Our marriage failed just like our greencard process. I need help!

[perishable 0]

My husband and I have been married for a little less than a year now. We met in LA through friends while I was out there vacationing and we hit it off. We ended up having a long distance relationship and wanted to start a life together. So he moved closer to me and we got married. We married because we thought we would be together forever so we rushed to file our paperwork for his greencard. He needed to work a better job to support us, rent, and things we owned. So let's fast forward to 6 months into our marriage. We go to our 1st INS meeting and do poorly. My husband was very nervous and couldn't spit out his words right, he was a ####### to the INS officer, and he talked so fast the officer must have asked him to repeat what he said over 10 times. After the meeting, things went down hill. I can't believe how much he lost it, wondering why he was so nervous (am I being used?), and everything just got really stressful. We found out we CANNOT live together nor stay married any longer. I moved out a month ago.

So today, my husband at our old home, gets a letter in the mail from the INS expecting it to be his greencard. It wasn't. It was a notice for a 2nd meeting. I've been wanting to file for a dissolution of marriage but I haven't had the time or money in the last month. I did file a moving out notice 2 months ago to our landlords but that is pretty much it. Well, anyway, he wants me to go to this 2nd meeting. I don't want to go, plain and simple. I don't want to be in this process anymore. He says he will be deported because our marriage is less than 2 years old. I don't want that to happen but that may be the only way I can save my own life.

I am just wondering what avenues can I take? I know I have to attend this 2nd meeting, but what do I say? "I'm here, but just to let you know we're divorcing, see ya"? I don't want to get us in trouble because our marriage was in good faith, but like other relationships... we figured out we couldn't do it anymore and unfortunately we have this baggage on top of it to think about.

[MrsBruce5 0]

Hi,

First of all, let me say that I am so sorry that this did not work out for you both. I am sorry that you have to go through so much pain.

You are in a tough spot, my friend. What I am about to say, may sound hard-but if moving on with your life is what you really want, you need to wash your hands and move on.

If you go to the meeting, and tell them the truth, he's out of here. You are clear, clean and finished-apart from filing divorce papers. You no longer have this mess on your lap.

If you go to the meeting and be less than truthful, you're an accomplice to fraud. The law is the law, and our hearts and our kindness have nothing to do with it. I know you want to do good by him, and want him to stay here regardless of the situation, but as I said, the law is the law and you must abide by it if you want to move on with your life.

Again, I am sorry that this did not work out for you. You have my sincerest sympathy (((HUG)))

Better days are ahead...

Rose

Edited June 4, 2006 by MrsBruce5

[lisaf 0]

you say you met in LA, on what grounds was he already in the USA?? tourist ? work? study?

I ask as you say he needed a better job etc, so he was already working?. As you didn' t bring him over on a K1 for the purpose of marriage, what status in the US would he return to? Maybe his " deportable" status isn't as straightforward and dependant on you.?

But I agree with MrsBruce, be honest and protect yourself.

good luck

[perishable 0]

you say you met in LA, on what grounds was he already in the USA?? tourist ? work? study?

I ask as you say he needed a better job etc, so he was already working?. As you didn' t bring him over on a K1 for the purpose of marriage, what status in the US would he return to? Maybe his " deportable" status isn't as straightforward and dependant on you.?

But I agree with MrsBruce, be honest and protect yourself.

good luck

I met him in LA visiting friends, we met through mutual friends. He was here on a work visa but it was expired when we met. He was working under the table.

That should have been the first sign, him being illegal. I should have looked more at the big picture than at how much better he could take care of me if we were both working (and he was making more money). I'm 19, and he's 28... sometimes I feel like it could have been fraudulent but I don't know. He has mentioned in a heated argument before about if he gets deported than he will tell the INS we were both fraudulent and I would go to jail. I don't know how he would prove that but it's something that is also on my mind. It is scary stuff dealing with someone who could lose so much. I am just afraid of what he will do to me.

