STUCK @ NVC for AP

[Talyss 0]

I suppose we better join this thread. London hadn't received our package and despite having a letter from NVC stating our petition was to be forwarded on.....

We are in administrative processing I am so upset right now.

I guess you could say....given when the letter was sent....that we have been in AP for 28 days now. Most of which i was completely oblivious there was any kind of problem. If they are going to hold your case up, you would think the least they could do is write a letter saying "hey we lied, sorry! We aren't forwarding your case on to the embassy, we are going to sit on it until we can be bothered to look at it...."

Sorry this happened to you to

You've found a good place to hang out in this thread, the only consolation I can give is that you will eventually get out and that it doesn't hold up the rest of the process. Not that that feels like much consolation until you actually hear that they have sent it to the embassy!

[scandal 951]

This AP ####### is absolute BS! I am not from a closed off communist country. I live in a democracy and have a right to know what is going on with my petition. I would not mind so much if they would tell me more than oh you are undergoing additional processing. Why the meaningless ambiguous term? They should tell us exactly what they are doing and why. This isn't Guantanamo. Oh well I know I'm powerless over the whole thing so I'll just sit back and take it.

I feel your frustration. I'm not sure that I would express it in quite that way. I don't think that it has anything to do with communism or Guantanemo. Just your federal tax dollars at work, is all.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I suppose we better join this thread. London hadn't received our package and despite having a letter from NVC stating our petition was to be forwarded on.....

We are in administrative processing I am so upset right now.

I guess you could say....given when the letter was sent....that we have been in AP for 28 days now. Most of which i was completely oblivious there was any kind of problem. If they are going to hold your case up, you would think the least they could do is write a letter saying "hey we lied, sorry! We aren't forwarding your case on to the embassy, we are going to sit on it until we can be bothered to look at it...."

Sorry to hear that you guys got stuck too

And yes, I completely agree with you regarding those misleading letters. We actually got 4 of them, all identical, all worse-than meaningless. The only way you have to find out that you are in AP is by calling them. They will never write a letter to that effect.

Well at least now you've found a community here to swap stories with. And since you've updated your timeline, you now appear on the tracking page as well. Good luck- hope you get out soon!!

Thank you for the welcome. On the plus side I was just so happy about getting the NOA 2 and riding on cloud 9 from being in Florida at the time, I barely noticed that 27 days already went by.

Please ignore me when i go off on a the government are evil rant (see above) I just get frustrated and a little pedantic.

Glad you found us

At least you are already more than half way through the "sentence" a couple more weeks and you'll be released.

and umm I kinda liked your rant

[Ellie-and-David 38]

I suppose we better join this thread. London hadn't received our package and despite having a letter from NVC stating our petition was to be forwarded on.....

We are in administrative processing I am so upset right now.

I guess you could say....given when the letter was sent....that we have been in AP for 28 days now. Most of which i was completely oblivious there was any kind of problem. If they are going to hold your case up, you would think the least they could do is write a letter saying "hey we lied, sorry! We aren't forwarding your case on to the embassy, we are going to sit on it until we can be bothered to look at it...."

Sorry to hear that you guys got stuck too

And yes, I completely agree with you regarding those misleading letters. We actually got 4 of them, all identical, all worse-than meaningless. The only way you have to find out that you are in AP is by calling them. They will never write a letter to that effect.

Well at least now you've found a community here to swap stories with. And since you've updated your timeline, you now appear on the tracking page as well. Good luck- hope you get out soon!!

Thank you for the welcome. On the plus side I was just so happy about getting the NOA 2 and riding on cloud 9 from being in Florida at the time, I barely noticed that 27 days already went by.

Please ignore me when i go off on a the government are evil rant (see above) I just get frustrated and a little pedantic.

Glad you found us

At least you are already more than half way through the "sentence" a couple more weeks and you'll be released.

and umm I kinda liked your rant

Hee hee.....thanks. I feel better about it now I have had a large glass of wine

So ironic really.....I work with offenders, kind of ironic I am now facing my own kind of sentence. It's nice to be halfway through my sentence without realising and I didn't even have to share a toilet with anyone!

[Joe_&_Nadiya 1]

You know guys, today I called to our Embassy and I found out that my Embassy in Kiev got he notification letter from NVC on Friday, the 3rd of April. So, our case was done on Friday, last week! WOW!!! But Joe called twice them on Friday and he was said that our case is still at NVC...

