Serving Divorce/Annulment Papers...help!!!

[confuseddd 0]

I have filed an annulment with my local county court today and am ready to have my husband served with the papers. Only problem is how do I do this? He is very unstable and highly disagreeable with anything I say and I'm afraid that if I call him and say, "Hey so and so is going to meet up with you to give you the annulment papers." He's going to freak out and not agree to meet up with my friend.

Is it better to surprise him? If I'm going to surprise him, what is a good way to get him to meet someone to surprise him with the papers?

Do you think its better to pay someone to do it or have a friend who is available to? Do the people you pay help you find them as well? Are they costly?

I don't have his current address so surprising him randomly at home is not an option.

Please help!

[reeses16 8]

Hire someone to do it for you. If he is unstable you don't want the situation to escalate whether its you or a friend.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I have filed an annulment with my local county court today and am ready to have my husband served with the papers. Only problem is how do I do this? He is very unstable and highly disagreeable with anything I say and I'm afraid that if I call him and say, "Hey so and so is going to meet up with you to give you the annulment papers." He's going to freak out and not agree to meet up with my friend.

Is it better to surprise him? If I'm going to surprise him, what is a good way to get him to meet someone to surprise him with the papers?

Do you think its better to pay someone to do it or have a friend who is available to? Do the people you pay help you find them as well? Are they costly?

I don't have his current address so surprising him randomly at home is not an option.

Please help!

You cannot use a friend. You need to use a process server like the cop or someone paid to do that that is licensed

[JenT 0]

Agree..... talk to the people at the courthouse and find out who is qualified as a process server... it's their job to figure out how to find him, etc... If things are that contentious, don't try to warn him.

[caybee 21]

I have filed an annulment with my local county court today and am ready to have my husband served with the papers. Only problem is how do I do this? He is very unstable and highly disagreeable with anything I say and I'm afraid that if I call him and say, "Hey so and so is going to meet up with you to give you the annulment papers." He's going to freak out and not agree to meet up with my friend.

Is it better to surprise him? If I'm going to surprise him, what is a good way to get him to meet someone to surprise him with the papers?

Do you think its better to pay someone to do it or have a friend who is available to? Do the people you pay help you find them as well? Are they costly?

I don't have his current address so surprising him randomly at home is not an option.

Please help!

You cannot use a friend. You need to use a process server like the cop or someone paid to do that that is licensed

It may depend on the state, but in many cases, a friend can do it as long as an affidavit of service is signed. My ex didn't contest the divorce, and my attorney actually mailed him the paperwork and he signed and returned the affidavit of service (that was in SC). If you think he will fight this, though, and maybe try to claim that your friend never served him or you forged a signature, it might be better if a licensed process server or police officer serves him. It would also ensure that your friend didn't get caught by surprise if he is unstable.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I might have missed some discussion, but why, exactly, are you petitioning for Annulment rather than a simple divorce?

I have filed an annulment with my local county court today and am ready to have my husband served with the papers. Only problem is how do I do this? He is very unstable and highly disagreeable with anything I say and I'm afraid that if I call him and say, "Hey so and so is going to meet up with you to give you the annulment papers." He's going to freak out and not agree to meet up with my friend.

Is it better to surprise him? If I'm going to surprise him, what is a good way to get him to meet someone to surprise him with the papers?

Do you think its better to pay someone to do it or have a friend who is available to? Do the people you pay help you find them as well? Are they costly?

I don't have his current address so surprising him randomly at home is not an option.

Please help!

[desert_fox 32]

Agree..... talk to the people at the courthouse and find out who is qualified as a process server... it's their job to figure out how to find him, etc... If things are that contentious, don't try to warn him.

Certainly NOT their job and they basically could care less.

If you are using an attorney, they would know of all kinds of process servers that do it for a fee.l

[confuseddd 0]

You cannot use a friend. You need to use a process server like the cop or someone paid to do that that is licensed

Not true. Anyone who is not involved in the situation and over 18 can serve him, including a friend.

