True Love or "Abuse" Fraud? (Long Story)

[Valsu 1]

WOW! So many haters jeez chill out folks. ! The anger I see from grown adults against someone they dont know is just amazing.

Back to Topic: I'm sorry to hear this story, both for you and for her! Obviously there were misunderstandings on both sides , I hope and wish that whatever is meant to happen will happen and both of you and your kids will find peace and happiness!

BTW:

Himher; I paid for and had to file for my own AOS as my husband is in Real Estate and unfortunatly did not have the resources to file. Not everyone can afford to file right away, it does happen you know that it has to wait a bit for savings and whatnot and at his defense he clearly pointed out his financial hardship to her.

It's ok Steph, I'm a man, and I can take a bash or two. I had an old football coach who toughened me up a bit in my younger days.

All I can say, is if it's meant to be, she'll come home and work things out. God will not change the free-will of man. I can only do the best I can on my part, and pray for the right thing to happen.

Thank you for your kind wishes!

[wom2008 0]

Here's a thing, man or woman don't really exactly knew right away what's each others needs and wants unless she/he voice it out.

It happens to me and my husband. Now we are divorced. He's still in our house and I am in my tiny apartment. I did not ask for any help from him when I left. Everytime we speak on the phone after the separation we always argue and voiced out what each others complains and problems between us.

Now, we are seeing each other every weekend and I can see that all what I've been complaining about that he is not doing are in his actions now. And he is doing it with compassion and boldness. And I can feel that he is honest with his action all the time that we are together.

There's only thing I ask him about, to tell me what he wants and what things that I do that offended him often. We are working good so far and understand each other better.

My only point here is, we really don't know the person we've married. And to work things out is to voice out what yoour needs and what you don't like. If any of us still belives in saying "ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS", well, it works sometimes but still voice is more helpful.

That's what I think is missing with your realtionship, Right communication. How did she tells you about what she wants or did she ever told you about it. And in your part, did you ever ask what she wants or you just giving him what "you think" she may want?

[Valsu 1]

maybe that "Filipino lady" is hearing the other side of the story. maybe your wife told "HER SIDE OF the STORY" so she thought that your wife was abused by you.

I wish that your wife will finally talk to you and tell you what's really in her heart. If she really loves you, she won't let you suffer more.

Yes, that's just it right there. My wife told that woman how she felt, rather than me. So that woman (who is currently living with a man who is NOT her sponsor), gave her the advice she's now undertaking. If my wife could have opened up to me about how she truly felt, I could have slowed down and tried to work through it with her.

After the miscarriage, my wife never opened up to me about anything again. Possibly because she blamed me for the miscarriage. Maybe that has been her beef with me all along. Our church asked us if she'd be willing to do some volunteer work for two days in preparation for an event, and I encouraged her to do it since she had nothing else going on. Well, she had her miscarriage a week later, and blamed it on the vacuuming she did, and the church. Says she should have stayed in bed during the first stages of her pregnancy, and it was my fault because I encouraged her to volunteer at the church.

What could I say to that? She told that to the doctor too, and the doctor told us that it was not possible because the egg that was fertilized had no life to start with, and that it was common. She also said my wife was lucky because everything released, and she didn't have to be "scraped." From that moment forward, my wife became distant, numb, and emotionless toward me. I incorrectly responded by assuming she was just being childish and stubborn--I had no idea what she was truly going through.

[Valsu 1]

Well, you would think if the wife recorded it, the record is goingto be opposite?

did your mother tell your wife that she was beeing recorded?

your mother had an advantage in that conversation, who knows what you would have listened if your wife was the one recording..

My mother was wrong for doing the recording, hands down. No way around that, and I do not agree with her actions in doing so.

As with most arguments, they end up being "he said; she said" situations.

Just happened that the one time there was a recording, my wife was very guilty at expanding the story very untruthfully to me. If she will lie to me once, then what else is she being untruthful about? At least that's how I interpreted it at the time.

[Valsu 1]

I just have a feeling that there's a WHOLE different story from her perspective. Sorry to be accusatory. I don't know you. Best of luck with the situation.

Shouldn't be. I told it pretty much like it is, and when she comes home and we fix our problems, I will be showing her this thread. I have no intentions on hiding anything from her. She is welcome to confirm the things I stated here, because they're true to the best of my remembrance. That's the joys of posting anonymously--you can be honest with your situation, publicly, in a private manner.

