Wednesday

[HLM 1]

Happy Hump day everyone

[Nagishkaw 510]

Happy Hump Day to you HLM, and also to everyone else !

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hello everyone (again) Don't know what made me come online again to VJ but here I am. Very kind from everyone the thoughts ... and I just started reading a certain thread about petioners but after page 3 it was too much for me. I feel saddened. I wish I could have posted but it was closed. All I will say is that ... once you walk on the shoes of another, only then will you know what they are going throu. If you break a nail, and make a big fuss about it ... ye your a drama queen ... but if you lose a child, go throu any type of martial difficulty, trauma, heartache or any pain ... ####### I think you are more then entitled to ######, cry, scream, act insane ... whatever it takes. Ye, slipping all your inner-most life online, for all public view only welcomes criticism and more BS ... but why would someone do that? Well, I guess simply to find people, who maybe are in a similar situation ... someone could maybe just maybe understand. Maybe that doesn't make sense to all ... but enchallah does to some. Anyway, that's my ######. From me, I will read and keep reading ... listening to anyting Kat has to dish out. I am far and far ... but that's the least I can do. The touch of a hand, the hug, the shoulder to cry on, the ear to listen is she needs ... and the grace to come for her to overcome this grief.

Kat, sorry I have not been on in a while and/or SMS-ed you but my phone was stolen ... along with all my contact numbers. Enchallah if you could PM me your number again. We have not made it to France ... thou we got the visa for my husband and son. Maybe when we are more stable ... but doctors that I took him to in Alger say he is doing well.

I too, thinking and praying for you these past time. I cannot even imagine what you are going throu. And to top that off rip the scab off the wound ... fixing the tombstone and the upcoming holidays. I pray you will be able to spend them with your family, who care for you. Enchallah even for a moment forget (little) ... Not really sure what happened with your husband (why he is gone) but whatever he did ... he is 100% an a*#. He should getting off his a*# trying to comfort and provide for his family. But you donnot need me to tell you that. All I can do is pray ... he grows up seriously! Maybe you can focus on making this holiday extra special for your children ... maybe this will help them as well as you to 'heal' ... Have you come to the stage of grief where you accept your baby's death? Finally, I wish you the assurance that one day you will allow then find peace of mind and heart.

And BTW I love you toooo! (((HUGS))))

Staashi and Amal, thank you for thinking of me. It is very kind! Also very kind Amal from you to offer fellow VJers your home on Thanksgiving. From my side, Algeria gets lonely during the holidays (American ones as well as Islamic ones ... ye I have my kids and husband ... but not the same this year. Islamic holidays (the Eids) more about the Algerian traditions my in-laws observe ... and my American ones are well zip) So that is why I using this Thanksgiving dinner my friends have organized as way to 'have something of my own' here. Having everything 'Algerian' is getting on my nerves. It has long long lost its interest.

Ok, I will spill my dirt too ... physical I am down. I tried my best to breastfeed but I am not healthy enough to I think. Buying formula and everything conction trying to up my milk is financially killing us. But oh well, we asked for it! To my in-laws I am just spoiled and lazy to breastfeed. Funny, since there is also another woman who gave birth around my time ... who didn't even try ... she is just miskeena. I am lazy LOL!

Doctor in Alger finally told us why the stitches keep ripping everytime I peed LOL! Well cos someone thought it would be funny to give me a few extra stitches more then I needed ... and basically close it all up! Ha-ha-ha haaaaaaa no big chance there will be no more kids! And oh yea, any relationship with my husband too (for a long while) ... LOL that's my dirt!

Karima, your baby's pictures are so cute! Blessings ...

Charles, reading your siggies ... just have to say Congrats! And OMG there will be 2 of you in this world soooooon! LOL! Congrats Papa!

Hey Henia. Dont worry about smsing me. You can call me when you get to France. About my husband, things were too much for him so he quit his job and went on vacation. He said hes coming back but no one believes it. You know me the drama queen,, in the cemetary no less. I am the drama queen in the cemetary.

Anyway, I talked to the woman from the stone company

How I met her. About 3 days after the baby died I was standing barefooted in the cemetary with my hair sticking up with the same dress I had had on for 3 days with post partum blood on my legs and the back of my my dress and wowsa I was the walking dead. This nice hippie girl was out there measuring stones and I said I to her. I asked her " Do you do tombstones?" She said yes. I told her I will pay you 50 a month till I have half of it and a little more each time when I get a check and we will pay it off. She met me a week later in a parking lot ( this time I had shoes on and was showered. She gave me her card and then showed me all these different headstones she did when she was there. The stone I got was an upright real headstone with a base because I felt I owed my baby that. My son and I have really been talking through this and he is excited about the headstone and we are waiting for it to go up so we can visit something beside a patch of mud. So anyway, she took my straggly payments and I was supposed to get half to her before she would order it. She actually ordered it with only 150 dollars and I was shocked because she paid out of her expense to order it at the risk I wouldnt pay... Anyway, Friday she told me the stone was in and I struggled to get everything else together. She is at the cemetary installing it . You have to actually INSTALL tombstones, like pour concrete and then have it set in the ground. It actually sometimes is a 2 step process. They charged me 500 just to open the grave so dying aint cheap honey

Anyway, I got everything else to her Tuesday and she went and pulled the plat and she is putting his stone up. I am not telling his dad a thing about the stone. I feel like this has been a lonely process for me.. I am not reliving this week with any one frankly. You actually know me Henia so you understand that I am always trying to look for meaning in everything. I was cracking up about what you said about the women turning tricks over there and breaking into the graves ( LOL)That wasnt very romantic. So I am happy with "my KUFFAR cemetary".

