Freedom of Movement in the MENA Countries?

[Aymsgirl 0]

Good read HIT. Thx for the info peeps. The beating of the wife thing does bring up some issues. I was playing fighting with Waleed in Luxor hitting each other back in forth not uncommonly called "love pats" here. Well the play fighting quickly turned to real pain hitting. I told him where I come from it is ok for a female to hit a male but a male must not hit back. Then I told him the reason behind this is the female can not hit hard and certainly not as hard as a male that doesn't recognize his own strength. My Husband didn't seem to buy that explination of where I came from. So I asked him not to hit many anymore because he doesn't recognize his own strength. To this day I don't know if he is convienced he should not hit me because his hits hurt. The mentality as you said there is it is ok for the men to beat the females. I think my Husband thinks it is ok too because even in the Koran it says this. I've tried to discuss the situation more with him but I don't feel I get anywhere so I frankly told him. If he ever hits me I am gone. There will be no explination and no goodbyes. I would just leave because I do not agree to be hit in my life. Even with that tone of seriousness I don't know if he believes me yet. He's reply is, "If you hit me I will hit back and you will wish you didn't start it." I say that I would never hit him then and I repeat that he better never hit me or I really will be gone for good. He then says I can't believe you would think I would ever hit you. Even though my Koran says it is ok to beat a wife I would never marry a wife that deserves a beating. But beating a wife sometimes is the best thing a man can do for a woman if she is really that disobedient.

Now is that a moderate muslim stand point or what? God help me if it ever came to that.

Olivia...I hope that somebody more scholar here comes around to throw the facts out but the Koran doesn't state its ok to beat your wife. It is circumstantial and it isn't a hit out of anger or out of control either. It more like grabbing the arm kind of hit. Not beating.....nothing of that sort. I hope that it was misunderstood what he said or he didn't realize it when he said it like that.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Good read HIT. Thx for the info peeps. The beating of the wife thing does bring up some issues. I was playing fighting with Waleed in Luxor hitting each other back in forth not uncommonly called "love pats" here. Well the play fighting quickly turned to real pain hitting. I told him where I come from it is ok for a female to hit a male but a male must not hit back. Then I told him the reason behind this is the female can not hit hard and certainly not as hard as a male that doesn't recognize his own strength. My Husband didn't seem to buy that explination of where I came from. So I asked him not to hit many anymore because he doesn't recognize his own strength. To this day I don't know if he is convienced he should not hit me because his hits hurt. The mentality as you said there is it is ok for the men to beat the females. I think my Husband thinks it is ok too because even in the Koran it says this. I've tried to discuss the situation more with him but I don't feel I get anywhere so I frankly told him. If he ever hits me I am gone. There will be no explination and no goodbyes. I would just leave because I do not agree to be hit in my life. Even with that tone of seriousness I don't know if he believes me yet. He's reply is, "If you hit me I will hit back and you will wish you didn't start it." I say that I would never hit him then and I repeat that he better never hit me or I really will be gone for good. He then says I can't believe you would think I would ever hit you. Even though my Koran says it is ok to beat a wife I would never marry a wife that deserves a beating. But beating a wife sometimes is the best thing a man can do for a woman if she is really that disobedient.

Now is that a moderate muslim stand point or what? God help me if it ever came to that.

Olivia...I hope that somebody more scholar here comes around to throw the facts out but the Koran doesn't state its ok to beat your wife. It is circumstantial and it isn't a hit out of anger or out of control either. It more like grabbing the arm kind of hit. Not beating.....nothing of that sort. I hope that it was misunderstood what he said or he didn't realize it when he said it like that.

After he said that then I was looking for it online as some of those sites others on here have recommended. The whole conversation did not make me feel good if he can really beat me, even though he says he never would.

But when you get a post from Ihavequestions who happens to live there and says it's legal for a man to beat a wife there:

Punishment most certainly can include a beating. Here, it's legal for a husband to beat his wife, his mother, his sister(s), or any other female relative, and that's just the way it is.

When will who intervene? Do you mean the husband? That's up to the husband whether he comes to his wife's defense or not. The decision will most certainly be based up whether he believes she deserves whatever is happening at the moment or not. The police? Well, if you can find one who's actually awake, it's certainly possible you'd get some help, but those are few and far between. Regardless, whether the husband or the police will help, the Embassy will ALWAYS help a US citizen, up to and including a plane ticket home.

