Double lives of visa journey petitioners ( what we dont really want to post)

[*JG* 2]

I have no issues with the first 2 of the poll. The 3rd is a definite no. I think we who have made it through the whole process or are very near the end, are doing a great disservice to anyone who follows if we tell them it's nothing buy sunshine and rainbows. I know when I have stated issues out loud, I have had people thank me for letting them know they aren't alone.

[RAKASA 0]

to me and him.. you say I am a drama queen but i think losing my child and being battered entitles me. I also think many on here have experienced similar things ( maybe not dead kids) but divorce ( and they dont tell anyone) battering ( they dont tell anyone) and infidelity and separation from their spouses ( and they dont tell anyone)I think you have issues too like the rest of us.. and yes I think your marriage is more solid than most but yelling at me not to talk about this stuff doesnt make the reality go away that there are several on this board that since I have been posting have disappeared or are still posting and things are not alright in Kansas. I think their opinions have a place. Problems arent catching. And I am not going to say that every single day I had with my spouse was bad. I had lots of good days or I wouldnt have married him. But burying a child is another story and yes for gods sakes, there are tons of cultural differences that you see when there are clear differences between your families and the way things are done... Even burying them

I am sorry if this makes the people on here with perfect lives uncomfortable but if I had a pound of flour for every pm I have gotten about stuff, Id open a bakery. I think its important for us to talk about things. I really feel that when we are honest with each other, we can help each other but too often the people with no issues trounce all over the people with issues so people are afraid to talk about whats going on in a public forum because they are afraid of what they might hear... ( usually the truth or some sarcastic version of it)

I think we all know the real deal about this process and what it does to some of us...But how about the life affects of not knowing someone well enough before we marry them. Would we marry an american we only spent 2 weeks with in real life? I think not....You cant know a person well enough in 2 two week visits. How can we be surprised when things come up

just my 2 cents

Kat, (point 1) how can you detect a "yell" in my post is beyond me.... I was merely stating my thoughts and feelings about the uber drama you exude.

(point 2) how many times would you like to use this analogy? it, too, is getting old - open your flipping bakery already, would you?

(point 3) Would I marry American (or foreign) that quickly - hellz no! I didn't - either time. I was w/ my ex husband for 4 years before we married - I still didn't know him b/c he was a compulsive liar (textbook - really). We divorced after 2 1/2 yrs of marriage- that was after 1 yr of me trying to get his lying azz outta my house.

My husband (now) and I were together for over 1 year b4 even applying for a visa and I knew w/o a doubt that I was ready for this and he was a good man. Yeah, I'm lucky b/c there are some real jerkoffs out there - I found the gem that was to be my future.

I know you're bitter... you have every right to be - it just gets old hearing the same whining azz stories over and over, just spelled out differently. Different day, same story.... I have just as much right to complain about your complaining as you have to complain - so there!

[Hanna&Mohamed 0]

I always thought when my husband came here life would be so easy . It has taken us awhile to get use to our different attitudes . My husband came here use to no noise at all into a house full of children !

I can remember when he first came and we had a disagreement he would go look for a ticket to go home.

Thank God we got over the problems we had and are very happy now .I'm sure we will have more disagreements on things but I know we have so much love together to get through the rough times .

[nunyab 0]

That 'give it a day' rule is a good one rajaa!

I could learn from that.

well when it comes to something about him.. we have to protect our husbands as they should protect us. Hay girly you can always PM me or call it's all good I just set the phone down and not listen until the venting is over

[morocco4ever 63]

I have no issues with the first 2 of the poll. The 3rd is a definite no. I think we who have made it through the whole process or are very near the end, are doing a great disservice to anyone who follows if we tell them it's nothing buy sunshine and rainbows. I know when I have stated issues out loud, I have had people thank me for letting them know they aren't alone.

Which is why I have participated in the threads that talk about the difficulties when they get here. Too many people assume that when they get here it is going to be a bed of roses. It gets easier in some ways, but it gets harder in other ways. I believe in sharing what either my husband or I have gone through after he got here. I am hoping that it will help others to plan in advance on what to expect, and to see problems for what they are. After my husband had been here about six months he was ready to go back. I had not read here about this adjustment period, so it upset me. But now I see that almost all of the men that have come have had a period of adjusting. I will post what has happened to us in a general manner, but I won't post details. But to post about arguments that have absolutely nothing to do with the culture adjustment and immigration process is more or less setting yourself up to be a target.