It's good news but does Kiev have what they need from the NVC to schedule your interview yet?

Jam, Kiev can schedule an interview only when they get your papers from NVC, the notification email is not enough to make an appointment. I was said to call back in two weeks after our case was sent to Kiev. I called to the Embassy couple days ago, they said that they have an email from NVC, but send nothing or schedule interview right now, ONLY after getting papers. Understand?

[Joe_&_Nadiya 1]

I suppose we better join this thread. London hadn't received our package and despite having a letter from NVC stating our petition was to be forwarded on.....

We are in administrative processing I am so upset right now.

I guess you could say....given when the letter was sent....that we have been in AP for 28 days now. Most of which i was completely oblivious there was any kind of problem. If they are going to hold your case up, you would think the least they could do is write a letter saying "hey we lied, sorry! We aren't forwarding your case on to the embassy, we are going to sit on it until we can be bothered to look at it...."

Don't cry and never give up.. our 52 days passed very quickly. because I felt support here from good people. You are with us and stay here Like I said before all has the end During this time, we have been gathering all documents and even right now we need more time before interview..

Good luck to you!!!

[Joe_&_Nadiya 1]

No idea yet as to when I'll be leaving. Probably late..ish summer. There's still a lot to do here in Croatia.

Congrats on your getting out of AP, Joe & Nadya!

Making this very short since I really cwn't type on this eepc thingie...

Thank you for congratulations!!! Now we are closer closer and closer

[Badgerella 5]

They called today so I went and got my passport with the visa in it, as well as the sealed envelope.

Also worth mentioning - nobody mentioned the AP thing during the interview (if we even had one). Not even a word of it. There will be a detailed post one of these days... I promise.

[MashaJam 0]

Jam, Kiev can schedule an interview only when they get your papers from NVC, the notification email is not enough to make an appointment. I was said to call back in two weeks after our case was sent to Kiev. I called to the Embassy couple days ago, they said that they have an email from NVC, but send nothing or schedule interview right now, ONLY after getting papers. Understand?

Joe & Nadya, thanks for reply - do you believe the "call back in 2 weeks" is accurate? After the experience we have all been through it's difficult to believe anything anymore.

Perhaps we could start another timeline based on member experience on the "wait after the waiting"?

probably your too excited about your interview to think about it.

[scandal 951]

Here's something new you can try out, if you are finding the 'stats' site useful.

The script will now pick up the Comment field from your Timeline data. It looks at the comment text, and if it contains text that says 'AP @ NVC' (or something like that), it will highlight that row on the webpage in blue text. That way we can easily distinguish those people who are DEFINITELY stuck in NVC, because they are saying so.

I tried to make it free format, because people put all kinds of messages in their comments. Some write "AP @ NVC", others " stuck NVC", or "in NVC for AP", ..... so the script is smart enough to pick up most of these kinds of variations.

If you currently don't have a comment, or your comment text isn't indicating that you are/were stuck, please update your comment.

For those technically inclined - here's the regular expression the script is using to parse the comment field:

$apnvc->{$i} = 1 if $1 =~ /(AP |AP\@).*NVC/i || $1 =~ /NVC.*(AP |AP\@)/i || $1 =~ /NVC.*STUCK/i || $1 =~ /STUCK.*NVC/i

|| $1 =~ /NVC.*administrative processing/i || $1 =~ /administrative processing.*NVC/i;

By the way, the hosting site seems MUCH more stable today. Hopefully it will be up for good from here on in.

[scandal 951]

hello all,

Initially, I started my journey posting questions about my K1 visa petition being too complicated as it is. The first post I had was about filing a K1 visa petition as soon as getting divorced. With it, after I stated my case, I got all the haters, without even thinking whats the real deal. Let me give you guys an idea on what was our situation before today.

.........

My STucked @ NVC family means alot to me. Thank you, thank you thank you.

OK. So a few days ago Luck-e and Kookie shared with us their story. Like them, I find VJ in general, and this thread in particular, to be a kind of 'home', with friendly and sympathetic folks. So I thought I'd share my story here as well. Sorry this is long, it's just a very complicated situation.

In addition to my visa journey, there is one other major concern in my life - which is my kids.