It raises an alarm in me. Is this just their legal system or is it the Koran's influence on the legal system there?

Or is it societal?

[Aymsgirl 0]

Good read HIT. Thx for the info peeps. The beating of the wife thing does bring up some issues. I was playing fighting with Waleed in Luxor hitting each other back in forth not uncommonly called "love pats" here. Well the play fighting quickly turned to real pain hitting. I told him where I come from it is ok for a female to hit a male but a male must not hit back. Then I told him the reason behind this is the female can not hit hard and certainly not as hard as a male that doesn't recognize his own strength. My Husband didn't seem to buy that explination of where I came from. So I asked him not to hit many anymore because he doesn't recognize his own strength. To this day I don't know if he is convienced he should not hit me because his hits hurt. The mentality as you said there is it is ok for the men to beat the females. I think my Husband thinks it is ok too because even in the Koran it says this. I've tried to discuss the situation more with him but I don't feel I get anywhere so I frankly told him. If he ever hits me I am gone. There will be no explination and no goodbyes. I would just leave because I do not agree to be hit in my life. Even with that tone of seriousness I don't know if he believes me yet. He's reply is, "If you hit me I will hit back and you will wish you didn't start it." I say that I would never hit him then and I repeat that he better never hit me or I really will be gone for good. He then says I can't believe you would think I would ever hit you. Even though my Koran says it is ok to beat a wife I would never marry a wife that deserves a beating. But beating a wife sometimes is the best thing a man can do for a woman if she is really that disobedient.

Now is that a moderate muslim stand point or what? God help me if it ever came to that.

Olivia...I hope that somebody more scholar here comes around to throw the facts out but the Koran doesn't state its ok to beat your wife. It is circumstantial and it isn't a hit out of anger or out of control either. It more like grabbing the arm kind of hit. Not beating.....nothing of that sort. I hope that it was misunderstood what he said or he didn't realize it when he said it like that.

After he said that then I was looking for it online as some of those sites others on here have recommended. The whole conversation did not make me feel good if he can really beat me, even though he says he never would.

But when you get a post from Ihavequestions who happens to live there and says it's legal for a man to beat a wife there:

Punishment most certainly can include a beating. Here, it's legal for a husband to beat his wife, his mother, his sister(s), or any other female relative, and that's just the way it is.

When will who intervene? Do you mean the husband? That's up to the husband whether he comes to his wife's defense or not. The decision will most certainly be based up whether he believes she deserves whatever is happening at the moment or not. The police? Well, if you can find one who's actually awake, it's certainly possible you'd get some help, but those are few and far between. Regardless, whether the husband or the police will help, the Embassy will ALWAYS help a US citizen, up to and including a plane ticket home.

It raises an alarm in me. Is this just their legal system or is it the Koran's influence on the legal system there?

Or is it societal?

Anything legal I can ask my husband. He has studied Egyptian and Sharia Islamic Law. I know that if you read some posts online it will take a few verses and write entire stories on them about wife beating. I asked my husband once and he said it isn't acceptable to just beat your wife not at all nor the wife hit the husband but he said that let's say the wife was crazy out of control and you were trying to control her temper he said something about kind of grabbing the upper part of her arm to get her attention and calm her down not enough to bruise, bleed or break. Just a firm tap. I will find something that I have listened to from Yusef Estes...he was a former Christian turned Muslim and his view that helps to explain this...Again, I am no scholar, I hope somebody else comes around to help you out.

Yusef Estes

[HLM 1]

I agree with Tasha; Olivia and here is another link for u to understand more....http://www.islamawareness.net/Wife/beating2.html

Also i just want to add that u chose ur husband and since u did so u trust him and u know that he wd never ever hurt u! if i saw any abusive signs from my husband i wdnt have married him; u know what i mean! the fact that u married him that means u trust him with ur life! so u shudnt b worried about things like that in my opinion!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Good read HIT. Thx for the info peeps. The beating of the wife thing does bring up some issues. I was playing fighting with Waleed in Luxor hitting each other back in forth not uncommonly called "love pats" here. Well the play fighting quickly turned to real pain hitting. I told him where I come from it is ok for a female to hit a male but a male must not hit back. Then I told him the reason behind this is the female can not hit hard and certainly not as hard as a male that doesn't recognize his own strength. My Husband didn't seem to buy that explination of where I came from. So I asked him not to hit many anymore because he doesn't recognize his own strength. To this day I don't know if he is convienced he should not hit me because his hits hurt. The mentality as you said there is it is ok for the men to beat the females. I think my Husband thinks it is ok too because even in the Koran it says this. I've tried to discuss the situation more with him but I don't feel I get anywhere so I frankly told him. If he ever hits me I am gone. There will be no explination and no goodbyes. I would just leave because I do not agree to be hit in my life. Even with that tone of seriousness I don't know if he believes me yet. He's reply is, "If you hit me I will hit back and you will wish you didn't start it." I say that I would never hit him then and I repeat that he better never hit me or I really will be gone for good. He then says I can't believe you would think I would ever hit you. Even though my Koran says it is ok to beat a wife I would never marry a wife that deserves a beating. But beating a wife sometimes is the best thing a man can do for a woman if she is really that disobedient.