I might have missed some discussion, but why, exactly, are you petitioning for Annulment rather than a simple divorce

Because I can. I have proof of one of the reasons you need to be able to file an annulment so why not? If its not granted for whatever reason then I can switch it to a divorce and it will be granted whether my husband likes it or not.

In my state you have to prove one of the following:

1. petitioner's age at time of marriage

2. prior existence of marriage

3.unsound mind

4. fraud

5. force

or

6. physical incapacity

My question really wasn't if you think I am able to get an annulment or not. Or if you think I am allowed to have a friend do it or not. My question was HOW do I get them to do it? I do have a friend willing or I can pay someone if that is better. Which ever is easier and safer to get it done. I just don't know how they're going to find him so easily when I don't know his address and he is in another state now. That is what I'm really worried about. If I can't get him served it really creates an issue. Do I try to trick him into meeting up with someone? Or do i tell the truth and hope he will show up and accept the papers? Or do I need to do nothing and the process server handles it all? But how does that work? Some random man calls my husband and askes to meet him? It just seems really difficult. But I'll call and talk to one I guess.

And I did ask the court house yesterday when I was there. Desert Fox was right. She really didn't have an answer of what's best or who to suggest, especially since he's not in my state any longer.

Edited December 5, 2008 by confuseddd

[sus 70]

There are ways to serve him if you can't find him - most states have some provision for service by publication - Check your local rules.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I know you didn't but from prior posts it appeared that you believed the marriage was bonafide and were emotionally involved with him, but that his psychological state was causing issues in the marriage. Why would you think it appropriate to annul the marriage? The unsound mind that is cause for annulment, I believe, relates to someone that agreed to marry without the capacity to carry it out.

Frankly, I can empathize with your dilemma over what to do in your marriage, but I see it is quite callous to pursue the annulment...and strip him of any chances of remaining in the USA. Although I tend to believe from your earlier posts that he wouldn't anyway.

You cannot use a friend. You need to use a process server like the cop or someone paid to do that that is licensed

Not true. Anyone who is not involved in the situation and over 18 can serve him, including a friend.

I might have missed some discussion, but why, exactly, are you petitioning for Annulment rather than a simple divorce

Because I can. I have proof of one of the reasons you need to be able to file an annulment so why not? If its not granted for whatever reason then I can switch it to a divorce and it will be granted whether my husband likes it or not.

In my state you have to prove one of the following:

1. petitioner's age at time of marriage

2. prior existence of marriage

3.unsound mind

4. fraud

5. force

or

6. physical incapacity

My question really wasn't if you think I am able to get an annulment or not. Or if you think I am allowed to have a friend do it or not. My question was HOW do I get them to do it? I do have a friend willing or I can pay someone if that is better. Which ever is easier and safer to get it done. I just don't know how they're going to find him so easily when I don't know his address and he is in another state now. That is what I'm really worried about. If I can't get him served it really creates an issue. Do I try to trick him into meeting up with someone? Or do i tell the truth and hope he will show up and accept the papers? Or do I need to do nothing and the process server handles it all? But how does that work? Some random man calls my husband and askes to meet him? It just seems really difficult. But I'll call and talk to one I guess.

And I did ask the court house yesterday when I was there. Desert Fox was right. She really didn't have an answer of what's best or who to suggest, especially since he's not in my state any longer.

[confuseddd 0]

I know you didn't but from prior posts it appeared that you believed the marriage was bonafide and were emotionally involved with him, but that his psychological state was causing issues in the marriage. Why would you think it appropriate to annul the marriage? The unsound mind that is cause for annulment, I believe, relates to someone that agreed to marry without the capacity to carry it out.

Frankly, I can empathize with your dilemma over what to do in your marriage, but I see it is quite callous to pursue the annulment...and strip him of any chances of remaining in the USA. Although I tend to believe from your earlier posts that he wouldn't anyway

I did believe our marriage was bonafide at the time. It was on my end anyway! Maybe I was so in love and wanted it to work so badly that my better judgement was clouded? There are so many more awful issues I have not addressed here on VJ that cause me to believe I have cause for an annulment for one, possibly two of the reasons applicable for an annulment. I have reasons and proof of that but I will not disclose of them here. Why would he want to stay in the US when all he did was say how awful it is here and how much BETTER his country is? He has always told me over and over again if we split he would immediately return to his country. We have been separated for a little while now. Has he gone home? NO. I believe now he's changed his tune. Surprise, surprise! When we spoke recently, I offered to buy him a ticket home and he refused. There is just so, so much more I don't choose to post here but believe me, DM, there are really sound reasons to why I am doing what I am doing. And if an annulment takes away his chances of staying here, it will be best for my safety and the safety of others living in this country.