The visa process - well, that you can all relate to. All of us are going through that trauma together. My I129F was filed in September and I'm hoping (hoping!!) that we can get the K1 visa and my honey can come to the US by June. That would make about 9-10 months. Longer than the supposed average of 6 months (thanks for nothing, NVC!! ). But not as bad as some (think of poor Sarah). I can deal with that.

My kids however - that's a really complicated situation. And I honestly don't know how it will ultimately play out. I am hopeful for the best, but bracing for disappointment.

I have 3 children aged 16,13,11. Two boys and a girl. They're wonderful, smart, friendly kids. They were born into a good family atmosphere. My first marriage was stable for many years. I was married for 17 years, and I would say that the first dozen or so were pretty good. The last 4-5 got progressively worse. I share the blame in that. It takes two to make a marriage work, and it takes two to wreck it. I have regrets, but I make no excuses for myself. I could have been a much better husband. She could have been a better wife. Let's leave it at that.

We separated and I moved out in the last year and a half before the divorce (we got divorced last summer). During the separation I never challenged my ex-wife (she was still my wife then) on anything. She had custody of the kids, I was paying the vast majority of my salary as 'child support' (basically - the monthly paycheck from my job would go into the bank, she would use it all, I was living off savings. Until my lawyer told me to start dipping into it as well, towards the end). In short, during the separation I wanted to either reconcile with her or if we were going to divorce - to do it amicably, out of court, and put the kids first, and our own needs first.

It didn't work out that way. She got very angry and vindictive. We wound up with expensive lawyers and a really bitter situation. Even then, I never tried to fight her or challenge her. I just wanted it to end, to get on with my life and let her get on with hers, and spare the kids from having to see us fight.

Part of our complication has always been geography. She (my ex) was born in Brazil, and her family lives in Brazil. I was born in the US and raised in Canada (hence 'uscandual' - US/Canadian dual). We met in Israel when we were both grad students there in the late 80s. After we got married, we kept bouncing around. She wanted to live in Israel. I would stick it out there for a few years, decide that I wasn't happy there and wanted to live in North America. She never liked living in Canada or the US and always wanted to return to Israel. So we moved back and forth between Israel, Toronto, Israel, California, Israel over the 17 year marriage. When we finally got divorced, we were living in Israel. As part of the divorce terms she wanted to return to Brazil, her native country, with the kids. She felt that she could get a job there (she wasn't working in Israel) and would have her family's support as a single mother. I wanted to leave Israel and come back to the US and restart my life here. So the agreement was that she would take the kids to Brazil and I would be in the US with visitation rights. I insisted in the agreement that I would have regular ongoing access to them via the Internet: email, chat, and particularly Skype with webcam. I am managing a long distance relationship to Thailand with my fiancee with those tools, so I felt that could also bridge the gap with my kids. They're not little babies any longer, and they're quite computer savvy. So I thought that would be an acceptable solution.

Well, it just hasn't been working out. It's going from bad to worse.

To start - I bought them a webcam in Israel last summer before they moved to Brazil. I wanted them to test it out in Israel before they left. She refused to allow them to do that. Initially (Aug-Oct), I had fairly regular phone & email contact with them (several times per week, I would say). But not one single webcam session. They "couldn't find" the webcam I gave them. Then I bought another one and mailed it to them. It "Never arrived" in the mail. You get the drift. Oh, then the phones. The kids had 2 cellphones between the 3 of them. For a few weeks I was able to call them. Then my ex got wind of that, and promptly changed the phone numbers, and instructed the kids not to give me the new numbers. And Skype - hah! They were under direct orders from their mom to leave their Skype disconnected, and even to remove me from their 'contacts' list, unless she gave them explicit approval to connect under her direct supervision. Which was at random, infrequent times that I could never schedule or anticipate in advance. Never mind two-three times per week, or even weekly. Weeks were going by with essentially no contact. That was during Nov-Dec.

In Dec, I was about to start my new job in the US, so I took a week before starting to work to fly to Brazil to see them. That was a great visit. I had a lovely time with them for about 5 days. There were constant annoyances in which she tried to interfere, but on the whole the visit was a success. I brought them a new laptop with a built in webcam. She refused to allow them to connect it to the Internet and use it to Skype with me. To the point of actually making my son cry when he pleaded with her, and she refused.

I came back to the US, started my job, and since that point there has been almost no contact at all.