Now is that a moderate muslim stand point or what? God help me if it ever came to that.

Olivia...I hope that somebody more scholar here comes around to throw the facts out but the Koran doesn't state its ok to beat your wife. It is circumstantial and it isn't a hit out of anger or out of control either. It more like grabbing the arm kind of hit. Not beating.....nothing of that sort. I hope that it was misunderstood what he said or he didn't realize it when he said it like that.

After he said that then I was looking for it online as some of those sites others on here have recommended. The whole conversation did not make me feel good if he can really beat me, even though he says he never would.

But when you get a post from Ihavequestions who happens to live there and says it's legal for a man to beat a wife there:

Punishment most certainly can include a beating. Here, it's legal for a husband to beat his wife, his mother, his sister(s), or any other female relative, and that's just the way it is.

When will who intervene? Do you mean the husband? That's up to the husband whether he comes to his wife's defense or not. The decision will most certainly be based up whether he believes she deserves whatever is happening at the moment or not. The police? Well, if you can find one who's actually awake, it's certainly possible you'd get some help, but those are few and far between. Regardless, whether the husband or the police will help, the Embassy will ALWAYS help a US citizen, up to and including a plane ticket home.

It raises an alarm in me. Is this just their legal system or is it the Koran's influence on the legal system there?

Or is it societal?

Anything legal I can ask my husband. He has studied Egyptian and Sharia Islamic Law. I know that if you read some posts online it will take a few verses and write entire stories on them about wife beating. I asked my husband once and he said it isn't acceptable to just beat your wife not at all nor the wife hit the husband but he said that let's say the wife was crazy out of control and you were trying to control her temper he said something about kind of grabbing the upper part of her arm to get her attention and calm her down not enough to bruise, bleed or break. Just a firm tap. I will find something that I have listened to from Yusef Estes...he was a former Christian turned Muslim and his view that helps to explain this...Again, I am no scholar, I hope somebody else comes around to help you out.

Yusef Estes

That guy is funny! I want him to get to the part about where they are supposed to bring us jewelry every so often! A man after my own heart!

[Aymsgirl 0]

Good read HIT. Thx for the info peeps. The beating of the wife thing does bring up some issues. I was playing fighting with Waleed in Luxor hitting each other back in forth not uncommonly called "love pats" here. Well the play fighting quickly turned to real pain hitting. I told him where I come from it is ok for a female to hit a male but a male must not hit back. Then I told him the reason behind this is the female can not hit hard and certainly not as hard as a male that doesn't recognize his own strength. My Husband didn't seem to buy that explination of where I came from. So I asked him not to hit many anymore because he doesn't recognize his own strength. To this day I don't know if he is convienced he should not hit me because his hits hurt. The mentality as you said there is it is ok for the men to beat the females. I think my Husband thinks it is ok too because even in the Koran it says this. I've tried to discuss the situation more with him but I don't feel I get anywhere so I frankly told him. If he ever hits me I am gone. There will be no explination and no goodbyes. I would just leave because I do not agree to be hit in my life. Even with that tone of seriousness I don't know if he believes me yet. He's reply is, "If you hit me I will hit back and you will wish you didn't start it." I say that I would never hit him then and I repeat that he better never hit me or I really will be gone for good. He then says I can't believe you would think I would ever hit you. Even though my Koran says it is ok to beat a wife I would never marry a wife that deserves a beating. But beating a wife sometimes is the best thing a man can do for a woman if she is really that disobedient.

Now is that a moderate muslim stand point or what? God help me if it ever came to that.

