Double lives of visa journey petitioners ( what we dont really want to post)

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I'm not as much confused as I am disappointed to see how much bitterness and drama has been going on in here as of late. It's sad. I feel bad for people that have had hard times through their visa journeys or in their life in general and I'm not naive enough to think that "It'll never ever happen to me" but at the same time I guess I'm with Noura and tired of reading the same stuff over and over again when I fail to see the purpose of it. I get it, just don't see what purpose it really serves.

Well let's reexamine the thread title and maybe a point will become clear (and maybe not)

Double lives of visa journey petitioners. Well yea, I have a double life. I work by day and I am a business-professional. I come home and I am a vixen on Second Life. (see, double life! ) Sometimes I am lexys grandma and sometimes I am a sultry wife in chat with my man. I'm so double,,,,that I am triple.

"What we dont really want to post"----------hmm I don't want to post that I have really dry feet in the winter. I don't want to post that my kitty has a poop disorder.

You still confused Ash?

First,, I dont think there is THAT much bitterness or drama going on here.. I have a dead kid. thats not drama or bitterness unless the person reading it is a shallow airhead. Its tragic

Bitterness? I dont think I am that bitter considering things. I stil love my husband. I still have mena friends . My daughter is arab and I still come around. If I was bitter I couldnt do that

Drama? I dont think there is ENOUGH honesty on here for there to be drama. When people state what is happening, you give them advice, then they bring their spouses on here to read the advice, then they retract everything thats said

Then wives find their husbands doing all kinds of stuff,, then they retract that too.. Then everyone acts like nothing happened.

You cant possibly relate to ANY of this stuff because it hasnt happened to you. If it happens to someone you are close to, then you will possibly understand things

There are very very very huge gulfs of culture between mena and here and you dont see them when things are hunky dorey. You see them in times of difficulty and tragedy ( which I pray you never have to go through)

I bought the t shirt and for the record I still love my husband and yes I know what he did and no I dont white wash over it and yes I know that I take responsibility for not listening. But just because someone CAN be a jerk doesnt mean he is entitled to be

If I am a drama queen, I think I have been through enough to get an honorary degree from juliard,. Tombstone and all

[Sandrila 1]

[sara535 15]

Kat I think one of the reasons why people get irritated at your thread is because for at least a year you WENT OFF whenever anyone dared to even whisper that things werent perfect in their homes - surely you can go back yourself and pull up some of the old threads full of your rants that no one had a right to complain if their husbands were already here. Now the pendulum swings the other way and you do a 180 on a public message board? no one's memory is that short.

EVERYONE here is sorry for what you have gone through in the last months and honestly I saw acts of kindness from this group towards you that sometimes reaffirmed my belief in the goodness of my fellow humans. But the pain and possible failure of your marriage is YOUR story, not everyone else's. SO leave it at that and continue healing yourself (you DO sound much better lately...)

[nunyab 0]

You know... my husband isn't perfect, i am not perfect (only Allah SuH is) however our relationship together is as close to perfect as can be. Where I am weak he is strong and vice versa. That's what marriage is about give and take, if I feel one is happening more than the other we talk about it. I believe it has a lot to do with respecting eachother the rest falls into place when that happens.

Hanging in there I wish you all the best this life has to offer you.

~Rajaa

[Zee Bee 61]

Our relationship is far from perfect. But I tell my husband that he is perfectly perfect for me

[~Jackie~ 30]

I CAN relate, as much of your suffering has also happened to me. My rose-colored glasses were ripped off my face and I survived. I have watched my first granddaughter be born and die within hours. I found so much ####### out about Ibrahim my head spun. But, I survived. Ya just can't kick somone to the curb for not being perfect (that is unless you are yourself)

I stay here to show others in LDR's and mixed culture marriages that there is hope and life and don't ever give up. If you are waiting on a spouse, or burying a family member/best friend, keep your friends close as they are your strength when you need it. Putting people down for 'forgiving' doesn't help anyone.

