Double lives of visa journey petitioners ( what we dont really want to post)

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I wanted to do an anonymous poll of mena members to be able to post anonymously about what has happened in their relationships.

I will definitely tell you that with what I know now, I would have only sponsored a highly educated person, extremely fluent in English and on top of that, looking back at the red flags I saw all along, I would have still married within mena, but not the person I married. I think love makes us endure alot that we normally would never put up with with an american.

The visa process is exhausting . Not in a million years would I do it again.. for any amount of money.. this has been ridiculous for me and time exhaustive. I am curious to see if when we see flags in other peoples relationships.... if we are honest about our own or we overlook them

Internet infidelity in my book is a deal breaker yet I have seen over the last 2 years, people still with spouses who did it. What gives with our common sense? Why would any of us put up with this junk when we wouldnt accept it in Americans.

Not saying you love a person and neglecting them is emotional abuse NOT CULTURAL.. I am sorry. Why do we come up with all these complex cultural theories to explain crappy behavior? It puzzles me

I have been really loved by someone from MENA before ( it wasnt my husband) and he told me he loved me all the time, never hit me, always made me feel secure... never mistreated me.. He just couldnt legally stay here and his status was so messed up marrying me wouldnt have helped either.. so he had nothnig to gain. So I know all this bullshit about mena men not loving is a pile of #######. I get aggravated when I read this ####### about men not being loving with their wives,,, Its not cultural

read the book HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU...Cause thats the deal///not culture// Gees

God I must have looked like a dummy as I put up with more and more...

To those of you who everything is perfect.. THIS POLL IS NOT FOR YOU

[RAKASA 0]

I wanted to do an anonymous poll of mena members to be able to post anonymously about what has happened in their relationships.

I will definitely tell you that with what I know now, I would have only sponsored a highly educated person, extremely fluent in English and on top of that, looking back at the red flags I saw all along, I would have still married within mena, but not the person I married. I think love makes us endure alot that we normally would never put up with with an american.

The visa process is exhausting . Not in a million years would I do it again.. for any amount of money.. this has been ridiculous for me and time exhaustive. I am curious to see if when we see flags in other peoples relationships.... if we are honest about our own or we overlook them

Internet infidelity in my book is a deal breaker yet I have seen over the last 2 years, people still with spouses who did it. What gives with our common sense? Why would any of us put up with this junk when we wouldnt accept it in Americans.

Not saying you love a person and neglecting them is emotional abuse NOT CULTURAL.. I am sorry. Why do we come up with all these complex cultural theories to explain crappy behavior? It puzzles me

I have been really loved by someone from MENA before ( it wasnt my husband) and he told me he loved me all the time, never hit me, always made me feel secure... never mistreated me.. He just couldnt legally stay here and his status was so messed up marrying me wouldnt have helped either.. so he had nothnig to gain. So I know all this bullshit about mena men not loving is a pile of #######. I get aggravated when I read this ####### about men not being loving with their wives,,, Its not cultural

read the book HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU...Cause thats the deal///not culture// Gees

God I must have looked like a dummy as I put up with more and more...

To those of you who everything is perfect.. THIS POLL IS NOT FOR YOU

Kat, I'm sorry... but *you* are exhausting - even more so than this damn process. You knew all this ####### before your husband got here, you saw all the red flags, and you chose to ignore it all. You think/thought that nothing anyone had to say was relevant b/c *we* all had our spouses here (not always the case, but you generalize like there's no tomorrow). Then once he got here, you realized that perhaps what we had to say was indeed relevant. Nothing like trying to regurgitate your big old shoe outta your own mouth, eh?

I know you've been through a lot, but I just have to say that IMHO you are one of the biggest damn drama queens I have ever had the pleasure of not meeting.

As for me, none of this stupid poll applies b/c yeah, my relationship is about as perfect as it can be. We could all use a bit more money, but my man treats my like his beautiful queen. *That* is a blessing.

Sorry for the rant, but it was high time someone said it.................

[~Jackie~ 30]

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Edited November 25, 2008 by just_Jackie

[me_4_musa 1]

I wanted to do an anonymous poll of mena members to be able to post anonymously about what has happened in their relationships.

I will definitely tell you that with what I know now, I would have only sponsored a highly educated person, extremely fluent in English and on top of that, looking back at the red flags I saw all along, I would have still married within mena, but not the person I married. I think love makes us endure alot that we normally would never put up with with an american.

The visa process is exhausting . Not in a million years would I do it again.. for any amount of money.. this has been ridiculous for me and time exhaustive. I am curious to see if when we see flags in other peoples relationships.... if we are honest about our own or we overlook them

Internet infidelity in my book is a deal breaker yet I have seen over the last 2 years, people still with spouses who did it. What gives with our common sense? Why would any of us put up with this junk when we wouldnt accept it in Americans.