Olivia...I hope that somebody more scholar here comes around to throw the facts out but the Koran doesn't state its ok to beat your wife. It is circumstantial and it isn't a hit out of anger or out of control either. It more like grabbing the arm kind of hit. Not beating.....nothing of that sort. I hope that it was misunderstood what he said or he didn't realize it when he said it like that.

After he said that then I was looking for it online as some of those sites others on here have recommended. The whole conversation did not make me feel good if he can really beat me, even though he says he never would.

But when you get a post from Ihavequestions who happens to live there and says it's legal for a man to beat a wife there:

Punishment most certainly can include a beating. Here, it's legal for a husband to beat his wife, his mother, his sister(s), or any other female relative, and that's just the way it is.

When will who intervene? Do you mean the husband? That's up to the husband whether he comes to his wife's defense or not. The decision will most certainly be based up whether he believes she deserves whatever is happening at the moment or not. The police? Well, if you can find one who's actually awake, it's certainly possible you'd get some help, but those are few and far between. Regardless, whether the husband or the police will help, the Embassy will ALWAYS help a US citizen, up to and including a plane ticket home.

It raises an alarm in me. Is this just their legal system or is it the Koran's influence on the legal system there?

Or is it societal?

Anything legal I can ask my husband. He has studied Egyptian and Sharia Islamic Law. I know that if you read some posts online it will take a few verses and write entire stories on them about wife beating. I asked my husband once and he said it isn't acceptable to just beat your wife not at all nor the wife hit the husband but he said that let's say the wife was crazy out of control and you were trying to control her temper he said something about kind of grabbing the upper part of her arm to get her attention and calm her down not enough to bruise, bleed or break. Just a firm tap. I will find something that I have listened to from Yusef Estes...he was a former Christian turned Muslim and his view that helps to explain this...Again, I am no scholar, I hope somebody else comes around to help you out.

Yusef Estes

That guy is funny! I want him to get to the part about where they are supposed to bring us jewelry every so often! A man after my own heart!

Honestly, he explains Islam like as if he is explaining it to a child. He actually has a children's show on Arabic tv. I love listening and learning from him. Especially when I was on the line of converting he helped me to understand what I was going through by listening to him.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

The mentality as you said there is it is ok for the men to beat the females. I think my Husband thinks it is ok too because even in the Koran it says this. I've tried to discuss the situation more with him but I don't feel I get anywhere so I frankly told him. If he ever hits me I am gone. There will be no explination and no goodbyes. I would just leave because I do not agree to be hit in my life. Even with that tone of seriousness I don't know if he believes me yet. He's reply is, "If you hit me I will hit back and you will wish you didn't start it." I say that I would never hit him then and I repeat that he better never hit me or I really will be gone for good. He then says I can't believe you would think I would ever hit you. Even though my Koran says it is ok to beat a wife I would never marry a wife that deserves a beating. But beating a wife sometimes is the best thing a man can do for a woman if she is really that disobedient.

Now is that a moderate muslim stand point or what? God help me if it ever came to that.

Hi Olivia,

Please don't believe that all Muslims believe that the Quran allows men to "BEAT" their wives.

For a different perspective on the meaning of these verses in the Quran visit: http://www.answering-christianity.com/beating_no.htm

As for your question about freedom of movement for an American wife in Egypt... what is "legally allowed" and what your husband permits you to do.. could be 2 different things. Having a legal right to do something might not help if you can't find someone to enforce the law... I am appalled to hear you were LOCKED in a room! That to me is shocking. My husband often asked me to stay in another room when strange men (repairmen, etc.) were in our flat, but LOCKED IN???? That would have been a "deal breaker" for me.

I went out alone all the time in Alex. At first he didn't like me to be out after dark, but then saw I was totally capable of navigating around so he stopped worrying about it so much. I was allowed to travel from Alex to Cairo, (on 3 occasions) and Ain Sukhna, etc. to visit friends without him. He was shocked when I agreed to stay alone in Alex for 2 days while he went to his brother-in-law's funeral in Cairo, he thought I would be afraid to stay alone in the flat.... but I was more afraid of going to his sister's house in Cairo with 100 relatives stacked like cord wood and grieving, etc.

I have not heard of an American woman not being allowed to leave Egypt (at the airport) without her husband's permission, but if you have his children with you and your planning to leave maybe it's another story.