[Valsu 1]

Your wife comes from a matriarchal society. Even in the western world, the concept of "head of the house" extends only so far. At that, it is not really recognized by law any longer, nor even in most Christian religious faiths.

True. Times have indeed changed, and I never pressured her with this topic, but being "head of the household" in the true sense does not mean you are boss or lord over your wife, as some might imagine. Here's the Scripture itself, and what it says in whole:

(Ephesians)

5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

The husbands duty is to love his wife the same as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. You remember what Christ did for us lowly sinners? He was faithful, longsuffering, forgiving, providing, sacrificing, and so much more to us. He gave His life for us, so we could have eternal salvation by grace through faith.

The husband is to treat his wife with all of those same qualities and characteristics, and I know I truly failed my wife in some of those areas, and I succeeded in some as well.

When she comes home to her family, I will be able to give her the missing qualities now that I have recognized and developed them. I only wish she had more patience with me, but I probably could not have known these weaknesses unless she did what she did.

[Valsu 1]

Here's a thing, man or woman don't really exactly knew right away what's each others needs and wants unless she/he voice it out.

It happens to me and my husband. Now we are divorced. He's still in our house and I am in my tiny apartment. I did not ask for any help from him when I left. Everytime we speak on the phone after the separation we always argue and voiced out what each others complains and problems between us.

Now, we are seeing each other every weekend and I can see that all what I've been complaining about that he is not doing are in his actions now. And he is doing it with compassion and boldness. And I can feel that he is honest with his action all the time that we are together.

There's only thing I ask him about, to tell me what he wants and what things that I do that offended him often. We are working good so far and understand each other better.

My only point here is, we really don't know the person we've married. And to work things out is to voice out what yoour needs and what you don't like. If any of us still belives in saying "ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS", well, it works sometimes but still voice is more helpful.

That's what I think is missing with your realtionship, Right communication. How did she tells you about what she wants or did she ever told you about it. And in your part, did you ever ask what she wants or you just giving him what "you think" she may want?

Wow, I'm glad you two are working things out! Keep it up! If you're getting a second chance at this, don't waste it. You should have him read this thread and see if it helps him understand some of the things I was missing before.

I generally always asked her what was bothering her and what she wanted, but she would not communicate after the miscarriage. She really became like another person, and would either cry, get upset, scream things she didn't mean, or say nothing at all. After dealing with it so many times, I became resistant as well.

She really lets bitterness eat her up, and generally because she's not willing to open up her heart to me. I get exhausted spending 3-8 hours talking with her, and getting a broken-record response, and then going to bed frustrated because I know I work in 2 hours without sleep, and still haven't resolved anything.

That was then, though. I'm sure she's getting great counseling where she's at, and perhaps that will help her to open up her communication, and when she comes home we'll be able to work through it more easily.

[ManilaIdaho 2]

Once again,it's proven that open communication takes a big part in every relationships.if only both parties agreed to sit down and talk i bet everything will be easy to deal with.if only your wife opened up to you and tell you how she feels about the whole situation,and maybe if only you knew what's going on with her mind maybe both of you could've prevented all of these "chaotic" situation.And if only you didnt get busy with a lot of things that you wanted to sort out,maybe these will not happen either.But as we all know,things happen for a reason and there are things that usually dont turn out the way we want it to be.

But then it already happened,mistakes has already been learned and i just hope you wife will soon clears up her mind and ends up with the right decision that she will not regret later and vice versa.

As long as you have faith and love for your wife,there's still hope and it'll happen.How long?only you knows the answer.

good luck

[Valsu 1]

Wow, you sound like a "happily" married/engaged joe. Anyway...She didn't change her mind like a loony toon, in the middle of the nite to up and leave him She warned her husband throughout time of how miserable she was. Himself admitted how they had often fights, many because she was depressed(how can she not be?) and because she didn't get along with his mom. How about that? Mom locks herself out and calls son at work! to open the door for her, implying that his wife didn't want to get to get the door for her. Who calls their son at work for a thing like that other than someone who's more needy and more prone to prove her point that this girl was "not for her son". As caniving as his mother sounds(with the recording stuff) i wouldn't put pass her that she just locked herself out on purpose, never knocked on the door to get her daughter's in law's attention, but immediatly called her son, dragged him off work to come get the door for her. There are always 2 sides of the story and the girl is not here to tell. It's just him and his mom. But consider this. This girl might have endured a lot. Is it that hard to believe that? Who would leave like that, crying and packing if not a girl under distress from the the whole situation? If she was nuts, like you say, i tell you who would have run out of that house in distress pulling her hair out. Can you guess? The mother would have.