Not saying you love a person and neglecting them is emotional abuse NOT CULTURAL.. I am sorry. Why do we come up with all these complex cultural theories to explain crappy behavior? It puzzles me

I have been really loved by someone from MENA before ( it wasnt my husband) and he told me he loved me all the time, never hit me, always made me feel secure... never mistreated me.. He just couldnt legally stay here and his status was so messed up marrying me wouldnt have helped either.. so he had nothnig to gain. So I know all this bullshit about mena men not loving is a pile of #######. I get aggravated when I read this ####### about men not being loving with their wives,,, Its not cultural

read the book HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU...Cause thats the deal///not culture// Gees

God I must have looked like a dummy as I put up with more and more...

To those of you who everything is perfect.. THIS POLL IS NOT FOR YOU

Kat, I'm sorry... but *you* are exhausting - even more so than this damn process. You knew all this ####### before your husband got here, you saw all the red flags, and you chose to ignore it all. You think/thought that nothing anyone had to say was relevant b/c *we* all had our spouses here (not always the case, but you generalize like there's no tomorrow). Then once he got here, you realized that perhaps what we had to say was indeed relevant. Nothing like trying to regurgitate your big old shoe outta your own mouth, eh?

I know you've been through a lot, but I just have to say that IMHO you are one of the biggest damn drama queens I have ever had the pleasure of not meeting.

As for me, none of this stupid poll applies b/c yeah, my relationship is about as perfect as it can be. We could all use a bit more money, but my man treats my like his beautiful queen. *That* is a blessing.

Sorry for the rant, but it was high time someone said it.................

THANK YOU!

[JeanneVictoria 55]

I wanted to do an anonymous poll of mena members to be able to post anonymously about what has happened in their relationships.

I will definitely tell you that with what I know now, I would have only sponsored a highly educated person, extremely fluent in English and on top of that, looking back at the red flags I saw all along, I would have still married within mena, but not the person I married. I think love makes us endure alot that we normally would never put up with with an american.

The visa process is exhausting . Not in a million years would I do it again.. for any amount of money.. this has been ridiculous for me and time exhaustive. I am curious to see if when we see flags in other peoples relationships.... if we are honest about our own or we overlook them

Internet infidelity in my book is a deal breaker yet I have seen over the last 2 years, people still with spouses who did it. What gives with our common sense? Why would any of us put up with this junk when we wouldnt accept it in Americans.

Not saying you love a person and neglecting them is emotional abuse NOT CULTURAL.. I am sorry. Why do we come up with all these complex cultural theories to explain crappy behavior? It puzzles me

I have been really loved by someone from MENA before ( it wasnt my husband) and he told me he loved me all the time, never hit me, always made me feel secure... never mistreated me.. He just couldnt legally stay here and his status was so messed up marrying me wouldnt have helped either.. so he had nothnig to gain. So I know all this bullshit about mena men not loving is a pile of #######. I get aggravated when I read this ####### about men not being loving with their wives,,, Its not cultural

read the book HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU...Cause thats the deal///not culture// Gees

God I must have looked like a dummy as I put up with more and more...

To those of you who everything is perfect.. THIS POLL IS NOT FOR YOU

Kat, I'm sorry... but *you* are exhausting - even more so than this damn process. You knew all this ####### before your husband got here, you saw all the red flags, and you chose to ignore it all. You think/thought that nothing anyone had to say was relevant b/c *we* all had our spouses here (not always the case, but you generalize like there's no tomorrow). Then once he got here, you realized that perhaps what we had to say was indeed relevant. Nothing like trying to regurgitate your big old shoe outta your own mouth, eh?

I know you've been through a lot, but I just have to say that IMHO you are one of the biggest damn drama queens I have ever had the pleasure of not meeting.

As for me, none of this stupid poll applies b/c yeah, my relationship is about as perfect as it can be. We could all use a bit more money, but my man treats my like his beautiful queen. *That* is a blessing.

Sorry for the rant, but it was high time someone said it.................

Love everyone

[~Jackie~ 30]

I guess the poll is not for me. I am perfect, my man is perfect and we are rich.

Oh snap, I woke up.

It's real life. I wander the net, he wanders the net. We need to learn things about each other. We will learn together what each likes and don't like. And our love will grow. If either of us makes a misstep...I pray we will talk it out and not let things grow into a big problem. Will I kick him to the curb if he falls off the pedastal I will put him on? No. i will not. I will stand next to him and try hard to make this work. He's a man. They come with flaws (shhh..but I have some too)

Naysayers....say nay as much as your fingers will allow. I love my man. Flaws and all.

[notime4haterz 0]

To those of you who everything is perfect.. THIS POLL IS NOT FOR YOU

Why not? Do you really think no one can have a perfect relationship?

Maybe some of us overlook the imperfections because they are not that important...thus, we feel like our relationships are perfect. Even if others think they're not.

Maybe there are some of us that went through a bad first relationship and LEARNED...and the second time around, made the right decisions, and now have a great relationship. Isn't that what life is about? Living, learning, and not repeating the same mistakes?

