to file for AOS asap.... "Immediate Relatives of United States citizens need only show lawful entry in any status. Status violations subsequent to entry are waived by law." This happens all the time and MANY people wait a lot longer than this, even years, to file for adjustment with no problems.

I don't believe anyone asked for moral judgment or reiteration of personal perception of the facts here. The OP was asking for advice on this particular matter and unless you were sleeping in their bed and living their lives I don't understand how you feel you are in a position to judge or make such comments based off of what was said in another thread. It's probably best not to believe everything you read as fact just because it's been said.

This is a grown woman who I have to believe is capable to make her own decisions and who is probably not without fault herself...the same as the rest of us.

It is not just one person's responsibility to handle any of the immigration process. In fact, it is the beneficiary who is the one applying for AOS. So blaming the OP for not filing for her makes no sense...especially when the relationship was on rocky ground.

This is the last warning to keep your comments and judgements to yourself. If have nothing to say to help this situation...don't post. It's that simple. Further action will be taken if the personal attacks continue.

[maliciant 7]

I just want to point out that she was picked up at a bus station, there is a good chance all she did was tried to purchase a bus ticket, possibly to go home to her husband, it'd be nice to know that though my guess is valsu doesn't even know definitively where she was buying a ticket to, or even if that was the case, she may have already bought a ticket and two states away was her destination and she was picked up after being reported as out of status by whoever she bought the ticket from (and ICE was waiting for her when she arrived?). Valsu did go to the police to try to track down his wife and so it's entirely possible her name on her passport triggered an alert of some kind that got authorities involved. If I was valsu I'd want to know what her destination was at that bus stop but in light of the mess things are in now, helping her first is more important.

[frostysoftyeaton 6]

first i did read all of the previous post took me and my wife 2 hours whew.

second you where a jerk but i think you realize this now

third money may get you from point a to point be but it will never warm the place in your heart where love dwells

having made these comments my advice being free and my opinion being what they are first get her help to get her home then get her help to get over her miscarraige

i believe both you and your mother should be there showing support for and a united front of wanting her home and i honestly do not care if it causes both you and your mother to loose your jobs you have to figure out if that paycheck is what makes you happy or not from what you have written i think you may see not

i applaud you finding your own faults but know you will uncover many more in the years to come you have not found them all please remember that for future problems you may have.

me and my wife will pray for you and for her that things work out the way they are suppose to not necessary how you would like them to.

and for all the blame layers out there and heavy opinion expressors remember none of us are perfect and to take shots at someone who is already in a bad situation proves how imperfect we all are

now that my wife is done spell checking me to keep me from looking to bad i will add my two cents

[justashooter 430]

nothing like my marriage.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Ok, I spoke with the officer handling her case.

She said that she has applied for a bond date, and would have a chance to get a bid bond some time next week.

She suggested I be there for the hearing before the judge.

She also said that when it goes to trial in two months, she can obtain a trial for her adjustment of status, and can actually get it for free before the judge. If denied, she'll be deported.

Which means I will need to be there for that and try to bring proof of our bona fida marriage.

The complication is that she has been outside of my home for more than 30 days, and is still saying that everything that is happening to her is my fault.

Border Control picked her up at a bus station.

Sigh.

I would be very curious as to where her ticket was going to when she was picked up. If it was coming in your direction it would be one thing but it might have been going in a completely different direction. ICE may know something we dont know so it might make sense not to be so hard on the petitioner ( not that I agree with him entirely with everything) For all we know ,she could have been heading across country to make a VAWA plea and just buying time with him. She also may want to go before the judge and not HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO HIM. Has anyone thought of that? I do think he should help with bonafides and at least go talk to her.. The whole thing is so so sad and I wouldnt wish an ICE detention on my worst worst enemy.. especially after losing the baby.. What is the USA in her mind now? Could you imagine what this poor woman is going through.. no matter what her intentions... I feel sorry for her.. So so sorry

[Old Dominion 26]

So, on Dec 2, she said she would come home if you moved your mother. Ah, you said, not until Dec. 13, not a bit earlier!!! So, she went elsewhere & in two days, she landed in jail. She waited 6 whole days to call you and ask for your help! Seems like you are her last and only hope. Go help her on her terms, for once. What has her absence done to "complicate things?"

And why do you insist on calling the home "my house?????