delivery poll

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Both Justin and I were first borns. My mom was in labor for 12 hours, Justin's mom was really quick. And that's all I know. My general impression is that you can never tell

I would not have my boss in the delivery room. But then again, I would not have anyone except Justin. Too personal!!

Saludos,

Caro

Edited December 9, 2008 by JVKn'CVO

[Marilyn. 340]

my sister-in-law was there for my second delivery.. she kind of invited herself... It dawned on me later that she saw parts of me that I am not sure I wanted her to see but at the time that was the last thing on my mind...

[Chocolot 0]

after 4 that ranged from 8 hours down to 20 mins in the hospital, I think as long as your boss understands that you may want her there during the less intense time, but may ask her to leave for the delivery it would be good for you to have someone there that said I didnt for the 1st. All were natural deliveries and I wouldnt want it any other way, Babies are meant to born out of a mothers ####### and unless medically necessary it is far easier to recover from the birht than from a surgical wound and to care for a new born.

I feel for Charles, my husband missed our 1st childs birth (through his own choice) and I agreed if he wished to for the next but he felt he'd like to be there for me... we agreed when it was time to push he'd leave, but he didnt and when his son was placed in his arms was absolutely delighted that he had attended the birth. For the last two he was adamant he wanted to be there, but didnt appreciate the youngest almost beating us to the hospital.

I wish you the very best and know you will do a great job, you are welcome to pm me with any questions

Both Justin and I were first borns. My mom was in labor for 12 hours, Justin's mom was really quick. And that's all I know. My general impression is that you can never tell

I would not have my boss in the delivery room. But then again, I would not have anyone except Justin. Too personal!!

Saludos,

Caro

[rebeccajo 14]

Well, I voted yes to the boss thing because I think you need somebody there. But then I read the rest of the posts and saw where she's not really a friend. I kinda think you need a friend. And that's not because of seeing you naked or how you might cuss or whatever. It's because you are going to need somebody you feel a bond of trust with.

I think whatever you and Charles agree to is your business. But I would like to say that there isn't a 'lot of blood' in normal childbirth. If a lot of blood starts happening, they are going to whisk the husband away and you're gonna be knocked out cold. My ex was with me for my c-section (emergency btw), and he always told people that there was hardly any blood during THAT procedure. And believe me, he was standing there right over me watching the whole thing. Kind of annoying, really.

I have to be honest with you. IMO some things that go along with parenthood are overrated. Seeing your child take their first breath is cool. But it doesn't compare with holding them the first time. It's like the first day of school - I thought that was a big 'no big deal'. But being there when they come home from school with their first award or something like that - awesome.

I guess it's all in your perspective. I know you'll be a great mom, Nessa. And Charles will be a good dad.

Or you'll kill him................

Edited December 9, 2008 by rebeccajo

[mkg265 2]

My mom "birthed" me in under 2 hours. My sister (the first kid) was born in the car and my mother has never forgiven my father for driving slow. Your husband may not have a choice about attending the birth!!

My husband was his mom's 7th kid and they didn't bother to go to the (state of the art) hospital in rural communist Albania. He was born in the hallway. I'm just saying keep your options open.

[Ban Hammer 13,263]

Charles needs to be your coach. Unacceptable to leave you all lonely and frightened in the labor room.

no, i don't "need to be"

[jodee 30]

My waters broke at 0130 in the morning,...

First twin was born at 0412 and the second at 0429. Nice and quick,..only one Morphine shot,...

I think you need somebody there,..whether thats your boss or not, thats up to you.

[Ban Hammer 13,263]

My waters broke at 0130 in the morning,...

First twin was born at 0412 and the second at 0429. Nice and quick,..only one Morphine shot,...

I think you need somebody there,..whether thats your boss or not, thats up to you.

here's my designated stand in

[Amby 490]

I'm going to be the coach! Charles is going to tag me when he can't take it anymore

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I'm not digging at Charles, but I'd encourage him to be there, to comfort you as your contractions become longer and harder. The hospital provides a sofa chair and a place for the husbands to lie down if necessary, but I honestly spent most of my time standing, holding her hand, giving her ice chips, calling relatives, taking pictures. I would've gone crazy to not have been there to experience it all.

That's a cute picture.

The reality for my husband was that after a easy 3 hours of minimal support (I really didn't need it, I had had worse diarrhea cramps than those contractions and I came the hospital at 2 hours already 6cm), I, from one single contraction to the next, was plunged into the worst pain of my life. It was like someone was ripping my guts out through my pelvic floor with gigantic spoons. I was not prepared for such an evil turn of events and neither was my husband. It took its toll on both of us. There is nothing like watching the woman you love screaming and writhing in the worst pain of her life and know there is literally absolutely nothing to do about it but watch. It is a form of intense mental torture. He couldn't help. There was nothing for him to do. When that contraction hit, the whole world disappeared, it was only me and my paralyzed by pain body and insane animal mind. I know there was nothing for him to do. Then she got stuck on the way out which dragged the whole thing out even more. My husband saw the doctor and midwife do medieval things on his wife that he'd sooner rather forget. Both of us did not have Hallmark styled moments where we forgot everything once she was out. I think we both literally needed a third support person to help us deal with what just happened. It was absolutely one of the worst experiences of both our lives.