He is in baby land 3 http://www.cityoforlando.net/greenwood/Gre...dPlotLayout.pdf

Here is the cemetary http://www.cityoforlando.net/greenwood/

They even have a resident bald eagle http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/features_...icans-must.html

He is about 25 feet from my baby and overlooks his grave.

I think people SAY they can relate. Maybe they have lost a grandchild or a friend or a relative. Losing a child , your own child can make you absolutely loony. I was completely loony for about 2 months. I saw what it was doing to my son and my little girl and I decided to do my best to snap out of it because the grief became a monster that I couldnt deal with. I think just going through the motions has been the biggest help and appreciating everything I have and have left. I dont want to be killed by the grief nor do I want it to define me. Are people insensitive? Some. They havent lost a baby or held someone and given them cpr to watch an ambulance drive away and chase it screaming. They dont understand. Then there are those who say they understand but have never experienced it first hand. They usually say well my cousin..my friend lost a child and they went crazy yadda yadda... and that makes you more crazy. I just decided I wanted to be one of the ones that made it that helped others process grief. So I went out and bought dress shoes for my little girl and got my son a haircut and decided we would fake it till we made it. And I am glad I talk .. and for those people tired of it, I cant do anything about them.

For patti rani... eat the ravioli please... You are beautiful , worthy and interesting. We all look the same at 60. The pretty ones, the normal ones etc. But the normal ones usually are alot more interesting because they had to develop personalities

For Amal, I love you and no you really dont completely understand but you care and I appreciate you

For Staashi, the ambassador to reality, thank you

For all the people who helped me before the baby Zayids mom, Turia, allousa, s and s, lioness,Dorothy forgive me if I omit you.. I am brain dead. THANK YOU . I still have not touched any of the babys things yet. I cant open the drawers because I burst into tears and have a panic attack. I will figure out what I will do soon. I cant go in the room and see any of the things because I cant. I also have not developed my 3 cameras because I am afraid to look at him. It was enough seeing him the coffin and watching my husband kiss him.. I cant tell you that I am ok because I am not. I am trying.

For jackie.. losing a grandchild is secondary. I think you understand because you had to comfort her. I know she completely understands because its like a primal scream a loss beyond words.You werent in my shoes but you saw someone else that you birthed in it.. Its a nightmare trust me

For jenn, thanks

For jeanne victoria,mohamed and melinda , sara, s and s For everyone who called me and talked to me in the graveyard, thanks. You kept me safe until I could walk alone a little

Morocco forever and Turia.. sisters with angels in heaven.. I am sorry for you guys too

To my friend on here who held her baby and it died.. I know.. I know.. I know... I know.. I know what you were talking about every minute

Henia. I am sad... but more so I am safe... And I know what Algeria is like so I know all the funny things you are talking about .,.. YOU LAZY AMERICAN.. (LOL) what you need to do is rant and rave hysterically and cry and you will fit right in. You are too damn normal

bye henia

I love you

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

What's going on in India? Are you guys watching this stuff?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/11/2...acks/index.html

They are saying near 100 dead, 200 wounded, though the police have only confirmed 30 deaths. They are targeting Americans and Brits, gunmen going person to person looking at the passports

Oh lovely...

[Nagishkaw 510]

0i.

[Nothing1234 2]

What's going on in India? Are you guys watching this stuff?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/11/2...acks/index.html

They are saying near 100 dead, 200 wounded, though the police have only confirmed 30 deaths. They are targeting Americans and Brits, gunmen going person to person looking at the passports

Oh lovely...

So horrible. I just had to call and check on my coworker and his family there. They are fine but its so very scary.

[Tunisia216 2]

What's going on in India? Are you guys watching this stuff?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/11/2...acks/index.html

They are saying near 100 dead, 200 wounded, though the police have only confirmed 30 deaths. They are targeting Americans and Brits, gunmen going person to person looking at the passports

Oh lovely...

So horrible. I just had to call and check on my coworker and his family there. They are fine but its so very scary.

I'm glad that he and his family are okay. It looks so scary and horrible on TV. They are saying now 78 confirmed dead, unknown wounded and hostage number is not known either. One of the 9 sites they targeted was a hospital. #######

[sereia 0]

Damn. If I had followed through with my plans I would have been in India right now...

My heart goes out to those people!!! Did anyone claim responsibility?

Edited November 26, 2008 by Sheherazade

[sereia 0]

terror attacks

*sigh*

[Jasman0717 9]

2 days til payday!!!!

We got paid today, Friday is a holiday for the county

[~Jackie~ 30]

Dang Jas, you win! I have to wait til Friday morning.

Jackie

[star_dragon 0]

2 days til payday!!!!

We got paid today, Friday is a holiday for the county

Woohoo!! I was supposed to get paid Friday too but after reading your post, I checked and it was direct deposited today

Now I can plan better for Black Friday shopping

[~ Karima ~ 0]

Did any of the MENA babies sleep last night?

Mine did, 12 hours!

Mine did...finally! Woke at 6 for a bottle and right back to sleep. It was me who could not sleep last night.

[Jasman0717 9]

Dang Jas, you win! I have to wait til Friday morning.

Jackie

The government takes good care of us 'civil servants'

[~Jackie~ 30]

Well I'm gonna look and see if mine is in early too!

jJ