[notime4haterz 0]

I think when people DO talk about whats happening, they get jumped.

This is definitely true.

I don't think Kat is the only one who points out the possibility of a fraudulent marriage.

Since my short time on VJ I've been accused over and over of a fraudulent marriage...been likened to a prostitute, a gold digger, and called barren.

My advice is if you want to tell your story, be prepared to hear it all...some will have compassion and some will attack. Some will get it, and others will take it the wrong way. That's how it goes on a public forum.

Kat, I have told you over and over again that I only wish you the best and hope you find your peace and happiness. I'm not a psychologist, but maybe repeating all the bad things that have happened to you over and over, might be slowing your healing, rather than helping it. I mean, everyone's different, but why don't you try to just look to the future and the positive things currently in your life?

[Ban Hammer 13,716]

[Nothing1234 2]

I think when people DO talk about whats happening, they get jumped.

This is definitely true.

I don't think Kat is the only one who points out the possibility of a fraudulent marriage.

Since my short time on VJ I've been accused over and over of a fraudulent marriage...been likened to a prostitute, a gold digger, and called barren.

My advice is if you want to tell your story, be prepared to hear it all...some will have compassion and some will attack. Some will get it, and others will take it the wrong way. That's how it goes on a public forum.

Kat, I have told you over and over again that I only wish you the best and hope you find your peace and happiness. I'm not a psychologist, but maybe repeating all the bad things that have happened to you over and over, might be slowing your healing, rather than helping it. I mean, everyone's different, but why don't you try to just look to the future and the positive things currently in your life?

Who called you barren? I don't recall that.

You felt that too? Tick, tock...

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Coffee, anyone?????

[morocco4ever 63]

Coffee, anyone?????

Yes please. Is it too early for a treat?

[caybee 21]

I think we are on shaky ground when we move from sharing what has happened to us or someone very close to us to making judgments about the marriages and relationships of other members on a message board, especially when we don't know all the circumstances. If someone has come out and described behavior that is blatantly abusive, that's one thing, but if a member talks about a disagreement, even when one or both of them was acting like a schmuck, or mentions that their spouse is behaving in a strange way that may or may not indicate fraud or infidelity, I think it is a dangerous step to jump to conclusions, even to the point of calling the spouse nasty names or even accusing the original poster of being weak, of being a doormat, even of being complicit when s/he doesn't take immediate steps to end the relationship but instead chooses to watch and wait or takes active measures to heal the relationship. That happens quite often here, and while it may help the advice-giver vent out some of their own frustrations from their own experiences, in most cases, that sort of shaking by the shoulders does little to help the original poster but instead can cause them to feel more defensive and confused.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Coffee, anyone?????

Yes please. Is it too early for a treat?

I was thinking along the lines of coffee + baklava. How's that sound?

[Nothing1234 2]

Coffee, anyone?????

Yes please Sister Len

I'm in need of it NOW!

[sereia 0]

Kat, you have got to stop reflecting what has happened to you onto everyones relationship. You take everything that is said and have blown it up into a big nasty slam fest. Not everyone that posts here feels the need to tell you their lives story. It doesn't mean they are hiding it, it merely means that it is nobodys business.

My thoughts exactly

I second that!

Seriously. This whole poll and discussion is bullsh*t. Just because you have a big mouth and want to share with the entire world about your woes doesn't mean we all have to! And if we want to, we do it on our own time. Not because you call people out either.

Your situation sucks. We all know that now, and knew it before your man came. I clearly remember a lot of your posts be mouth dropping to me before your man even got his visa! You knew of all the red flags before he ever came, posted them here for the world to see and judge, and then found out they were all true, and posted again here. Which is totally fine. But....

Not all of us want to share everything on a PUBLIC BOARD. Some husbands read Visa Journey. Some could be going through sticky situations that it would not be a good idea to have their lives discussed here. Think about that before you judge people and wonder why they don't post all their personal information here.

I think everyone that's been around VJ a while knows now it sure ISN'T a bed of freaking roses when you bring your foreign SO to America. Some get used, some get abused, some get it all, some get none.

Just quit stirring the drama pot and let people be. If people want to talk about themselves, they will. You don't need to force it out of them.

[notime4haterz 0]

Just quit stirring the drama pot and let people be. If people want to talk about themselves, they will. You don't need to force it out of them.

I could be wrong, but I think her intention is just to warn others so they don't go what she is going through. I wasn't here when her problems started, so I could be totally off...but that's what I took her post to mean.