In Feb they moved. Up until then (From July 2008-Feb09) they were living in my ex-mother in law's house. So I had the address and the home phone number. In Feb, I got a brief email from her (she has otherwise refused to contact me or speak to me at all, acting only through the kids). Her email said only that they moved. No new address was given. No home phone number. I don't know where they live. For a while, my oldest son would update his Facebook profile so I could see some of what he was doing. And he would respond to my PMs on Facebook. Now he has stopped doing that - he hasn't logged into FB in months apparently. My second son is the only one who makes some effort - I get an occasional email from him every so often , averaging perhaps 1 email every 2-3 weeks. They are never on Skype. Never on Yahoo messaging. I have no cell numbers to call them on. I've asked them to give me their address/phone number. They have not. I ask them if they think this situation is "acceptable" and "normal". They don't seem disturbed by it. They're not interested in challenging their mom about it.

At one point, I contacted the principal and the psychologist at their school in Brazil. I do have the phone/address of the school. The psychologist seemed willing to help me. A week later I got an email from my ex informing me that if I contact the school again, she will pull the kids out of the school. Then I got an earful from my kids pleading with me not to contact the school. I feel that I have every right to go through the school, but (a) I'm not sure what good it will do (b ) I don't want to make things even harder for the kids.

Since I returned from Brazil, I have had a handful of emails, and 2 Skype sessions with them, one in Feb and one in March. Both were (amazingly enough!) with the webcam on the new laptop. Apparently she was willing to let them use it for those 2 specific 1 hour sessions. She insisted that they go out onto the balcony of their apartment, with the camera pointed away from the interior of the home. Gawdforbid I should somehow see any of the interior of her apartment, as if I give a damn.

TWICE in 4 months I have spoken to my kids.

My daughter's birthday was in February. In December when I was in Brazil I bought her a digital camera as an early gift. I asked her to take pictures of her party with her new camera to share with me, she never sent any. I sent her a gift (balloons, chocolates, a card) to her grandmother's address - it was not delivered. I redirected the gift to the school. She got it through the school and told me I shouldn't send things there again.

My second son had his Bar Mitzvah a few weeks ago when he turned 13. This is an important celebration in our tradition, similar to a Catholic confirmation. It is a time of great rejoicing, or should be. Even before the divorce, when we were still in Israel and I discussed with my kids their new upcoming life in Brazil, I told my son that what I'd like to do was have TWO celebrations for his Bar Mitzvah. His mother would do one in Brazil in March on his birthday. And I would organize another one in July with my family in Israel (I have extended family there). He was really happy about that - two parties instead of one, what kid would refuse?? Anyway, SHE basically gave him an ultimatum: choose March in Brazil with her family, or July in Israel with mine. But not both. Again putting him on the spot. Notice the difference in our approaches: I am all in favor of his celebrating with his mother's family - I want him to have good contact with her and her family. But I want that for me too!! SHE is making a 13 year old kid choose between them. Needless to say, he chose her, and March. I had to tell my parents, brother, sister, cousins... the July celebration is off. They were all disappointed, and somewhat upset with me that I don't "fight for my rights" more assertively.

What am I supposed to do????? I have a divorce agreement from ISRAELI COURTS written in HEBREW. I live in the US. The kids are in BRAZIL, where the language is Portuguese, which I don't speak. I don't know anyone there. I actually went as far as finding 2 family law firms in Recife (her city) that were willing to take my case. It would involve translating the divorce agreement from Hebrew to Portuguese, submitting it to the supreme court in Brasilia (the capital) to be adjudicated as a binding document in the Brazilian system, and then using that to pursue my rights in Recife. All this would take many, many months and years, and many thousands of dollars. All with no guarantee of success. I may still pursue this path, but I basically backed down when I realized what I was up against.

Back to the Bar Mitzvah - I asked my son when it would be? The ritual part in the synagogue can only be done on certain days when the Torah is read - Monday or Thursday mornings, or on the Sabbath (Saturdays). He didn't want to tell me when it would be!!! I had to pry it out of him that it would be on a Thursday. That day I went to work, knowing that my son was 'becoming a man' and that I was not invited or welcome to participate, or even give him my wishes from afar. I felt horrible all day long.