I do know of an American woman who had 3 children with her Egyptian husband but never bothered to get her American Islamic Marriage registered in Egypt even though they lived there for 14 years before her husband passed away. When she tried to leave Egypt with her 3 girls who had American Passports she had to have the husband of a friend accompany her and the girls to the airport and pose as her husband so she could leave with the girls as her inlaws were claiming custody of the girls (and all inheritance rights) because they claimed she was never married to their son... but that the girls were the daughters of their son and so since he was dead they had sole rights to raise the girls... It was a nightmare for her as I recall...

I feel very fortunate to have ex-inlaws and many Ex-Pat friends only blocks away from me when I'm in Egypt so I don't feel "dependent" EVER and know that I have plenty of people who would make sure I was never prevented from ANYTHING important while I'm there.

As Muslims my husband and I don't agree on the meaning of verses related to "discipline" in the Quran, (he still believes it allows physical striking with the miswak or toothbrush after the other methods of discipline have failed) but he's 100% sure that if he hit me it would only be once... and if he lived to tell about it, it would be at the masjid and then the court where I'd be getting a divorce.

I often wonder how any American woman could revert to Islam if they believed it actually told men to hit their wives... To me it is incomprehensible.

K

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

The mentality as you said there is it is ok for the men to beat the females. I think my Husband thinks it is ok too because even in the Koran it says this. I've tried to discuss the situation more with him but I don't feel I get anywhere so I frankly told him. If he ever hits me I am gone. There will be no explination and no goodbyes. I would just leave because I do not agree to be hit in my life. Even with that tone of seriousness I don't know if he believes me yet. He's reply is, "If you hit me I will hit back and you will wish you didn't start it." I say that I would never hit him then and I repeat that he better never hit me or I really will be gone for good. He then says I can't believe you would think I would ever hit you. Even though my Koran says it is ok to beat a wife I would never marry a wife that deserves a beating. But beating a wife sometimes is the best thing a man can do for a woman if she is really that disobedient.

Now is that a moderate muslim stand point or what? God help me if it ever came to that.

Hi Olivia,

Please don't believe that all Muslims believe that the Quran allows men to "BEAT" their wives.

For a different perspective on the meaning of these verses in the Quran visit: http://www.answering-christianity.com/beating_no.htm

As for your question about freedom of movement for an American wife in Egypt... what is "legally allowed" and what your husband permits you to do.. could be 2 different things. Having a legal right to do something might not help if you can't find someone to enforce the law... I am appalled to hear you were LOCKED in a room! That to me is shocking. My husband often asked me to stay in another room when strange men (repairmen, etc.) were in our flat, but LOCKED IN???? That would have been a "deal breaker" for me.

I went out alone all the time in Alex. At first he didn't like me to be out after dark, but then saw I was totally capable of navigating around so he stopped worrying about it so much. I was allowed to travel from Alex to Cairo, (on 3 occasions) and Ain Sukhna, etc. to visit friends without him. He was shocked when I agreed to stay alone in Alex for 2 days while he went to his brother-in-law's funeral in Cairo, he thought I would be afraid to stay alone in the flat.... but I was more afraid of going to his sister's house in Cairo with 100 relatives stacked like cord wood and grieving, etc.

I have not heard of an American woman not being allowed to leave Egypt (at the airport) without her husband's permission, but if you have his children with you and your planning to leave maybe it's another story.

I do know of an American woman who had 3 children with her Egyptian husband but never bothered to get her American Islamic Marriage registered in Egypt even though they lived there for 14 years before her husband passed away. When she tried to leave Egypt with her 3 girls who had American Passports she had to have the husband of a friend accompany her and the girls to the airport and pose as her husband so she could leave with the girls as her inlaws were claiming custody of the girls (and all inheritance rights) because they claimed she was never married to their son... but that the girls were the daughters of their son and so since he was dead they had sole rights to raise the girls... It was a nightmare for her as I recall...

I feel very fortunate to have ex-inlaws and many Ex-Pat friends only blocks away from me when I'm in Egypt so I don't feel "dependent" EVER and know that I have plenty of people who would make sure I was never prevented from ANYTHING important while I'm there.

As Muslims my husband and I don't agree on the meaning of verses related to "discipline" in the Quran, (he still believes it allows physical striking with the miswak or toothbrush after the other methods of discipline have failed) but he's 100% sure that if he hit me it would only be once... and if he lived to tell about it, it would be at the masjid and then the court where I'd be getting a divorce.

I often wonder how any American woman could revert to Islam if they believed it actually told men to hit their wives... To me it is incomprehensible.

