How do your parents/family take it?

[adiiann 163]

Heya everyone

I was just wondering of the beneficiaries... how do your parents/family take it when you tell them that you're leaving to the US? Do they take it in good stride or do they object?? I'm just wondering how I should talk to my parents about it :/ They basically told me to think it over carefully coz they don't want me to regret in the future. They want to make sure that I'm totally serious about it. They're also very worried about me not getting a job over there since the economy is not looking good... I'm working as an engineer in the oil & gas industry at the moment...

Anyways, I would like to know your stories... how do you cope with leaving your family and how do they take it?

Thanks

I was not thinking yet of marrying him in our early stage of our relationship even though I love him because I am also a career-oriented person, I am an engineer working in power industry. And marriage for me that time is out of my concern. I enjoy our relationship. Then he met my family, and they all love him because he is so sweet and charming. After his first visit, and went back to US, I felt so very sad and feeling empty. Even though we talked everyday, it seems not enough to conquer my longing for him that's why I decided to get my graduate studies so that I will not miss him much. Then, on his second visit, he proposed to me. I didn't told my family I am moving to US but I told them we're engage. They didn't say anything about it, and I didn't discuss it to them. It takes time for me to open again about my plans on getting married, and thank goodness that everything went well. They didn't object or say okay to my plan leaving to US. All I hear from them are advices. Maybe because I am old enough to know what is right or wrong and they see how happy I am with my man.

[DanielParul 50]

I was in England when we started talking and when I told my parents in India about him, they thought I was joking and said they will be happy to meet him. So Daniel called them and they realised he was an actual person and my dad called me later and told me to stop talking to him coz he was only going to use me and that he was probably a psycho. When they found out that we were still talking, my parents told me to chose between them and him coz there was no way they were going to accept him in the family. So I came to India and Daniel came too to meet them and the first couple of days were really bad coz they were not talking but slowly they opened up to him and before leaving my mum even said that she's going to miss him (coz he stayed in the house). Thats that and everything worked out just fine.

My parents did not have anything against him but just the thought of me going so far away scared them (they coolly forgot that I was in England anyways and not staying with them) specially coz he was a stranger. Now he's the best and they love him...

[Mary Lou 681]

I will speak for Kai

His mom thinks I am using him (even though I AM THE SPONSER and have a good job) She also says I am a phase and he will be back in a month once he is here (mind you she said the same thing when he came to be with me for those 3 months) She says I am stealing HER son (even though he is an adult) His dad and mom both did everything they could to break us up for over a year THEN gave up. HE has stopped talking to them about me and tells them WHEN they ask * so you moving in with that ####### american..* he tells them to knock it off and YES he is..deal with it..accept it because we are getting married and it is his life. His mom will cry saying WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

HE will tell her NO I am NOT doing this to you, I am doing this FOR ME. I love her I have for a long time so you will ACCEPT it or lose me.

His father has threaten to beat him in the past and treat him horribly (yes I saw it on the webcam and heard it all.

NOW though it has been quiet..his dad is NOW accepting it...his mom wont every do it

IN THE END ITS ABOUT HIM AND I not his family or mine.

Remember that its YOUR lives...not your family....in the end its about you and your SO

It is their issue..not YOURS

PS we been together 2.5 years now

I had to reply to the bolded above. I am the petitioner as well. When my mother in law is here she tells everyone and anyone who will listen, that im her daughter in law, who stole her son from her and broke her heart. At first it was funny, now im annoyed, seeing as we have been together 4yrs.

[Scott & LC 3]

I will speak for Kai

His mom thinks I am using him (even though I AM THE SPONSER and have a good job) She also says I am a phase and he will be back in a month once he is here (mind you she said the same thing when he came to be with me for those 3 months) She says I am stealing HER son (even though he is an adult) His dad and mom both did everything they could to break us up for over a year THEN gave up. HE has stopped talking to them about me and tells them WHEN they ask * so you moving in with that ####### american..* he tells them to knock it off and YES he is..deal with it..accept it because we are getting married and it is his life. His mom will cry saying WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

HE will tell her NO I am NOT doing this to you, I am doing this FOR ME. I love her I have for a long time so you will ACCEPT it or lose me.

His father has threaten to beat him in the past and treat him horribly (yes I saw it on the webcam and heard it all.