It's now our Passover holiday. This is traditionally the holiday when family gets together and shares the ceremonial 'Seder' meal. My parents have come to my new home in Chicago to join me for it. I was so hopeful that my fiancee would have been here with me by now to meet my parents (she has meet my Mom but never my Dad) and to participate in our holiday. Unfortunately, NVC frustrated that plan. I was hopeful that my kids would be available on Skype during this week that my parents are here, so that they could see and interact with their grandparents. My son sent an email saying he hoped to be on Sunday evening. Last weekend I had Skype open all day long each day Sat/Sun. They never showed up. I sent them repeated emails, saying this weekend is the last chance for us to share some time together online during the Passover holiday before my parents return to Canada on Sunday. I've gotten no responses from them. They're not online.

Well, that's about it. I don't know what else to say. My hope is that perhaps over time they will change, she will change, something will change. At some point they will get older and decide how important is their relationship to their Dad. My oldest is 16, almost 17. He's a year away from college. He says he wants to study in Canada. He's absolutely brilliant - he's doing AP level courses in math and physics. He's a shoo in for any school he wants to go to. Perhaps when (if!!!) he leaves Brazil and comes to North America, the situation will improve. He has a lot of hostility, partly just usual teenager stuff (I remember myself at 16/17), partly his anger at his moronic parents who put him in this situation (I can't fault him there).

You hear all these stories about deadbeat dads who abandon their kids and don't want to know about them. I'm not saying I'm the world's greatest dad. Far from it!!! But - (a ) I prepaid the first 18 months of child support in advance!!! She's got all the money up to next March 2010, which is perhaps why she feels she can stick it to me now. What kind of deadbeat does that?? (b ) I'm making every effort to speak to my kids, to see them, to remain involved in their life, to remember birthdays and important events, to know what they're doing at school, to guide them as they approach university applications, to offer my support for their university studies.... I am hardly a bad dad, I think. And she is PURPOSEFULLY, MALICIOUSLY, preventing me from even the most basic contact with them. In FULL, FLAGRANT violation of the terms of our divorce agreement. And she has apparently co-opted the kids to see this as 'normal' and not something to struggle against. She was once the woman that I loved, that I thought I would share my life with. She then became a woman I felt sorry for, and wanted to encourage to pick up the pieces of her life post-divorce just as I was trying to do with mine. I don't think I can share my feelings about her right now. The language I would choose would not be family friendly.

I'm so happy I have my honey. She is my guiding strength through this. She knows my story, she has always counseled me to be patient, and to not lose hope. She is confident that I will not lose my kids. My family too is my rock. My parents, my brother, my sister. All are supportive of me. I couldn't do this without them.

As for me, I'm just waiting, I guess. Waiting for my honey to finally come from Thailand. Waiting for my kids to to return my efforts to stay in touch. And I fill my time. With work, which keeps me busy. And with VJ, which has completely addicted me of late. So if you think I'm obsessive with the "AP@NVC" statistics page I'm working on, that's probably true. But at least it lets me channel my time and energy into something more useful than moping about my loneliness for my honey and my kids.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Talyss 0]

Thank you for sharing your story.

I do hope that over time your ex will stop being so strict on the kids and she and they will realise you have a place in your children's lives.

[Raj and Monica 0]

hello all,

Initially, I started my journey posting questions about my K1 visa petition being too complicated as it is. The first post I had was about filing a K1 visa petition as soon as getting divorced. With it, after I stated my case, I got all the haters, without even thinking whats the real deal. Let me give you guys an idea on what was our situation before today.

.........

My STucked @ NVC family means alot to me. Thank you, thank you thank you.

OK. So a few days ago Luck-e and Kookie shared with us their story. Like them, I find VJ in general, and this thread in particular, to be a kind of 'home', with friendly and sympathetic folks. So I thought I'd share my story here as well. Sorry this is long, it's just a very complicated situation.

In addition to my visa journey, there is one other major concern in my life - which is my kids.

The visa process - well, that you can all relate to. All of us are going through that trauma together. My I129F was filed in September and I'm hoping (hoping!!) that we can get the K1 visa and my honey can come to the US by June. That would make about 9-10 months. Longer than the supposed average of 6 months (thanks for nothing, NVC!! ). But not as bad as some (think of poor Sarah). I can deal with that.

My kids however - that's a really complicated situation. And I honestly don't know how it will ultimately play out. I am hopeful for the best, but bracing for disappointment.