K

Hey K! I haven't seen you in awhile! I had forgot about you. Thanks for showing me womeg btw. I am sorry I just got excited to say hi to you and congratulate you on your new Husband getting his visa and coming here. I didn't have time to read all of your post but I will.

I am having a hard time right now. My Mom and I just got into an awful fight last night about co-signing for the visa. She said horrible things to me and I just don't know what else to do. I am already having a hard time dealing with being an egyptian military bride going through immigration and coping by focusing on finishing my degree. I thought we were over this bit of fighting and she had accepted my marraige. She said I told her things. I told her he and I have had plenty of time to work our problems out. She said I had to come back in three months that it was BS I was going to live there and stay with him. I told her would you listen to yourself. He is my Husband. We've already been apart 2 years. I can't go on like this. She said that it was my fault for marrying an Egyptian from a third world country. I was shocked at her words and wondered what does this have to do with anything? To go for the IR-1 she knew I needed her to co-sign. I've been a student for the past 2.5 years with no income other than school money. She was too emotional. I tried to explain the process as calmly as I could to her. The I am the primary sponser. That nothing is going to happen. We've researched and he can start right away as a Medical Researcher in most parts at $50,000 a year. That if anything did happen to him I would be willing to sign a notorized document it's just a formal loan between me and her. But that nothing is going to happen. She said I don't know what your talking about. I am sure there are plenty of people willing to co-sign for him. I said Who? Who Mom? To go there and come back as fast as possible I need your help right now. She said she didn't think I was a smart woman to go there live. That my student loans come due in 6 months. I told her I had a year and half because I can do an economic deferment and it just gains interest for a year without payments. But we'd pay them back. Otherwise I would have to come back for a year and work for a whole to prove I could support him on my own. We'd be apart another year if not longer if I have to keep my job. Time just won't allow it. And they may look at that one year and insist upon three examples of tax years or a co-signer and then what? Then I told her I was a smart woman I knew what I was doing I've researched and asked others in the family and some of them are disqualified but she fits. And isn't a parent supposed to support their child and want a better life for them? I need those papers. She got really pissed at that and said I've been supporting you. I am the only one supporting you. Don't blame you going to Egypt getting stuck there, getting pregnant there, and whatever else your life may lead on me not co-signing those papers for you.

I'm just so hurt. I faced having my ears chewed for the nine months we are engaged and then after marriage the two families seem to accept it and be supportive of their married kids. But now after all these problems with him going to the military I am facing the old fears again from my newly won but undone supporters and my cheeks stained with tears from the bitterness of it all.

Welcome to Immigration Hell! Not all of it works out peachy keen. Many of us are still swallowing crow that is being force feed to us.

[notime4haterz 0]

Regarding the part in the Quran about beating:

If you don't want to read it all, see the bold parts.

Praise be to Allaah.

We are very happy that you are reading our site and are keen to learn about Islam. We ask Allaah to guide you to that which will bring you happiness in this world and in the hereafter.

1 – The Qur’aan enjoins good treatment of one's wife: she is to be honoured and treated kindly, even when one no longer feels love in one's heart towards her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

2 – The Qur’aan explains that women have rights over their husbands, just as their husbands have rights over them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”

[al-Baqarah 2:228]

This verse indicates that the man has additional rights, commensurate with his role as protector and maintainer and his responsibility of spending (on his wife) etc.

3 – The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) enjoined kind treatment and honouring of one’s wife, and he described the best of people as those who are best to their wives. He said: “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; Ibn Maajah, 1977; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

4 – The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke beautiful word concerning kind treatment of one’s wife, stating that when the husband feeds his wife and puts a morsel of food in her mouth, he earns the reward of doing an act of charity. He said, “You never spend anything but you will be rewarded for it, even the morsel of food that you lift to your wife’s mouth.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6352; Muslim, 1628.

4 – And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Fear Allaah with regard to women, for you have taken them as a trust from Allaah and intimacy with them has become permissible to you by the words of Allaah. Your right over them is that they should not allow anyone to sit on your furniture whom you dislike; if they do that then hit them but not in a harsh manner. And their right over you is that you should provide for them and clothe them on a reasonable basis.” Narrated by Muslim, 1218.

What is meant by “they should not allow anyone to sit on your furniture whom you dislike” is that they should not allow anyone whom you dislike to enter your houses, whether the person disliked is a man or a woman, or any of the woman’s mahrams [close relatives to whom marriage is forbidden]. The prohibition includes all of them. From the words of al-Nawawi.