On another note, I've decided calling a process server is my best route. I don't want to possibly endanger any of my friends even if it were in a public place. I will also check into what SUS said about provision for service by publication but I don't believe that's possible as there is a paper to fill out that the person serving him must sign that says the date, time, and location of when it was served to my husband.

Thanks for the input everyone.

Edited December 5, 2008 by confuseddd

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I see. But I can assure you that an annulment is quite difficult to secure and may prolong the entir process for you, nevermind for your husband.

Incorrect. Service by publication IS service for individuals of unknown whereabouts. It just takes a little longer, that's all.

I know you didn't but from prior posts it appeared that you believed the marriage was bonafide and were emotionally involved with him, but that his psychological state was causing issues in the marriage. Why would you think it appropriate to annul the marriage? The unsound mind that is cause for annulment, I believe, relates to someone that agreed to marry without the capacity to carry it out.

Frankly, I can empathize with your dilemma over what to do in your marriage, but I see it is quite callous to pursue the annulment...and strip him of any chances of remaining in the USA. Although I tend to believe from your earlier posts that he wouldn't anyway

I did believe our marriage was bonafide at the time. It was on my end anyway! Maybe I was so in love and wanted it to work so badly that my better judgement was clouded? There are so many more awful issues I have not addressed here on VJ that cause me to believe I have cause for an annulment for one, possibly two of the reasons applicable for an annulment. I have reasons and proof of that but I will not disclose of them here. Why would he want to stay in the US when all he did was say how awful it is here and how much BETTER his country is? He has always told me over and over again if we split he would immediately return to his country. We have been separated for a little while now. Has he gone home? NO. I believe now he's changed his tune. Surprise, surprise! When we spoke recently, I offered to buy him a ticket home and he refused. There is just so, so much more I don't choose to post here but believe me, DM, there are really sound reasons to why I am doing what I am doing. And if an annulment takes away his chances of staying here, it will be best for my safety and the safety of others living in this country.

On another note, I've decided calling a process server is my best route. I don't want to possibly endanger any of my friends even if it were in a public place. I will also check into what SUS said about provision for service by publication but I don't believe that's possible as there is a paper to fill out that the person serving him must sign that says the date, time, and location of when it was served to my husband.

Thanks for the input everyone.

[confuseddd 0]

Well my lawyer said it was pretty cut and dry as long as he doesn't contest it. And if he does, I will file a divorce instead. Either way I'll be separated from him once and for all and can finally heal.

[Old Dominion 26]

Yes, mermaid, in some states an annulment IS more difficult to obtain. In others, not so.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Dominion,

I'm a mermaid not a dolphin. You do so like riding my tail, don't you?

The OP has been married almost a year. An annulment after such a period of time will be very difficult. Especially, if what has been shared here in her posts is the essence of the grounds she is pursuing. Yes, no doubt her husband has psychological issues. Perhaps issues that he failed to disclose, but in California in order to declare marriage nullity, one would have to prove one of the following:

Incest, Bigamy, Underage, Prior Existing Marriage or Prior Existing Domestic Partnership are fairly easy to understand: Unsound Mind: unsound mind means a spouse or partner could not and has not formed the intent to marry or registered due to a mental condition. Fraud: fraud means deception regarding a significant matter that led to the marriage or the partnership and continued until the breakup. Force: force means threats or acts of harm were used to force one spouse or partner into the marriage or domestic partnership. Incapacity: incapacity means a spouse or partner was and continues to be physically unable to consummate the marriage or partnership.

Yes, mermaid, in some states an annulment IS more difficult to obtain. In others, not so.