Alienating people doesn't give much comfort. Friends that care, do.

jJ

[doodlebugg 10]

No double life here. Life is goooood! I mean sure, we get on each other's nerves...I can't stand the sound he makes when he eats ice cream and he can't stand the fact that my farts wake him up out of a cold dead sleep but hey we deal with it and suck it up for the greater good which is love.

Quite honestly I wish I hadn't been a member here before he got here only for the reason that you all freaked me out with some of the horror stories and every other person telling me my marriage wouldn't work out for this that or the other reason. I was petrified at one point and all for nothing.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Kat I think one of the reasons why people get irritated at your thread is because for at least a year you WENT OFF whenever anyone dared to even whisper that things werent perfect in their homes - surely you can go back yourself and pull up some of the old threads full of your rants that no one had a right to complain if their husbands were already here. Now the pendulum swings the other way and you do a 180 on a public message board? no one's memory is that short.

EVERYONE here is sorry for what you have gone through in the last months and honestly I saw acts of kindness from this group towards you that sometimes reaffirmed my belief in the goodness of my fellow humans. But the pain and possible failure of your marriage is YOUR story, not everyone else's. SO leave it at that and continue healing yourself (you DO sound much better lately...)

I agree but I think when you talk about things it makes it easier for others going through similar things to process things

I am not "better", I am working, taking care of my kids and functioning. I will have my childs tombstone up this week. I miss him so much to the point of a permanent horror stricken glaze in my eyes. You of course know i am living alone now..that may or may not be why i am better. I still love him but I have put my kids at top priority and we are all ok...but i am not doing better..I dont think there is a better when your baby or child dies

[Ban Hammer 13,716]

[nunyab 0]

[Jenn! 918]

Our relationship is far from perfect. But I tell my husband that he is perfectly perfect for me

And as for the topic itself...isn't it easier to just indulge someone?

My rule is that if you don't have anything self-deprecating to say, then better not to say anything at all.

[nunyab 0]

No double life here. Life is goooood! I mean sure, we get on each other's nerves...I can't stand the sound he makes when he eats ice cream and he can't stand the fact that my farts wake him up out of a cold dead sleep but hey we deal with it and suck it up for the greater good which is love.

Quite honestly I wish I hadn't been a member here before he got here only for the reason that you all freaked me out with some of the horror stories and every other person telling me my marriage wouldn't work out for this that or the other reason. I was petrified at one point and all for nothing.

now that's honesty

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I CAN relate, as much of your suffering has also happened to me. My rose-colored glasses were ripped off my face and I survived. I have watched my first granddaughter be born and die within hours. I found so much ####### out about Ibrahim my head spun. But, I survived. Ya just can't kick somone to the curb for not being perfect (that is unless you are yourself)

I stay here to show others in LDR's and mixed culture marriages that there is hope and life and don't ever give up. If you are waiting on a spouse, or burying a family member/best friend, keep your friends close as they are your strength when you need it. Putting people down for 'forgiving' doesn't help anyone.

Alienating people doesn't give much comfort. Friends that care, do.

jJ

I forgave as well.. But I think that is our culture as americans...but I think that kindness can sometimes be used against us because sometimes people misunderstand kindness for weakness

I always use ƒalluja˙ as an example... you can push americans so far,,,,then the bombs drop LOL

(ok thats not the most perfect analogy)

I disagree on the giving up part. When bevior becomes deal breaking.. I admire the people who are able to walk...they were stronger than me

[~Jackie~ 30]

Why a lock? I predict this thread has day-long longevity.

doods, if any of my 2007 drama caused you any anxiety, I apoligize. It was not a picnic and I'm afraid my previous marriage spilled onto these pages as I went thru an unexpected quick divorce. Glad as heck all my old-timer friends are still together and happy in their marriages !

jax

[Ban Hammer 13,716]

the fact that my farts wake him up out of a cold dead sleep

i have met my match!