[MrsBruce5 0]

My Dear Girl,

Sounds like you are being manipulated by someone older, and by someone who is trying to play the system, and currently he is playing YOU. Don't fall for it. YOU are in control of YOUR life. If he threatens you-report him IMMEDIATELY. If you are scared of him-why ever would you protect him???

Edited June 4, 2006 by MrsBruce5

[Delroy 0]

Hi Perishable

I'm not an expert but you stated you married in good Faith, you obviously knew the responsibilities of filing in the 1st place to protect the status of someone you 'loved'.

Fraid to say this is a 'moral' decision on your part to remove someone from the country - regardless of stress you both currently have between you.

Isn't better to lay all your cards out on the table & discuss the problems for once & all, I'm sure your partner will be open minded.

You didn't mention but are their children involved?

Personally I do not think its right that a citizen can just pull the plug on someone's existence in a country.

[dmartmar 1]

If you failed to see some signs that could've pinpointed to fraud, then it probably was.

Follow your instincts and trust your gut feelings. They're always correct.

[Germlish 0]

Hmmmmm lets seee .....

"... we married because we thought we'd be together forever so we rushed to get his green card..."

28 yo Illegal immigrant

Illegaly working

meets 19 yo

wants to be with her

has total problems during the interview

turns hostile

is recalled for another interview.

threatens the one he wants to be with

To me these are not indications of an honest relationship.

Perishable, what do you REALLY think???

Was this an honest relationship or was/is he trying to use you???

Who suggested the "rush"? Who moved to be closer to whom?

...and you DON'T wan't him to be deported? Why not?!?

from what I see here it WAS and still IS fraud.

My suggestion: Protect yourself.

You don't need any trouble with the USCIS. In your shoes I would run to the USCIS and explain everything in detail, and I would get the annulment yesterday. I would also consider some sort of protection from him like moving where he can't find you, and letting the local police know about the threats.

Life is tough sometimes and I'm certain this is painful for you but as Mrs. Bruce5 points out, better days are ahead and you will get through this. You will meet someone who really cares and your life will be normal.

[Veiled Princess 1]

If you've been married for almost a year now, how can you get an annulment? Just a question.

[gimygirl 0]

He says he will be deported because our marriage is less than 2 years old. I don't want that to happen but that may be the only way I can save my own life.

ok ... i'll bite ... why is going to this 2nd interview the only way you can save your life??

[chocolaterie 0]

hmm i read that statement as meaning maybe he needs to leave the country so she can move on?

When you go to the meeting just tell them the truth. tell them you fell in love but that now it's not working out. I understand you want to help him, but if you've already moved out, how will you prove the relationship is valid? I'm sure they'll want evidence.

[almaty 19]

He says he will be deported because our marriage is less than 2 years old. I don't want that to happen but that may be the only way I can save my own life.

ok ... i'll bite ... why is going to this 2nd interview the only way you can save your life??

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

[maria_b84 0]

I'm sorry for what happened. But let me tell ya this: if he doesn't want to work...screw him! Youcan find better people out there. You dont need a man who is not willing to support the family and who is using u for the GC.

I wish u all my best

Maria

[meauxna 15]

Wow, you wordered things quite a bit differently here than at BE:

My husband and I hate each other and I want an annulment BUT we have a 2nd INS meeting

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=377342

Your story here is much more sympathetic, though.

Edited June 4, 2006 by meauxna

[Jersey Girl 2]

perishable, they say things happen for a reason, and your husband losing it at the interview may have been your wake up call. It's time to get singleminded and protect yourself. Can you talk to someone at USCIS right away? They may have a solution. Personally, I'd avoid the second interview because you'll get muddled and emotional, feeling obliged to lie for him. Don't.

I hate to say it, but you may have been used for the purpose of getting a greencard. It happens. The good news is that you're holding all the cards now and don't have to go along with this. It may be easier than you think to decouple yourself from the marriage and immigration process, before it's too late. Wake up while you still have a chance. Just say no to the 2nd interview, the marriage, and being used any further. Good luck.

Edited June 4, 2006 by Jersey Girl