advice needed

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I m having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit with my baby dying and I know I need to for the other kids ( have a holiday) My mom is trying to send me a wreath, a tree.. I actually do eid... but christmas seems to be really important to her. My son needs a tree

Should I let her send a natural tree

Or a smaller tree to put in my sons room?

I just cant as hard as I try make myself want to do much for christmas inside my house although I feel ok about acknowledging x mas and going to a luncheon or something or having some decorations up. Christmas is super important to my mom although my babys recent death is making me not even want to be with family at xmas

What can I do to get past this?

[brnidokiegurl 0]

say ty to your mom and make your son happy

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

say ty to your mom and make your son happy

I agree. I just feel like I want to try to fly over December and wake up In january. I did ok at thanksgiving but I knew i was in trouble last night when I heard christmas songs last night in the store and almost started crying. I feel like I am holding it together but I just am not looking foward to christmas as hard as I am trying to get there

[brnidokiegurl 0]

my gmom died in a december, my dad went to the hospital in a december to die in a january we all have things in the past to remind of this time, alot have a hard time, my mom is one of them due to remembering her mom and her husband, life has a way of going on if you let it. Now your kids are young allow them this time to have memories so they wont carry this thru with them

[Muh and me 18]

Kat, I know what you are saying about fllying over December, my son died the day after my birthday, 9 days before Christmas it will be 21 years this year. And its still hard at times. But to apease your son, do the tree thing and make him happy!

[nunyab 0]

My suggestion is what type of memories would you like your son to have of his mom during this time??? Hard or not it's about him right now yes?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Kat, I know what you are saying about fllying over December, my son died the day after my birthday, 9 days before Christmas it will be 21 years this year. And its still hard at times. But to apease your son, do the tree thing and make him happy!

I will do a tree of course.. I just wish I could fly over December. I just wish I didnt have this choking sense of panic over the holidays. Its turned worse just as I started feeling a little better.. I was feeling better and as christmas is approaching I am sliding back..I have christmas shows on all day and I have a sparkley fiber optic snow man up and I know I have to do the tree thing...Its a lot easier to describe this stuff than do it. My asthma coming back real hard may have something to do with itl.. I don tknow

[Aymsgirl 0]

Kat, do it for the kids!!! It gives him a peace of mind to know that you are trying to make things somewhat normal for him. I've been reading your posts lately and it seems like you are really trying to cope. I'm proud of you for this. Try and occupy yourself and keep in good spirits for the kids.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

My suggestion is what type of memories would you like your son to have of his mom during this time??? Hard or not it's about him right now yes?

Thats what I keep telling myself and I have told other friends of mine who have lost children that i talk to that we have to all pull it together but its alot easier said than done. I got it together as far as general living.. its the holidays that are really surprising me.. Like everywhere I go I wish my baby was with us and I feel an empty space. I have to accept his death and with the gravestone is up., its helping.. I just wish I could fly over the holidays.. I know I have to do this for him...and it is about him and my little girl...We are doing EID and christmas so this month wil be fun for them. I know I know... its still hard though inside because I have to bottle up stuff...

My daughter and I are watching the Santa Clause 2.. There are lots of fun movies on and I need to get into things for them.. With my husband gone, i have had alot more time to reflect on things...

Eid will be here a week from Monday

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Kat, do it for the kids!!! It gives him a peace of mind to know that you are trying to make things somewhat normal for him. I've been reading your posts lately and it seems like you are really trying to cope. I'm proud of you for this. Try and occupy yourself and keep in good spirits for the kids.

I am trying to cope. I got my kids up and out for thanksgiving. We visited the baby in the cemetary because my son really wants to go as much as we can. I still havent developed his pictures that I have ( that sit in 3 cameras) because I am afraid Ill break down. I am working. I have been selling and will finally have paychecks in December ( I have had one big one in June.. then only one paycheck of 400 since then so I am behind in everything) But these paychecks coming will catch me up a great deal and then tax time is right around the corner and hopefully Ill get a nice check. Or at least wont get hit too hard with taxes.He hasnt missed a day of school and neither has his sister and he is doing sports and events and band things. We are doing things.. I just sometimes get moments in the day that I WANNA RUN AWAY instead of facing everything.. But I cant. So I face things...

I am just trying to think about things to distract myself

[amal 4]

I say....decorate your house to the 9's and show your baby boy in heaven that he has a strong mama. Make the decorations for him, that's what I'd do. Every light that you display is a signal to his spirit of how much you love him. I know that sounds silly but many ppl have done this for the holidays and it really has helped them to get through it with a much happier mental state.

Put that tree up. Celebrate like no other year. Give the kids a Christmas they'll never forget. This will help you to pull out of your sadness (if only a little bit).

amal

[sweet_peach 0]

I say....decorate your house to the 9's and show your baby boy in heaven that he has a strong mama. Make the decorations for him, that's what I'd do. Every light that you display is a signal to his spirit of how much you love him. I know that sounds silly but many ppl have done this for the holidays and it really has helped them to get through it with a much happier mental state.

Put that tree up. Celebrate like no other year. Give the kids a Christmas they'll never forget. This will help you to pull out of your sadness (if only a little bit).

amal

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Just to add one thing to this:

I would also take the kids to the store and let them pick out an ornament for him. This will be a special reminder each year.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

My father died 10 yrs ago in Oct from cancer. Every Oct -Dec is hard for me bcz hes not here. Adams father died Dec 2006, his grandfather died Dec 2007. Sometimes the holidays can make people sad for their loss in life, but I always try to bring my thoughts back to the reason of celebrating Christmas and that is for the gift of Life. Life for those who are still living and life for those who need a hope in life. Keep celebrating life no matter what. Thats what gets me thru the holidays. ~Life~

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I say....decorate your house to the 9's and show your baby boy in heaven that he has a strong mama. Make the decorations for him, that's what I'd do. Every light that you display is a signal to his spirit of how much you love him. I know that sounds silly but many ppl have done this for the holidays and it really has helped them to get through it with a much happier mental state.

Put that tree up. Celebrate like no other year. Give the kids a Christmas they'll never forget. This will help you to pull out of your sadness (if only a little bit).

amal

Today they are both home with colds and we will go to the pediatric office today at 4. I agree with what you are saying. I need to get things up... I kind of go foward then do really good , then sniff sniff backward, then panic attack, then good again. If I was strong I dont even think I would be panicking like I am. These kids are amazing. They are what is saving me, not me them I think. The kids are fun and give me alot of comfort. I cant really describe how weird all of this is to be happy and sad at all the same time..

[amal 4]

I say....decorate your house to the 9's and show your baby boy in heaven that he has a strong mama. Make the decorations for him, that's what I'd do. Every light that you display is a signal to his spirit of how much you love him. I know that sounds silly but many ppl have done this for the holidays and it really has helped them to get through it with a much happier mental state.

Put that tree up. Celebrate like no other year. Give the kids a Christmas they'll never forget. This will help you to pull out of your sadness (if only a little bit).

amal

Today they are both home with colds and we will go to the pediatric office today at 4. I agree with what you are saying. I need to get things up... I kind of go foward then do really good , then sniff sniff backward, then panic attack, then good again. If I was strong I dont even think I would be panicking like I am. These kids are amazing. They are what is saving me, not me them I think. The kids are fun and give me alot of comfort. I cant really describe how weird all of this is to be happy and sad at all the same time..

That's very understandable. It is perfectly ok to move forward and fall back every once-in-a-while. That's the way the body learns to cope so it sounds like you are right on target. Slowly, the good days will overtake the bad days.

I loved the idea of letting the kids pick out an ornament for him. What a wonderful way to celebrate his life!