I think this situation stinks from many points of view. I hope that girl just finds him and gets some way to go back and live free and not in situations like this. Just because she's here, it doesn't mean she's free. She will only be free(mentaly) when she'll have a job, a hobby, some friends and a purpose. If she has that in her country, that's where her freedom is. They might have a chance if: he works in giving her EQUAL rights(to work and live free just like him) and makes her feel like she is the QUEEN in that house and in his heart. I don't know her but she sure seems to me like she made him the KING of her heart. If her intentions were less than genuine, she would not have insisted in having a baby. People without babies get visas approved too, you know?...or you didn't?

She called me because she left her car keys in the house, and had to go to work. According to the cell phone my wife left behind, my mother called her and sent a text message, and was knocking on my bedroom window asking my wife to let her back in the house when she called me. That was the day that my wife left, so she could care less if my mother was locked outside and running late for work. By the way, my wife didn't warn me about how miserable she was--that was the problem; not having communication from her. She never said much of anything, unless she got into an emotional tantrum, and then she just went into broken-record mode, and twisted around things I said, over and over--even after I would clearly resolve it. I should have taken us into marriage counseling early on, but I was confident at the time that we could work through it on our own. I had no idea it would come to this.

My wife is not nuts, she traumatized, and upon realizing this, I want to help her in any way that I can when she comes home.

[ziia 9]

I won't say I was cruel and inhumane to her. She was aware of any and all of our struggles--especially financially, well in advance. I did not hold off on her AOS/EAD to see if she was going to be true to me--I trusted her, or else I'd not brought her here in the first place. It was financial/time reasons only that prevented it. With our financial struggles, we needed the second income desperately, and many of the financial risks we took was based off of us both having sufficient incomes. So, there's no reason why I would have held off on it outside of being incapable of getting it.

I also agree with you that my mother should have never done the recording, and as I explained a few posts above, she only did it because my wife was telling untruths about her. You need to understand that my wife and mother had no problems until just recently. It came as a shock and surprise once it did happen. My mother is not watching her 24/7 because she works late shifts and is asleep the rest of the time. My wife and mother ONLY see each other on the weekend--even then it's in passing because we normally leave the house on the weekends to go do other things. Basically, they only really see each other during church. Either way, my wife needs to be patient and give me time to relocate my mother--not just demand she gets thrown out right away. Even when there's hard feelings, she should know it takes time to move and find a place. Since she's been gone, I've worked on helping my mother find another place. We're getting her out as quickly as possible.

Much is hinging on my wife's return, however, as to what other steps I take in the near future. By the way, her AOS/EAD papers are filled out sitting on my desk awaiting her signature. If she returns home, she has her status. Balls in her court.

I am realy glad and i am keeping my fingers crossed that she returns if what you said here is true. As far as the mother issues, you have to understand that no matter what your mother's reasons were(to prove something to you), it was WRONG for her to do that. It is best to carry a face to face conversation/confrontation and find both sides of the sory with them side by side looking at eachother and at you. Even if recording was used, recording can be stopped and turned on whenever is convenient for the party that is recording. It does not tell the whole truth and you should know that in many courts this kind of proof is useless...for a reason(the one stated above). Plus is wrong from so many points of view. It is sneaky, it is canaving, it is plain wrong for anybody to do such a thing without discolsing it to the other person. You eighter discolse or you have a face to face argument, with you aside...that is how one can prove whatever they want to prove. And if you liste to both of them, you can draw conclusions yourself. Point is, your mom was your guest, ok? In your wife's house and in your house not the other way arround. How would you feel if i would come live with you and record you, pause it and play it whenever i want and then show whatever i "caught" you saying(or parts of it where it sounds like you said something but were talking about something else) and show it to your wife or mother, or boss or whomever. Would that upset you? Be honest here. If it would upset you, now you understand why it upset your wife. You should have a talk with your mother, seriously and tell her that this is why on every wall in US where there's acamera watching you, there's a BIG sign that states that(red big letters if you shall notice) or on any recorded phonecall as you will find out later on when you call immigration(if you two patch things up and go along with the process) that the first thing they tell you is that your conversation might be recorded. They tell you that, they tell to all, even if most of us(who call) are not even citizens so they would have all the motives not to discolose that and "catch" us with something. But they do, because that is fair and that is respectful and that is how we do it in a free democratic country.

