What Is The Secret To A Strong & Good Marriage/Relationship?

[jom 4]

Dont just take and take. . it has to be give and take.

[gensdad515 2]

Alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

Platy yo beat me to it. hahaha

People think relationships are easy, with that happily ever after crud. Relationships take a lot of effort , a lot of compromise. Like everything in life you have to work at it, not bail out when things are not going well. Yes you have to have respect, a lot of communication and be prepared to compromise.

Try to put yourself in the other persons shoes and try to see why they are feeling what they are feeling. Just my 2 cents. Jorge

[*JG* 2]

Dont just take and take. . it has to be give and take.

Yeah, but also don't allow someone else to just take and take either.

You have to find your balance and go with it. There is no cookie cutter marriage design out there to follow.

[solsoeur 0]

Thanks guys, keep them coming.

The comments I have heard from previous relationships have been that I don't know how to say sorry, but very quick to expect the same. I also don't seem to totaly commit to my relationships and always teeter, ready to give up at any time. I am working on both of these issues.

I am divorced and this will be my 2nd marriage after being divorced for nearly 9 years I have learned to not expect from ANYONE what I am not willing to give myself. If you go through life with that philosophy you can't go wrong. It works in all relationship dynamics. If I am not willing to give it myself I don't expect it from others. A lot of people conduct their relationships in a selfish manner and I think that this is the reason a lot of relationships fail. If you want compassion be compassionate, forgiveness be forgiving, etc etc Just remember the golden rule and everything else will fall in line. Oh yeah and keep the communication open. Listen and understand don't just listen enough so that you have a comeback. LOL (I do that) Good luck Shaunsgal

Edited November 30, 2008 by solsoeur

[solsoeur 0]

Thanks guys, keep them coming.

The comments I have heard from previous relationships have been that I don't know how to say sorry, but very quick to expect the same. I also don't seem to totaly commit to my relationships and always teeter, ready to give up at any time. I am working on both of these issues.

Glad to hear you are working on those two. They were at the top of my list when I read your initial post. There are challenges to any marriage, so the need for a long-term commitment/sacred covenant. Too many people say "I'm not happy. Good-bye". That's pure selfishness. Respect is also high on my list. After nearly thirty years we have learned to enjoy our differences, except when I don't like the way he does things We are planning my parents 60th wedding anniversary celebration. Perhaps you should ask them. They seem to become happier with each passing year.

Thai Mom

I feel this is how it should be you should get happier and happier not more miserable with each passing year. Marriage is work but the rewards outweigh the effort if you are really committed to the covenant of marriage.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Dont just take and take. . it has to be give and take.

Yeah, but also don't allow someone else to just take and take either.

You have to find your balance and go with it. There is no cookie cutter marriage design out there to follow.

this is true

[^KK^ 3]

Don't compare your marriage (or your spouse for that matter) to anyone else's marriage. You married your SO for a reason. He/she may not be like your best girlfriend's spouse, but you chose to love and marry him anyway. Also, know when to take a step back to collect your thoughts, so that hurtful words are not spoken too often (this is SUCH a challenge for me!). Meet your spouse where he/she is at: meaning, you can't make him/her do anything that you want them to, or make them be who you want them to be. Allow your SO to grow and evolve as a person in their own time, because if you try to rush or force it when they are not ready---it will only create tension and resentment in your marriage.

Preach it Mrs. Palmer!!!!

[dancehallquana 5]

this was a good post shaunsgirl!!!..

i am about to be divorced and am scared to death to enter into another marriage that doesnt' work. i left my first marriage and although my ex has a different opinion, i don't think that i ran away. i think i did give my marriage a chance but some things just don't work. i too hope I am able to find the right mate and the right recipe for a LASTING marriage..

[Ryon4life 0]

Thanks guys, keep them coming.

The comments I have heard from previous relationships have been that I don't know how to say sorry, but very quick to expect the same. I also don't seem to totaly commit to my relationships and always teeter, ready to give up at any time. I am working on both of these issues.

The therapist in me would want to explore why you are unable to give yourself completely to anyone...what are you afraid of? Losing control? Past experiences (and not just romantic relationships) with loss or lack of security...I really could go on and on, but I won't...until those issues are fully dealt with, then it will continue to be a problem...even in this marriage. Good luck to you!

Shaunsgal

I can definitely relate to you

this is the my first relationship where I am totally committed. I hate that it is a LDR but here I am in love and ready to close my eyes so he can catch me if I fall.

I understand about lack of control, feelings of security and not saying your sorry when the words are on the tip on of tongue! TRUST

once you get pass ALL that OLD baggage, the relationship will be wonderful and you will see things differently. You will start to get the LOVE and HUSBAND that is for you.

BUT more importantly - the answer to your question is SEX and more SEX,

Stay connected to husband

and if he dosen't want SEX (kick his azz!)

