Discussing money

[bhajishah 4]

yah we got a little cultural thingy going on here, i wanna work, if i make more than him then he wont let me. yada. dats my life . and its interesting ok. he makes about 36,000 yr. works 6 days. i work 4 days week..I'm saving for our retirement, it will be pleasant surprise, along with an inheritance.. why let him know, i dont want to corrupt his thinking...

[rebeccajo 14]

Yah but how many yrs can i tell him that all thenew stuff around house and closet is from garage sales and wally world...

there's the real price and the price you tell your husband it was...and then there's the "husband know not" payment plan...little cash, little bank card, little credit card, maybe a check

Not knocking the practice (because I know lots of women who do the same) but personally that's not my thing. I lived with a man who lied about money all the time, so maybe that's why I don't think it's such a hot idea.

We always discuss how much something costs and whether or not we should get it. It just seems unnecessary to fib about it.

I just like to save him the shock...I have more money than he does and he almost has a heart attack when he finds out the real price of things. I think he enjoys not knowing the truth. Better for his young heart.

Well, everybody's situation is different.

I'm sure your situation is far different than mine was. My ex was spending and borrowing what we didn't have.

oh ewwwwww...yeah that situation would piss me off too. I would never do that. I'm not that silly

Yeah. It wasn't cool.

I guess I see any kind of manipulation of money as a power struggle. IMO it's a sign of an unhealthy marriage. Fortunately for us (Wes and I) we discussed how to handle the money before the marriage, and we've had no problems sticking to the previously negotiated agreement. Sometimes the dynamic changes after marriage (ie people don't stick to the plan) and sometimes couples just don't discuss it before hand.

I've read money trouble causes more marital breakups than infidelity. Personally, I don't know if that's true or false because in the case of my first marriage I was dealing with both issues.

Edited November 26, 2008 by rebeccajo

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

yah we got a little cultural thingy going on here, i wanna work, if i make more than him then he wont let me. yada. dats my life . and its interesting ok. he makes about 36,000 yr. works 6 days. i work 4 days week..I'm saving for our retirement, it will be pleasant surprise, along with an inheritance.. why let him know, i dont want to corrupt his thinking...

He must be pretty detached in a way that I can't even imagine to not notice how much you bring in.

[bhajishah 4]

he not the brightest bulb on the desi pole AJ..and that is a good thing!!!!!

[bhajishah 4]

or maybe he is very aware and he pretends he dont knows..hmmmmm.. now im upset. ok im thinking too much.. In mgt we cannot tell what others make but did have a posted wage entry level scale and etc.. depending on need is when we would pay more etc.. so was supply and demand and because of privacy laws cant talk about what the other c ollegues make. Happy Thanksgiving all..

[Brad and Vika 129]

And you make an assumption that they really cared...why you left!

Unless ..you own the company...

we are just a number on the spreadsheet...no more..no less...

Any successful company knows not all employees are the same. Anyone who thinks they can simply hire and fire people at will needs to go back to school. Unless you are a Walmart and provide bare minimum services, the employees are the most important asset to a company. For example, staff alone is one of the key differences when shopping at Walmart vs Target. We buy our groceries at Wegmans, a store where the customer service at their stores is phenomenal. I feel depressed looking at the staff when I visit walmart.

An example of good employees is my friend scoring a job in the financial sector in NYC. The company was willing to wait for him to transfer from London. Why would they do that considering they can hire Americans for a dime a dozen in this environment. Because he is great at what he does. Can you tell me how many people in this environment have been hired and earn a $280K plus salary?

Are you kidding? Employment at will is the rule of law in many American states. A company can hire or fire you for any reason - or none. Most companies have rules that prohibit discussing salaries to keep the senior-yet-underpaid from quitting en mass.

[William33 110]

Employment at will is the rule of law in many American states companies. A company can hire or fire you for any reason - or none.