I am not sure if my husband regrets being there or not, but it was not a memorable or joyful experience. I can totally understand why Charles would not want to be there.

BTW, of course YMMV. Just because I had a terrible encounter with the wonders of birth without pain relief doesn't mean that will be what you get. The only guarantee about birth in the modern world is that the baby is coming out, one way or another. Everything else is fair game.

[Tunisia216 2]

My delivery with my son was totally natural and I arrived at the hospital around 10pm and Aaron was born at 12:02 AM, but one hour of that time was spent in triage monitoring me. After my water was broken at 11pm and I walked over the labor room, Aaron came an hour later. It was my first (and only child) and it was a very good experience. He was 23 inches and 9lbs. But I do have to say I don't think that's an "accurate" estimate of total time. He did come very quickly, that's true, but I spent a good 4 hours rather uncomfortable at home prior to going to the hospital. Of course it's not recommended, when you feel true contractions you should go to the hospital, but I preferred to spend those first few hours at home in my own bed and dealing with my pain there. When they broke my water, I felt the immediate need to push and when I told the nurse this, she laughed at me and said there's no way honey, this is your first baby and you're going to be here for a long time. I told her if you don't get the doctor, then we're going to have this baby without him, so she "amused me" and checked and then screamed OMG get a doctor! This baby is coming!

I respect whatever choice that you and your husband have made and I am sure that you both know what's best for you. However I did want to add, having "been there done that" that my ex husband was in the room with me. He's very queasy and he does not deal well with blood, stress, etc but he never had a problem. Until it was time to push there was nothing to see. And once it was time to push, he stayed at my head for the entire hour and never saw anything, except his son wrapped in a blanket laying on my chest. He was relieved that he wasn't able to see anything and we told the nurses ahead of time that this is the way we wanted it. So they were prepared and they never asked him "do you want to see" Just a thought that there are ways to work around it! And there's also some fathers who stay to comfort and help the mother and when it's time to push, step over to the other side of the curtain or into the hallway until the baby comes. But that first moment when your baby is born, like others have said, is for sure a moment no father wants to miss.

I wish you both the best!

PS I do agree regarding the "boss question" If you are not close with her and don't have any type of "personal friendship" I think it would just create an uncomfortable situation for you and trust me you'll have enough to be uncomfortable about without that worry!

[*julez* 124]

You should have *someone* with you, other than hospital staff. Trust me, you won't care who sees your parts once you are in hard labor.

[Nessa 23]

Nessa, are you going to have an epidural?

i think only if necessary.

How would Charles feel about staying in there with you, but hanging out up by your face instead of down below with all the blood?

I asked him that and he confessed he's very afraid of my latina fiery temper

As for childbirth classes, not sure yet. I haven't discussed any of that with my doctor. The doctors never come to me ask if i'm doing this or that. They ask if I have questions, and since it's my first pregnancy, I can't think of every little detail by myself.

AS for someone else in the delivery room, i hope I can have someone that I consider a friend, we'll see. I don't really want my boss there. She can be in the waiting room making Charles company, if he's there. He can practice his german with her.

Edited December 9, 2008 by Nessa

[chri'stina 190]

I think the avg time is over 10 hours, maybe 15 hours.

I was in labor for over 36 hours so don't go by my experience. Ended in c-section after all those hours and I only had a epidural the last few hours. They kept sending me home from the hospital for not dilating. I didn't take after my mom at all, she had much shorter easier deliveries with me and my sis and I was hoping to follow that tradition. I wasn't planning to have an epidural, my mom didn't, but I did make it a day and a half without it and if my labor hadn't stalled I could have finished without it even though I had horrible back labor. Lamaze got me through it without the epi. If I didn't control my mind and breathing, I would have been freaking out. I was very calm. But it hurt really really bad. You have to control your mind if you don't get an epi. It can be done, but you have to stay focused. If you freak out, it'll feel worse I bet.

Only have your boss in there if you really really feel okay with it. As for her being scared of you, child birth is not easy so what does she expect. You have to do what you have to do while in labor, and you never know- maybe you won't do what you think you will while in there. I don't think you should be alone! Some husbands say they won't be in there but end up being in there anyway, this is desperate times for a woman!! They need the husband. It's not fair if the husband won't be there while they are going through it.

(didn't go to childbirth classes, but rented lamaze and childbirth class videos, Sujeet did learn some stuff from it like the stages of labor so it was helpful but I don't think you HAVE to go to a class unless you want to)

Edited December 9, 2008 by Parivar CSK

[chri'stina 190]

You should have *someone* with you, other than hospital staff. Trust me, you won't care who sees your parts once you are in hard labor.

So true. I am a very modest person, I won't even change in front of my mom or sister. But when you are there, you have no choice. LOL. After getting checked in to the hospital, it won't be long until you feel like you don't have to hide anything from the staff. This comes into play during the attempts at breastfeeding too. You just don't even care anymore within a couple hours, and I am very self-conscious of how I look, yet it still was like whatever, let's count how many nurses and Drs have seen me now. They don't even care, that's all they do all day long with both skinny and chubby people.

Actually, I should add that I only had Sujeet with me in the room and was only going to have him with me at the birth...though I had the c-section. I don't think I wanted my mom even to see the birth, yet I felt okay with strangers. lol. The family was all in the waiting room.

Edited December 9, 2008 by Parivar CSK