The hadeeth may be understood as meaning that a man has the right to hit his wife, in a manner that is not harsh and does not cause injury if if there is a reason for that, such as her going against his wishes or disobeying him.

This is like the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

If a woman rebels against her husband and disobeys his commands, then he should follow this method of admonishing her, forsaking her in bed and hitting her. Hitting is subject to the condition that it should not be harsh or cause injury. Al-Hasan al-Basri said: this means that it should not cause pain.

‘Ata’ said: I said to Ibn ‘Abbaas, what is the kind of hitting that is not harsh? He said, Hitting with a siwaak and the like. [A siwaak is a small stick or twig used for cleaning the teeth - Translator]

The purpose behind this is not to hurt or humiliate the woman, rather it is intended to make her realize that she has transgressed against her husband’s rights, and that her husband has the right to set her straight and discipline her.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

I wish Kats husband would have read all this and believed it as a muslim man... he put her thru too much screwed up shizzle...

Regarding the part in the Quran about beating:

If you don't want to read it all, see the bold parts.

Praise be to Allaah.

We are very happy that you are reading our site and are keen to learn about Islam. We ask Allaah to guide you to that which will bring you happiness in this world and in the hereafter.

1 – The Qur’aan enjoins good treatment of one's wife: she is to be honoured and treated kindly, even when one no longer feels love in one's heart towards her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

2 – The Qur’aan explains that women have rights over their husbands, just as their husbands have rights over them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”

[al-Baqarah 2:228]

This verse indicates that the man has additional rights, commensurate with his role as protector and maintainer and his responsibility of spending (on his wife) etc.

Islam Q&A

Edited November 23, 2008 by TamaraLovesAdam

[notime4haterz 0]

I wish Kats husband would have read all this and believed it as a muslim man... he put her thru too much screwed up shizzle...

Yes, well I think the biggest problem with multi-cultural and mult-religion marriages is that both parties don't go into it fully knowing everything. For her own safety, a woman, and ANY woman (regardless where they are from) who marries a Muslim man, should know all her rights and responsibilities, before getting married.

Muslim women have a lot of right that they don't know about. Muslim men have a lot of responsibilities that they don't know about, or like to ignore.

And for those who are non-Muslim women, marrying Muslim men, they should know what their responsibilities are also, because there are things that the religion demands of them, that they may not be willing to abide by. Also, she should know how much of the rules her husband is willing to abide by. There's a big difference if he's gonna follow (and expect her to follow) every rule, or if he's gonna ignore it all and live areligiously.

I think if both people were to learn, together, from a third party, like in a class of some kind, then they would both benefit.

But in general, women would benefit more if they only knew all the rights they have over their husband.

[Staashi 371]

I wish Kats husband would have read all this and believed it as a muslim man... he put her thru too much screwed up shizzle...

Yes, well I think the biggest problem with multi-cultural and mult-religion marriages is that both parties don't go into it fully knowing everything. For her own safety, a woman, and ANY woman (regardless where they are from) who marries a Muslim man, should know all her rights and responsibilities, before getting married.

Muslim women have a lot of right that they don't know about. Muslim men have a lot of responsibilities that they don't know about, or like to ignore.

And for those who are non-Muslim women, marrying Muslim men, they should know what their responsibilities are also, because there are things that the religion demands of them, that they may not be willing to abide by. Also, she should know how much of the rules her husband is willing to abide by. There's a big difference if he's gonna follow (and expect her to follow) every rule, or if he's gonna ignore it all and live areligiously.

I think if both people were to learn, together, from a third party, like in a class of some kind, then they would both benefit.

But in general, women would benefit more if they only knew all the rights they have over their husband.

Actually, Kat is a muslima. She knew her rights, and she knew that her husband was treating her wrongly.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

I wish Kats husband would have read all this and believed it as a muslim man... he put her thru too much screwed up shizzle...

Yes, well I think the biggest problem with multi-cultural and mult-religion marriages is that both parties don't go into it fully knowing everything. For her own safety, a woman, and ANY woman (regardless where they are from) who marries a Muslim man, should know all her rights and responsibilities, before getting married.

Muslim women have a lot of right that they don't know about. Muslim men have a lot of responsibilities that they don't know about, or like to ignore.

And for those who are non-Muslim women, marrying Muslim men, they should know what their responsibilities are also, because there are things that the religion demands of them, that they may not be willing to abide by. Also, she should know how much of the rules her husband is willing to abide by. There's a big difference if he's gonna follow (and expect her to follow) every rule, or if he's gonna ignore it all and live areligiously.