NOW though it has been quiet..his dad is NOW accepting it...his mom wont every do it

IN THE END ITS ABOUT HIM AND I not his family or mine.

Remember that its YOUR lives...not your family....in the end its about you and your SO

It is their issue..not YOURS

PS we been together 2.5 years now

I had to reply to the bolded above. I am the petitioner as well. When my mother in law is here she tells everyone and anyone who will listen, that im her daughter in law, who stole her son from her and broke her heart. At first it was funny, now im annoyed, seeing as we have been together 4yrs.

Gosh... I'm really sorry to hear both experiences it's just so hard to accept something out of the norm sometimes... especially when it's a long distance relationship... i mean, think about the olden days, there's hardly an LDR because internet did not exist then. So i guess it's very hard for parents to cope with that if their thinking is too conventional... I hope to talk to my parents about it and make them understand that this is the road that i'm gonna take.

*hope you guys could get along better with your parents in law in the future* it takes time... *hugs*

[Old Dominion 26]

Regarding the job market here, once you have your work permit you "should" be able to re-enter your field of endeavor because the oil and gas industries are not cutting back (yet). It depends on where you live. Also, academic credentials from southeast Asian countries are not necessarily valid in the U.S. if your job requires a particular degree or certification.

[Scott & LC 3]

Regarding the job market here, once you have your work permit you "should" be able to re-enter your field of endeavor because the oil and gas industries are not cutting back (yet). It depends on where you live. Also, academic credentials from southeast Asian countries are not necessarily valid in the U.S. if your job requires a particular degree or certification.

yeah i hope that i could go back into oil and gas industry... i'm currently working for an american company, so hopefully my transition won't be as bad... and my academic credentials are from both my country and the UK.. so i have a degree from the UK. so i really hope it's not as bad about having a UK degree and it'll be 1-2 years working experience from an american company

thanks!

[Cham 3]

I will speak for Kai

His mom thinks I am using him (even though I AM THE SPONSER and have a good job) She also says I am a phase and he will be back in a month once he is here (mind you she said the same thing when he came to be with me for those 3 months) She says I am stealing HER son (even though he is an adult) His dad and mom both did everything they could to break us up for over a year THEN gave up. HE has stopped talking to them about me and tells them WHEN they ask * so you moving in with that ####### american..* he tells them to knock it off and YES he is..deal with it..accept it because we are getting married and it is his life. His mom will cry saying WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

HE will tell her NO I am NOT doing this to you, I am doing this FOR ME. I love her I have for a long time so you will ACCEPT it or lose me.

His father has threaten to beat him in the past and treat him horribly (yes I saw it on the webcam and heard it all.

NOW though it has been quiet..his dad is NOW accepting it...his mom wont every do it

IN THE END ITS ABOUT HIM AND I not his family or mine.

Remember that its YOUR lives...not your family....in the end its about you and your SO

It is their issue..not YOURS

PS we been together 2.5 years now

I had to reply to the bolded above. I am the petitioner as well. When my mother in law is here she tells everyone and anyone who will listen, that im her daughter in law, who stole her son from her and broke her heart. At first it was funny, now im annoyed, seeing as we have been together 4yrs.

Gosh... I'm really sorry to hear both experiences it's just so hard to accept something out of the norm sometimes... especially when it's a long distance relationship... i mean, think about the olden days, there's hardly an LDR because internet did not exist then. So i guess it's very hard for parents to cope with that if their thinking is too conventional... I hope to talk to my parents about it and make them understand that this is the road that i'm gonna take.

*hope you guys could get along better with your parents in law in the future* it takes time... *hugs*

Me to sweetie me to...They wont even come to the wedding..we even said that we would visit next year and have a mock one so we can renew them in front of his family...its still a HUGE no...his mom screamed at him ran out of the room bawling. SO I sit and pray about it and no matter if she hates me, I care about her, because she helped make the man that I Love.

[Ellie-and-David 38]

Wow, I am so sorry for you guys who have had bad experiences.

The upheaval is bad enough, but at these times you need everyone to rally around you!

I feel very blessed. my mum was amazing, she looked at me, said "are you sure" and then told me she agrees and that my chances in america are just as good as they are here in england, the added bonus being david.

