Is there such a thing as visiting too much?

[Emancipation 2]

Well... I came home a bit melancholy from my visit home this past weekend.. We were home 4x's this year.. once in March, once in July, once in Sept, and once in Nov. Now before you all jump on me about how lucky I am.. let me say that I think perhaps it was one too many trips. I dunno.. this trip it was hard to say goodbye, hard to leave my mum, hard to be back there, and have all the things I once had again. I played with my old band this past weekend, had a family gathering and spent time with friends, and I cried bitterly when I left. Now that I'm home, I'm talking loads about Canada, and feel weird all over again.. I dunno.. I think I may have over done it.

The other 3 times this year I felt okay.. I was glad to be home here in CT, glad to "feel" like I was home when we crossed the border... this time of course I'm glad to be back, but I guess I just feel like I wish I had never gone this last time. It was painful, and to see my mother so broken when I left, she cried bitterly this time, almost was as bad as when I left 1 1/2 yrs ago for the 1st time. *sigh.. who knew almost 2 years later it would be just as hard..

Edited December 3, 2008 by Emancipation

[Sprailenes 47]

Hmm I don't know, I don't think theres ever too much when it comes to family and visiting. That being said what made this visit different? Sometimes are easier than others, maybe this was one of those off times. I think the fact that you had so much fun with this visit made it even harder to say goodbye, especially with a family gathering.

When I went to Canada for our family reunion it was extra hard leaving and saying good bye to everyone whose time that I once took for granted. Before that I could leave, sure I was sad but not as sad as I was in prior visits. This next visit home may be a sad one though, it'll be Christmas plus my friends are throwing me a party so yea its gonna be tough to say goodbye to all of them and my family.

[Krikit 1,164]

Hmm. Sometimes goodbyes are harder than other times. I always find it depends where I am on the monthly emotional fragility scale and what's going on at the time. Lately I have been thinking more and more of moving back. We'll see what happens.

As an observation, I remember my Mum having strong periods of wanting to move back home to England. It took her many many years for her to get past that. I also remember one of my co-workers constantly talking about moving back to England. Finally she did just that. Sold her home and moved everything lock stock and barrell back home. She was back within two years. Couldn't take it. Mind you, we're talking about Canada here... not the US. lol

[Carlawarla 1]

Awww sorry E that this was so hard for you this time. I think people are different. (what, really?!!) haha Anyway, I think for some, frequent visits are what's needed, others, not as many. Depending on your emotions at the time, hormones, what you did while you were there, gosh, maybe even the season has led to your feeling different this time, or feeling more depressed than usual.

I think we all have good days and sad ones (note I didn't say bad, I said sad). Make sure you're eating good, getting fresh air and sunshine, and that you take care of yourself when you're grieving like this.

Holidays I think are especially rough.

Hope my words provided some measure of worth. I hurt when you hurt.

[Emancipation 2]

Thanks so much gals.. it really could be the time of year.. 14 years ago on Monday my father dropped dead while playing hockey.. the week surrounding that date I usually am out of whack.. This trip was just painful, I don't know how else to describe it.. *sigh..

I appreciate your kind assuring words more than you know guys.. This Christmas will be tough on us as we don't have the $$ to go anywhere, so we'll be stuck away from family.. I'm really not looking forward to that too.. perhaps that was part of my frustration too I dunno

[Carlawarla 1]

Thanks so much gals.. it really could be the time of year.. 14 years ago on Monday my father dropped dead while playing hockey.. the week surrounding that date I usually am out of whack.. This trip was just painful, I don't know how else to describe it.. *sigh..

I appreciate your kind assuring words more than you know guys.. This Christmas will be tough on us as we don't have the $$ to go anywhere, so we'll be stuck away from family.. I'm really not looking forward to that too.. perhaps that was part of my frustration too I dunno

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. I knew he had passed, but I didn't know how close it was to the holiday season, or how sudden it was. Hugs.

Yes, Christmas is usually when we like to be with family, but being together with your husband, and you two now make a family, filled with love is more than so many people have. We too are your "family", and we're here for you!