I think if both people were to learn, together, from a third party, like in a class of some kind, then they would both benefit.

But in general, women would benefit more if they only knew all the rights they have over their husband.

Actually, Kat is a muslima. She knew her rights, and she knew that her husband was treating her wrongly.

Yes very true!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I wish Kats husband would have read all this and believed it as a muslim man... he put her thru too much screwed up shizzle...

Yes, well I think the biggest problem with multi-cultural and mult-religion marriages is that both parties don't go into it fully knowing everything. For her own safety, a woman, and ANY woman (regardless where they are from) who marries a Muslim man, should know all her rights and responsibilities, before getting married.

Muslim women have a lot of right that they don't know about. Muslim men have a lot of responsibilities that they don't know about, or like to ignore.

And for those who are non-Muslim women, marrying Muslim men, they should know what their responsibilities are also, because there are things that the religion demands of them, that they may not be willing to abide by. Also, she should know how much of the rules her husband is willing to abide by. There's a big difference if he's gonna follow (and expect her to follow) every rule, or if he's gonna ignore it all and live areligiously.

I think if both people were to learn, together, from a third party, like in a class of some kind, then they would both benefit.

But in general, women would benefit more if they only knew all the rights they have over their husband.

Actually, Kat is a muslima. She knew her rights, and she knew that her husband was treating her wrongly.

My husband and I are not presently together and I dont know if we will ever be together again. But he didnt stick it out and lie to me and dupe me for a greencard. He was awful in so many ways... and I lost something so precious to me and he isnt here to comfort me. But honestly, I dont know how many marriages on this board would honestly even if they were good ,survive what we have been through. maybe yours staashi because he helped you through sickness. But I wouldnt be shocked if many on here would run. some are even running when their visa isnt coming lickety split.

I have been through a ton but I dont blame islam for it. I had someone WITH papers abandon me with a child and you are not supposed to do that if you are a muslim and he was muslim. I was battered beyond belief by a muslim 6 years and kicked and had my things broken and my stomach punched and the next day he was like humdullilah and all that mess

The worst person ever to me in my life was a baptist american and I was with him 14 years. He was tyrannical, robbed me blind and broke every picture frame in the house. I think the fact is that there are men who batter and abuse and it doesnt matter WHAT culture they come from. He went on to batter every other woman hes been with and was convicted of assault 2 years ago so it wasnt just me. I love my husband ( I know hes been an ###) but we are taking time apart. I asked him the week he left for a divorce and we finally decided that we will make a final decision in December. He has his cr greencard and I wont do anything to write a bad letter to take it away from him but frankly he shows very little interest in living in the states anyway ( NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO LIVE IN THE US BY THE WAY)

Staashi at least you are pregnant and have something to dream about. Enjoy the pregnancy and be careful with your health. None of know at any time what we can lose so I plead with you to try hard to be happy and feel so lucky

tamara, I know that you beyond other people know what loss is ... your mom was lost to you through such tragic proportions that you can at least understand what happened to me.... and how I am lucky to still have it together

I am puzzled at how many have treated me since I lost my angel. I have literally been harped on by my boss, screamed at by my mom and my aunt and even my husbands mother yelled at me to stop crying. its puzzling.. Like my grief isnt allowed cause it makes them uncomfortable.

I get lectures. Snotty comments.. I am trying to hang in there the best I can and go to work and keep a roof over my childrens head. I pray my husband works through his pain and his issues and wants to be a better husband to me.. if he doesnt then we will divorce amicably because I dont have the strength to throw down with anyone else . I just want to be happy with my 2 little kids in the house and I want to live a good life and at some point think about my baby without breaking completely down

But dont blame muslim men staashi. I have been with the worlds biggest ####### and he was american, blond baptist white and law abiding and looked all normal... But he had a fetish for banging my head against walls and tormenting women

it aint a muslim thing( baptist) I never had a muslim DO ANYTHING to the level of what he did EVER>

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Kat, you know I care about you and what you have been thru...

the last thing you posted was that a muslim man never did anything as bad as an American baptist man. This is where I see error. Your husband did do just as bad things to you as your previous husband. He hit you, spit in your face, and I can go on and on... whether he did it 2 times or 10 times, hes just as guilty as your first husband. No excuses. Hes was a bad husband to you. Point blank.