Moving on, i truly see by what you wrote that you are a good man who went on some steps of life unprepared and the wrong way. But you can get that chance back and make it right. I honestly hope all the best will happen and you and her would have a second chance to get things right.

AOS doesn't cost much. It's not thowsends of dollars, it's a few hundreds. Having a house, i have to tell you that you were doing better than i ever did in terms of money. Issues and all, you have to sign that petition when you get your wife that you make at least 25% over the minimum income. If you were able to get her here, then you did make that amount, no doubt. It is one of your responsabiities to help this person integrate and get her work and some way toward independence so she ca love you for it even mre. Otherwise she will resent you forever. The no money issue when we're talking about 3-400 bucks doesn't realy fly(that is small and if you want i would borrow you those money for her) No, working for free is not cool. It gets your kids in for free at schol but who guarantees her that she will get anything in return? What is the motivation for working if you don't have a reward. They say, what is in your hand is no lie. Working for free, for some hopes that one day she will file some pathetic papers is unheard of. I wouldn't do it. Why would she? Who does that anyway? What kind of school is that? Gets someone without papers working for free(or indirect money-form of slavery by the way)...working as what, i am currious? What kind of job would she have done at that school without EAD? Can you immagine the lawsuits if american parents would have found out that someone who can dissapear without a trace would actualy watch or be arround their children? I would definetly sue that scjool, no offence, if my kid was in the care of someone without legal status in US.

Anyway, i'm not gonna keep beeting a dead horse. You do what you gotta do and what your heart sais. My writing here was not to point a finger at you but to help you understand that praying is most of times not enough. Actions should be taken along with those prayers. It is good you try to find her and when you do, i honestly hope you would offer your wife the eqality to life and freedom and love that you have/had. But open your eyes a bit. Sometimes things in front of us are not what they seem even if there's enough proof or love. Put yourself in both shoes, hers, your mothers(who would have left if she was a decent person at the first sign of making troubles between you and your wife) and try to think a bit in perspective. Sure, love your mother, help her and do what's best for her, she is after all your mom. But always remember that your mom had the chance to life and she built it the way she wanted. You deserve to have the same chance. You have to bulid your own life, without her help; you have to make your own decisions and draw your own conclusions. You don't need her to help you. It will always, always, always make things worse in your love life, even if you have the PERFECT life and wife.

hope that everything turns out good for you. Make things right and love other people, give them freedom and they will love you for it, unconditionally and permanently.

[Valsu 1]

3-400 bucks? Where are you getting your information?

AOS = $1010

EAD = $340

Although, the EAD is no charge if done at the same time as the AOS.

Total Cost if done together is $1,010. $1,350 if I had done them separately (aka, applying for EAD only during first 90 days--which clearly states on the EAD instructions is NOT renewable once 90 days expires).

Things have changed since many folks have done their AOS/EAD's.

I did not have $1,010 just laying around after all of our expenses.

I'll answer the rest of your questions shortly.

Just had to get this one out of the way first.

Edited November 25, 2008 by Valsu

[Valsu 1]

I am realy glad and i am keeping my fingers crossed that she returns if what you said here is true. As far as the mother issues, you have to understand that no matter what your mother's reasons were(to prove something to you), it was WRONG for her to do that. It is best to carry a face to face conversation/confrontation and find both sides of the sory with them side by side looking at eachother and at you. Even if recording was used, recording can be stopped and turned on whenever is convenient for the party that is recording. It does not tell the whole truth and you should know that in many courts this kind of proof is useless...for a reason(the one stated above). Plus is wrong from so many points of view. It is sneaky, it is canaving, it is plain wrong for anybody to do such a thing without discolsing it to the other person. You eighter discolse or you have a face to face argument, with you aside...that is how one can prove whatever they want to prove. And if you liste to both of them, you can draw conclusions yourself. Point is, your mom was your guest, ok? In your wife's house and in your house not the other way arround. How would you feel if i would come live with you and record you, pause it and play it whenever i want and then show whatever i "caught" you saying(or parts of it where it sounds like you said something but were talking about something else) and show it to your wife or mother, or boss or whomever. Would that upset you? Be honest here. If it would upset you, now you understand why it upset your wife. You should have a talk with your mother, seriously and tell her that this is why on every wall in US where there's acamera watching you, there's a BIG sign that states that(red big letters if you shall notice) or on any recorded phonecall as you will find out later on when you call immigration(if you two patch things up and go along with the process) that the first thing they tell you is that your conversation might be recorded. They tell you that, they tell to all, even if most of us(who call) are not even citizens so they would have all the motives not to discolose that and "catch" us with something. But they do, because that is fair and that is respectful and that is how we do it in a free democratic country.