I have 3 children aged 16,13,11. Two boys and a girl. They're wonderful, smart, friendly kids. They were born into a good family atmosphere. My first marriage was stable for many years. I was married for 17 years, and I would say that the first dozen or so were pretty good. The last 4-5 got progressively worse. I share the blame in that. It takes two to make a marriage work, and it takes two to wreck it. I have regrets, but I make no excuses for myself. I could have been a much better husband. She could have been a better wife. Let's leave it at that.

We separated and I moved out in the last year and a half before the divorce (we got divorced last summer). During the separation I never challenged my ex-wife (she was still my wife then) on anything. She had custody of the kids, I was paying the vast majority of my salary as 'child support' (basically - the monthly paycheck from my job would go into the bank, she would use it all, I was living off savings. Until my lawyer told me to start dipping into it as well, towards the end). In short, during the separation I wanted to either reconcile with her or if we were going to divorce - to do it amicably, out of court, and put the kids first, and our own needs first.

It didn't work out that way. She got very angry and vindictive. We wound up with expensive lawyers and a really bitter situation. Even then, I never tried to fight her or challenge her. I just wanted it to end, to get on with my life and let her get on with hers, and spare the kids from having to see us fight.

Part of our complication has always been geography. She (my ex) was born in Brazil, and her family lives in Brazil. I was born in the US and raised in Canada (hence 'uscandual' - US/Canadian dual). We met in Israel when we were both grad students there in the late 80s. After we got married, we kept bouncing around. She wanted to live in Israel. I would stick it out there for a few years, decide that I wasn't happy there and wanted to live in North America. She never liked living in Canada or the US and always wanted to return to Israel. So we moved back and forth between Israel, Toronto, Israel, California, Israel over the 17 year marriage. When we finally got divorced, we were living in Israel. As part of the divorce terms she wanted to return to Brazil, her native country, with the kids. She felt that she could get a job there (she wasn't working in Israel) and would have her family's support as a single mother. I wanted to leave Israel and come back to the US and restart my life here. So the agreement was that she would take the kids to Brazil and I would be in the US with visitation rights. I insisted in the agreement that I would have regular ongoing access to them via the Internet: email, chat, and particularly Skype with webcam. I am managing a long distance relationship to Thailand with my fiancee with those tools, so I felt that could also bridge the gap with my kids. They're not little babies any longer, and they're quite computer savvy. So I thought that would be an acceptable solution.

Well, it just hasn't been working out. It's going from bad to worse.

To start - I bought them a webcam in Israel last summer before they moved to Brazil. I wanted them to test it out in Israel before they left. She refused to allow them to do that. Initially (Aug-Oct), I had fairly regular phone & email contact with them (several times per week, I would say). But not one single webcam session. They "couldn't find" the webcam I gave them. Then I bought another one and mailed it to them. It "Never arrived" in the mail. You get the drift. Oh, then the phones. The kids had 2 cellphones between the 3 of them. For a few weeks I was able to call them. Then my ex got wind of that, and promptly changed the phone numbers, and instructed the kids not to give me the new numbers. And Skype - hah! They were under direct orders from their mom to leave their Skype disconnected, and even to remove me from their 'contacts' list, unless she gave them explicit approval to connect under her direct supervision. Which was at random, infrequent times that I could never schedule or anticipate in advance. Never mind two-three times per week, or even weekly. Weeks were going by with essentially no contact. That was during Nov-Dec.

In Dec, I was about to start my new job in the US, so I took a week before starting to work to fly to Brazil to see them. That was a great visit. I had a lovely time with them for about 5 days. There were constant annoyances in which she tried to interfere, but on the whole the visit was a success. I brought them a new laptop with a built in webcam. She refused to allow them to connect it to the Internet and use it to Skype with me. To the point of actually making my son cry when he pleaded with her, and she refused.

I came back to the US, started my job, and since that point there has been almost no contact at all.

In Feb they moved. Up until then (From July 2008-Feb09) they were living in my ex-mother in law's house. So I had the address and the home phone number. In Feb, I got a brief email from her (she has otherwise refused to contact me or speak to me at all, acting only through the kids). Her email said only that they moved. No new address was given. No home phone number. I don't know where they live. For a while, my oldest son would update his Facebook profile so I could see some of what he was doing. And he would respond to my PMs on Facebook. Now he has stopped doing that - he hasn't logged into FB in months apparently. My second son is the only one who makes some effort - I get an occasional email from him every so often , averaging perhaps 1 email every 2-3 weeks. They are never on Skype. Never on Yahoo messaging. I have no cell numbers to call them on. I've asked them to give me their address/phone number. They have not. I ask them if they think this situation is "acceptable" and "normal". They don't seem disturbed by it. They're not interested in challenging their mom about it.

