Fiancée Having Second Thoughts

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Please, for dignity's sake, STOP posting random disgusting Holocaust materials. They do NOT apply to ANYTHING and are HATEFUL and WRONG.

You're not even taking time to read or find the context in the things you're posting. This behavior DOES NOT BELONG HERE. Please understand that your opinions are not facts, and are not the end-all of truth in this world on ANY topic!

They arent hateful . They are fact. My father served in WW2 and met some of the victims of these regimes as have I growing up . I am posting videos in response to the previous topic. They are truthful and factual and current.

The links are from the herald tribune and the University of Minnesota. I am sorry if they are disturbing. I am merely refuting that it wasnt just the fascist regime that participated and the newer exhibits at the camps have been created using American help and professors who specialise in the balkans from the US

Its fine if we dont agree but I dont think glossing over history by saying it was only a regime who did these things is fair either. Genocide is hateful and hard to talk about like Iraq is hard for us

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I doubt that if you stated things exactly like she had in the company of most Americans that they would feel too thrilled to listen to her. You are again missing my point. If its not something you could say freely with a person interviewing you for a cr1 visa, I dont think its something that an average American would freely accept. Go to a consular interview and go on and on about how you dont feel happy to come here and see if you get your visa. I dont think so.. But thats just my opinion, not everyones I guess.

Did you even read my long and very patient post? THESE PEOPLE ARE ALL HAPPY TO COME TO AMERICA. The things you think are insults are NOT AT ALL. I and my fiancee actually met with officials and expressed our thoughts about the process and the situation. They responded by TRYING TO HELP US. I *AM* an American and have been my entire life.

I have lost all patience with you. I have tried over and over and you keep putting words and opinions in the mouths of EVERYONE HERE and spew nothing but hate and nationalism. I'm sorry, I tried to be your friend and show you that we agreed on so many things. But this is too much. You spend all your time digging up disgusting and offensive videos and materials instead of reading and understanding people's points of view.

I'm sorry, but I'm leaving now. I greatly and honestly hope you get past whatever is making you so angry. We agree on so many things, I don't understand why you want to make enemies out of your friends.

[FaithfulandTrue 6]

you have to remember this is a very big step for her.. she will be leaving her homeland.. i would be scared too actually.. just be patient with her and try to reassure her that everything will be fine.. by all means, do not press her hard.. again this is a very big step.. many blessings to you guys.. i wish you well

[*Snowdrop* 604]

I doubt that if you stated things exactly like she had in the company of most Americans that they would feel too thrilled to listen to her. You are again missing my point. If its not something you could say freely with a person interviewing you for a cr1 visa, I dont think its something that an average American would freely accept. Go to a consular interview and go on and on about how you dont feel happy to come here and see if you get your visa. I dont think so.. But thats just my opinion, not everyones I guess.

You are just making things up now. No one has gone 'on and on' about how they are not happy to come to America.

Our visas are based on our genuine relationships with our significant others. We don't have to want to live in America beyond all other countries to qualify for this visa.

Your posts are sounding very anti-Croatian. Perhaps you don't mean to sound so aggressive...

Edited November 28, 2008 by lsma

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I doubt that if you stated things exactly like she had in the company of most Americans that they would feel too thrilled to listen to her. You are again missing my point. If its not something you could say freely with a person interviewing you for a cr1 visa, I dont think its something that an average American would freely accept. Go to a consular interview and go on and on about how you dont feel happy to come here and see if you get your visa. I dont think so.. But thats just my opinion, not everyones I guess.

Did you even read my long and very patient post? THESE PEOPLE ARE ALL HAPPY TO COME TO AMERICA. The things you think are insults are NOT AT ALL. I and my fiancee actually met with officials and expressed our thoughts about the process and the situation. They responded by TRYING TO HELP US. I *AM* an American and have been my entire life.

I have lost all patience with you. I have tried over and over and you keep putting words and opinions in the mouths of EVERYONE HERE and spew nothing but hate and nationalism. I'm sorry, I tried to be your friend and show you that we agreed on so many things. But this is too much. You spend all your time digging up disgusting and offensive videos and materials instead of reading and understanding people's points of view.

I'm sorry, but I'm leaving now. I greatly and honestly hope you get past whatever is making you so angry. We agree on so many things, I don't understand why you want to make enemies out of your friends.

this was the original post that caught me by surprise

Tell me that in some way many people would find it offensive

I'd like to repeat it once more - we, the aliens, beneficiaries, or whatever you want to call us, are not by default unhappy, poor, miserable, undereducated and dying to become American citizens. Many of us really don't give a damn about the US as a whole, or the opportunities it could give us. We just happen to be engaged, married or just in love with an american citizen and for reasons that nobody should care about, some of us will want or have to live in the States. It's not your place to tell us how to use our heads, or that love will solve all the world's problems. It won't, and it can't. For many of us, moving to the States is actually a 'necessary evil', so to speak. We're not coming to steal your food or take over your workplace, but at the same time, yes, we'll be looking to earn our own

I appreciate your patience... calling moving to the states A NECESSARY EVIL could be interpreted by some as .. um.... being unappreciative of being here. I have a right to my opinion as well as she.

The things about Croatia were actually in response to a different post farther down the line..Ill have to dig that up..