Yeap, I established a few times above that I did NOT agree with her making the recording. I think the reason it came to that is because I did not get involved with their dispute, and my wife interpreted that as me taking my mother's side. I was so busy with work, I did not want to get involved in their dispute, so I told them to grow up, and work out their own issues without involving me in the middle of them. Now I realize I should have jumped right into the middle and sheltered my wife through it all, whether she was wrong or right--because there were other things bothering her which had nothing to do with my mom. She was merely using that as a reason to cover up some other things. Nonetheless, it's all evident and clear as day now.

Moving on, i truly see by what you wrote that you are a good man who went on some steps of life unprepared and the wrong way. But you can get that chance back and make it right. I honestly hope all the best will happen and you and her would have a second chance to get things right.

AOS doesn't cost much. It's not thowsends of dollars, it's a few hundreds. Having a house, i have to tell you that you were doing better than i ever did in terms of money. Issues and all, you have to sign that petition when you get your wife that you make at least 25% over the minimum income. If you were able to get her here, then you did make that amount, no doubt. It is one of your responsabiities to help this person integrate and get her work and some way toward independence so she ca love you for it even mre. Otherwise she will resent you forever. The no money issue when we're talking about 3-400 bucks doesn't realy fly(that is small and if you want i would borrow you those money for her)

I make a decent amount, but to get my wife the things she wanted in the short term, it caused my expenses to equal my salary. I did what I could to make her happy initially, but then I could not extend my means beyond that. The AOS/EAD costs $1,010. Not 3-400 bucks. Costs have changed severely over the past two years.

No, working for free is not cool. It gets your kids in for free at schol but who guarantees her that she will get anything in return? What is the motivation for working if you don't have a reward. They say, what is in your hand is no lie. Working for free, for some hopes that one day she will file some pathetic papers is unheard of. I wouldn't do it. Why would she? Who does that anyway? What kind of school is that? Gets someone without papers working for free(or indirect money-form of slavery by the way)...working as what, i am currious? What kind of job would she have done at that school without EAD? Can you immagine the lawsuits if american parents would have found out that someone who can dissapear without a trace would actualy watch or be arround their children? I would definetly sue that scjool, no offence, if my kid was in the care of someone without legal status in US.

It's not working for free at all. View this logically for a moment.

If I have $330 set aside in my budget for private school, and I spend $330/mo for this school, then I am losing $330/mo.

Now, if my wife was to volunteer work at the school (which entailed vacuuming a few hours a day, three days a week), and allow our children to attend tuition free, then here's what happens to my budget:

We no longer spend the $330/mo negative transaction. In addition, we now have an additional $330 in our budget that we did not anticipate having, meaning we can save $330/mo.

Technically, that is the same as making $660/mo, because you are no longer spending $330, and are instead saving $330.

She would have invest 9 hours a week on average. That is 39 hours per month on average. $330 for 39 hours a month is $8.46/hr. If you consider the savings we'd get because of it, at $660 for 39 hours, she is, in reality, earning $16.92/hr.

I have over 140 housekeeping employees in my company, and 95% of them do not make that much.

If she had taken that opportunity, we would have saved an additional $990 in just three months. I am quite positive I could have come up with the other $20 for her AOS/EAD.

She shot herself in the foot by turning that offer down. That was our break, and she spit on it. Why? Because deep down, she still blamed working at the church on her miscarriage, and she couldn't face doing the same work again.

Now that you see the logical side of it, you'll perhaps understand how I saw it from my perspective.