At one point, I contacted the principal and the psychologist at their school in Brazil. I do have the phone/address of the school. The psychologist seemed willing to help me. A week later I got an email from my ex informing me that if I contact the school again, she will pull the kids out of the school. Then I got an earful from my kids pleading with me not to contact the school. I feel that I have every right to go through the school, but (a) I'm not sure what good it will do (b ) I don't want to make things even harder for the kids.

Since I returned from Brazil, I have had a handful of emails, and 2 Skype sessions with them, one in Feb and one in March. Both were (amazingly enough!) with the webcam on the new laptop. Apparently she was willing to let them use it for those 2 specific 1 hour sessions. She insisted that they go out onto the balcony of their apartment, with the camera pointed away from the interior of the home. Gawdforbid I should somehow see any of the interior of her apartment, as if I give a damn.

TWICE in 4 months I have spoken to my kids.

My daughter's birthday was in February. In December when I was in Brazil I bought her a digital camera as an early gift. I asked her to take pictures of her party with her new camera to share with me, she never sent any. I sent her a gift (balloons, chocolates, a card) to her grandmother's address - it was not delivered. I redirected the gift to the school. She got it through the school and told me I shouldn't send things there again.

My second son had his Bar Mitzvah a few weeks ago when he turned 13. This is an important celebration in our tradition, similar to a Catholic confirmation. It is a time of great rejoicing, or should be. Even before the divorce, when we were still in Israel and I discussed with my kids their new upcoming life in Brazil, I told my son that what I'd like to do was have TWO celebrations for his Bar Mitzvah. His mother would do one in Brazil in March on his birthday. And I would organize another one in July with my family in Israel (I have extended family there). He was really happy about that - two parties instead of one, what kid would refuse?? Anyway, SHE basically gave him an ultimatum: choose March in Brazil with her family, or July in Israel with mine. But not both. Again putting him on the spot. Notice the difference in our approaches: I am all in favor of his celebrating with his mother's family - I want him to have good contact with her and her family. But I want that for me too!! SHE is making a 13 year old kid choose between them. Needless to say, he chose her, and March. I had to tell my parents, brother, sister, cousins... the July celebration is off. They were all disappointed, and somewhat upset with me that I don't "fight for my rights" more assertively.

What am I supposed to do????? I have a divorce agreement from ISRAELI COURTS written in HEBREW. I live in the US. The kids are in BRAZIL, where the language is Portuguese, which I don't speak. I don't know anyone there. I actually went as far as finding 2 family law firms in Recife (her city) that were willing to take my case. It would involve translating the divorce agreement from Hebrew to Portuguese, submitting it to the supreme court in Brasilia (the capital) to be adjudicated as a binding document in the Brazilian system, and then using that to pursue my rights in Recife. All this would take many, many months and years, and many thousands of dollars. All with no guarantee of success. I may still pursue this path, but I basically backed down when I realized what I was up against.

Back to the Bar Mitzvah - I asked my son when it would be? The ritual part in the synagogue can only be done on certain days when the Torah is read - Monday or Thursday mornings, or on the Sabbath (Saturdays). He didn't want to tell me when it would be!!! I had to pry it out of him that it would be on a Thursday. That day I went to work, knowing that my son was 'becoming a man' and that I was not invited or welcome to participate, or even give him my wishes from afar. I felt horrible all day long.

It's now our Passover holiday. This is traditionally the holiday when family gets together and shares the ceremonial 'Seder' meal. My parents have come to my new home in Chicago to join me for it. I was so hopeful that my fiancee would have been here with me by now to meet my parents (she has meet my Mom but never my Dad) and to participate in our holiday. Unfortunately, NVC frustrated that plan. I was hopeful that my kids would be available on Skype during this week that my parents are here, so that they could see and interact with their grandparents. My son sent an email saying he hoped to be on Sunday evening. Last weekend I had Skype open all day long each day Sat/Sun. They never showed up. I sent them repeated emails, saying this weekend is the last chance for us to share some time together online during the Passover holiday before my parents return to Canada on Sunday. I've gotten no responses from them. They're not online.