[Emancipation 2]

Thanks so much gals.. it really could be the time of year.. 14 years ago on Monday my father dropped dead while playing hockey.. the week surrounding that date I usually am out of whack.. This trip was just painful, I don't know how else to describe it.. *sigh..

I appreciate your kind assuring words more than you know guys.. This Christmas will be tough on us as we don't have the $$ to go anywhere, so we'll be stuck away from family.. I'm really not looking forward to that too.. perhaps that was part of my frustration too I dunno

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. I knew he had passed, but I didn't know how close it was to the holiday season, or how sudden it was. Hugs.

Yes, Christmas is usually when we like to be with family, but being together with your husband, and you two now make a family, filled with love is more than so many people have. We too are your "family", and we're here for you!

Carla you are wonderful.. thanks for so much understanding and thoughtfulness..

[thetreble 19]

Thanks so much gals.. it really could be the time of year.. 14 years ago on Monday my father dropped dead while playing hockey.. the week surrounding that date I usually am out of whack.. This trip was just painful, I don't know how else to describe it.. *sigh..

I appreciate your kind assuring words more than you know guys.. This Christmas will be tough on us as we don't have the $$ to go anywhere, so we'll be stuck away from family.. I'm really not looking forward to that too.. perhaps that was part of my frustration too I dunno

EEEEEEE- I just want to send a big hug your way. The comments here are all really great. Some times I feel REALLY low after I come back, and some times I seem to be okay. It all depends on my emotional state and what's going on with me.

The VP in my office always preaches a motto of "Family First". I think seeing your mum as much as possible is good. We all need that. I wouldn't lessen the amount of time because you aren't sure how you feel when you come back here to the US.

About your dad, I'm terribly sorry. My nan is dead now 19 years and my mum has really never gotten over it. I know she is more than emotional around the time of her death. I can't give you any advice on loss until I experience it myself. But I do wish you warm thoughts and hopefully ones too.

[trailmix 77]

Aww Em, i'm sorry you are sad. It must be really tough.

I agree that it may be more about the time of year and how you are feeling rather than frequency of visits, when you are feeling more chirpy you will know this (because the alternative is fewer visits and then you would be the anti-chirpy!)

[Brian and Jenn 0]

Emanicipation,

I am sorry to hear about the trip being so hard to go back.

It will be 2 years in a few months since I have seen any friends or family in Canada and it has been very difficult at times. Especially as Christmas approaches. I think if I were to go for vacation there I too would have a hard time saying 'goodbye'.

[Krikit 1,164]

Thanks so much gals.. it really could be the time of year.. 14 years ago on Monday my father dropped dead while playing hockey.. the week surrounding that date I usually am out of whack.. This trip was just painful, I don't know how else to describe it.. *sigh..

Okay. That makes sense. For years and years and years my Mum would get very emotional around Christmas because that is when her father died. In fact, one year my sister got sent to family in England and my brother and I were sent to family in Vancouver to live for a while. She was going through some pretty difficult times. When the anniversary of my first husband's death and his birthday (he died a couple of weeks past his 31st birthday) and our anniversary comes around, I do get very melancholy and introspective.

Anyway..... ((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))) to you, Michelle. We know how hard it is for you. (F) (F)

Oh! Here's a plan! I have to be at my inlaws and I freaking HATE going to my inlaws. At 7:00pm on Christmas Day I will sneak away to my room and have a glass of wine to you and me! (My inlaws don't have alcohol in the house so I always bring a bottle with me and my husband, SIL and I always gather there afterwards. )

[Emancipation 2]

Oh! Here's a plan! I have to be at my inlaws and I freaking HATE going to my inlaws. At 7:00pm on Christmas Day I will sneak away to my room and have a glass of wine to you and me! (My inlaws don't have alcohol in the house so I always bring a bottle with me and my husband, SIL and I always gather there afterwards. )

Excellent plan.. tee hee.. I appreciate you guys so much.. *sigh.. what would I do with out my CDN VJ Peeps?

GROUP HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MrsCat 6]

Hugs to you Em at this tough time of the year