This is absolutely true. I never realized this fact, until I left the Government and entered the private sector. In fact, our annual turnover rate is 10% +, because they can fire people at will.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Employment at will is the rule of law in many American states companies. A company can hire or fire you for any reason - or none.

This is absolutely true. I never realized this fact, until I left the Government and entered the private sector. In fact, our annual turnover rate is 10% +, because they can fire people at will.

How else would bosses be able to engage in that most American of management traditions. Of course I am referring to telling your employees " I could fire your azz in a minute, and replace you with a college kid making half as much - so don't you DARE tell me my idea is stupid and undoable".

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Our family has a situation similar to Amby's in that we have a family trust and everyone gets dividends from it. It's quite large with a myriad of international investments and holdings, so, because we all have a part in it, money is discussed openly. It's sad that discussing money is so taboo in the US because the gap in financial education between classes allows so many people to remain unaware of the various avenues to making money.

I see most people discussing employment and paychecks, and wonder why there aren't more who are self-employed, business owners or receiving income thru passive investments. The tax implications for most employees are much more severe than those in asset situations. If people talked more openly about money, they may be able to discover avenues to creating wealth that were unknown to them before, allowing them to take measures to enlarge their earnings while lowering their tax liabilities. It's clear that there can be jealousies between classes, but this could be discouraged if the working classes understood that they spend their lives making money for others rather than developing financial security and freedom for themselves and their families.

Edited November 26, 2008 by Virtual wife

[William33 110]

Our family has a situation similar to Amby's in that we have a family trust and everyone gets dividends from it. It's quite large with a myriad of international investments and holdings, so, because we all have a part in it, money is discussed openly. It's sad that discussing money is so taboo in the US because the gap in financial education between classes allows so many people to remain unaware of the various avenues to making money.

I see most people discussing employment and paychecks, and wonder why there aren't more who are self-employed, business owners or receiving income thru passive investments. The tax implications for most employees are much more severe than those in asset situations. If people talked more openly about money, they may be able to discover avenues to creating wealth that were unknown to them before, allowing them to take measures to enlarge their earnings while lowering their tax liabilities. It's clear that there can be jealousies between classes, but this could be discouraged if the working classes understood that they spend their lives making money for others rather than developing financial security and freedom for themselves and their families.

Very good point VW!

My Grandmother (Maternal), who passed away this year at 100 years, lost nearly everything to the state of Florida. Well, her heirs did anyway. Why? Because she did not talk about it or plan for the future. BS law took over.

Conversely, my Grandfather (Paternal) planned for success, as my father has, and the offspring are very well set up in a family trust. These conversations need to happen, or some bureaucrat will siphon off your family inheritance.

[Fandango 1,440]

I think there's a big difference in talking sound money/investment practices with your friends and fam as opposed to 'oooh lookit what I make/have'. I find it exceptionally crass to discuss actual numbers or allude to your wealth as a way to make certain implications. Although I think there are exceptions to the rule.

I can talk to my bff and say 'omG Im gonna make X for this deal' and she understands its not bragging or boasting, just that I'm marveling at how good my luck is, lol. Sometimes with bonuses and whatnot, I am shocked at what I walk away with. And I can share it with her. Actually, I could share what the bonus is with any of my colleagues cos they can see that info anytime they want...as to the split % agreement I have with my office, that is not disclosed.

[rebeccajo 14]

Our family has a situation similar to Amby's in that we have a family trust and everyone gets dividends from it. It's quite large with a myriad of international investments and holdings, so, because we all have a part in it, money is discussed openly. It's sad that discussing money is so taboo in the US because the gap in financial education between classes allows so many people to remain unaware of the various avenues to making money.

I see most people discussing employment and paychecks, and wonder why there aren't more who are self-employed, business owners or receiving income thru passive investments. The tax implications for most employees are much more severe than those in asset situations. If people talked more openly about money, they may be able to discover avenues to creating wealth that were unknown to them before, allowing them to take measures to enlarge their earnings while lowering their tax liabilities. It's clear that there can be jealousies between classes, but this could be discouraged if the working classes understood that they spend their lives making money for others rather than developing financial security and freedom for themselves and their families.