Well, that's about it. I don't know what else to say. My hope is that perhaps over time they will change, she will change, something will change. At some point they will get older and decide how important is their relationship to their Dad. My oldest is 16, almost 17. He's a year away from college. He says he wants to study in Canada. He's absolutely brilliant - he's doing AP level courses in math and physics. He's a shoo in for any school he wants to go to. Perhaps when (if!!!) he leaves Brazil and comes to North America, the situation will improve. He has a lot of hostility, partly just usual teenager stuff (I remember myself at 16/17), partly his anger at his moronic parents who put him in this situation (I can't fault him there).

You hear all these stories about deadbeat dads who abandon their kids and don't want to know about them. I'm not saying I'm the world's greatest dad. Far from it!!! But - (a ) I prepaid the first 18 months of child support in advance!!! She's got all the money up to next March 2010, which is perhaps why she feels she can stick it to me now. What kind of deadbeat does that?? (b ) I'm making every effort to speak to my kids, to see them, to remain involved in their life, to remember birthdays and important events, to know what they're doing at school, to guide them as they approach university applications, to offer my support for their university studies.... I am hardly a bad dad, I think. And she is PURPOSEFULLY, MALICIOUSLY, preventing me from even the most basic contact with them. In FULL, FLAGRANT violation of the terms of our divorce agreement. And she has apparently co-opted the kids to see this as 'normal' and not something to struggle against. She was once the woman that I loved, that I thought I would share my life with. She then became a woman I felt sorry for, and wanted to encourage to pick up the pieces of her life post-divorce just as I was trying to do with mine. I don't think I can share my feelings about her right now. The language I would choose would not be family friendly.

I'm so happy I have my honey. She is my guiding strength through this. She knows my story, she has always counseled me to be patient, and to not lose hope. She is confident that I will not lose my kids. My family too is my rock. My parents, my brother, my sister. All are supportive of me. I couldn't do this without them.

As for me, I'm just waiting, I guess. Waiting for my honey to finally come from Thailand. Waiting for my kids to to return my efforts to stay in touch. And I fill my time. With work, which keeps me busy. And with VJ, which has completely addicted me of late. So if you think I'm obsessive with the "AP@NVC" statistics page I'm working on, that's probably true. But at least it lets me channel my time and energy into something more useful than moping about my loneliness for my honey and my kids.

Thanks for letting me vent.

UsCandual..read your story very moving...you are good Dad..remember do Good....Good thing will come to you..absolutely heart moving..story..God bless you..

[toddandhien 2]

hello all,

Initially, I started my journey posting questions about my K1 visa petition being too complicated as it is. The first post I had was about filing a K1 visa petition as soon as getting divorced. With it, after I stated my case, I got all the haters, without even thinking whats the real deal. Let me give you guys an idea on what was our situation before today.

.........

My STucked @ NVC family means alot to me. Thank you, thank you thank you.

OK. So a few days ago Luck-e and Kookie shared with us their story. Like them, I find VJ in general, and this thread in particular, to be a kind of 'home', with friendly and sympathetic folks. So I thought I'd share my story here as well. Sorry this is long, it's just a very complicated situation.

...

Thanks for letting me vent.

Ron,

Thanks for having the courage to share your remarkable story. Many can sympathize with you but I can relate as a divorced dad of 2 teenagers. My situation is incredibly simple in comparison with yours. I am lucky to live near my kids and see them regularly...which makes me feel such deep sorrow for you.

You really deserve a break but everyone keeps handing you delays. Waiting sucks but I know that you are very, very near the end of your Visa Journey!! She will be with you in a matter of weeks and at least part of your life can regain some stability.

Best of luck to you with everything. I REALLY hope that your son goes to school in Canada or the US so you two can re-connect!!

[caochi 0]

I suppose we better join this thread. London hadn't received our package and despite having a letter from NVC stating our petition was to be forwarded on.....

We are in administrative processing I am so upset right now.

I guess you could say....given when the letter was sent....that we have been in AP for 28 days now. Most of which i was completely oblivious there was any kind of problem. If they are going to hold your case up, you would think the least they could do is write a letter saying "hey we lied, sorry! We aren't forwarding your case on to the embassy, we are going to sit on it until we can be bothered to look at it...."

Welcome to our thread. This place will help you relieved and patient while stucking in NVC and you are going to get lots of infor needed to your case.