[brownnskinn 0]

Don't compare your marriage (or your spouse for that matter) to anyone else's marriage. You married your SO for a reason. He/she may not be like your best girlfriend's spouse, but you chose to love and marry him anyway. Also, know when to take a step back to collect your thoughts, so that hurtful words are not spoken too often (this is SUCH a challenge for me!). Meet your spouse where he/she is at: meaning, you can't make him/her do anything that you want them to, or make them be who you want them to be. Allow your SO to grow and evolve as a person in their own time, because if you try to rush or force it when they are not ready---it will only create tension and resentment in your marriage.

Say, say it!!!...to add..Be slow to speak, quick to listen. What is said is not usually heard or understood esp when there are cultural differences. Someone else said it communication is the key! And above all else..keep God first -realize he is the key to your happiness and everything else falls in place!

[Mononoke28 135]

To me, a successful marriage is like a successful path to weight loss It sounds funny but it is. Every time you feel like you want to give up for whatever reason, give yourself time to think and see the pros and cons of the situation. Then if no boundaries were crossed, go back and keep going. You gotta keep going and never give up, perseverance is key. Now, if there is some abuse involved, then by all means pack your bags and never look back. Other than that, keep going and work at it. It's not easy and I hate it when people say that they don't want to be in relationships that need work, then by all means stay single all your life because you'll never find such relationship.

Also, listen, respect one another, and never raise your voice or use insults to make a point.

I also don't believe in that never go to bed angry #######, that's too old school for me to use. I've never felt the need to kiss and make up when I'm still upset at something before going to bed. But I've found out that after a nice restful sleep, I forget about almost anything when I wake up and that's when we make up.

Diana

Edited December 9, 2008 by Mononoke28

[EstebanTrabajos 7]

To me, a successful marriage is like a successful path to weight loss It sounds funny but it is. Every time you feel like you want to give up for whatever reason, give yourself time to think and see the pros and cons of the situation. Then if no boundaries were crossed, go back and keep going. You gotta keep going and never give up, perseverance is key. Now, if there is some abuse involved, then by all means pack your bags and never look back. Other than that, keep going and work at it. It's not easy and I hate it when people say that they don't want to be in relationships that need work, then by all means stay single all your life because you'll never find such relationship.

Also, listen, respect one another, and never raise your voice or use insults to make a point.

I also don't believe in that never go to bed angry #######, that's too old school for me to use. I've never felt the need to kiss and make up when I'm still upset at something before going to bed. But I've found out that after a nice restful sleep, I forget about almost anything when I wake up and that's when we make up.

Diana

word, i don't get that stupid advice, like you need to be pushed to solve those issues before going to bed, my behind, everybody needs X amount of time to get some air and forgive.

Edited December 9, 2008 by TävôLuDô

[Marlita 0]

To me, a successful marriage is like a successful path to weight loss It sounds funny but it is. Every time you feel like you want to give up for whatever reason, give yourself time to think and see the pros and cons of the situation. Then if no boundaries were crossed, go back and keep going. You gotta keep going and never give up, perseverance is key. Now, if there is some abuse involved, then by all means pack your bags and never look back. Other than that, keep going and work at it. It's not easy and I hate it when people say that they don't want to be in relationships that need work, then by all means stay single all your life because you'll never find such relationship.

Also, listen, respect one another, and never raise your voice or use insults to make a point.

I also don't believe in that never go to bed angry #######, that's too old school for me to use. I've never felt the need to kiss and make up when I'm still upset at something before going to bed. But I've found out that after a nice restful sleep, I forget about almost anything when I wake up and that's when we make up.

Diana

word, i don't get that stupid advice, like you need to be pushed to solve those issues before going to bed, my behind, everybody needs X amount of time to get some air and forgive.

haha!

So true. I dont believe in that make up before sleep stuff either. Sometimes I just need to go to sleep and wake up in a rested state of mind to think clearly about a situation. I really dont have much other advice for a lasting relationship....however I just saw the 20/20 special with Will Smith and they were talking about him being married in Hollywood for so long and him and his wife looking happy. He said that his marriage has had as many ups and downs as anyones and that it has always taken work and effort to maintain, but him and his wife are in the marriage with the notion that "divorce is NOT an option". So it seems like they just work harder to maintain it rather than giving themselves an out by throwing the 'D' word around as soon as the going gets tough. I think once the "D' word is thrown around in a marriage it makes it that much easier to eventually get one....its a hard term to overcome once its been said.

[Forever Young 1]

Hi Shaunsgirl,

This is also my 2nd marriage. I takes patience, trust & communication. In addition we are absolutely committed to making this marriage work.

I also know that I am not perfect. So I look inward to see what I can change next time...because basically the only person I can truly change is myself. Remind yourself why you decided to marry this man.

For me even my VJ name reminds me every day that this marriage is til death do us part...period. (My husband's last name is Young.)

Good luck to you both and don't forget to pray! All is possible through him!

Bless-ed,

Gill

[Loolie 56]

For you to have a good relationship is just simply love each other flaws and all and evrything will follow..