Very good point VW!

My Grandmother (Maternal), who passed away this year at 100 years, lost nearly everything to the state of Florida. Well, her heirs did anyway. Why? Because she did not talk about it or plan for the future. BS law took over.

Conversely, my Grandfather (Paternal) planned for success, as my father has, and the offspring are very well set up in a family trust. These conversations need to happen, or some bureaucrat will siphon off your family inheritance.

There's a big difference, IMO, between talking about money to gain knowledge and plan for the future versus talking about money so that the working class can 'understand' they are in a supposed inferior position.

I've been an employee and I've been a business owner. I am aware that when I work for someone else I benefit them and I personally have no problem with that - they are the ones who have more cash, blood, sweat and tears at stake. I am also aware that when I work for myself I reap more rewards but that usually is because I've worked a whole lot harder to earn it.

At the end of the day both are ways of garnering money. A working class person who is satisfied with his lot in life will be no more 'jealous' of a person with more money than a wealthy man who is satisfied with his lot will perceive he is 'better off' solely because of his bank balance. If either of them measure their worth in the world by what they have, they will be miserable.

Edited November 26, 2008 by rebeccajo

[PlatyPius 5]

Our family has a situation similar to Amby's in that we have a family trust and everyone gets dividends from it. It's quite large with a myriad of international investments and holdings, so, because we all have a part in it, money is discussed openly. It's sad that discussing money is so taboo in the US because the gap in financial education between classes allows so many people to remain unaware of the various avenues to making money.

I see most people discussing employment and paychecks, and wonder why there aren't more who are self-employed, business owners or receiving income thru passive investments. The tax implications for most employees are much more severe than those in asset situations. If people talked more openly about money, they may be able to discover avenues to creating wealth that were unknown to them before, allowing them to take measures to enlarge their earnings while lowering their tax liabilities. It's clear that there can be jealousies between classes, but this could be discouraged if the working classes understood that they spend their lives making money for others rather than developing financial security and freedom for themselves and their families.

Very good point VW!

My Grandmother (Maternal), who passed away this year at 100 years, lost nearly everything to the state of Florida. Well, her heirs did anyway. Why? Because she did not talk about it or plan for the future. BS law took over.

Conversely, my Grandfather (Paternal) planned for success, as my father has, and the offspring are very well set up in a family trust. These conversations need to happen, or some bureaucrat will siphon off your family inheritance.

There's a big difference, IMO, between talking about money to gain knowledge and plan for the future versus talking about money so that the working class can 'understand' they are in a supposed inferior position.

I've been an employee and I've been a business owner. I am aware that when I work for someone else I benefit them and I personally have no problem with that - they are the ones who have more cash, blood, sweat and tears at stake. I am also aware that when I work for myself I reap more rewards but that usually is because I've worked a whole lot harder to earn it.

At the end of the day both are ways of garnering money. A working class person who is satisfied with his lot in life will be no more 'jealous' of a person with more money than a wealthy man who is satisfied with his lot will perceive he is 'better off' solely because of his bank balance. If either of them measure their worth in the world by what they have, they will be miserable.

Agreed.

I also think that money gives certain people a feeling of superiority. Not all people with money, but some. It is THIS that causes people to dislike them, rather than the fact that they have money. People who tell those of the "classes" below them "Well why don't you just invest your money and reap the dividends?" obviously have no clue what it's like for 50% of the population who earn just enough to pay their bills, plan for retirement, and send kids to college; if they're even lucky enough to be able to plan for retirement or college. There simply isn't any money to invest. That fact seems to be lost on a lot of people. The number of people with even a savings account in the US is pretty low, really.