Anyway, i'm not gonna keep beeting a dead horse. You do what you gotta do and what your heart sais. My writing here was not to point a finger at you but to help you understand that praying is most of times not enough. Actions should be taken along with those prayers. It is good you try to find her and when you do, i honestly hope you would offer your wife the eqality to life and freedom and love that you have/had. But open your eyes a bit. Sometimes things in front of us are not what they seem even if there's enough proof or love. Put yourself in both shoes, hers, your mothers(who would have left if she was a decent person at the first sign of making troubles between you and your wife) and try to think a bit in perspective. Sure, love your mother, help her and do what's best for her, she is after all your mom. But always remember that your mom had the chance to life and she built it the way she wanted. You deserve to have the same chance. You have to bulid your own life, without her help; you have to make your own decisions and draw your own conclusions. You don't need her to help you. It will always, always, always make things worse in your love life, even if you have the PERFECT life and wife.

hope that everything turns out good for you. Make things right and love other people, give them freedom and they will love you for it, unconditionally and permanently.

I don't consider you pointing a finger. I'm trying to evaluate everyone's responses, and interpret their intentions. Perhaps through this, we can all learn some valuable lessons with our relationships.

I agree with you here, and of course that is why I am taking many extra steps to understand my wife in every way possible before she returns. I want to be prepared this time, to give her the very best I can offer. I appreciate every comment. You know, after this experience, I do not think I will ever let another third party individual stay in my home again. Every time a "guest" stays in my home for awhile, something comes up. I just really felt we owed my mother some support. After all, if it wasn't for her, I'd not been able to make it to my wife's consulate interview.

Edited November 25, 2008 by Valsu

[ziia 9]

She called me because she left her car keys in the house, and had to go to work. According to the cell phone my wife left behind, my mother called her and sent a text message, and was knocking on my bedroom window asking my wife to let her back in the house when she called me. That was the day that my wife left, so she could care less if my mother was locked outside and running late for work. By the way, my wife didn't warn me about how miserable she was--that was the problem; not having communication from her. She never said much of anything, unless she got into an emotional tantrum, and then she just went into broken-record mode, and twisted around things I said, over and over--even after I would clearly resolve it. I should have taken us into marriage counseling early on, but I was confident at the time that we could work through it on our own. I had no idea it would come to this.

My wife is not nuts, she traumatized, and upon realizing this, I want to help her in any way that I can when she comes home.

I understand....I'm sorry things got as bad as they did. Hope you will find her and you both get a fresh start. I truly think she loves you, so if you get that chance, do your best. My personal oppinion here, i don't think shelters are the answear. No matter how hard things ever were for me(and they were) i would have never ever went to a shelter. What the hell, she doesn't belong there, you know? I think you should find her and get her out of there, as soon as you can and when you do, have the papers ready for her, explain the steps you have taken for you to start over fresh(just you and the kids and her) and also have a plain ticket for her(or at least offer her that option, verbaly). This will make a world of difference and might be the plain ticket back into your life and into your heart. Give her options. As soon as she feels somewhat important, she can make a decision by herself to stay or go back to her old life, she will look at you with different eyes. Try it. It will be worth it. If anything you remember from everything everybody wrote here, i hope you'll at least remember that where there is freedom to choose, the chances for her to choose love again, are quite big.

all my best

Ziia

[ziia 9]

3-400 bucks? Where are you getting your information?

AOS = $1010

EAD = $340

Although, the EAD is no charge if done at the same time as the AOS.

Total Cost if done together is $1,010. $1,350 if I had done them separately (aka, applying for EAD only during first 90 days--which clearly states on the EAD instructions is NOT renewable once 90 days expires).

Things have changed since many folks have done their AOS/EAD's.

I did not have $1,010 just laying around after all of our expenses.

I'll answer the rest of your questions shortly.

Just had to get this one out of the way first.

My mistake. I see the USCIS raised their fees since i applied, 5 years ago:). Anyway, if you need help, i would help your wife...she deserves it.

[nycgirl 13]

AOS is NOT BIG BUCKS! Pul-lease!!!!! You had $18,000 for trips to the Phillipines, but not $1500 to enable your wife to be a working, contributing part of Society? An equal, if you will? I suspect that you never wanted her to be an equal at all. What about a Home Equity line of Credit? What about a loan from your 401K? If I loved my spouse, and it meant that much to her (which of course it does), I would FIND A WAY! That whole part of the story is FISHY! You have 2 children and NO SAVINGS? And yet you spent almost $20,000 finding "love" in the Phillipines?? Hmmmmmmmm. A little irresponsible.

And you met some "Shelter Workers" by coincidence? Come on!!! Classis Stalker behaviour.