My step dad whooped with happiness when he realised he'd get cheap holiday's to Florida (they are all so mercinary!!)

David's father couldn't be happier (although we may struggle to please all of the 10 brothers and sisters who have an opinion)

Hmmmm...My dad. Hmmm.....not tackled that one yet. We dont have a close relationship. But this isn't going to go down well... There could be tears.

[panterchen 1]

It really helps to read how most of us have similar situations with our families.

It really broke my heart when at first my parents were against this marriage because I always was and still am very close to them. But this time they wouldn't have been able to change my mind

I haven't even met his parents in person yet (only online) but they were always very very very supportive. They even took a German class for me :-) (even though my English is pretty good hahaha). They do what they can and are looking forward to meet my parents. And I honestly think they will all get along great because our two families are soo much alike it is weird. When Dan talk about his childhood it could have been mine exactly. ALmost the same stories...

[Gage 2]

My girlfriend's parents took it very well. There were no tears, no shouts of anger, they were just happy that she was happy. When I met them for the first time, I was still quite nervous, but they were gracious. They don't speak English, so they asked throughout dinner (through my girlfriend) how our visa processing was going and if we were having any problems. Her parents have been wonderful, and I just hope my Russian gets better so I can communicate with them more in the future.

[tallcoolone 102]

My wife's family loved me from the first day I meet them.

Even though they are mainly Lawyers, Doctors, and CPA's. I am just a small business owner.

I am treated like the guest of honor by all my wifes family on my trips to Philippines.

Good Times when I go to Philippines.............

[Enhjørningen 0]

Hi everybody!

Thanks for sharing your stories, it is helpful to read other peoples experiences.

All in all I must say my parents has taken this very well.

Even though the first time my mother met my husband (that was back before we were married)

she said to him "If there is going to be anything between you and my daughter you have to move here"

They way she said it, it kind of sounded like she was joking, but I am sure there was some truth in it.

Now I think she has somewhat gotten used to the idea, and she has been here and seen the place, I think that helped too.

That they have seen where I live, and that it doesn't just feel like I am floating around "out there somewhere."

My mother said once "The worst thing is my grandchildren will not know me"

That comment really hurt me, made me feel guilty.

I know she doesn't say it to be mean, but one thing about Norwegians - we often are direct. (for good and bad)

I know when it comes down to it, my parents biggest concern, is my happiness, so they support me.

Makes me very lucky:-)

Reading some stories here, I feel horrible how hard this is for some.

[toma1 10]

My girlfriend's parents took it very well. There were no tears, no shouts of anger, they were just happy that she was happy. When I met them for the first time, I was still quite nervous, but they were gracious. They don't speak English, so they asked throughout dinner (through my girlfriend) how our visa processing was going and if we were having any problems. Her parents have been wonderful, and I just hope my Russian gets better so I can communicate with them more in the future.

I had almost the exact same expereince as you. Her parents speak only Thai, so Anna translated everything for me. They just wanted to be sure that I would take care of her... but I think they are convinced now. Anna lived far from home and did not go back regularly, but they talked on the phone often, so I guess things won't really change that much.

[Lili 3]

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Edited November 30, 2008 by Lili

[Gage 2]

My girlfriend's parents took it very well. There were no tears, no shouts of anger, they were just happy that she was happy. When I met them for the first time, I was still quite nervous, but they were gracious. They don't speak English, so they asked throughout dinner (through my girlfriend) how our visa processing was going and if we were having any problems. Her parents have been wonderful, and I just hope my Russian gets better so I can communicate with them more in the future.

I had almost the exact same expereince as you. Her parents speak only Thai, so Anna translated everything for me. They just wanted to be sure that I would take care of her... but I think they are convinced now. Anna lived far from home and did not go back regularly, but they talked on the phone often, so I guess things won't really change that much.

What's funny is that I was talking with my girlfriend later and said that I doubt I'd be so understanding as her parents were if it was our own daughter. I think part of the reason her parents didn't have much to say is that she's in her late twenties, owns her own place, and has had a full time job for several years. Even if they did have private reservations, there's not much they could have said. I hope I can be as understanding and supportive if it were ever to come to that with our own children. My future wife has assured me if the situation ever arises, she'll gently remind me of our circumstance.