As for discussions of money in the household, I think I annoy Mags with how much I keep her informed. lol I let her know if I earn extra for a side project, if I sell something on eBay and make a decent amount from it, when I pay something, etc. I just don't want her to think I'm keeping anything from her.

As for discussing wages....

It is considered rude to do so, yes. However, a lot of places I've worked, it is still done. Back when I was an auto mechanic, it was done much more freely than most other places I've worked. That's probably because most mechanics are paid close to the same "hourly" rate and paychecks are determined by jobs worked. Mechanics don't get 40 hours for 40 hours. If business is slow and you only work on 2 cars for the week, your paycheck could be for 6 hours. Or it could be for 70. Each repair has a certain "time" that it should take. That's what you get paid. If I replace 10 timing belts that week at 5.5 hours each, I get paid for 55 hours. Even if it only took me 30. Or if it took me 80. Ergo, the pay differences are based on business and the types of jobs we got that week. Most service managers try to dole out the work evenly so no one is making significantly more than anyone else. However, mechanics DO have specialties. Some things just pay more than others. My specialty was runability diagnosis and repair, which is one of the most lucrative - IF you're good at it and can diagnose quickly. Auto Transmission guys typically earn the most due to the incredibly specialized nature of their job. I can also do that, but most places I worked already had a guy in that role.

Anyway, wages were discussed more openly as a mechanic. When I worked as a web designer for the state, we didn't discuss our salary much. Primarily because we were the ####### children of the office. The developers made all of the money (and the managers) and the designers were paid peanuts. ($22,000/year was the going rate) The developers built the money-making applications, so they were treated much, much better. The designers were offended at that, of course, since WE made the user-friendly interfaces, and the informative pages that brought the user to the site in the first place. There were 3 of us. The range was 22K - 25K/year. $72K a year possible total for all 3 designers. That's what one developer earned. It wouldn't have been so bad, except they had us doing development also. I was in charge of all of the PHP work.

Where I work now, discussing wages is strictly forbidden. Seems odd to me, since I'm the only employee....everyone else is a partner or investor. lol

[IAMX 3,055]

Discussing money is largely taboo because America has, in recent years, a mentality of "corporate first, citizen get fcked".

Might have something to do with getting lambasted with advertising and constant government collusion, like those nice warnings about federal law enforcement on freaking downloading copies of a movie.

It's very clear not discussing pay with other employees stands to solely benefit the employer.

Edited November 26, 2008 by SRVT

[Heracles 417]

Our family has a situation similar to Amby's in that we have a family trust and everyone gets dividends from it. It's quite large with a myriad of international investments and holdings, so, because we all have a part in it, money is discussed openly. It's sad that discussing money is so taboo in the US because the gap in financial education between classes allows so many people to remain unaware of the various avenues to making money.

I see most people discussing employment and paychecks, and wonder why there aren't more who are self-employed, business owners or receiving income thru passive investments. The tax implications for most employees are much more severe than those in asset situations. If people talked more openly about money, they may be able to discover avenues to creating wealth that were unknown to them before, allowing them to take measures to enlarge their earnings while lowering their tax liabilities. It's clear that there can be jealousies between classes, but this could be discouraged if the working classes understood that they spend their lives making money for others rather than developing financial security and freedom for themselves and their families.

Spot on there VW

I find you generally have two types of attitudes here. The first one who does not realize how important being financially astute is and tends not to discuss it. The other type hides everything they know because they feel someone might steal their idea/s. The latter should be smart enough to realize even the biggest financial gurus do not know everything. Knowledge is best shared as you can learn something as well as assist others. Basically refining your own knowledge. The wealthier a country's citizens are as a whole, the wealthier we all become. I have seen it in action. The wealthier we all become the larger the pie gets for all. The higher our living standard gets.

If the nations poor actually took time to learn from the middle class and the rich I think their situation would improve greatly. Handouts can only go so far without a change in attitude. They also need to realize most people who are wealthy are not in the entertainment, athletics or drug dealing business.

Edited November 26, 2008 by Aficionado