[notime4haterz 0]

I love my man. Flaws and all.

I'm sure he's flawless and you're being modest . I know my man is

[Muh and me 18]

[Tunisia216 2]

I am failing to see the point in this?

[~Jackie~ 30]

Well let's reexamine the thread title and maybe a point will become clear (and maybe not)

Double lives of visa journey petitioners. Well yea, I have a double life. I work by day and I am a business-professional. I come home and I am a vixen on Second Life. (see, double life! ) Sometimes I am lexys grandma and sometimes I am a sultry wife in chat with my man. I'm so double,,,,that I am triple.

"What we dont really want to post"----------hmm I don't want to post that I have really dry feet in the winter. I don't want to post that my kitty has a poop disorder.

You still confused Ash?

[Jasman0717 9]

Interesting results

[Zee Bee 61]

Well let's reexamine the thread title and maybe a point will become clear (and maybe not)

Double lives of visa journey petitioners. Well yea, I have a double life. I work by day and I am a business-professional. I come home and I am a vixen on Second Life. (see, double life! ) Sometimes I am lexys grandma and sometimes I am a sultry wife in chat with my man. I'm so double,,,,that I am triple.

"What we dont really want to post"----------hmm I don't want to post that I have really dry feet in the winter. I don't want to post that my kitty has a poop disorder.

You still confused Ash?

[Tunisia216 2]

I'm not as much confused as I am disappointed to see how much bitterness and drama has been going on in here as of late. It's sad. I feel bad for people that have had hard times through their visa journeys or in their life in general and I'm not naive enough to think that "It'll never ever happen to me" but at the same time I guess I'm with Noura and tired of reading the same stuff over and over again when I fail to see the purpose of it. I get it, just don't see what purpose it really serves.

Well let's reexamine the thread title and maybe a point will become clear (and maybe not)

Double lives of visa journey petitioners. Well yea, I have a double life. I work by day and I am a business-professional. I come home and I am a vixen on Second Life. (see, double life! ) Sometimes I am lexys grandma and sometimes I am a sultry wife in chat with my man. I'm so double,,,,that I am triple.

"What we dont really want to post"----------hmm I don't want to post that I have really dry feet in the winter. I don't want to post that my kitty has a poop disorder.

You still confused Ash?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Well let's reexamine the thread title and maybe a point will become clear (and maybe not)

Double lives of visa journey petitioners. Well yea, I have a double life. I work by day and I am a business-professional. I come home and I am a vixen on Second Life. (see, double life! ) Sometimes I am lexys grandma and sometimes I am a sultry wife in chat with my man. I'm so double,,,,that I am triple.

"What we dont really want to post"----------hmm I don't want to post that I have really dry feet in the winter. I don't want to post that my kitty has a poop disorder.

You still confused Ash?

I think when members are not honest about what has happened to them in previous relationships and gloss over whats happening in present relationships, it sends mixed signals to people who are having problems in that they think its just them. I am still married but we are separated and may or may not get back together. I prefer to be honest with people instead of acting like nothing happens.Some act irritated when others conceive and they have had miscarriages and it makes them hard hearted towards the baby banner posters.. (IMHO they are jealous of the people with kids.. Yes this applies to at least one poster i know who doubles over at EXPATS>. where venom is rampant)

to me and him.. you say I am a drama queen but i think losing my child and being battered entitles me. I also think many on here have experienced similar things ( maybe not dead kids) but divorce ( and they dont tell anyone) battering ( they dont tell anyone) and infidelity and separation from their spouses ( and they dont tell anyone)I think you have issues too like the rest of us.. and yes I think your marriage is more solid than most but yelling at me not to talk about this stuff doesnt make the reality go away that there are several on this board that since I have been posting have disappeared or are still posting and things are not alright in Kansas. I think their opinions have a place. Problems arent catching. And I am not going to say that every single day I had with my spouse was bad. I had lots of good days or I wouldnt have married him. But burying a child is another story and yes for gods sakes, there are tons of cultural differences that you see when there are clear differences between your families and the way things are done... Even burying them

The poll results are showing some of this. Thats why i made it anonymous..

The reality is I think we SHOULD be honest because how the heck can we learn from the boards if when marriages fail and husbands leave, no one talks about it. Or if men get their greencards and jet, women just vanish ( stop posting)

I am sorry if this makes the people on here with perfect lives uncomfortable but if I had a pound of flour for every pm I have gotten about stuff, Id open a bakery. I think its important for us to talk about things. I really feel that when we are honest with each other, we can help each other but too often the people with no issues trounce all over the people with issues so people are afraid to talk about whats going on in a public forum because they are afraid of what they might hear... ( usually the truth or some sarcastic version of it)

I think we all know the real deal about this process and what it does to some of us...But how about the life affects of not knowing someone well enough before we marry them. Would we marry an american we only spent 2 weeks with in real life? I think not....You cant know a person well enough in 2 two week visits. How can we be surprised when things come up

just my 2 cents