Maybe we are all just misunderstanding each other but the whole NECESSARY EVIL didnt give me warm fuzzies to begin with..

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I doubt that if you stated things exactly like she had in the company of most Americans that they would feel too thrilled to listen to her. You are again missing my point. If its not something you could say freely with a person interviewing you for a cr1 visa, I dont think its something that an average American would freely accept. Go to a consular interview and go on and on about how you dont feel happy to come here and see if you get your visa. I dont think so.. But thats just my opinion, not everyones I guess.

You are just making things up now. No one has gone 'on and on' about how they are not happy to come to America.

Our visas are based on our genuine relationships with our significant others. We don't have to want to live in America beyond all other countries to qualify for this visa.

Your posts are sounding very anti-Croatian. Perhaps you don't mean to sound so aggressive...

I am not anti anyone or anybody. I take the same stance on george bushs forway into this mess we call the Iraq war.. I think I am a little sensitive about the whole NECESSARY EVIL opinion about living in the USA. If someone from the US said in anyway we were justified at remaining there, I would have alot to say about that or that the USA didnt participate in harming other countries, I would also comment on that..

its just a message board. Its not NPR. We are all entitled to our opinions.. alot of that comes from being FREE enough in the USA to express them

[jundp 191]

Why can't you accept or at least understand that just because someone doesn't think America is the best country in the world that it doesn't mean they are 'bashing' your country.

I am grateful for the chance of living with my husband but I don't feel that living in the US is any better for me than living in the UK. I would be just as happy to live in France, Germany, Brazil, Australia, New Zealand (actually I would be REALLY happy to live in New Zealand). I would be so happy just to stay here in the UK if my husband could be with me. Right now that's not possible for us so we are starting our married life in the US.

I don't feel 'lucky to immigrate to the US' as you put it. I feel lucky to have found this wonderful man and lucky to be nearing the end of our immigration journey. I'm going to make the most of our time in the US - whether that is 4, 14 or 40 years. There are some wonderful places to visit and I'm sure I'm going to love my experience there, I would never be disrespectful about my spouse's homeland but for me it's not any better than my home country.

And as far as being unpopular with American friends, co-workers and family if I am not overjoyed at being here (as you claim) - in my case you are completely wrong. Most people I have met in the US would love to live in my country and ask my why we don't want to live there.

Economics were a huge factor in my husband's decision to move to the US. As I stated earlier, I would not have been able to continue in my career in Germany for some time until I learned fluency in German. My husband, on the other hand, is fluent in both languages. While I love my country, for the two of us, America is not necessarily the best place we could ever live. When the time is right, moving back to Germany is a very real possibility. That doesn't mean I (or my husband) love America any less. I don't buy into this whole "you're a bad and ungrateful person who shouldn't get a visa and gee if only a consular officer could hear you speak" attitude because someone doesn't think America is the greatest place EVAR.

Its fine if we dont agree but I dont think glossing over history by saying it was only a regime who did these things is fair either. Genocide is hateful and hard to talk about like Iraq is hard for us

Of course genocide is hateful, especially considering that it is still happening today in Africa. However, what is your purpose for bringing it up again and again and again in this thread? Do you have a problem with Croatians? You sound hateful. As I mentioned in my earlier post, should my husband have to apologize for being German? Because, as we know, the Germans are responsible for WWII. Should I apologize for being European American since "my people" perpetrated horrific crimes on the Native Americans and the Mexicans, Central Americans, and South Americans?

Do you not understand that your posts have no place at all in this thread? None. What is your purpose? In the same breath as you bring up Croatia's role in WWII you also mention that the poster (the Croatian poster) should feel ashamed that she doesn't think America is the be-all, end-all of countries. It seems to me that you have some issues here.

Edited November 28, 2008 by jundp

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Different cultures and different people have different ways of expressing themselves. I and my fiancee are blunt people. By "necessary evil so to speak" it just means something hard that must be done, just as for me to actually travel so far to see her is a necessary evil.

By saying someone "doesn't give a damn about the US or its opportunities" it refers to the purpose of the marriage. In the context of the thread, it was that I and my fiancee are marrying for love, not to gain entry or leech off the government, or to get higher pay, as the immigration system (at least the tourist part) states in writing it assumes you are. She gives a damn about us, and whatever it takes to be together is what matters. That's another thing we AGREE about, that getting married should be about love first and foremost. Go back and look at the context of so many of these things. You're interpreting things too harshly against the evidence we keep giving you of what we really mean.

I'm sorry we have a misunderstanding, but it wouldn't be so easy for it to continue if you'd step back and take some deep breaths and think more positively about those around you. And no, please don't go back and "dig" any more things to do with anything other than immigration topics. That's.... enough, enough, enough.

[KimandRuss 0]

Enough. There is no reason to keep going back and forth with this. If we all had the same opinion this world would be an awfully boring place.

The kinds of events being brought up in this thread are the things that are suppose to teach us tolerance and understanding...not divide us further.

This thread is going to be closed as it has deviated from the original post and I no longer think it's doing anyone any good.

To the OP... I imagine it's very difficult for someone from another Country to move to someplace new in the name of love. I know it would be for me. If you truly love your fiance then all you can really do is keep communicating and support her and hope that in all that love, she finds her answer. Much luck to you.